To know the truth is to burn. To accept the truth is to shatter.—Seana, “Panacea Blue”
Alex was growing more nervous. He’d only been following Violet for a few minutes, but five minutes was four more than he expected. They were too far from the train to make it back quickly, if they were attacked. That had been true for a couple of minutes, but he’d pushed his worries to the back of his mind. Violet looked perfectly relaxed, after all. But, at a certain point, he had to say something.
“Hey, Violet, don’t you think we should try and stay closer to the group? I know you’ll see—or hear, I guess—any hedron before they can reach us, but it’s still better if we can make it to safety the moment you do, right? I think this is far enough. No one would hear us, even if we shouted,” Alex finally said. Violet paused. Considering how serious the discussion was, she’d been walking with a surprisingly cheerful spring in her step. It was almost unsettling how she stopped, one heel still lifted. She tilted her head, then looked around slowly. She scanned the environment for a long moment, shrugged, and turned to face Alex.
“Yeah, alright,” Violet agreed. “This should be enough.” She turned to the side, making her way through the mauve mist and over the cracked asphalt. Alex nearly panicked following her as a shadow presented itself in front of them. He calmed as it revealed itself as nothing more than what had once been a car. One that had long been abandoned on the side of the road. It was decorated with rust and red crystal on the outside and some kind of flora he didn’t recognize inside. Violet leaned against the crystal and invited Alex to sit on a large, flat crystal right next to her. He didn’t like the look of the ancient vehicle. And he really hoped they wouldn’t be speaking for long enough to need a comfortable place to sit. But he did as he was expected. Arguing would only take longer, and he wanted to get back safely.
“Alright, Vivi. We are definitely alone now. I don’t know why we had to go so far, but we are alone. Please. Please explain everything,” Alex said. Violet sighed and looked into the sky.
“Sorry about that. I’m just not sure about the conductors, you know? Your perception might be fairly low. Enough that a few obstacles and distance can make it hard to eavesdrop. But mine aren’t, and I’m only red. Had to make sure the orange conductors couldn’t hear us,” Violet explained. Alex sighed in relief.
“Oh, right. I’m sorry, I should have thought of that,” he replied. Violet shrugged.
“No big deal, I’m used to it,” Violet said. Alex flinched at that. She was clearly still annoyed at him. She always made those little snipes when he’d irritated her. That was fine. He deserved it this time, at least.
“So, what’s up?” Alex asked again. Violet bit one lip and looked down at him.
“They tried to sacrifice me, you know?” Violet asked. Alex just stared at her in confusion. She wasn’t waiting for a response, just processing her own words before speaking. “They didn’t want a porter. Obviously. I could barely carry any of their shit, at the time. But there was this massive green hedron that... well, it doesn’t matter. The point is, I was supposed to die while they safely got the heart. It was Stephanie’s idea, actually.” Alex didn’t know how to process that. Despite her alarming calm while speaking, Alex couldn’t imagine she was lying.
“Oh, hell, Violet, I’m so sorry I let you go with them. I didn’t know...” Alex whispered. Violet shrugged.
“How could you? Your mom didn’t tell you, after all,” Violet quipped.
“No, Mom wouldn’t—” Alex started, but Violet started speaking again before his protest could escape.
“She warmed up to me, of course. Stephanie, I mean. Once I was useful. That’s always been my lot in life, though, hasn’t it? I’ve always been detestable until I could prove my worth. At least, until I was pretty enough for you, right? Anyway, she didn’t try to use me like that again. You guys, though? Yeah, she was absolutely prepared to run and use the rest of you as bait for the hedron. I would make a good alarm system when she wanted to sleep, or to watch her back, but she couldn’t risk bringing too many people. She was going to let all of you die, before the swarm attacked,” Violet explained. Alex wanted to protest the implication that he only cared about her because of her appearance, but the rest of her words were too important to distract from.
“She... I don’t understand; she wanted to sacrifice all of us?” Alex stuttered.
“Sure did,” Violet laughed. Alex’s stomach churned at the sound. He didn’t understand what was so funny. She must have seen the look on his face, because her own shifted to a small pout. “Oh, don’t be all fussy, I stopped her, didn’t I?” Alex was having trouble processing everything, but one thing stuck out to him.
“But... you didn’t, uh, stop her until after the swarm, right?” Alex asked. Violet waved a hand in front of her face and giggled.
“No, no! That’s not what I meant, dummy! Yeah, I killed her after the swarm, but I stopped her from running with the swarm,” Violet said, then she paused, and gently knocked a fist against her head. “Wait, no, that makes it sound like she and the swarm ran together. I meant I made sure the swarm showed up, and used that to stop her. Smart, right?” Alex stared up at her. She looked so pleased with herself. She even had a slight blush as she fiddled with her hair tie.
“You... you attracted the swarm to us? Violet, what are you talking about?” Alex practically pleaded. He couldn’t understand. Why would she do that? How would that help anyone? Someone could have died, and she was... laughing? Violet idly pulled her hair free from its sidetail and let it fall around her shoulders.
“Well, it’s not like all of you were gonna beat the swarm without a yellow lancer helping you. I figured, like, fuck it. If they gotta fight all those hedron either way, I might as well give them a fighting chance,” Violet chittered. Alex gaped.
“I don’t understand...” Alex trailed. Violet laughed again.
“Do you ever?” she joked. Alex’s face hardened at the question.
“What is so amusing? Why are you laughing? I don’t understand!” Alex shouted. Violet stood up straight at this question, and began to casually pace in front of him, her hands clasped behind her back.
“You know, it’s funny. I’ve been asking myself the same thing lately. It’s like... my head feels so clear whenever I do this. At least, while I’m doing it. I feel so happy. So... empowered. The whole world narrows down to a single point, and everything makes perfect sense. I can laugh, I can smile, I can do exactly what I want without a shred of hesitation or doubt. While I am doing it, everything just feels perfect, and I can’t help but lean into it. Even afterwards, part of me feels great. But another part of me feels sick, you know? And you’re right. Once I’m done, it doesn’t seem quite as funny anymore."
Alex watched her walk back and forth as she went on a tangent he couldn’t follow. It was like he wasn’t even there, and she was continuing a conversation she’d been having with someone else. Like walking in halfway through a movie. “What do you mean? When you are doing what?” Alex asked. Violet didn’t seem to hear him. She just kept pacing, getting a little further from him each time she turned, until the mist seemed to settle on her shoulders as she walked. Alex stood to follow her, lest she drop out of sight, but she disappeared into the mist before he could.
She continued her strange rant as he took his first steps forward. “I can’t carry on like that, though. Don’t get me wrong, guilt has its uses, as does euphoria. But both have made me sloppy. After Derek, I think I got too confident about both. So when I killed Stephanie... well, I fucked up, didn’t I? I was so messy. I let you catch me. I let Daniel figure me out. Shit, even Aubrey was suspicious of me.” Each word she spoke seemed to come from a slightly different direction, as if she were still pacing. Alex quickened his step, trying to catch up with her, but he just couldn’t seem to close the gap.
“Violet? Violet, I’m losing you! I can’t find my way back on my own! Can you come back, please?” Alex asked. He saw a shadow moving toward him, and sighed as he walked to meet it. But it disappeared into the mist as soon as he did. Another moved behind him, back where the car was. He turned on his heel, but again it was gone. “Violet?” he called.
“Killing is gruesome work, you know. I’ll just say it. It’s gross. Nasty. People just have so many... fluids. And smells. Christ, Alex, the smells of some of them! Daniel was especially bad. Maybe that was because I had to get so close to him after, or because I had to be so messy about it. Or maybe it’s because I just scared him too much ahead of time. But, hell. He seriously stank! Anyway, I’m getting distracted,” Violet mused. “I suppose I get reflective at times like this. I really do need to get to the point. I’ve already been sloppy, and I’m resolving to do better—after this one. I don’t want anyone looking for us too early. You asked what was so funny, right? Well. Nothing in particular. It’s not so much that I’m amused. I’m just... liberated.”
“Violet, Daniel was crushed by crystal. Aubrey saw it! You know that!” Alex protested. He couldn’t process what she was saying. What she was implying. It wasn’t her. Violet wasn’t like this.
“Well, that’s true,” Violet admitted. “The point is, I feel free. Free from the contempt. The haughty looks and being disregarded. I am free to finally look down, instead of up. I am finally allowed to live exactly as everyone back in Roseville does. Everyone ever, I suspect. I am no longer the prey, you understand? The object of ridicule? I am no longer the one who must cower. I am in control. That is why I laugh. How could I not? As for the shame that follows this? I’ve decided that’s not mine. That’s what I’m supposed to feel, right? But that’s just what I’m told to feel. By everyone who thought I wasn’t worth the shit they stepped in to avoid me. I’ll use it, when I need it. But I will be in control. Not that guilt, and not the people who insist I deserve it.”
“Violet, you’re scaring me!” Alex cried. His heart was pounding in his chest. Her voice sounded like the white noise of an oncoming storm. There were more shadows now. Four or five, he thought. Definitely moving, and too large to be Violet. They had to be hedron, but he didn’t understand why she would let them get so close.
“I killed Caitlyn,” Violet replied easily. Like she was letting him know she’d brought home dinner. “Your mom. I killed her, just before I got on the train.” Alex froze.
A thousand thoughts and emotions warred for his tongue, but the only conclusion he would allow was simple. She was lying. She was angry, and she was lying. And she would bend Heaven and Earth to make it up to him later. Once she cleared her head. She always did. Always. She was Violet. “Vivi, this isn’t funny. I know you are mad, but it’s not funny!” Alex shouted.
“Do you know what you were doing? When your mother died?” Violet asked with a sing-song voice. “When I wrapped a rope around her neck, and slowly pulled her into the air while she was still struggling? Do you know what you were doing as she suffocated to death, knowing you had chosen me over her? Do you know what you were doing?”
Alex started to breathe harder. He didn’t understand why she was pushing so hard. She’d punished him with mean jokes before. With pranks that went a little too far. But this... with how fresh his grief was? With how worried he was about his mom? This wasn’t just mean. There was only one word to describe it. “Violet... Violet, this is cruel.”
Violet laughed from somewhere in the mist. The shadows got closer. “Yes, and roses are red. Roses are red, and Violet is cruel. Very well said,” she teased. “I’ll tell you what you were doing. You did the same thing you always do. The same thing you did when I was sent off as a sacrifice. The same thing you did when I went outside and fought a swarm of monsters. The same thing you did when I went to a nest and nearly died. You sat in the safest place you could find, and let someone you cared about suffer instead.”
Alex took a step forward, and was met by the ugly visage of a deer—practically a corpse—with crystal growing from near-rotten flesh. It had fangs of crystal that extended several inches from its chin, and it approached him with an uncanny calm. Behind him, another emerged, and then another. Alex couldn’t move. “Violet. Violet, I’m so sorry. Violet, I need help,” he pleaded. His voice trembled, and he had to push her words to the back of his mind.
“Goodbye, Alex. You were an awful boyfriend. Fuck you.”
These were the final words Alex Jiron heard before the hedron finally moved.
Putting the needles back in everywhere hadn’t been the most painful experience of her life. But she wasn’t going to regale her grandchildren with her fond memories of it, either. She’d made it back to the train, and the various papers and spills she’d left around each door to the main car were undisturbed. Which meant no one had been there when she was gone. Which meant Plan A. The safest plan, really. Get back in bed and fall asleep... with the needles.
No one would question where she’d been when they realized Alex was missing, at least. She felt good. She pressed her hand to the wall and watched the usual tree decorate it. She smiled at what she saw.
Violet AsherCategory [Red]Calling Degree {9}AttributesAgility (152)Constitution (72)Dexterity (123)Endurance (80)Perception (204)Resistance (99)Strength (59)Bloodlust (412)
It had worked. She hadn’t touched Alex once. Her clothes were clean, minus the dots of blood from pulling the needles out. That would be easy enough to explain. That barely mattered. What mattered was, Alex had been torn apart entirely by hedron. But at her will. She had avoided the gross bits, even if she’d witnessed them. But she had still gained the clarity. She had still made it to degree nine, and incredibly quickly.
She was going to be more careful in the future. More calculating. But if she didn’t have to kill her targets directly, well. She had a lot of options. And she hardly felt guilty at all. It was getting so easy to push that part of herself aside.
She smiled as she let her attributes fade from the wall. She let herself slowly drift to sleep. Soon, they’d realize Alex was missing. Then, they’d finally start the train again, and they’d be on their way to Prism City. And Violet?
Violet was in control.----------------------------------------------
That's the end of the chapter and, incidentally, book 1. (No break, book two starts Wednesday for patrons, no worries.) But it is time for a poll! You patrons do get extra votes, after all. You are also welcome to vote on the main chapter on Royal Road, which is chapter 27.Lots of great ideas for a bonus chapter so far! Some a little more vague, but I can work with that, lol.Everyone vote in the poll to decide which one I'll write this time! I only included options that got at least one (+1).I'll give this until Wednesdays chapter, then get to work on the outlining and writing the winning idea. There are 8 total options, and I've given each user the ability to vote 8 times. So you can vote for everything if you want to. Or just for the ones you like, if you like multiple.