Morning came, and it didn't feel like the worst day of your life. It wasn't the best either... But somewhere in between...
It was like the day after a really terrible storm; everything was broken and trashed, and the sun was out, revealing the destruction…but at least the storm is over, and you can rebuild.
Your pack moved about, preparing breakfast, handling messages, and fixing their weapon or armour.
You had decided to collect things around your camp. It kept you busy. Unfortunately, it didn't keep your mind busy. You kept thinking about how quickly things had gone to shit.
You had slipped and fallen deep.
You had almost lost yourself.
You felt shame and guilt coil in your stomach.
The medicine was a quick fix; it made you feel so good. Euphoric even. It took away all your worries, sadness, trauma, and everything in between as soon as the liquid touched your belly... but you know that feeling was artificial.
It was fake.
Because all of those things were still there, it just made you not care. You can understand how easy it is to get addicted to such a thing. Sure, there weren't any health effects in this world, but someone could take advantage of you, or you might happily walk your way into death's embrace.
Seeing how much your pack was suffering was a wake-up call like no other. You could smell their scent much better now, see their stress weigh on their shoulders, their eyes sunken in, or discolored. You can see clearly now…the wreckage that all of this has caused. You were so caught up in what you thought was paradise that you hadn't seen the turmoil all around you.
Even Yuji and Megumi had a dampening scent.
Choso’s scent seemed neutral; either he was schooling his emotions or making sure you couldn't smell him. If you were a betting woman, you'd bet it was the latter.
That was one sign that you were getting close to needing your next dose. Seeing the truth all around you. No more veil to cover up the ugly. You started to hear the distant cries of the pups and the snickering whispers of the monsters that hide in your shadow. Your heart quickening as if it were about to burst through your chest... your limbs quivering as the cold sweats started to wash over. Your vision blurred as you tried to pick the herbs in front of you. It felt like your lungs were collapsing and making it harder to breathe, your ribcage too tight.
'I need...'
Your first thought was going to be I need to take more… but you quickly closed your eyes and breathed deeply. Channel that inner yoga practice.
In one... two... three... four- out your mouth- five...six...seven...eight... and again...big inhale…
"Are you okay?"
You opened your eyes to find Gojo crouched before you, his expression worried.
You released a heavy sigh, "I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable...trying to see if I can get my body to relax..." You felt woozy, your knees hitting the ground as you continued your breathing.
"…You do have one more bottle of the Lava grass..." Gojo spoke cautiously, almost as if he were uneasy suggesting another dose.
For good reason, of course…
"Lava grass…I never heard of lava grass?"
Gojo laughed nervously, "HahUh- I might be saying it wrong... I think it was lava grass or lavander leaves…something- Look, I know it starts with a 'l'."
You pondered what in the world he could be talking about, but then you cock your head to the side, "You mean lavadagra leaves?"
Your alpha snapped, "Yeah, that! You heard about it in the game? Getou said Shoko doesn't tell people since it's a witch's concoction. But she uses it to block off any negative emotions, so it's good for omegas who have dropped or who are having a difficult time like you..."
You blinked in shock that your situation was even comparable to that of an omega dropping.
Did you slip that far?
“That’s crazy…but um…the first time I heard about it was with the elder witch." You scoff in disgust, "She wanted me to drink that stuff so I would be alright with that slug taking Sukuna. I can see where the discourse comes from." You hated to think that even in your most euphoric state, you would allow Sukuna to be taken away from you. But with how you were feeling on the medicine, you might have. The idea left a stale taste in your mouth. Grimacing, you say, “I never want that stuff again, throw it out.” You shift to lean into the tree next to you, closing your eyes as you go back to getting yourself under control.
“You don't want it?” Gojo questioned, surprised, but then quickly said, “That’s great -actually, but is there anything I can do to help you?”
You don’t open your eyes as you reach forward, “Hold my hands and breathe with me…”
“…” You heard the alpha shift as he sat down and grabbed your hands, and repeated your motions.
“A practice…” You speak softly, “…in my world to keep yourself grounded….you point out things for your five senses... Some of the things I hear and feel are not necessarily real, so I need you to help me…”
“I can do that.” Your alpha answered confidently, ready for his mission.
“Good… your hands...” you rub his fingers with your thumb, “…They are soft and have a coolness to them…”
“Those are real, those be my hands.”
“Ha-” you let out a sharp laugh- your chest ached as if it hadn’t felt that muscle move in a long time. “-Yes…and your smell…” you lean forward, breathing deeply, “…Sweet and sugary…like my favorite candy…with a little bit of burnt to it… just a hint…”
“Ah- i-i haven't bathed in a while sorry-”
“It’s okay... It’s very slight, you still smell really good. BO in this world is NOT the same in my world. Trust me.” You open your eyes to look at your alpha, to see how his blue gaze glistens in the rays of the sun that cut through the trees. “…and I see…”
Tiredness- pain- and fear-
“My ocean eyes?” Gojo questioned with a swift flutter of his lashes.
You let out your second laugh of the day, “Yes, your ocean eyes….” You lift your hands to cup his face, “…I’m sorry, Gojo… I’m sorry for leaving you.”
“It wasn't for long- well, it was long- it wasn't exactly- but it was for me- never mind, just don't leave me again.” He smiled, but it wasn't as bright and shiny as it had been before.
You brought yourself closer to kiss him gently; it held no lust, no sexual need- it was a loving kiss. A sweet kiss to convey your emotions. “I love you, Satoru….” but just in case he didn't feel it in your lips, you told him.
He had wrapped his arms around you, dragging you close to him, “I love you…never leave me again- I’ll kill myself if you do-“ he kept kissing and nuzzling you affectionately.
You hadn’t the slightest doubt that he would act on his threat and his deranged comments about kidnapping the pups and forcing them to love you.
He loved you so much that he would become a monster.
For the sake of your alphas and the world, you had to fix your crown and take control again.
You had noticed in your peripheral vision that the others were gathered around the center, getting food. A few of them were looking your way as they whispered, probably about interrupting your nuzzling session so you could eat.
Pulling back from Gojo you say, “I think breakfast is ready.”
“Coo.” Your alpha looked over his shoulder, then jumped up, helping you. “Wait, you never did taste.”
“I did, I tasted my alpha, who is the sweetest thing in the world.”
Gojo smacked his lips as if sampling his own spit, “Yeah, that’s right too, but you taste the sweetest to me.” He grinned. “My favorite thing to eat, actually.”
“Ha~” You let out a small burst of laughter, and Gojo pumped his fist.
“That’s three!” He shouted as you got to the others.
“Three what?” Nanami questioned while handing you a plate of food.
“Three times I’ve made her laugh today!” Gojo looked so proud of himself.
“That’s good, and you were out of your nest much earlier.” The way Nanami spoke made you feel bashful.
They were counting each step.
Each brick that you were placing to rebuild, no matter how small.
You sat down shyly, saying, "Thanks..."
“Here… this is the last dose.” Getou handed you the small bottle, but you waved it away.
“I don't need it.”
“You-don't?” He questioned.
“If she doesn’t want it, don’t force it.” Sukuna snatched the medicine before you could even take back your answer and tossed it to Toji so he could put it away.
It didn't hurt your feelings in any way. “Yeah, I’m done with that. I’ll be fine.”
“Are you still hearing things?” Yuji questioned cautiously.
“Yes…and I still have some other symptoms, but… I’m going to try to fight through them…” You picked up your chopsticks, struggling to grab your food and eat. After the meat slipped from your hold the third time...
…Toji spoke up from across the fire, “Do you-…um…need help eating?” Near the end, his voice became small, his gaze falling to the ground.
You were going to deny him so you could try to feed yourself, but given everything that's been going on, you don't want him to think you hated him. "You can help me, but I still want to try as well.“
"Of course." Toji came over to sit next to you, eating his food while you attempted to eat yours. He would offer you some food when you needed to take a break. And when you finally put a piece of food into your mouth, you felt accomplished as he congratulated you.
"Nice job baby. I knew you could do it.”
It felt like another brick.
You looked up at Toji and gave him a sorrowful gleam, "I'm sorry..." you whispered, caressing his cheek where you had slapped him.
"Don't worry about it..." Though there was no mark on his face, you knew the internal wound would not heal overnight.
The chatter amongst everyone was lighter than usual, but it was better than no noise at all.
You were concentrating on eating, but after you got some food in your stomach, you looked at Yuji, who was telling a story about a bar he and Megumi had played for. Apparently, the owner was so mean and disrespectful to a customer that Yuji purposefully played badly to send the rest of the patrons running. And he still took the money.
He definitely had his brother's pettiness.
"You should have kicked his ass." Sukuna scoffed.
"I did enough damage to his business!" Yuji retorted.
"Mental warfare is just as good as physical." Getou chuckled.
"Ah! See!" Yuji pointed with his chopsticks. The shift made you realize what was around his neck this whole time.
You blinked in recognition, speaking your words of curiosity, "Is that a sub collar?"
"Huh?" Yuji looked at you and then pulled on the subject of the matter, "-Oh this! Yeah! I was wearing it just in case I turn into a worm."
"A worm?" You echoed.
Megumi jumped in, annoyed, "He thinks he's going to become a worm."
"I tried to explain to my brother that we are offspring of a hero." Choso added, "But he still has his reservations."
"Brother?" You questioned with a raised eyebrow, "Wait-Choso is your brother?"
"No!" Sukuna shouted.
"Well, they have the same star...so~" Gojo waved his hand in a circle.
"Who-? What? What are you guys talking about?" You uttered.
What the hell did you miss?
"Ahem!" Getou stood up dramatically, "I! Your brilliant-sexy-smart-" He hit a pose and tossed his hair with each adjective, you could almost hear and see the sparkles. The anime wow noise in the background.
"Wait...Getou, maybe we should hold off on unloading a bunch of information on her..." Nanami suggested.
"Yeah...she can barely even eat..." Toji spoke.
"Oh..." Getou had stopped, his earlier excitement extinguished in an instant.
"He can continue; this is helping me focus on other things." You gestured for your alpha to resume, and his fire was rekindled.
"Right!" He clapped his hands twice, each one sharp, "Test subjects!"
"They have names, you know?" Megumi stated as Yuji and Choso stood up with no complaints.
"Silence! I am working here. Assistant." he snapped his fingers at Nanami, who also had no objections about his role. Your blonde handed Getou something that he tucked in his sleeve like a magic trick. "Now! Behold!" He then splashed liquid onto Choso and Yuji, both boys had the same patterns appear, and as it moved inward, they shifted their clothes to reveal the star upon their chests before it disappeared.
Getou standing by as if he just revealed his greatest trick.
"Woooah." Your mouth was left open. You were, in fact, amazed.
"And that's not all my pretty~...subjects the book now."
Choso looked a little nervous as he said, "I hope you do not become upset, but I did steal this from the witches..." He brought out the stone book that no one but you had been able to pick up.
"H-how the hell?" You were shocked once again.
"I just walked in and took it; they had no security." Choso answered, thinking you meant how he stole the book.
"She's not talking about that, my silly subject." Getou wagged his finger. "The-"
"-That's not the craziest part, Yuji can also hold the book-" Gojo cut in, but Getou hushed him.
"Sh!"
But you already heard what he said.
"Yuji, you can pick up Mahoraga, too?" You point.
"Yep!" The boy took the book while Getou continued with a bit of attitude (disliking that everyone was taking his shine away).
"Yes, they both can hold Mahoraga and speak with him."
"Oh, what the fuck." Your brain felt like it was spinning, but all of this was definitely keeping it busy. "How? How can only the three of us pick it up? We don't have much in common. Our curse energy isn't the same, and I don't think any of us are summoners."
Getou nodded, looking like he was ready for you to stop speaking so he could drop another bomb on this case, "You are correct, this Shikigami refers to you as a Star Hero, and he calls them worthy spawns. What is a spawn?"
"An offspring." You answered without hesitation, "So you two are children of a star hero- or heros- maybe there are multiple heroes?"
"Precisely, what I was thinking." Getou nodded.
"Is...Raven my mom?" Yuji looked at you with wide, twinkling eyes as you let out an incredulous laugh.
"I don't think so honey."
"Yuji, you fucking idiot, my omega is not your mother!" Sukuna growled. You could tell he was mad about this situation.
The two people he probably hated the most were considered worthy, and not him. Oh yeah, he was spewing right about now.
"Aw man~." Yuji pouted.
"Did you want Raven to be your mom?" Choso whispered.
"It would have been cool."
"What even is a star hero?" Megumi questioned, while looking at you, as if the longer he stared, the answer would pop up. "Like what makes you one?"
"What makes me a star hero..." You drifted off, wondering the same thing.
Getou grinned, "I believe that my omega is a star hero because she's a beautiful woman who is so breathtaking, it's like she's from another planet- here to protect the people. The cosmos must be paving her way forward."
"Haha, funny, but seriously." Megumi thought Getou was joking, but you were able to catch what he was truly saying.
Your alpha believed that since you came from another world and played this game, you were considered a star hero.
"You think she was sent from the stars?" Gojo questioned, confused, but Nanami bumped him with his elbow, giving him the 'I'll fill you in later ' look.
You furrowed your brows, "So- so there's others...like me-what-what ever I am..."
"Just as beautiful? Absolutely not. But perhaps you are not the only one..." Getou walked toward you and knelt. "...May I see your arm?"
"Sure..." You gave him your hand, and he dropped a bit of the liquid on your skin. The same thing had happened before, coils of light and dark energy made up your body as if it were the very bones and fibers themselves. "...What do you think this means?"
"...I was too busy with Sukuna and his shenanigans that I never took the time to look... When this stuff touches any of us, nothing is really shown but you..." he moved your hand around, inspecting it. "...It's like you were created from pure magic."
You looked at your hand, staring at it in bewilderment. You thought it was just your curse energy, but now that you looked, it seemed to be a blend of colors.
What the hell were you?
Getou placed your hand in your lap, patting you gently, "...I know...you have gone through enough darling...But I feel Mei Mei could help us answer some questions..." His voice was much softer now, his performance over.
"The choice is entirely up to you..." Toji added, "...But no matter what you pick... it doesn't make you a failure...."
"I would personally execute anyone who believes otherwise." Sukuna added with a harsh undertone.
That's right...
Your insecurity had come to light during your darkest time.
It was heartwarming...and painful to bear such ugliness and have your alphas all still around you. None of their love had gone away. No love points were lost. No points were ever lost with them.
Having such a love like this was both frightening and mystical. They would take whatever version of you that you'd give them. But you felt you wanted to be the best version of you... for them and yourself.
You stared at your hand until your skin was back to normal. Taking a deep breath, you raise your head to address your pack. "I know...these last few days have been...something... sorry... Yuji and Megumi... that you had to... um witness all of this..."
"It's ok! At least you didn't tell me I played like a donkey's ass..." The boy spoke as he pouted a little at the end.
"Do you know what a donkey is?" Megumi questioned.
"It held a bad connotation!" Yuji pointed out.
"Oh, it's like a dokko!" Gojo answered.
"Ah- well- that was- I-" You looked at the others, not knowing what to say about Raven from the past.
"She was sick then." Choso defended you. "She's gotten a lot better now."
"Yes...that's why we want to speak with Mei Mei to see who cured her." Nanami offered the boys.
"Oh~ ok ok." Yuji nodded.
"That is...if we are to go there." Nanami nodded to you.
"Ah...yes..." You got back to your speech, clearing your throat. "I am also sorry to my alphas, sorry that you had to deal with me the way I was...but no matter what we are going through, the world will keep going with or without us..." You winced a bit as a scream pierced your ear; no one else reacted to it, so you knew it was not real. "...but." You took a deep breath. "...We must continue pushing forward. And we must keep going, or else we get left behind. The only comfort is having each other...picking each other up as we continue along... sometimes you may need me to pick you up but this time I needed you all to do that for me...so thank you...Thank you for helping me... but I'm ready to move on my own now. So my choice is to go to Mei Mei..."
Getou nodded, a soft smile on his lips, "Alright..."
"You heard the commander! Mei Mei's it is!"
"Let us finish breakfast, and we will head out immediately."
"Raven, can you do my hair like you did my brother's?"
"HE IS NOT YOUR BROTHER!"
"Someone is jealous~"
"I always wanted a brother."
"Am I not good enough Satoru?"
You let out another laugh at the pure chaoticness of your pack.
"THAT'S FOUR-FOUR FOUR FOUR!"
"That was technically my laugh actually."
"I made Raven laugh too!" Yuji beamed.
"She laughed at your stupidity."
"Still counts!"
~
Each step forward was easier than the step before.
The next stop, your alphas had surprised you with a performance of one of your comfort shows. Nanami had attempted to replicate one of your favorite desserts that you have talked about missing, while Toji and Sukuna set up a cozy set of pillows and blankets for you to have the best spot in the house (forest). Megumi and Yuji played dramatic effects and sounds while Gojo, Getou, and Choso played the characters. Choso made sure Gojo and Getou knew the correct names, and if they messed up, he would shout at them.
He ran a tight ship.
You laughed most of the time at their silliness and how they portrayed the stories that you'd tell them. It was interesting to see it in their eyes; it was their own version. Their super over-the-top dramatic version.
It made it all the more special.
…And the bricks kept stacking.
…A day and a half has passed…
Things were still a bit awkward, and there were still echoes of pain…but it was getting better, and that’s all you could hold on to. You did your best to stay busy and be helpful.
Talking to Getou and theorizing has been your favorite pastime. Knowing that there may be others like you fills you with hope. You felt a sort of kinship towards them. Maybe you had already met a few and never realized.
It would explain why some things were similar to your world. Like the play that reminded you of The Last of Us, it could have been influenced by other Star Heroes. This was a theory that both you and Getou crafted together.
The whole thing gave you a sense of purpose. Like you were the avatar, and the other star heroes are watching over you. Maybe you were brought here by Tengen himself. That one was a small theory and joke, because Getou believes Tengen blessed his years of good behavior with you.
The tremors and screams have become quieter but at times the shadows could get loud. They were a part of your personal issues and not due to your motherly omega spirit dying from being away from her pups. Funny enough, Gojo threatening them quieted them down real quick.
So it was good.
You were feeling more yourself...just with a few things here and there.
As you were helping Nanami with cooking your hand had started shaking. You settled down for a moment, silently trying to keep it under control since Yuji was busy telling you a story.
That has been another one of your activities. Listening to the bizarre adventures of the bard Yuji Itadori. You had no idea the boy had such a crazy life. He had to be one of the most interesting side characters you had ever had the pleasure of speaking with. Of course, you aren’t surprised that you haven’t heard his activities because of Sukuna trying to keep his brother as far away from him as possible.
Nanami, however, had noticed your little trouble, grabbing your hand gently. “You okay?”
The attention caught Gojo, who was resting in the camp. He had his eyes closed but popped up as soon as he heard Nanami ask you that question.
“Those things messing with you?” He questioned holding his hand up like a gun ready to threaten the shadows back in their cage.
“No, I’m fine, sorry Yuji. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” You smile at the boy, but he is not convinced.
“It’s all good, I want to make sure you are fine.“The boy looked toward Nanami to see if his assessment of you passed the test.
Your blonde could feel the way your hand shook in his hold, “Would you like to name your six senses? Gojo said that it helps.”
“Don’t worry this one isn’t too bad- six? You mean five?” You questioned.
“We have six. The sixth sense is your curse energy.”
Gojo smacked his lips. “I was going to point that out, but I wasn’t sure if I was being stupid.”
“How the heck do I use my chakra as a sense?”
“You allow it to connect with the things..like our curse energy or the energy of nature itself. It’s all around you. But I wouldn't connect with just anyone, it's a kind of itimate action.”
"Yeah like when you taste me heh." Gojo grinned.
"Oh..." You blinked in surprise, learning more about this world.
“Did you not learn about it in pup school?” Yuji asked.
“Um, no I guess not in my school… I’d like to try it.” You looked toward Nanami for guidance.
“I can show you… Gojo…”
“I can watch the food.” Your alpha rolled his eyes.
“Don’t get distracted. Now…” Your alpha sat beside you. “Remember when you first practiced your magic? When you actually felt it?”
“Sort of…the first time I had touched my curse energy was when I was home… it kind of tickled me on my arms when I was searching for it.”
“Ok, well, instead of feeling for it, you want to bring it in and then let it blend with your surroundings.”
“Um…so like…touch my curse energy to everything around me?”
“Kind of like that…but you are using yourself as the conduit. The curse energy comes through you.”
“Ok, let me see…” You concentrated on your curse energy, trying to bring it in with your hands.
“No, no…" Nanami touched your arm, "You shouldn’t have to hold it.”
“Mm…” You set your hands in your lap, searching for your cursed energy without actually feeling for it.
As you sit with your eyes closed, Nanami spoke softly to not disturb your concentration, “This is what I do… when I try to reach that energy that is too far from me…yours should be much closer… absorb it within yourself. Try to suck it up...like a sponge..."
You felt your hand start to vibrate. It was sharp and abrupt.
“Oh! I think I feel it. Now what do I do?”
“Hm..." Nanami had cocked his head. I don’t sense your energy. Are you sure you have it?”
“My hand is buzzing is that not part of it, or is that just another symptom?” You held your hand up and smelt-
“Evening everyone~.” Getou strolled into camp with Megumi in tow.
The two dropped off baskets of vegetables and fruits.
“Evening!” Yuji greeted.
“Hey Getou, where are the others?” You looked behind him, wondering what happened to the other half of your pack.
“They are doing that grotesque training.” Getou stuck his tongue out in disgust.
“Gojo did you not flip the meat?” Megumi pointed as the alpha hissed.
“Gojo!”
“Why did you let him cook the food?”
“Yeah, Nanami why would you let me do that!”
Your blonde sighed, “It was only for a moment, I was trying to teach Raven how to use her sixth sense.”
You were looking at the ingredients the others had brought, but saw no fruit or vegetables that matched what you were smelling. “Does anyone smell popcorn?” Usually, when you were hallucinating, you’d smell sweet things that reminded you of the pups, but this smell did not correlate to either of them.
The others looked at each other, “No…” each person shook their head carefully so as not to startle you with this new ailment.
"Kay, just me being schizo...huh..." You felt the buzzing stop. "...It stopped."
"That's good right?"
"Yeah...I guess, but I didn't do anything to make it-oh! It's going again!" You held your hand out wondering why this new ailment was occuring.
"What does it feel like?"
"Like...a-Oh my-“ You quickly touched your eyes and spoke the spell to reveal the truth.
Your hand was pulsing with the signal arcs, over and over again, going in time with the vibration.
"What?"
"What is it?"
Getou was next to you with his eyes activated as well. The two of you looked at each other knowingly.
"I-I think someone is calling me."
And by someone, you mean Mahito.
⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊☽ ◯ ☾₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆
Chef Note:
So sorry for this late meal, this week... You know what this year has been, something I tell you.
But you know we just keep on chugging and keep on riding the train we call life. And have our moments of peace and enjoy the little things when we can. Personally, I would just like to thank you guys for being amazing people. I love this kitchen, and I hope you know I'm always trying to cook the best for you to show how much I love you all. Sometimes (a lot of times I'm sensitive, ok) I even cry at your comments, you are all too sweet Q=Q~!
But I hope you are all doing well and drinking plenty of water~ Chef's orders <3
The title is a reference to the Paramore song " Brick by Boring Brick" and I think it matches perfectly with reader's situation.
Of course everything isn't 100% better and there is still some residue left but we are making strides to a better tomorrow. And now Mahito is calling, I wonder what he could possibly want :v