[cyras backstory episode]
[Cyras v/o]: A life without purpose is not a life.
For as long as the monarchy has existed, we have been by their side. Generations of advisors and confidants, the only ones trusted to keep the kingdom’s best interests at the forefront. Through war, famine, treason, madness, we served. Until there was a King no longer, and we unravelled.
My grandfather, who kept the King’s council then, could not bear it. My father, who his whole life had been promised the seat at the right hand, followed suit. I, who had been hatched with the same expectations, suddenly had a life full of meaninglessness and freedom ahead of me, instead.
My family was content to wither, I was not. I managed the estate in their place, made sure everything was maintained should they ever wish to return to the world. And then, in pursuit of a reason to live, I joined the one calling acceptable for the child of a Crow noble - the Ashguard.
Full of hope that it might be a just and worthwhile vocation, I put my all into being the best, achieving the most, drinking down the stories fed to us and harbouring a new respect and admiration for our people. [gets tattoo]
Then one day a noble Crow family stopped to rest at our outpost and I overheard them speak of the missing Crow King, believed to have fled to Kooup, and their pursuit of him, and I knew at once what my purpose would be.
A great aunt of mine had been a Queensmaid, there had been rumors growing up that she had smuggled the Crow Queen’s last egg from the battle - rumors she had left an account of it even. Why the King would go to an island of Avians who hated him, I could not say. If not the King himself, then perhaps a descendant? It could have been possible. I appealed to the High Crow, begged him to allow us to intervene, to search. My pleas fell on deaf ears, and I knew I would have to do it alone.
I was surprised by the savagery of the Crows on Kooup. Why were they fighting amongst themselves? Didn't they know the stock they came from? The history, the pride of their origins? I learned that those who had come here on the search for the King had quickly perished, and knew I would have to discard all I was taught in order to survive it, and help those people who were my people, too.
I needed them to listen to me, first. And for that I needed power - power I could not obtain through brute force due to the oath I had taken for Ashguard. Fortunately, from my lessons during my childhood I knew that many voices were louder than one, and so I began to recruit.
Deacon was the first. An Avarian Eldwode, with his parents just-killed, he was reluctant but having known both worlds he could see there needed to be change, and eventually agreed to follow me. Through him I heard a chick had been found years ago, around the same time the Crow King rumors began, along with a sudden wave of Dove activity, and that had me suspecting something else had been found, too.
We watched over the chick, tried to keep him safe from Murder politics [eldwode house being burned]. Of course there were many Crow orphans, but his eyes were that of his grandmother’s, and all who knew and looked at him saw only hope. But he was headstrong and distrusting, and even when I recruited Neekia he did not follow. He grew older, and it became harder to keep him out of it all. Old Crows started disappearing, and I couldn’t wait any longer.
Years before, when I first came to Kooup, I met with the Director. Naively, I had thought our interests might align. Surely if the Crow Royal was on Kooup, she would want rid of them, and I wanted nothing more than to take them home and save our people. Instead, we found a neutral hatred in the Doves. She offered me a deal: keep her political opponents in check for her, in exchange for her keeping the Doves in check for us, and allowing Corvids to remain unchecked so long as they stay to Murder territories. She knew what my tattoo meant, and foolishly thought I could not be a threat to her. I agreed to it, because I foolishly thought she would keep her word.
I went to her again, asking her to take him away from the Murders and the Doves for a time. I could not show a special interest in him without rousing suspicion and placing a target on his back, and I could not tell him what I suspected because he was not ready, and because I could have been wrong. She was inclined to refuse, before I told her of the Osprey family just flown-in, and a certain Hybrid child they had brought with them that the brother was trying to smuggle back to Avarie. She agreed to take him to her academy, if I orchestrated the acquisition and hand off of the Hybrid in question. I agreed, but I was not as trusting as I had been before. [flashbacks of keelee being taken and the staged fight with the sallies]. I fledged him, claimed him to show her that should she go back on her word I would have reason to retaliate. I told him of a place to reflect, and watched as he went to the meeting place we had arranged. [ky and scra on the cliff] And hoped I wasn’t making a mistake.
It’s strange, when you play a part for so long you find yourself believing the act you’re putting on, too. I became stronger, less trusting, more justified in my ruthlessness. I saw the inequality, the hatred towards us, and I internalised it, and hated myself, too.
The Dole grew stronger, old Crows disappeared before I had a chance to rescue them, and there were more and more reports of Chimeras abandoned in the Wastelands, and so I rescued them too, and knew the Director had lied. I confronted her again, after those Guards followed us through the Strait [boat ride flashback]. She claimed ignorance, and told me she had been having old Crows arrested to keep them safe from the Dole, had been passing them off to Resistance when she could, even. She told me she wanted to know how I was getting them off-Island. I knew to tell her was to endanger the entire operation, so I didn’t, and burned that final bridge.
I needed a way of monitoring her, making sure she kept her word. I needed eyes on her every move.
We Crows are drawn to shiny things, and she was all gold. When she also presented a solution to my problem, I couldn’t help myself. [meeting tiraa]
The Director broke our treaty, and I knew it was every Avian for themself [temple being attacked].
The wedding had been more difficult than anticipated. Seeing her there, trapped by them, fear and rage in her eyes, I could barely contain myself. Her relief at my appearance hurt, too. The brand on my neck strangled me. [rescues tiraa from the dive]. I didnt feel the laser fire. [del shoots him]. I knew nothing after but cold. There was always a contingency plan, should I fall. I had hoped it would be due to death, and not those who put their trust in me discovering I had lied to them. But of course I had planned for that too, and as my Second Deacon disowned me and led them away, because keeping the Murder together was always the priority. And so, I was nothing.
I’m not sure how long it took before I realised they didn’t look at me with fear. [tiraa and keelee]. It had been so long since I had seen eyes free of it that I didn’t recognize it for what it was at first. The house by the lake was the first time in years I hadn't had to posture and threaten, and the weight on my shoulders felt heavier for it. The tattoo on my neck was a noose, and for all the freedom I had then, I couldn’t forget my people.
Sacrificing myself for them was the best outcome I could hope for, really. I always knew I would die with regrets - there was never a way around it now, I was too far gone, too heavy, too dark. My only hope is that everything I did had some impact, led to some kind of improvement in the world. Please let abandoning my family be for a good reason. Please let not kissing her once have been worth it. Please don’t let it all be for nothing, in the end.
[He looks up at the stars behind the barriers in the city as water goes over his head]
Cyras noooooooo.