...
{3rd Pov}
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Echidna asked, her black eyes staring at him with an incomprehensible intent.
"This is what must be done," Flugel said without any fear of what he was about to do.
"I tried... I really tried," he said with a bitter expression, reminiscing about the person he loved the most. The person he had loved more than anyone else. The person he had failed to save. The person he should have saved, and the person he must save.
"This is unsolvable. Our powers aren't enough... My Authorities aren't enough," he muttered out loud, as if still trying to convince himself of what he was about to do.
"Od Laguna cannot react to something that does not belong to this world. Just like the Authorities, which originate from another world, what you seek is someone from another world as well. You believe that only a person from another world, from a place as distant as the origin of the Authorities themselves, can unleash their full potential."
Echidna blurted out his entire plan without any suspense, her words exposing every thought he had desperately tried to keep buried from others.
'What did she feel now?'
She felt it... It was very ugly.
She was jealous that he was going to make such a sacrifice, and the subject of that sacrifice wasn't her. She felt guilt because she had failed the man she loved. She felt useless because she had failed in every way possible, whether it was helping this man or winning his love. No matter how much knowledge she possessed, no matter how much she understood the world, none of it had been enough when it truly mattered.
"Once you do this... Will it still be you?" she asked calmly.
Yes, the Witch of Greed was always calm. All her actions, which had once been nothing more than a carefully crafted facade, had gradually become more genuine over time. Ironically, now that she possessed real emotions, she was calmer than ever before. There was no hysteria in her voice, no desperation in her expression, only a quiet sadness hidden beneath an otherwise composed exterior.
"Perhaps yes... Perhaps not. But I am doing this to myself because I believe that even if that someone is not me in the end, he will carry my will... Flugel's will," he said.
He had already finished the preparations. Intricate patterns and symbols covered the ground beneath his feet, each one carefully etched with painstaking precision. The enormous formation radiated an otherworldly feeling, as if it did not belong in this world at all.
What lay before them was what could only be called a Summoning Ritual.
From the sages of the world, this ritual had originally been used to summon people from other worlds. However, Flugel had modified it to work in tandem with his Authority of Gluttony, twisting its original purpose into something far more profound and terrifying.
His—Sage Flugel's Authority of Gluttony:
[I Want To Be One With You Forever]
An Authority so terrifying that he had never dared to use it a second time in his life after merging with a spirit. The experience had left a mark on him that could never truly be erased, serving as a constant reminder of the horrifying nature of his own power.
This Authority merged his very Od, his soul, his memories, and his entire existence with the target forever, creating someone new in the process. It was not a simple fusion, nor was it one existence devouring the other. Rather, it was the complete union of two beings into a singular existence.
This new being was undeniably both of the former individuals. Yet, at the same time, it was neither of them entirely. The two who had once existed separately would now become "One", their identities intertwined so completely that separating them would become impossible. Thus, it could be said that the result was someone entirely new while simultaneously being both people from whom they had originated.
A paradoxical existence.
An existence born from two souls becoming one.
He was going to merge with the summoned person and become the new "Flugel".
Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that both Flugel and the summoned individual would cease to exist as separate beings, giving birth to a new Flugel who carried the will, memories, and existence of them both.
"To reawaken new Authorities, I would have to go through the cycle of life and death... It also means that I will have to die here," he said, completely unbothered.
However, Echidna finally flinched.
Even though she had always known this was going to happen, she couldn't help but feel distressed. The reality of it was far more painful than she had imagined. She wanted to beg him not to do this. She wanted to plead with him to let go of that obsession. She wanted him to look at her instead, to accept her love and forget that woman forever.
But she knew...
She was a failure.
So even now, she was unable to stop him.
"I beseech the Heavens, the Earth, and the Mother of All Demons. By Od's tapestry, hereof I command!"
The symbols carved into the ground began to glow.
The mana in the atmosphere trembled violently as reality itself seemed to shudder in response to his words.
"You who lie beyond Od Laguna's reach, you who lie beyond my reach! I call upon thee!"
Space distorted.
The ritual circle released a blinding radiance that illuminated the surroundings, forcing even Echidna to narrow her eyes slightly.
"To be One and to be None, FOR I WANT TO BE ONE FOREVER WITH YOU!"
Three lines.
The modified spell was composed of only three lines.
Just three simple lines that embodied the entirety of Flugel's Authority and his resolve.
And just like that, Echidna witnessed the only person she had ever truly loved begin to fade away.
His body broke apart into countless particles of light and dust. His silhouette gradually disappeared before her eyes, yet he never once looked afraid. He accepted his end with the same determination that had carried him this far.
Soon, nothing remained.
No trace of the man called Flugel.
Only silence.
A suffocating, unbearable silence.
She was truly the biggest loser of all time.
Even after obtaining everything she had ever desired, she had failed to obtain the only thing that mattered.
...
I looked at the Water Gate City of Priestella, which would soon come under attack by the Sin Archbishops, and I was ready for what I was about to do, and for what I must do.
Ready to kill Duchess Karsten.
Ready to kill Rem.
Ready to kill all those who had killed me.
The thought should have horrified me. Perhaps a part of me was horrified. Yet another part had long since become numb after experiencing death over and over again. How many times had I died because of them? How many times had I suffered because of their choices, their actions, and their failures?
Too many.
Far too many.
"Oh Lord, I pray in your name. Please end this soon," I whispered to myself, offering a silent prayer to God.
The words left my mouth quietly, carried away by the wind before anyone else could hear them. It was a pathetic prayer, perhaps. Not a prayer for salvation, nor for victory, but simply for an end.
An end to the suffering.
An end to the deaths.
An end to myself.
But even I didn't know whether my prayers had ever reached Him. Perhaps they never had. Perhaps they never would. Maybe there was nobody listening at all.
Or perhaps He had heard every single prayer and simply chosen to remain silent.
I didn't know.
And I no longer cared.
All I knew was that I would keep moving forward until nothing remained of me. Until every piece of myself had been worn away by blood, death, and regret.
Until there was nothing left but the end that I seeked for.
...
A year ago,
My name was Ayan Ghosh, or at least that was the case before I got transported—or perhaps teleported—to another world.
It was really absurd.
I had just gotten ready to settle down. At thirty years old, I had a healthy body, a stable job, and a fiancée whom I genuinely liked. My life wasn't perfect, but it was good enough. I had envisioned the rest of my days either playing with my future children or taking care of my elderly parents as they grew older.
A simple life and ordinary life.
One moment, I was buying mutton from a local shop, thinking about what to have for dinner, and the next moment, I found myself standing in the middle of a fantasy city's street in an entirely different world.
The contrast was so ridiculous that my brain refused to process it.
Around me were species that shouldn't have existed. There were mutts walking on two legs like humans, cats speaking in human tongues, and countless other strange races that looked as though they had stepped straight out of a fantasy novel.
I forcefully calmed myself down.
There was no use panicking.
Panicking wouldn't help me understand where I was.
Panicking wouldn't magically send me back home.
Yes, there was absolutely no way I had somehow been reincarnated... or was the proper term summoned?
It had been ages since I had last watched anime or read any isekai stories. Most of those memories had become blurry with time, buried beneath work, responsibilities, and adulthood.
Still, despite everything I was seeing, I desperately wanted to believe it was all a hallucination.
Perhaps I had fainted somewhere.
Perhaps I had suffered a heatstroke.
Perhaps I had been hit by a vehicle and was currently lying unconscious in a hospital bed.
Any explanation would have been preferable.
Because the alternative was that everything around me was real.
And if that was true, then I was no longer in the world where Ayan Ghosh belonged.
'Oh Lord, please do not let this be real,' I thought earnestly as I reached up and pinched my cheeks.
It hurt.
Why did it hurt?
Unsatisfied, I raised my hand again and slapped my own cheeks out of desperation. A loud thud rang out, startling everyone passing nearby. Several people turned their heads toward me, looking at me as though I were some kind of weirdo before quickly returning to their daily tasks.
To them, I was probably just another strange person causing a scene in the middle of the street.
Meanwhile, if I could have seen my own face, it would have been completely pale.
Oh Lord, why must it be like this?
Why was I summoned to a different world?
I had a family!
I had a lover!
I had people waiting for me back home.
My heartbeat sped up rapidly as panic slowly began to creep into my mind despite my best efforts to suppress it. I looked around frantically, taking in the sights of this strange and unfamiliar place.
Strange people dressed in strange clothes walked past me from every direction.
Some had the ears or tails of animals.
Others possessed features that looked entirely inhuman.
And some were simply animals.
Actual animals.
Yet they walked upright, spoke with one another, carried goods, and behaved no differently from ordinary people.
A large dog-like creature was haggling with a merchant.
A cat with gray fur was chatting casually with a passerby.
Nobody found any of this unusual.
Nobody except me.
The more I looked around, the more my sense of reality began to crumble.
“Ha- Ha...” I took a breath in and breathed out. Perhaps seeing me standing there and acting weird, a person approached me. He was from a nearby stall and appeared to be selling vegetables.
I quickly tried to suppress my panic, though sweat was already rolling down my forehead. No, I couldn't panic. Panicking wouldn't solve anything. I needed to stay calm and figure out what was going on.
“Ojisan, doushita no? Daijoubu?”
Hearing those strange words, I was taken aback.
“Huh?”
“Kao ga aoshiroku natte tatteru no ga mieru kedo, guai warui no?”
“Sorry?” I said out loud as an uncanny silence stretched between us.
The vegetable seller blinked at me.
I blinked back at him.
Not good! I didn't know what language they were speaking, I didn't know! What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to communicate with anyone if I couldn't even understand the language?
I shouldn't have felt panic, but I was fucking panicked.
I was in a completely different world filled with different kinds of creatures or... demi-humans? Yes! Demi-humans.
At least that was what they were usually called in fantasy stories.
And now, I didn't even know what they were talking about!
I knew only Hindi, English, and of course Bengali! I didn't know anything else. No French, no German, and certainly no fantasy language from another world.
Though what they were speaking sounded weirdly like...
Japanese?
No, that couldn't be right, could it? Why would people in another world speak something that sounded so similar to Japanese?
“Ano, hanashitakunai nara tedasuke dekimasen... Koko de sawaganaide dete itte kudasai.”
I was still totally clueless about what he was going on about, but mustering up my courage, I turned around and left... Totally left!
I didn't care whether they were speaking Japanese or not, I needed to stay away from these people! I didn't know who they were, where I was, or what kind of world this even was. The last thing I wanted was to draw more attention to myself.
“Oh Lord, please help me,” I muttered, earnestly hoping that He would help me.
At this point, I would take any help I could get.
Now I found myself leaning against the corner of a house, away from that place and away from all those strange people. The question was, what was I supposed to do now?
I didn't know.
I took a deep breath and decided to lean against the wall for support while finally checking what I had on me. Maybe my phone was still there. Maybe my wallet. Maybe there was something, anything, that could help me understand what was going on.
“Wait?” I muttered out loud as I noticed something.
My clothes had changed.
I hurriedly checked myself.
I was no longer wearing jeans, and even my shirt had been changed. A big letter 'N' was plastered across it.
This was a tracksuit!
And I was definitely not wearing a tracksuit before!
Heck, I don't even remember owning clothes like these!
“Fuck's happening?” I cursed as I looked down at my palm and felt weirded out.
Why did my hand look a bit different from what I remembered?
I turned it over several times, staring at it.
The skin looked different.
The proportions felt different.
Or perhaps I was just imagining things?
What's even happening?!
My breathing started to quicken again as dozens of possibilities flashed through my mind. Had I been summoned? Reincarnated? Possessed? Was this even my body?
No.
No, no, no.
I couldn't panic again.
I had to stay calm.
Yet even as I tried to convince myself of that, my heart continued to pound inside my chest.
Before I could spiral into panic once more...
It hit me.
...
Return by Death.
I experienced it.
I watched a girl with silver hair and elf ears die right in front of me before my own guts spilled out shortly afterward. The excruciating pain hit me all at once. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, I wanted to do anything, but I couldn't. My body refused to listen, and before I knew it, I was dead.
Dead.
Actually dead.
Though by now, I had realized who I was, or rather what was happening.
I was in Re: Zero, and judging by my clothes, I was probably Natsuki Subaru.
The realization didn't comfort me in the slightest.
If anything, it made everything worse.
I could only shrink onto the ground, wrapping my arms around myself as I breathed deeply. The pain was gone now, but I could still feel the phantom sensation of death lingering within me. It felt as though my body remembered every second of it, every moment of agony, every ounce of despair.
I could still remember the feeling of my guts spilling out.
I could still remember the feeling of my life slipping away.
No matter how many deep breaths I took, those memories refused to leave.
I HATED IT.
I LOATHED IT.
I FELT NOTHING BUT DISGUST FOR IT.
Such a power that disregarded life and death, treating both as nothing more than stepping stones.
A power that forced a person to experience their own death over and over again.
A fucking curse.
No, calling it a curse almost felt too kind.
What kind of sane person would ever want such an ability? What kind of twisted existence could possibly consider repeatedly dying to be a blessing? The mere thought of having to experience that pain again made my stomach churn.
“Oh Lord, what am I supposed to do?” I broke into tears. It was so pathetic, really pathetic, a grown-ass man crying while sitting by the side of the street.
But I didn't ask for this reincarnation. I didn't ask to be shoved into someone else's body.
I had a life.
I had a family.
I had a lover.
Now all of it was gone, and I was someone else, trapped in a body without even having the memories of the person who originally owned it. The more I thought about it, the worse it felt. It wasn't just being transported to another world, it was losing everything I had ever known in a single moment.
And then there was death.
I had only experienced it once, and it had already left me like this.
How could he endure it?
How could he digest something like that?
How could he stand up, smile again, and continue moving forward after dying in such a horrible way? Just remembering that pain made my body tremble. The thought of experiencing it repeatedly was enough to make me sick.
“Satella! Please wait!”
I froze as I heard the voice.
It was familiar.
Familiar to mine.
Familiar to my new voice.
My tears stopped for a moment as I slowly raised my head.
And then I was dumbfounded.
I watched Natsuki Subaru, the one loved by the Witch, wearing the same clothes as me, running after a woman. His tracksuit was identical, his face was identical, and even his voice was identical.
For a brief moment, my mind completely stopped working.
I stared at him.
Then I looked at myself.
Then I looked back at him again.
What?
No, seriously, what?
Wasn't I supposed to be Natsuki Subaru?
Then who the hell was that?
“How?” I couldn't understand it. If I had body-jumped into Natsuki Subaru, then why was he still here?
If I wasn't in the body of Natsuki Subaru, then who was I?
Really?
WHO AM I?!
My thoughts spiraled out of control as I desperately tried to make sense of the situation, but the more I thought about it, the less sense it made. There should only be one Natsuki Subaru, shouldn't there? Then why was there another one running around right in front of my eyes?
Mustering up my courage, I stood up and wiped away my tears with the sleeves of my tracksuit. Crying wasn't going to get me any answers. Panicking wasn't going to get me any answers either.
If I wanted answers, then the only person who could possibly give them to me was the real Natsuki Subaru.
Or at least, the person who was supposed to be the real Natsuki Subaru.
So, having gathered my bearings, I chased after the boy. My legs still felt a little shaky, and my mind was still a mess, but I forced myself to move forward. Standing around and questioning my existence wasn't going to accomplish anything.
Although I didn't remember the plot of Re: Zero very well, I had still watched it up to Season 4 before abandoning it, along with all other anime, in pursuit of higher studies and a proper career.
Back then, I had considered it a necessary sacrifice.
After all, anime wasn't going to pay my bills.
Yet now, for the first time in years, I regretted not paying more attention.
I couldn't remember every detail.
But at the very least, I still remembered the basic plot.
And right now, that basic knowledge might be the only advantage I had in this entire world.
I walked through the dense crowd and soon found a familiar silver-haired woman.
“Emilia?” I muttered out loud.
Again, the girl stopped and looked behind her.
Finally, I saw her for the first time.
This time she was alive, rather than being nothing more than a memory from the previous loop, where I had spent barely ten minutes walking beside her before dying a gruesome death, something I definitely did not want to repeat!
She had an ephemeral face. Not that I thought it was unique to her; everyone here seemed to possess that kind of appearance, as if their anime versions had somehow become real. Yet even among them, she stood out. They were all far more beautiful and good-looking than the people from my world, but Emilia was on an entirely different level.
Her silver hair shimmered beneath the sunlight, and her amethyst eyes looked almost unreal. Combined with her elf ears, she looked exactly as I remembered from the anime, yet somehow far more vivid.
Seeing her alive should have been comforting.
Instead, all I could remember was watching her die, like seriously why just ten minutes before Subaru's first death was shoved in my mind? Realistically, it was still my first time meeting Emilia in person.
“Why are you still stalking me? Also, you knew my name? Then why did you call me Satella?” she asked, sounding both angry and annoyed.
Ah.
Right.
I had forgotten about that.
No, actually, I hadn't forgotten. I had simply been too busy having an existential crisis to think about how suspicious I must look from her perspective.
A cat spirit suddenly materialized beside her.
As soon as he appeared, he pointed a paw toward me and complained, “Emilia, he is so suspicious. He obviously has bad intentions.”
The accusation immediately made me stiffen.
What bad intentions?
I was having a mental breakdown!
Then again, if some random stranger kept following a girl around, knew her real name despite never introducing himself, and had previously called her Satella, I would probably think he was suspicious too.
Although it felt weird seeing a fucking flying cat with a weird body structure badmouthing me... Wait, badmouthing me?!
“I can understand you? Wait, I can speak Japanese now! No way!” I couldn't help it. I was able to speak and understand Japanese.
No, not just a few words.
I could understand everything perfectly.
The meaning came naturally to me as if I had known the language my entire life. Just moments ago, I couldn't understand a single thing the vegetable seller was saying, but now I could follow every word without any difficulty.
“Thank you, Lord! I knew you wouldn't leave me!” I said from the bottom of my heart, only to hear a growl in response.
“Emilia, let's leave. This guy is weird. Also, if you continue stalking my Emilia, you will bear the consequences,” the cat spirit said.
His name was Puck, if I remembered correctly.
Wait...
His Emilia?
Actually, that did sound like something Puck would say.
My mind went blank for a moment as I tried to process everything that had happened in the span of a few minutes. I had been transported to another world, died, come back to life, discovered I could suddenly speak Japanese, and was currently being threatened by a flying cat spirit.
What kind of absurd situation was this?
Before I could continue that train of thought, I suddenly realized something.
'Isn't this supposed to be the loop where Subaru saves Emilia? Then which loop is this?'
The question immediately made me frown.
No.
Something was wrong.
If this was the beginning of the story, then Subaru should have been helping Emilia search for her insignia. The events should have unfolded in a very specific way.
The situation didn't match what I remembered.
Then, before I could think about it any further, it hit me again.
That familiar feeling.
The sensation that I had forgotten something important.
Something very, very important.
I looked forward to see three men surrounding Natsuki Subaru before an alley, and leaving him to die as blood spilled out of his stomach... Then it hit me again.
...
I died again, while not dying at the same time.
I passed away the moment I Returned by Death, and then I remembered dying again. At this point, I couldn't remember whether it had happened three times or more. Everything was beginning to blur together. The memories of death piled upon one another, making it difficult to distinguish where one ended and the next began.
I felt horrified.
The pain seemed to linger even after death had already released me. It wasn't there physically, yet I could still feel it. The sensation of a blade tearing through flesh, the helplessness of watching my life slip away, the terror that came in those final moments—it all remained etched into my mind.
And when I had returned to that spot again, the moment I saw a pointed blade in one of the vegetable shops, I quickly ran away.
I didn't care where I was going.
I didn't care if I looked insane.
All I knew was that I needed to run away.
The sight of that blade alone was enough to make my heart pound wildly. My body reacted before my mind could even think. Fear gripped me, and all rational thought disappeared.
Run.
That was the only thing left in my head.
So I ran.
I pushed through the crowd, nearly bumping into several people along the way. Some cursed at me, while others simply moved aside, but I paid them no attention. My breathing became heavier with every step as I desperately tried to put distance between myself and that place.
It was during this time that I crashed into someone.
“Seriously? Are you blind?” I heard a female voice say.
Guilt immediately entered my mind as I hurriedly stood up to see whom I had crashed into.
“Ram?” I muttered out the moment I saw the pink hair.
The words escaped my mouth before I could stop them.
However, she seemed startled by my reaction. Standing up, she carefully sized me up from head to toe, her expression becoming increasingly suspicious as she studied me.
“Who might you be, Sir?” she asked politely, though it definitely didn't sound polite.
“Wait, you really are Ram?” I couldn't believe it. What were the chances of meeting her here?
Wait a minute.
Was she really here in the Capital during Arc 1?
I couldn't remember.
No matter how much I tried to recall the details, my memories of the story were far too hazy. I remembered the major events, but the smaller details had long since slipped my mind. It had been years since I last watched Re: Zero, and back then I hadn't exactly expected that knowledge to become relevant to my survival.
“Yes, I am Ram, and who might you be? It is rude to crash into someone while running,” she said with a frown.
Her voice remained calm, but I could tell she was annoyed.
Honestly, I couldn't blame her.
I scratched my cheek somewhat guiltily and replied, “I- I am sorry! I was not looking where I was going. I sincerely apologize for my behavior.”
As I spoke, I bowed deeply before her with my hands clasped together.
It felt a little embarrassing, but considering I had practically run into her like a madman, it was the least I could do.
“Hmm, very well. I forgive you, though I am quite certain we have never met before, so how do you know my name?” she asked in an inquisitive tone.
The moment she asked that question, my body stiffened.
Right.
That was a problem.
A very big problem.
What exactly was I supposed to say?
That I knew her from an anime?
That I knew her because I came from another world?
That I knew she had a younger twin sister named Rem, worked as a maid for Roswaal, and had once lost her horn to the Witch Cult?
Yeah, absolutely not.
There was no way that conversation would end well for me.
“Ah, about that... Lord Roswaal told me,” I said, lying through my teeth. I had messed up, and now I needed some kind of excuse for how I knew her.
The moment the words left my mouth, I regretted them.
Was that really the best lie I could come up with?
Still, it was too late to take it back now.
Ram narrowed her eyes slightly, clearly scrutinizing me, and for a moment I wondered whether she had seen right through my excuse. Honestly, I wouldn't have been surprised if she had. Ram never struck me as the type who was easy to fool.
Thankfully, she didn't do anything.
Or perhaps she simply didn't care enough to pursue the matter.
“Very well, then let us part here.”
I nodded immediately.
“Yes, let's do that.”
The faster this conversation ended, the better.
Without wasting another second, I turned around and quickly left the place. This time, however, I made sure not to run around blindly like a madman. The last thing I needed was to crash into another important character and accidentally reveal that I knew who they were.
As I walked away, I could still feel Ram's gaze on my back.
Maybe I was imagining it.
Maybe I wasn't.
Either way, I didn't dare turn around to check.
To be continued...