Hello all of you: My dear supporters, fans, acquaintances and more.
I regret to inform you all that this Sunday’s dev report will be scrapped, due to the fact that I’m again in a very, VERY bad spot mental health wise. I’ve been having more episodes recently, the first one being at the beginning of July (which I all mentioned to you all). And recently I had one which I didn’t mention; since I wanted to keep up a brave front (two weeks ago, just before the new game build’s release).
These made me realize that I needed to work on myself. And so I did: I went out more, I got back into the gym. I fixed my diet. But severe panic episodes persisted; and my world kept getting smaller and smaller as a result.
And so, I visited the doctor this Thursday. In the hopes that there was (is) some kind of medication that could help me cope a bit better with this all. He put me onto an anti-depressant. With the warning that it could be a bit to adjust to.
Oh was that an understatement. Since Thursday evening I’ve been spiraling HARD. And at the moment I’m reaching about the point I was mental-health wise as I was with my Japan episode three years ago. Which was about the worst time in my life in all honesty.
Being back in this spot, so afraid to do even the most mundane of things. Is in all honesty, too much. The side-effects of the anti-depressant should wear off (or get less) within a week or two. But at the moment I’m STRUGGLING to...stay afloat.
Just to be clear: I’m surrounded by loved ones. And I’m NOT going to do anything drastic. But it is a VERY hard time for me right now. And I’m just praying that in the next few days I will feel better. I love my work. I love you all. I want to keep doing this, keep on going. I hope you all understand.
I’ll try to keep you all posted, though I might be a bit hard to reach through here or Discord. I hope to pull out of this soon. I want to do better. I want to do right by you folks, and to myself. But I’m just a fucking mess right now. I’m sorry.
Yours,
Scriptor