...
{3rd Pov}
I arrived at a park. I didn't know that Lugunica's Capital had such a place, but I was pretty sure it was much better than wandering into the slums. At the very least, it was quiet.
Sitting down on a bench, I breathed deeply and tried to calm myself.
I didn't know what to do.
Like, what the fuck could I even do?
Every time I thought I had figured something out, something else happened and threw everything into confusion again. I had been transported to another world, died multiple times, discovered that Natsuki Subaru was somehow separate from me, and now I was sitting in a park questioning my entire existence.
I was already exhausted by everything that had happened.
Mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted.
I also realized what kind of ability I had as a copycat of Subaru.
Return by Death.
However, it was different.
When Subaru died, I returned to the past alongside him, and for whatever reason, I experienced the last ten or so minutes of his memories before death. The memories didn't feel like something I was watching from afar either. They felt real, as if I had personally lived through them.
Which was the reason I remembered dying.
I remembered Emilia dying.
I remembered the pain and fear of my guts spilling out on the ground as I died in horror and pain.
Even though none of those things had technically happened to me.
Or perhaps they had happened to me.
At this point, I wasn't even sure where the line was anymore.
What I did know was that every time Subaru died, I was dragged back with him. Every loop brought memories flooding into my head, and every loop left behind traces that were difficult to forget.
The ability wasn't Return by Death itself.
It was more like I was a parasite attached to Return by Death.
Whether I could Return by Death myself was a mystery, but I had no interest in trying to find out. I hated dying... I loathed it with every bit of my existence.
Just remembering that pain was enough to make my body shiver.
What kind of fucked-up power is this?!
How can he continue throwing his life away again and again?
I understood that the girl had saved him. I really did. Gratitude was one thing, but was that enough to warrant going this far? Was it enough to justify dying over and over again, suffering through horrors that would break most people?
Thinking about how many times he was going to die in the future sent a chill down my spine.
And those were only the deaths I knew about.
Who knew how many more there were that I couldn't remember?
I was not Natsuki Subaru.
I wasn't some superhuman monster capable of enduring endless suffering and somehow standing back up afterward.
I didn't know if I would stay sane if I continued experiencing his deaths.
No.
Forget staying sane.
I wasn't even sure I would survive mentally after a handful more.
The phantom pain alone was already making me miserable. Every time I remembered those final moments, I felt my stomach twist. It was as if my mind couldn't distinguish between memory and reality.
No!
I needed to stop him!
I didn't know how I was supposed to explain having the same face and voice as him. Honestly, I barely understood it myself. If someone had told me yesterday that I would be sitting in a fantasy world while sharing the appearance of an anime protagonist, I would have laughed in their face.
Yet here I was.
Still, Subaru was a kind boy.
At least, from what I remembered of the series, he was.
He would understand my predicament.
He had to and if I could somehow convince him that I knew about his ability, then maybe I could help him. Maybe I could steer him away from the brutal future waiting ahead of him. Maybe I could stop at least some of those horrible deaths from happening.
I didn't know how.
I didn't have any fricking plan at all.
But surely anything was better than simply sitting here and waiting to experience another one of his deaths.
Because if things continued like this, I had a feeling that Return by Death would break me long before it broke Natsuki Subaru.
'Going to that mansion doesn't make sense. Unless we do everything perfectly, we will be killed by that idiotic maid! So I need to prevent him from going along with them!' I thought seriously.
The more I considered it, the more convinced I became.
What exactly was waiting for Subaru at the mansion?
A series of painful deaths, paranoia and suspicion from others and a maid who would happily turn him into a corpse if she deemed him dangerous.
No thank you.
'If I were to choose, going with Reinhard would be the much safer option. Sure, I would have to meet his bad father... wait, what was his name? Reid?'
I sighed.
No, that didn't sound right.
The problem was that my memories of Re: Zero were an absolute mess. I could remember important scenes and major plot points, but names, entire timeline chapter by chapter, and smaller details were all mixed together in my head.
I wished I remembered the plot better.
Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do about it now.
No amount of wishing was going to magically restore years-old memories.
So after calming down a little and cooling my body, I decided to head toward the slums to meet Subaru. I would just need to pretend to be a step-sibling or something similar for others.
Honestly, it wasn't even that ridiculous.
We had the same face, same voice and same clothes.
If anything, claiming to be related would probably sound more believable than the truth.
C'mon, Subaru!
Time to cool down your otherworld fantasy!
As much as I sympathized with him, there was no way I was letting him walk happily into a future filled with repeated deaths if I could help it.
Thus, I climbed a tree in the park.
The park had been built on a somewhat elevated area, so after climbing high enough, I was easily able to look across the Capital. It took me a few moments, but eventually I spotted a cluster of dilapidated buildings in a certain direction.
That had to be the slums, it even looked miserable enough to qualify as the slums.
After taking note of the direction, I climbed back down.
Then I looked at the sun and roughly estimated the time of day. My method was probably completely inaccurate, but it was better than nothing.
Once I was satisfied that I had a general idea of where I was going, I departed for the slums.
Hopefully before Subaru managed to get himself killed again.
'Oh Lord, hopefully I can meet him before he meets that assassin lady,' I thought.
...
I reached the slums, and the awful smell assaulted my nose. I barely managed to stop myself from vomiting. It was as if piles of shit and filth were lying everywhere, baking under the sun and spreading their stench throughout the area.
I remembered it not being this bad in the anime, I even thought so man.
Ah, fuck it.
I didn't remember most of the plot anyway!
Maybe it had always been this horrible and the anime simply couldn't convey the smell. If so, then I pitied everyone who had to live here. Just standing around for a few moments was already making me miserable.
Thus, taking small breaths through my mouth, I started venturing deeper into the slums.
As I looked around, all I found were broken houses, crumbling walls, and people covered in rags looking at me strangely. Some stared openly while others merely glanced in my direction before returning to whatever they were doing.
Needless to say, I stood out.
My tracksuit alone probably made me look completely out of place.
As I sped up, I found myself wondering whom I was supposed to ask about that old man's place.
'His name was Rom, right? Thank God the author named them Rem, Ram, and Rom! Their names were very easy to remember!'
The thought actually cheered me up a little.
At least there was one thing my brain hadn't completely forgotten.
Looking around once more, I tried to figure out where to go next, only to hear something that sounded like choking.
Or perhaps someone struggling.
I paused for a moment as the sound came again.
I looked around and eventually located the source. The weird noise seemed to be coming from a nearby alleyway.
I was definitely not interested in finding out what was happening there.
Absolutely not.
This was a fantasy world's slums. Nothing good was ever happening in a dark alley inside a slum.
So I immediately turned left and started walking away.
Not my problem.
Not my business.
Nope.
Before I heard the rustling of footsteps behind me.
My body stiffened.
I quickly turned around, but it was already too late.
Something slammed into the back of my head.
Pain exploded through my skull.
My vision blurred, my ears started ringing violently as the world around me spun.
For a brief moment, I stumbled forward, desperately trying to remain conscious.
Then everything went dark and I passed out.
...
By the Lord's name, I fucked up...
The next day, I found myself passed out in some alley, with my expensive clothes gone, leaving me in nothing but my underwear!
Fuck!
Some people had definitely hit me hard enough to make me faint and then looted everything I had.
I slowly sat up, my head still aching from yesterday's attack. The back of my skull throbbed every time I moved, reminding me just how badly I had been blindsided.
I don't understand.
I genuinely didn't understand.
I hadn't done anything!
I had even stayed away from wherever that weird noise was coming from, so why was I targeted?
Huh?
Because of my clothes?
The thought made me pause.
Actually... that was probably exactly why.
My tracksuit might not have looked expensive by modern standards, but compared to the people living in the slums, it probably stood out like a beacon. To them, I must have looked like some rich idiot wandering around without a clue.
I had thought that even if someone targeted me, I could run away or act tough enough to scare them off. At the very least, I thought I would notice them coming.
I didn't think someone would be able to sneak up behind me that quickly!
There was no goddamn warning or any chance to even react.
Just one hit to the head and I was done.
But I was certainly naïve.
This wasn't my world, this wasn't some safe city where the worst thing that could happen was getting pickpocketed.
This was a fantasy world's slums.
Even if the people living here were malnourished, desperate, and poor, that didn't mean they were weak.
In fact, they were probably much tougher than me.
They had to be.
People didn't survive in a place like this by being weak.
At least the one who targeted me was definitely stronger than me.
That much was damn obvious.
I held my head. It was swollen and hurting like a bitch.
The throbbing pain hadn't lessened at all since I woke up. Every movement made it worse, and even thinking too hard seemed to aggravate it.
I quickly observed my symptoms first and came to the conclusion that I most likely had a concussion.
Thankfully, there didn't seem to be any signs of a skull fracture or a brain haemorrhage.
At least, not from what I could tell.
I wished I could examine myself more thoroughly, but this was the best conclusion I could come up with under the circumstances. Unless I had access to a CT scan or proper medical equipment, determining the exact nature of the injury was impossible.
For all I knew, I could be completely wrong.
Still, it was better than blindly panicking.
'Well, this world has magic. I think it would be good if I could meet some magician,' I thought.
The idea was reasonable, magical healing existed in Re: Zero.
Then I mockingly smiled at myself.
What was I even thinking?
I was sitting in a filthy alley wearing nothing but my underwear and a headache was pounding my skull. Finding some kind-hearted magician willing to heal a random stranger sounded more like a fantasy than being transported to another world.
I was feeling a headache and mild nausea. I had already vomited several times and barely had any energy left.
Honestly, if I hadn't known about concussions, I probably would have assumed I was dying.
'I need to eat something quickly,' I thought.'
I need the three things' people need to survive, bread, clothe and roof.
Those things were far more important than grand plans at the moment.
As I struggled to my feet, I grabbed a rag lying on the street.
I didn't know whether it belonged to someone or not, but it was better than walking around in my underwear.
'It is filthy. The chances of me getting an infection from it are rather high... Man, should I just walk around naked?'
But thinking about the different species living here, I didn't feel so sure about that idea.
I didn't want to get arrested for walking around half-naked.
Or worse.
For all I knew, public decency laws in this world could be even stricter than back on Earth. The last thing I needed was to survive being transported to another world only to end up getting dragged away by guards because I lacked proper clothes.
I sighed and then left the slums.
Leaning against walls for support, I slowly made my way forward. My head still hurt, my body felt weak, and every few steps reminded me that getting knocked unconscious wasn't exactly healthy.
I had missed the chance to meet up with Subaru, Ram, Emilia and even the Reinhardt.
I knew all these important people existed, and somehow I had failed to make any meaningful progress with any of them.
'The best thing I can do for now is get a job. Then I should get something to eat. Reinhard regularly goes on patrols, so I should be able to meet up with him in a few days,' I thought.
The more I considered it, the more reasonable the plan seemed.
Food and survival came first.
Not to mention Subaru would arrive about a month later, so I should still be able to meet up with him eventually. The thought of experiencing a few more deaths before then irritated me, but there was nothing I could do about it.
I had no money, food or even clothing.
I didn't even know where that clown's mansion was located.
What exactly was I supposed to do?
Walk around the Capital asking random strangers where Roswaal L. Mathers lived?
That sounded like a terrible idea.
So Reinhard was my best bet.
At least he was a decent person. If I could somehow find him and explain my situation—well, perhaps not the entire situation—I might be able to get some help.
And if I didn't meet him?
Then I would just have to wait a month.
A goddamn whole month.
The thought sounded miserable, but at least it was a plan.
Though the first thing was obviously finding a job!
After a while, I came out of the slums and returned to the market where I had been summoned yesterday. The place brought back unpleasant memories, but I steeled myself and decided to ask someone for help regarding where I could find a job.
Wasn't there a side story where there was a place that provided jobs?
I vaguely remembered something like that and hoped there would be something similar here in this nation.
Unfortunately, the first person I approached shooed me away with disgust, as if I were some absolutely disgusting thing.
Figures.
I guess walking around in dirty rags does that to you.
Still, I didn't believe everyone would be that cold-hearted.
At least that Appa seller Subaru met wasn't cold-hearted.
So surely someone would help me!
Right?
Clasping my hands together, I prayed to the Lord once more before deciding to ask the vendors.
“Fuck off, trash.”
“Stop dirtying my shop!”
“Roll back to the slums, turd!”
...
Okay.
Maybe not.
The responses came one after another, and each one somehow managed to be more hostile than the last.
I wanted to curse them.
Seriously, trash?
Man, were they really that prejudiced against slum dwellers?
They didn't even look at me as if I were a person. The moment they saw my clothes, or rather the lack of proper clothes, they had already made up their minds about me.
This was on another level entirely.
Back on Earth, people judged others too, but this felt excessive.
Did they not see slum dwellers as human beings?
Or perhaps demi-humans, humans, and everyone else simply united when it came to looking down on the poor.
This was next-level racism or whatever it was called.
Classism?
Discrimination?
Honestly, social science wasn't my strongest subject.
Whatever the correct term was, it pissed me off.
Also, shop?!
Brother, your "shop" is literally a street stall!
The last one was even more offensive. The guy acted as if I was about to bankrupt his entire business simply by standing near it. Man, I wasn't even asking for food or money, I was just asking for directions!
At this point, I finally decided to go back to one of those streams of flowing water and get this rag cleaned.
Honestly, I needed a bath too.
I probably smelled almost as bad as the slums by now.
Although that would mean I would be left with only wet clothes, which I would have to keep wearing unless I wanted to parade myself around naked.
'I'll also have a chance of catching a cold or fever. The last thing I want is some infection in my scrotum or something,' I thought, shivering as unpleasant memories resurfaced.
Wet underwear was an absolutely terrible idea.
Still, I didn't exactly have many options.
I hoped this boy's body couldn't get sick that easily.
After all, Subaru's body was still very healthy and well above average in terms of fitness and overall health. The guy exercised regularly and wasn't some office worker who spent all day sitting on a chair or a doctor holed in his research.
Unlike me.
Actually, now that I thought about it, I was probably benefiting quite a bit from having a body like this.
At least physically.
Mentally, my situation was still a complete disaster.
Thus, I decided to walk back toward where I had come from, remembering that there was a stream of water somewhere in that direction.
I took my time, partly because my head still hurt and partly because I didn't have any reason to rush anymore.
Subaru was nowhere to be found.
Reinhard was nowhere to be found and I still had no job.
So there wasn't exactly a schedule I needed to keep.
I didn't try asking others for help anymore.
The last thing I wanted was to get insulted again for merely asking for directions.
Seriously, who insults someone for asking directions?
At least back on Earth, most people would either help or tell you they didn't know.
Here, people acted as if I had personally offended their ancestors.
As I was walking through the crowd, I could feel people glancing at me with disgust.
Some didn't even bother hiding it.
They would look at my ragged appearance, wrinkle their noses, and quickly look away as if I were something unpleasant. Others simply stared for a few seconds before continuing with their business.
'Lord, I cannot understand why You gave us the freedom to hate each other for the silliest of reasons,' I thought.
Then again, perhaps that wasn't fair.
Freedom itself wasn't the problem.
People were.
It was humans—
Wait.
We had demi-humans in this world.
So maybe mankind?
Yes! The goddamn Mankind ruining things!
Whether they were humans, demi-humans, elves, or whatever species existed in this world, everyone seemed to possess the same talent for judging others.
Seriously, I had only been dressed in rags for a single day, and people were already treating me like some kind of plague.
What happened to basic decency?
“Hey, boy! I heard you were looking for a job?”
Suddenly, someone called out from behind me.
I stopped and looked around.
An unfamiliar man was standing there.
Immediately, my guard went up.
“Well, I was indeed looking for a job... But...” I trailed off while looking at him suspiciously.
The man appeared ordinary enough, but after getting robbed yesterday, I wasn't exactly eager to trust random strangers.
Actually, that wasn't entirely true.
I hadn't exactly trusted strangers before being robbed either.
Still, the experience had certainly made me more cautious.
Although I knew it was hypocritical.
After all, I had spent half the day approaching complete strangers and asking them for help finding a job.
Yet if someone suddenly approached me and offered one, I couldn't help feeling suspicious.
That was normal, right?
At least, I hoped it was.
“Don't be nervous, I am a friend of Kadomon,” he said, and my eyes narrowed.
'Kadomon? Where do I remember that name from?'
I thought about it for a moment before my eyes widened.
'Oh yes! It was that Appa seller!'
“Really?” I asked, sounding both curious and nervous.
“Ah, yes. You helped his daughter with that gal yesterday, right? He saw you passing by while asking around for a job. He decided to help you. Since I am his friend and all, I decided to come get you... but man, you sure walk fast!” he said.
I relaxed slightly.
Everything he said matched my behavior and the events I remembered from Subaru's story. More importantly, that Appa guy had genuinely been kind. If there was one random person in this city I was willing to trust, it was probably him.
'Great! This means my food problem is solved! It doesn't matter whether I have to eat apples day and night, I'll eat them with relish! After all, an apple a day keeps the doctor— cough, I am a doctor! Yes, diseases away!' I thought.
As I celebrated internally, I instinctively held my head.
Immediately, I felt the soreness.
The pain hadn't disappeared at all.
It still throbbed beneath my fingers, reminding me of yesterday's unfortunate encounter with a blunt object.
As expected, no wonder my thinking felt dull.
The more I paid attention, the more obvious it became. My thoughts were slower than usual, and concentrating for long periods made my headache worse.
Honestly, I was probably lucky to be walking around at all.
Had the blow landed a little harder, I might have ended up dead.
“Thank you, Sir. Please lead the way,” I said.
He nodded with a gentle smile and started leading the way while making small talk.
During our conversation, I decided to create an identity for myself. I claimed to be an orphan from a village that had been overrun by Witch Cultists. I also mentioned that I had originally come here with my twin brother, but we had gotten separated along the way.
I thought such an excuse was good enough.
After all, unlike Subaru, I couldn't simply appear out of thin air without raising questions. People would naturally want to know where I came from, and having a tragic backstory seemed much more believable than saying I had been summoned from another world.
Not to mention, Witch Cultists apparently ruined enough lives that my story wouldn't sound out of place.
At least, that was my reasoning.
As we continued talking, he took a turn into an alley.
I followed instinctively.
The man continued expressing his sympathy regarding my situation, and honestly, I felt a little embarrassed. He seemed genuinely concerned, and after the treatment I had received from most people today, it was surprisingly difficult to deal with kindness.
'Huh?'
Suddenly, someone grabbed me from behind.
Before I could react, I felt a cloth pressed tightly against my face.
My eyes widened.
A strange smell invaded my nose.
My head immediately started spinning as panic surged through my body.
I struggled with every bit of strength I had.
I kicked, twisted my body, tried to tear the cloth away.
But my body was already weakened from hunger, exhaustion, and the blow to the head I had suffered yesterday.
I wasn't strong enough.
No matter how desperately I fought, the grip around me didn't loosen.
My body soon began to feel numb, heavy and unresponsive.
No.
No, no, no!
Not again!
I desperately tried to move my legs and run away.
Nothing happened.
I tried to move my arms.
Nothing happened.
I even attempted to move my lips and tongue to scream for help, but I found it was pointless.
My body simply refused to obey me.
Then I heard it.
“Such a fool. The idiot followed me the moment he heard about that Appa seller.”
“Well, your acting was excellent, and we did gather information on him yesterday! And his words confirmed it now. He is an orphan from some destroyed village, no one will know.”
“Get ready to ship him and brand him.”
The words pierced through the haze clouding my mind.
I wanted to scream.
The betrayal hit me like a hammer.
Why?
Why?
WHY?
What did I do wrong?
All I did was trust you.
All I did was believe in the good in others!
Was that really such a terrible mistake?
I didn't ask for any of this!
I didn't ask to be summoned to a different world.
I didn't ask to wake up in someone else's body.
I didn't ask to die.
I didn't ask to get robbed.
I didn't ask to be kidnapped.
Why, Lord?
Why must it be like this?
Just yesterday, I had a home.
Just yesterday, I had a family.
Just yesterday, my biggest concern was what I was going to do after work.
Now I was lying here unable to move while listening to people discuss branding and shipping me somewhere as if I were livestock.
What kind of life was this?
What kind of joke was this?
Perhaps this was how prey felt.
Knowing something horrible was about to happen yet being completely incapable of stopping it.
My heart pounded wildly inside my chest.
Fear.
Anger.
Despair.
They all mixed together until I couldn't tell them apart anymore.
One by one, my thoughts faded away.
To be continued...