Hey y'all! Sorry but this post isn't anything you guys are here for π I just want to chat about what I want to do with this account, what I want to provide for subscribers, and how I want to do it moving forward + WHY I've been failing at doing that. But first of all, I'd like to apologize to everyone for the lack of posting, drawing or anything from this page. I have a lot of plans I want to execute and severely under estimate my capability at achieving it, and in return it costed a lot of you guys (the subscribers!) and all of my other followers time and money. And I just wanted to be clear that I am very thankful for you all to be here and I'm deeply ashamed at how lackluster I've been at managing this work I choose to pick up.
Anyway, long story short. I'm burnt out. But here's the long story anyway, I have been trying to tackle both commissions and fanbox stuff at the same time. And as you can see it doesn't work out quite well. And not only that, I've done A LOT of commissions. Except they all are mostly private! So not only I haven't drawn anything for you guys (the subscribers) you guys didn't even get to see it! So next month I'm trying to take no commissions and prioritizing just drawing anything to post, both for fanbox subs and public.
Well that was the plan anyway until recently, when I said I'm burnt out I've learnt that I'm BURNT out burnt out. I haven't been able to draw anything the past few weeks. Not only my brain just unable to pull out ideas to draw my hand also seems like it's forgetting the skills I've learn throughout the years. I haven't felt joy in drawing or at least haven't felt the same joy I used to have for a while now, but without making any of my commissioners feel bad don't worry I haven't been for about 2-3 years and I've accepted that as normal only to learnt about it recently that it's not through drawing on paper again. That said though it has only gotten worse recently (and again, not because of commission in particular, just because I've been drawing too much), it almost felt like I'd rather work in a convenience store than to keep continue drawing even for myself. And I don't like that, I still want to reignite my passion in drawing and I still want to enjoy the process of doing it.
Aside from my very deeply personal narrative about why I sucked at managing fanbox, here's something that's more relevant for you. Early next month there might not be much drawing to see. It's just like the usual slog, no post for the first half of the month then everything at the end of the month. Though, this month both the first half and later half doesn't have as much posting either. But, for next month unlike before where I would spent the first half of the month to work on commissions so there's not much break in-between. This time I'd like to genuinely try to take a break with art and change up the environment.
And also, I COULD just draw stuff and finished it, I mean how hard is it to draw. It's not like you can get fatigued? You can't just forget your skill out of nowhere right? Well so I thought but being burnt out has made my art noticably more sluggish, bad, flat, soulless or "slop" as I'd like to call it. Not only I don't want my art to be a slop factory I also don't want to provide my followers and subscribers subpar quality. Honestly though, perfectionism is one of my toxic traits. You can ask my past clients the amount of time I've redone their commission causing the total work hours to multiply (my longest being 50 hours for a commission so honestly that's my fault eheh-). So with this opening of a new chapter I'd like to break that habit as well, the end goal being that I'd be able to draw fast and consistent while also keeping an alright quality at worst.
So what's this post all about? Honestly I don't know, but my main point is that. I am burnt out, I want to draw good, and I want to draw good for everyone. I might have slacked off or I might've completely fucked up my first attempt at doing subscription by confidently thinking I can just add more workload to my schedule. But I'd like to improve without costing anyone anymore of their time and money, and I'd like to be transparent with my process. Again, I'd like to apologize for the lack of posting, drawing or anything from me π and also a thank you from the bottom of my heart for everyone that sticks around!