Chapter 16:
She made her way downstairs, fully rested. Meditation was a wonderful art, that allowed one to set aside their worries and achieve a fulfilling rest regardless of what troubled them. She was very glad she put in the effort to master it long ago, as since she had she had never suffered from a restless sleep.
Still, she remembered the parting she had with her travelling companion last night, meaning that when she stepped into the bar of the inn that made up the ground floor, she paused at the sight of him. He was sitting at a table for two, the seat opposite empty as he ate a bowl of normal, unadorned porridge. The rest of the Bar was deserted, most of the inn’s inhabitants having either already left or not even awake yet.
She moved over to him, already thinking through how to navigate this conversation in her head as she walked. The man was frustrating to deal with, a mess of contradictions. Still, she believed that her experience would triumph in the end. No one had resisted her before, and that record would not be broken by him.
She had made the realisation of what he desired out of their courtship after he had left last night, but he had a very odd way of going about achieving said desire. He wanted a companion, an equal, yet he deflected any attempt to get closer to him, to understand him more. She didn’t even know what his favourite food was!
How was she meant to give him a treat if she didn’t know what would work as one? You can’t reward good behaviour with confusion.
It was no wonder that she had thought that he wanted a physical relationship, with the arms length he kept her at. It was the only route she had left open to her to bridge that gap, yet his complete lack of interest in that was simply insulting.
The man really needed to just tell her what he wanted.
Her plans fled the moment he looked up and laid eyes on her, a resolute look passing through his expression as he squared up his shoulders, speaking just as she reached the table.
“I apologise.” Whatever she had been expecting, these being his first words was definitely not it, “Your actions brought up bad memories, but reacting like that towards you was unfair. I am truly sorry.”
He bowed, as low as he could on the awkward bar seating.
She dearly wished that she could use her fan without giving away who she was, a sadistic rush of victory running through her, though it was heavily tinged by her confusion.
“Oya, why are you apologising like a scolded pup?” She questioned, mind racing, “It makes me most curious what happened to that wild beast from last night.”
He rose from his bow, nodding seriously, “That is what I am apologising for. I have been unfair to you, both yesterday and before.”
He indicated the other seat, a clear invitation for her to hear him out. She decided to accept, sliding into the vacant seat and crossing her hands atop her lap, fixing him with a placid look.
“Is this related solely to our discussion that erupted so? Or does it go beyond that?” She enquired, causing him to rub the back of his neck, obviously uncomfortable.
“I… I’ve been treating this not as I should have.” He explained, obviously finding difficulty in explaining himself, a rarity in all that she had observed, “I’ve approached this relationship in the wrong way. As a task to be completed, not as an actual organic, growing bond. I’ve been intentionally keeping you at a distance.”
“I know. It is part of what vexed me so. I puzzled out what you wish from your words, but your hands do things that run against what your mouth says.” She replied, “We have known each other for months, yet I find you more as an acquaintance than a lover. Is it any wonder we misunderstand each other when you guard your heart like a vault?”
“Fair enough.” He nodded, “Sorry, again.”
“Umu.” She nodded, this conversation not at all taking the path she had expected.
She had planned to guide him to the truth of him closing himself off, having him come out and reveal that he had reached the realisation without her even starting was… Different. She was curious what his next move would be.
Would he continue? Or seek to break off his pursuit of her?
He took a bit of his porridge, swallowed then started speaking, “I have kept a lot of my past from you. Where I am from, there are large collections of knowledge, like the grand library of San Illia. There, scholars and learned men of many fields gather to impart wisdom. We called them Universities.”
She leant forwards, intrigued at his tactic. So he would continue, but attempt to fix his approach? Persistence was an admirable trait.
“I assume you were a patron of one of these institutions?” She pressed.
“As a student, yes. To attain recognition of completing the academic guidance, they required that you picked a Major and two Minors. The Major subject is the one that you focused most of your attention on, the one that was explored in the most depth, while the Minor existed to broaden your horizons, so you were not focused on your chosen subject to the detriment of all else.”
“Clever. Most lack the wisdom to not overly focus themselves.” She spoke, having an inkling of where his wide knowledge had come from now, “I take it you studied the Histories of your people?”
“As a Minor yes. There were certain subjects that we called the STEM fields, that were in high demand in our country, so anyone studying them was almost guaranteed to receive a well-paying job once they left University.” He explained, causing her brow to furrow.
She was expecting him to reveal something about himself, but this was all rather abstract and not related to him directly. Unless…
“I studied Chemistry as my Major, basically advanced Alchemy, and Information Sciences as the other Minor, like the systems I told you about before.” He told her, getting her to nod.
“So it appeared that your studies were fruitful?” She decided to play along, letting him guide the conversation as he pleased.
Should it lead nowhere though, she would be most aggrieved.
“In a way. The thing is STEM was not particularly… Attractive, to the women in my country. Most of the men who went into the fields had low prospects as a mate when they are young, such as when we go to University.” he clenched his fist around the spoon, before slowly releasing it, “I studied swordsmanship as a hobby and took classes that taught me how to fight, so I was fitter than average. Looking back on it, that is likely why Becca sought me out.”
“Becca? Was that the name of your lover?” she questioned, watching as the tension within him built, the most emotionally volatile she could remember him being. She felt her hackles raise at the sight.
“Yes. Our relationship ended before I came here but… It did not go well. At all. The way you acted last night reminded me of her, so I lashed out. That was unacceptable.” His eyes were fixed on the table, not looking at her.
It did little to stop her from seeing the storm that the topic summoned in his eyes, however. Her tails curled tighter around each other at the sight.
“...Do you wish to tell me about her?” She questioned, finding her curiosity most piqued.
She went over her actions last night, trying to find the ones that caused such a reaction, but she didn’t find any that particularly stuck out. Perhaps her attempt to grab him? Did their relationship end with a fight? She doubted it, as he merely restrained her after, but did not strike her.
“No.” The voice was firm, “Not yet. But you deserved an explanation.”
The clenched fist around the spoon relaxed, but the tension in his shoulders remained as he let out a tired laugh, “Even if it is one as poor as this one. I apologise, again.”
She stared at him, taking in his posture, the expression on his face. To still have such an effect on him, this far removed…
“May I at least ask how long you were with her?” She tilted her head as she spoke, determining the most likely reason behind his depth of feeling.
“…Eleven years.” He answered, smiling wryly as he pre-empted her next question, “I’m twenty eight.
“Just under half your life.” She pondered that.
Eleven years were nothing to one such as her, of course. She could barely remember people she had known for a far longer time than that, earlier in her life. However, she knew how time weighed on humans. If he spent the majority of those eleven years miserable… then his reaction made some sort of sense to her.
She pondered what this woman had done. She could only presume, based on what she knew from Monsters, but could it be something like the Spiders who didn’t immediately kill their prey? Cruel, sadistic, torturing him? Why didn’t she see that when she read his mind in that case?
Subtly, she stared at his arms, revealed as they were by his short sleeved shirt. No trace of scars there, perhaps they were elsewhere on his body? She found herself wondering why she cared so much, pausing in her examination.
Was she… feeling territorial?
It was a rather normal instinct for Monsters against human women, but this instance seemed a bit ridiculous.
She shook her head, deciding to put the matter to rest, for now. ‘Not yet’, she remembered him saying. That meant that he expected to eventually be close enough to tell her. That means she could afford to wait.
“Once thing I heard before.” He spoke, unsure, “Is that relationships need communication to work. In that vein, may I ask what exactly annoyed you so much as well? Just to ensure assumptions don’t persist.”
Ah, she had been caught up in her own thoughts. She turned to regard him, meeting his gaze.
“Your lack of desire for me. We Kitsune pride ourselves on our attractiveness, it’s our most valuable trait. To have someone who claims to be my husband completely disregard it was a great insult.” She explained to him.
She waved her tails, fanning them behind her and inviting him to follow them with his gaze.
“Ah, I though it was something like that.” He looked uncomfortable, but at the same time, resolved, ‘In that case, allow me to reassure you. I do find you very attractive, Tamamo. I will do better to show it from now on.”
To prove his words, he deliberately looked past her, admiring the show she was putting on with her intricate motions. She could still not smell his desire, but it was a start.
“Umu.” She nodded again, ears moving at the motion, “Then you are forgiven. Allow me to offer my own apologies for pushing you like that, it was not my intention to bring dark memories to the surface.”
“I completely forgive you, you couldn’t have known.” He replied, some of the tension leaving him at that, “Peace?”
He extended an open hand towards her. She laughed, accepting it.
“Peace.”