AN: Just getting the first few chapters uploaded here, since they are already on Fanfiction. Going to be uploading the next chapters as early releases here in a few minutes.
All Harry wanted for the summer after his 5th year was to have a boring summer. But he can't seem to tell where it went wrong. Maybe he shouldn't have asked Sirius to set him up in the wizarding worlds exclusive penthouse suite, or perhaps he shouldn't have sent that taunting letter to ole Tommy. (Harry/Multi)
**************************************
While sitting in Number 4, Harry couldn't help but contemplate the last year at Hogwarts. Torturous/Insane DADA Teacher - Check, Unpredictable issue with Tom - Check, Unable to understand the female mind - Check. Grandfatherly Twinkle from Dumbledore - Check. So after going through the short list Harry decided he wanted to have a boring summer and not be bothered at all. But to do that he needed to get out of the house. And what better way to do that than enlist the help of Padfoot. The not at all deranged member of the Black Family who is not at all an escaped convict.
Hmmm . . . maybe Harry should ignore the not’s. Oh well.
So hoping up out of bed and grabbing a quill, Harry wrote a letter to Sirius.
Padfoot-
Please help me have a boring summer by getting me away from the Dursely's.
Thanks,
Harry
PS. Give Hedwig some bacon.
Checking the letter over, Harry went over to Hedwig.
"Oh great majestic owl. Will you Owlness find it in your ability to deliver this letter for this lowly one?" Harry asked, while kneeling and offering an Owl Treat.
Hedwig squinted at Harry trying to decide if the servant was sincere. Finding it was, she ate the treat and with the grace of her owlness picked up the letter and flew out the window.
*****
A couple hours later, Hedwig returned with a reply.
Pup
I know exactly what you're talking about. Grab your stuff and go outside in 30. I will help you have a Mauraders boring vacation.
Not Padfoot
Nodding his head, Harry gathered his things and went outside. A few minutes later a big black dog came trotting down the road.
"Hey Snuffles. You ready?"
Snuffles, aka Padfoot, aka Sirius. Put the packet in his mouth down and barked and pawed the packet.
Picking it up Harry read the cover.
"How to Have a Marauder's Boring Summer Vacation."
Step 1: Have Kind Loving Stray set you up at the Wizarding Worlds most exclusive hotel.
Step 2: Antagonize rival or dark lord or both if available.
Step 3: Repeat Step 2 until summer is over or rival dies of coughing up blood.
"Well this seems simple enough. Lets see on this portkey pamphlet on how to have a boring summer it says the most exclusive hotel is the Golden Snitch. Known to house female celebrity quidditch players and exclusive female business leaders. Well this sounds like the right place to go based on the manual. Did you make a reservation?"
'Bark'
"Great let's go."
Upon checking into the hotel, Harry laid back in bed and let out a sigh. He had just sent a letter to Tom. Not telling him where he was at.Snuffle seeing that Harry was comfortable, nodded his head, and left. Neither realizing that they forgot to inform the Order.
*****
"Dumbledore! Harry disappeared." Tonks rushed in.
"He did? Quick organize a meeting and fetch Severus for me." Dumbledore commanded.
"Right" Tonks left and did what he asked. Dumbledore then quickly checked the Not-At-All-Illegal-Tracking Devices that were set for Harry. The results puzzled him. Harry was at some place called the Golden Snitch. It must be a abduction by Tom.
Hopefully the Order can get there in time.
A few minutes later, Severus walked into the office.
"Severus, it seems that Tom has abducted Harry. I need you to confirm that he is safe and unharmed. The devices show that Harry is at the Golden Snitch. I need you to confirm this. Also get me some Lemon Drops. I'm almost out."
"Very well, Headmaster."
*****
Meanwhile in the Dark Lord's secret hideout of the Malfoys dining room, Lord Voldemort aka Tom Riddle aka Snake Face was sitting down contemplating how to kill Harry Potter.
Suddenly an owl flew in and dropped a letter in front of him. Picking it up, checking it for traps, opening it and reading it.
Tom-
This is Harry. I want to have a boring summer. You should not send any of the Death Munchers to find me. Should you do so anyways, I feel I must warn you that I am not staying at the Golden Snitch, the all exclusive female hotel in London, in room 777. I must also inform you that since they don't allow male terrorist you would have to send Bellatrix. By herself. She should not in anyway, shape, or form attempt to seduce/rape me by wearing a Muggle Cocktail Dress with a short mini-skirt. It would have a devastating effect on my teenage libido. Hell it would be more tortuous than the Cruciatus.
With Hopes You Listen,
Your ArchNemesis
Harry James Potter.
Reading the letter through. Tom couldn't believe it. How dare Potter try to deceive him.
"Wormtail!"
"Yes My Lord."
"AHH! Crucio! What have I told you about not announcing yourself?" Voldemort exclaimed. "Nevermind. Fetch Bellatrix."
"My Lord you called?" Bellatrix asked.
"AHH!! Wormtail, Crucio!" Voldemort shrieked again, sending Peter into a seizure of pain. "Bellatrix, I told you to stop spying on me. Look what you made me do to Wormtail. That is besides the point. Potter sent a Letter of Challenge to me trying to make me ignore him. Hear read it."
Bellatrix then took the letter and read it. Then screamed, "How dare he!" and sent a crucio at wormtail again.
"My Lord allow me to carry this mission out. How dare Ickle Baby Potter try to taunt us like this."
"Very well take what gold you need out of Draco's account. He won't miss it." The Dark Lord instructed.
"I understand My Lord." Bellatrix replied and read the letter again. "My Lord, I have encountered a problem. I don't know what this Cocktail Dress is. I would need a Mudblood to show me and you killed our last one."
"I see, that is a problem. Wormtail. Crucio!" Voldemort said. "Fetch Severus."
"I just arrived, my lord." Snape announced.
"Wormtail. Crucio. How dare you not inform me Severus had arrived. Crucio. Severus, what news do you have for me."
"The Potter brat has run off and is at a place called the Golden Snitch. Dumbledore thinks that is where you are keeping him."
"Indeed. I was just sending Bellatrix on a mission to handle the Potter boy. But first we need a Mudblood to instruct her on a Muggle torture technique that Bellatrix has not heard of before. Perhaps you can give us the Granger girl's location, she is knowledgeable and would be in possession of such knowledge."
"Very well My Lord. I will side along Bellatrix to her location now." Snape then grabbed Bellatrix and they disappeared with a pop.
Chapter 2: Chapter 2
In a quiet neighborhood in Crowley, two figures appeared: Severus Snape and Bellatrix Lestrange. They were on a mission, well Bellatrix was at least.
"Which house is it Severus?" Bellatrix asked.
Severus Snape just pointed ahead at the house with the British Dental Association sign out front.
"Severus they are in the BDA. Why didn't you inform us? That is the number 1 group of the Torture Society. We must recruit the Mudblood Granger now."
Bellatrix then rushed to the front door and knocked. Leaving Severus to go on his way.
The door then opened. It was the Mudblood Granger.
"Bellatrix."
"Mudblood."
"What are you doing here? We aren't scheduled to meet until the next school term, when you attempt to kill Dumbledore."
"Indeed. Ickle Harry sent a letter of challenge to the Dark Lord." Bellatrix replied civilly. For many this may seem out of character to her. But Bellatrix was in the presence of a BDA Family, certain niceties must be followed or be another patient.
"Come inside. I need to see this Letter of Challenge." Hermione said. Upon going inside Bellatrix found the Muggle home quite quaint for a Muggle home.
Bellatrix then noticed a door open with the sweet sound of shrieking and pain coming through before going quiet. The Grangers must have a patient.
"Hmm. . . How odd of Harry to do this. He must be taught a lesson. Now why are you here?"
"I do not know what this Cocktail Dress is? You are knowledgeable and a Mudblood so you should know."
"Indeed. I will join you. Harry needs to be punished." Hermione stated.
"Who needs to be punished?"
"Hello Mother. Harry does he issued a letter of challenge. Bellatrix needs to be educated on cocktail dresses." Hermione told her mother.
"I see. I will need to go shopping with you. Let me tell your Father. He is with Mr. Johnson right now."
Bellatrix heard the woman open the door, "SHHHHREEEEEICCCK!"
"Honey I'm going shopping." Hermione's mother shouted and closed the door.
"Bellatrix are you alright?"
"I am Mudblood. I just need a scorgify on my undergarments from the wonderful screams."
"Alright ladies beauty time. Bellatrix do you have Muggle money?"
"No, but I do have thousands of Lucius Malfoys galleons."
"We will need an exchange first. To Diagon Alley."
BSBSBS
After Harry woke up from his nap, he got up showered and went for a leisurely stroll outside and had a decent lunch. Everything was quite calm and boring as he walked back into the hotel.
"Look girls its Harry Potter!" A voice cried.
Harry jumped a little and worried with panic. Was this the end of his boring summer already? He turned and looked and breathed a sigh of relief. It was only the Holyhead Harpies. The all witch quidditch team.
"Ladies."
"Mr. Potter."
"How can I help the famous Gwenogg Jones of the Harpies? I must warn you though I am on a very boring vacation."
"Indeed so are we. But we are also here for some stress relief as well. Would you care to join us?" The captain asked with a certain fire in her eyes.
"I could help with that. I must insist on helping the whole team though."
"Are you familiar with this form of stress relief?" They girls all asked with a look of hunger on their faces.
"I am. My good friend Hermione had me assist her this past year during our OWLs. By the time we were through, she was relaxed enough to walk on clouds."
"You must be quite skillful."
"I don't mean to blow my own horn but my wand work is exceptional. All I ask in return is a autographed photo for a friend."
"Deal. Our room or yours?"
"I have the Penthouse."
"Lead the way."
Several hours later, the entire Holyhead Harpie team was stumbling and limping out of Harry's room. Many of the guest, were curious what could have happened for them to be so tired yet glow with happiness. They also wondered what the white ropes of paint were doing in their hair as they team helped each other to their rooms.
Back with Harry in his suite, he cleaned up a little after the stress relief and took a nap after sending Ginny one of the autographed pictured. He did hoped she liked it. After all those Harpies were some tough negotiators on how many of them would sign the pictures.
BSBSBS
Meanwhile back with Hermione and Bellatrix.
"Ok that will do it. We have the Cocktail Dress with mini-skirt as well as the beauty salon treatment. Do remember that should you where this in public, undergarments are not to be worn. Lots and bending over for full effect. This will do agonizing things to Harry for sure. I don't know how he will be able to handle it." Hermione told Bellatrix. Personally Hermione couldn't help but wonder when Bellatrix would figure out this will have the opposite effect on Harry and wonder if she will be able to walk after the torture session. Shame there wasn't someone who could warn her.
"I see and this is common practice for the torture and Muggle men and spouse?" Bellatrix asked. She wouldn't admit it out loud but this was a torture method she would need to try more often.
"Yes. Now lets go do Harry some harm." and with a pop the two witches were gone.
As they approached the front desk, they women found Harry was in room 777 as stated in the letter. When they approached the door, Hermione stopped Bellatrix. "Remember for this torture method to work, you have to just grab Harry, throw him in the bed and go to town. Its best to work it has hard as possible that way it leaves him no room for escape. And remember, if you don't stay on top, you will lose the advantage and have no choice but to call for back up. Harry will probably send a letter with you to taunt the Dark Lord and make it worse for you."
"Ok got, stay on top, to give him an opening, get help if need be." Bellatrix said. Then she marched up to the door and knocked. Moments later Harry opened the door and Bellatrix charged right on in slamming the door behind her. Hermione could here the faint sound of clothes ripping and screams of pleasure. Poor Bellatrix, Hermione thought, she was so underprepared. Leaving the hall, Hermione went to the front desk so she could get a key. She needed some stress relief and hoped Harry would be willing to help.
Chapter 3: Chapter 3
Back in Grimmauld Place, Sirius was trying his hardest not to laugh. The Order was currently in a state of panic trying to get to Harry.
Molly Weasley was currently rushing around the kitchen cooking up a storm, worried about the horrors Harry might be experiencing, while Dumbledore was talking strategy with Alastor and Kingsley.
Suddenly Snape walked in and handed Albus his Lemon Drops, "Headmaster it is as you feared. The Dark Lord has the Potter brat captive in the Golden Snitch and has sent Bellatrix to the place to oversee his torture."
"The poor boy. He must be suffering so." Molly wailed.
*Scene Break*
"You sick bitch! How dare you try to kill me! This will teach you to show up unprepared." Harry yelled as he educated Bellatrix.
"You will pay for this Potter. Mark my words. I will get out from under you and break you. How dare you treat me a pureblood witch such contempt having me bent like some doooggg!"
*Scene Break*
"Indeed. Harry must be rescued as soon as possible." Albus said. Sirius started to cough trying to hide his laughter. "Its alright Sirius we understand the pain you must feel being unable to help young Harry. You may leave if this is too much."
Sirius just nodded and got up and left, he barely made it to the room upstairs before falling over howling with laughter.
Back in the kitchen, they gathered could only feel pity for Sirius. For the poor man to be howling like that the sorrow must be tremendous.
"Is there anything else you could tell us, Severus?" Alastor asked.
"To my understanding the location the boy is in will only allow for females to enter." Severus replied.
"Very well. Alastor, Kingsley see if you can find young Nymphadora. She may be vital to Harry's rescue. And Molly do be sure your children don't find out about this, we wouldn't want them to make a scene. Meeting adjourned." Albus then got up and skipped to the Flu, he couldn't wait to try his new Lemon Drops.
BSBSBS
At the Burrow, Ron and Ginny just received a letter from Harry.
Ron, Ginny-
Hope all is well. Currently having a very boring summer. Not much has happened. I did run into the Harpies and got a signed picture for you both. Hope you enjoy.
Harry
Upon seeing the picture, Ginny squealed in delight. She was a big fan after all and immediately rand to her room to hang it up. When she came back down, she saw Ron making a sandwich.
"Ron what are you doing?"
"I'm eating."
"Why?"
"I feel bad for Harry. Stuck having a boring summer like he is having. I just hope we can get him here as soon as Dumbledore will allow." Ron said while eating his third sandwich.
FOOOM
"Ron? Ginny?" Molly called.
"In here Mum." Ginny called.
"Good your making lunch. Professor Dumbledore just informed me that Harry may not be stopping by this summer, he is a bit indisposed with his relatives."
"Poor Harry. He must be having an awful summer stuck with the relatives. It must be real boring." Ron said.
"Yes." Molly said quite forlornly. She didn't want to think of the torture Harry was going through. "Ron have you invited Hermione over yet this summer."
"No not yet. She really likes to study. Knowing her she is probably nose deep in a book. Banging out the homework assignments." Ron said, shaking his head. "Hermione really should learn to live a little."
*Scene Break*
"YES! YES! Harder Harry. Punish me." Hermione yelled.
"How dare you take advantage of stress relief Ms. Granger." Harry said as he worked out the problem with Hermione. While ignoring the trembling form of Bellatrix, who desperately tried to stand and flee before getting tortured again.
"Yes Professor Potter. Teach me a lesson!"
*Scene Break*
"Yes it is quite a shame. Hermione should get out more." Molly said as she made her children food.
BSBSBSBS
Chapter 4: Chapter 4
The next morning Harry woke up alone in bed. Not that it was a bad thing. In fact it was quite good. After the stress relief with Hermione and Bellatrix's petty attempts at torture, Harry wasn't sure if he could continue such activities this early with no food.
"I wonder if the hotel has any food service, or maybe I should call Dobby." Harry pondered outloud while rolling out of bed.
POP
"Great Master Harry Potter sir call Dobby?" the eccentric house elf known as Dobby asked.
"Oh hello Dobby. I was wondering about breakfast this morning." Harry asked.
"Dobby would be happy to get the Great Master Harry Potter sir something to eat. Would Great Master Harry Potter sir like food, or the Lovegood Special?" Dobby inquired with a quill and parchment.
"The Lovegood Special what's that?" Harry asked. Such a special seemed odd.
"Great Master Harry Potter sirs Looney told Dobby that if Great Master Harry Potter sir was to ever ask for breakfast to offer the special. And if the special was to ever be offered for Dobby to tell Great Master Harry Potter sir that it is a Blonde Femme Fatale cover in whipped cream and strawberries and a chocolate drizzle." Dobby explained casually.
Harry had to stop the imagination train from running off there with the drool pooling out of his mouth and while that did sound appetizing it was too early for such a breakfast special. After all he was having a boring summer.
"Not right now Dobby, regular food would be quite alright." Harry said. With that Dobby popped away and a few moments later a plate of food appeared in front of Harry.
After eating and cleaning up, Harry sat down and wrote another letter.
Tommy Boy-
I must say I applaud your desire to ruin my boring summer. But if you thought someone a weak as Bellatrix would be able to do any damage. Ha! Though I must admit the outfit she wore was very destructive and almost crippled me. It would be down right diabolical if you had her return with reinforcements. Though sadly none of your Death Muncher are qualified. I think the only one that would prove any benefit to assisting Bellatrix would be Narcissa Malfoy. But after negotiating with my spy, I have found that the only way to do that would be to castrate him and annul his marriage. But since you lack the nerve to do this it won't happen. Which I am thankful for as two witches on the lines of Bellatrix and her sister would be a deadly combo.
Thanks Again,Harry Potter
Checking over his letter, Harry nodded his head. Hopefully Tom would see reason and not try to ruin his boring summer.
BSBSBSBS
In the foyer of Malfoy Manor, Lord Voldemort was currently contemplating ways to destroy Potter. He had just received a report from Bellatrix, it had not been good.
"My Lord, I have failed you. The Potter boy was to strong will and the torture failed. I even abducted the Mudblood Granger to assist, and the child overpowered us both." Bellatrix wailed.
"I see. Lord Voldemort is quite displeased with this result. Perhaps it was too much of a task for you by yourself." Voldemort told her.
"Again My Lord, I accept any punishment. But My Lord, before you do, I must give caution. The boy seemed prepared for me. No child should have been able to mount such a counter against me. I fear we may have a spy." Bellatrix stated, fearful of her lords displeasure.
"Perhaps it was to much to ask of you Bellatrix. Harry Potter is said to be my equal, but insinuating we have a spy is a little much. None in my ranks would dare defy me." Tom replied.
Seconds later, Her Owlness, Hedwig, appeared in front of Lord Voldemort with a letter.
"AH! Wormtail! Crucio! Why didn't you tell me Potter's owl was here?" Tom raged. He then opened the letter and then crucio'd Wormtail again.
"Wormtail summon Lucius to me."
"I am here My Lord." Lucius replied.
"Wormtail! Crucio! Why didn't you remind me Lucius was already here? Crucio!."
"Lucius summon your wife. I have an urgent task for Narcissa." Tom dictated. He then watched Lucius leave to get his wife. Turning to Bellatrix, who was still fraught with dispair from her defeat at the hands of Potter.
"Bellatrix, it appears your defeat was not a waste. Potter has unknowingly given away a weakness of his." Lord Voldemort said as he passed the letter over.
Bellatrix then cackled with glee, "Indeed My Lord. I was unaware of the state the Potter boy was in when I left thinking it was in defeat. I will take my sister, and lay siege upon the boy till he begs for mercy."
Moments later Lucius and Narcissa then arrived in the Dining, Throne Room.
"My Lord, I have brought my wife as instructed." Lucius said.
"Good. Lucius I will be castrating you so that your marriage to Narcissa is dissolved. She will then accompany Bellatrix to apprehend and torture Harry Potter."
Lucius then nodded his head. "Magnificent plan my lord." He praised with faithful loyalty.
Tom Riddle then cast the most destructive dark castrating curse at Lucius, who promptly passed out and started to bleed out.
"Narcissa, Bellatrix will guide you on the task to be completed." the Dark Lord informed her.
Narcissa then bowed and then with the grace of a proper pureblood lady she accompanied her sister out, leaving the Dark Lord to contemplate about this unknown spy.
That is untill something wet touched his feet.
"Gah! Wormtail! Crucio! Lucius' blood is getting everywhere. Crucio! Clean it up."
Chapter 5: Chapter 5
When Narcissa was led out of the room by Bellatrix, she turned to her sister and inquired about the Dark Lords Mission.
"The Dark Lord has found the Potter boy is staying at the luxurious Golden Snitch. He tasked me with carrying out unspeakable horrors on the boy. Even after recruiting the Mudblood Granger, I was unprepared for the counter attack the boy employed upon my person." Bellatrix said. The grief of failure evident in her voice.
"I understand sister. And how am I to assist." Narcissa replied.
"Potter sent a letter to gloat to the Dark Lord. But in his letter he errored and informed him he was barely handle my attacked and said if the two of us where to attack, then he would be left at our mercy."
"I see." Narcissa said as she nodded her head in understanding. "What must we do to prepare? Spells? Rituals? Potions?"
"None of those sister. We must go shopping in the Muggle world."
"No. The horrors of Morgana! You must be mad, sister. How will we navigate? Only a person of shear evil could guide us." Narcissa replied scandalized. Her sister must have taken a harder hit from Potter than she initially thought. For either of them to be in the Muggle world. It sent shivers down her spine.
"I understand sister. But I have a contact that can guide us."
"Who or what being do you have contact with that could guide us. They would have to be the lowest of the low. Practicers of the Darkest of Magicks to even begin to know how to navigate the Muggle world." Narcissa stated. The cold nawing sensation was begining to eat into her.
"The BDA."
Hearing this Narcissa felt all the blood leave her face.
"It will be alright sister." Bellatrix then grabbed her sister and apparated them to the Granger house.
Seeing the unassuming house in the muggle community, renewed Narcissa's nervousness. How could such a infamous group live in such a quaint area? But she pushed down the feeling of dread and joined her sister as they approached the house, and with a sharp rap of the door, they made their presence known.
"Coming!" A voice yelled from inside.
Moments later, Emma Granger opened the door. "Ah its you. Its good to see you again. Come in, come in."
The two sister followed Emma into the house and went into the living room and were seated on a couch. Across from them in a chair was a young man, who looked quite confident.
"Ladies this is Brandon. Brandon this is . . . What were your names again?" Mrs Granger asked.
"Bellatrix Lestrange."
"Narcissa Malfoy"
"Yes indeed I remember now. You must be related to Draco Malfoy? Any relations?" Emma asked as she set down a plate of tea and biscuits.
"He is my son." Narcissa spoke nervously. She couldn't understand why this member of the BDA wanted to know. The thoughts of why terrified her.
"I see. Well let me get Brandon here set up with my husband, before I help you ladies. He is here with the intentions to date my daughter and my husband wanted to have a small chat with him first." Emma Granger walked out the room to her husband, but before leaving she turned and gave such a warm smile
But the two Black sisters weren't fooled. They knew that smile. It was one that promised pain and destruction upon all who were caught unprepared. It was the most horrible smile a woman could give. It was a Mother's Smile.
Seeing it on her face made the sister's almost feel sorry for the boy. Almost.
"Brandon. My husband is ready for you." Mrs Granger said.
"Brandon its good to see you." Dan Granger said. "Here follow me down to my office." The teen got up and followed the man down. The last thing Bellatrix and Narcissa heard was, "So you want to date my daughter do you?" And the door then closed. To Narcissa it sounded like the closing of a coffin.
"Now ladies, what can I do for you?" Mrs Granger asked.
"We need assistance once more. The previous attack on the Potter boy did not go as planned and my sister was ordered by the Dark Lord to assist me. We know it is a lot to ask but. . ." Bellatrix trailed off.
"I understand ladies. Your unfamiliar with a different culture and need assistance. Plus you feel slighted as a woman for failing to dominate a teenage boy." Emma stated. "I am sure you brought the appropriate funds again."
"Yes ma'am." The two responded.
"Good I'll get my purse." Emma then got up and told Mr. Granger she was leaving. The two sister didn't hear his reply, all they heard the torturous cries of the teenage boy. Both sisters couldn't help but shiver. Though for different reasons.
A little while later, the group of women were in the shopping center once more and after getting the full spa treatment, they were ready to go.
"Now ladies, I wish the best of luck to you." Emma Granger told Bellatrix and Narcissa. The two then nodded in reply and apparated away.
Emma just shook her head. "The poor dears, they are so poorly prepared. Especially if only half of what Hermione said about her beau is correct."
BSBSBSBS
In front of the Golden Snitch, the Black Sisters appeared. Both dressed to the nines and with looks that could kill. Only they both felt slightly nervous as they approached Potter room.
"Ok Cissy, we can do this. We go in, ring the boy dry, then haul him to the Dark Lord." Bellatrix encouraged.
"Yes indeed, sister." Narcissa replied with more confidence than she felt. She then knocked on the door and then when it opened, Narcissa felt herself grabbed and thrown into a bed. The last thing she remembered was two emerald globes glowing in her direction, then the world went black.