"I'm just glad we were able to stop before I filled up the car completely, and could've gotten stuck inside...it was hard enough to stumble out as it is.
Don't ask me what we do now. From what I've read about this happening, there's not much anyone can do to stop it, so I suppose we're in no rush. I kind of don't want you to waste the money on an ambulance and ER visit...at this rate just call someone with a pickup truck and let me ride home in the back. The problem with THAT is...the awkward conversation with whoever we call...I know your cousin's got a pickup, but I'm not exactly ready for anyone I know to see me like this. You could take the car and go rent a moving truck for a day?
Oh, I'm so sorry this happened...I mean, I know it's not my fault, I was just really looking forward to the party too...and now you'll have to miss it on account of me and my big donkey ass. God, I hope it's not contagious...if I'm responsible for you turning too, I'd just...I-I'd..."