"Ahahaha! Greetings, unfortunate victims!" The Weequay's voice exploded from the hologram with startling enthusiasm, filling the cockpit with enough energy to make it feel as though he were physically present. He pointed dramatically toward us, his grin widening. "It is my greatest pleasure to inform you that you are about to be robbed by Hondo Ohnaka, Pirate Extraordinaire!"
For a brief moment, silence reigned, the three of us simply staring at the projection.
Leila regarded the pirate with immediate suspicion and visible disgust, her eyes narrowing as if she were trying to determine the quickest way to remove his head from his shoulders, Raksh stared blankly, most likely having not fully understood what the pirate said due to his lack of previous contact with the idea of piracy, and me…well, I found myself smiling.
I simply couldn't help it — there was something refreshingly honest about the entire situation.
As I had grown stronger and more influential throughout my life, adventures had become increasingly complicated affairs, full of ancient horrors, galaxy-spanning conspiracies and superweapons capable of exterminating entire civilizations. Eventually, every conflict inevitably became tied to the fate of entire star systems, which was certainly fun in its own way, but also very exhausting.
As such, there was something almost nostalgic about meeting a pirate whose opening move was cheerfully announcing his intention to rob me, a honest man proudly declaring that he wanted my belongings.
"Well!" I exclaimed, spreading my arms wide. "Then I suppose it's my greatest pleasure to be robbed!"
Hondo froze upon hearing my answer, clearly not expecting such a response, but then he burst into another fit of laughter, clearly delighted.
"Finally! Someone reasonable!" He exclaimed, slapping his knee, and pointed accusingly at nothing in particular. "Usually, people are needlessly offended in these situations and make the entire affair about themselves."
"I know, right?" I nodded sympathetically.
Many of my own captives throughout the years had displayed a shocking lack of cooperation. Well, Voidhound had been pleasant enough, admittedly, but I remained convinced he had allowed himself to be captured, something supported by the amount of havoc he later caused aboard my ship.
"It's like nobody appreciates the effort the pirate has to make anymore." Hondo shook his head mournfully. "Always thinking only about themselves! As if their problems are somehow more important than mine."
"Exactly." I nodded wisely. "They knew the risks."
"THANK YOU!" Hondo looked genuinely vindicated. "I am saying that all the time! People today simply lack perspective and professionalism the art of piracy deserves!”
For a brief moment, I felt as though we had known each other for years.
"What is your name, friend?" Hondo asked after a moment, comradery blooming. “I would loathe to not learn the name of a man after my own heart.”
"Adas Kallig, a pleasure to meet you.” I offered him a pleasant smile in response.
Truthfully, I was already beginning to reconsider the possibility of killing Hondo Ohnaka.
The man had style, something I really appreciated about my enemies. Fighting pirates was always entertaining, of course, and it would also provide Raksh and Leila an opportunity to gain experience working together in combat. Still, after all his crewmates were dead, perhaps I could refrain from murdering this particular pirate.
As a treat.
The reaction to my name was immediate. Hondo blinked twice, the name clearly meaning something for him, then his eyes widened slightly. The smile remained firmly planted on his face, but something shifted, the carefree enthusiasm still there, yet now accompanied by something close to recognition.
The pirate muted the transmission and for a moment I watched him turn away from the holoprojector and begin speaking frantically to someone outside the field of view. His hands moved animatedly as he spoke, pointing first toward me, then toward something beside him.
A few seconds later, Hondo turned back toward us and the audio returned.
"Adas Kallig, you say?" Hondo inquired, his eyes flicking sideways again. The pirate appeared to be comparing something. "One that might also be one of those Sith fellows going around calling himself Darth Imperius?"
Oh? Well, that was interesting. It seemed my recent activities were already beginning to create ripples.
How fun.
"The very same." I inclined my head politely, a courteous Sith that I was. "Darth Imperius, Dark Lord of the Sith, conqueror of many things and slayer of even more. At your service."
For several seconds, Hondo simply stared…then he erupted into laughter so violent that he nearly fell from his chair.
"Ahahahaha!" He slapped the armrest repeatedly then pointed at me. "Then forget everything I just said!"
I raised an eyebrow.
"Oh?"
"I may be a pirate, my friend, but I am not an idiot!" Hondo spread his arms dramatically, then hesitated. “Well, actually, I’m not THAT much of an idiot…regardless, I have absolutely no desire to rob a Sith! From what I hear, you people carry those glowing swords called lightsabers and nothing good has ever followed the phrase 'challenge the man with the glowing sword'."
For a moment he seemed to ponder something, then his entire expression brightened.
"Instead, how about you come aboard my ship?" He asked, leaning forward eagerly. "I would love to share drinks with such an impressive fellow!" He placed a hand over his chest. "Almost free of charge, even!"
I couldn't help but chuckle.
"Well." I said, amused by the Weequay’s audacity. "I suppose I can't refuse an offer like that."
"Excellent!" Hondo declared, practically vibrating with excitement. "I shall inform my crew to prepare the hangar immediately! Do not disappoint me, my friend!"
Then the transmission ended and the hologram vanished, silence returning to the cockpit. For several moments, nobody spoke, but then Leila stepped closer.
"My lord." The Twi'lek spoke, her voice carrying a deep suspicion. "It is obviously a trap. A scoundrel like him would not invite someone as glorious as you aboard his vessel without an ulterior motive."
I looked at her quizzically.
"Well, of course it's a trap." I said, shrugging. It was very obvious that Hondo Ohnaka was scheming something, but I didn’t see how that changed anything.
"If you know it is a trap, then why would you go?" Leila sounded genuinely curious, eager to hear my wisdom.
For a moment, I considered how best to explain it, then I settled on the truth.
"Leila..." I explained solemnly. "I refuse to become the sort of man who turns down free drink out of self-preservation…it is simply not someone I wish to be."
There was no reasonable argument against such flawless logic.
***
Soon after Adas Kallig stepped aboard the Fortune and Glory, Hondo Ohnaka learned two very important things: First, the man was completely insane and second, Hondo liked him immediately. The two realizations arrived perhaps two seconds apart, three at most.
And Hondo generally prided himself on being an excellent judge of character, so he trusted Hondo’s assessment.
The Sith had stepped onto his vessel with the confidence of a man entering his favorite cantina rather than boarding a pirate ship that had openly attempted to rob him less than an hour earlier. He had glanced around, complimented the décor despite there being very little worth complimenting, and somehow started chatting with Hondo and his crew out of his own volition.
It was deeply disturbing and strangely admirable, which was one of Hondo’s favourite blends. In fact, Hondo found the man so entertaining that he almost considered abandoning the entire bounty scheme…almost.
The reward attached to Darth Imperius's name was unfortunately substantial, and Hondo Ohnaka was many things, but immune to profit was certainly not one of them.
Still, he would feel a little bad about it…perhaps he would send flowers afterward.
"Another round!" the Sith shouted, the ship’s cantina erupting into cheers.
At some point during the festivities Adas had climbed onto a table and was now standing atop it with a mug in one hand. Several pirates attempted to join the Sith on the table, but the table then surrendered and collapsed beneath their combined weight with an audible crack.
Adas landed neatly on his feet and the pirates did not, the room exploding with laughter at the men’s misfortune.
The Sith seemed to thrive among the Weequay pirates, which was perhaps the most bizarre thing about the entire situation. He still wore his armor and carried both lightsabers openly, looking every bit like the terrifying Sith Lord whose bounty had begun circulating across the galaxy, yet he was somehow effortlessly integrating himself into a room full of pirates he didn’t know.
The drinks certainly helped, as most of them contained substances that were technically illegal on several worlds and a few of them contained those that were illegal everywhere. All of them had been very carefully prepared, filled with a potent mix of sedatives and drugs that were supposed to render their target unconscious, yet despite consuming increasingly ridiculous quantities of alcohol and narcotics, the Sith remained perfectly functional.
He laughed, danced and challenged pirates to drinking contests, somehow continuing to win them despite the handicap. The man was either using one of those Jedi magics or possessed some truly impressive constitution.
Still, something eventually had to work. Hondo simply needed patience.
Meanwhile, the cantina had descended into glorious chaos. Music blared from battered speakers, crewmen danced atop tables and several of Hondo’s boys were using a long stick to poke at Raksh, Adas’ companion, trying to determine whether it was a person or a beast.
The giant creature sat near one corner of the room, surrounded by mountains of food and empty bottles. As a long stick poked his shoulder, Raksh blinked, grabbed it and a moment later the pirate found himself flying across the room.
The answer remained inconclusive.
The amount of sedatives hidden within his drinks should have rendered a rancor unconscious, yet Raksh merely demanded more, still stuffing his maw with food.
Then there was the Twi'lek…or rather, there had been a Twi'lek. Hondo distinctly remembered seeing one, as she had arrived beside Adas, but the red-skinned woman was nowhere to be found.
…Whatever. She had probably just wandered off.
Meanwhile Adas had somehow acquired a hat. A very nice hat at that.
Hondo frowned and touched his own head, his fingers meeting a bare skin. Yes, he was now fairly certain that yes, it was his hat, but that couldn’t be…though admittedly, he had become a little laxer as the party progressed.
Hmmm, perhaps he was becoming drunk himself.
The Sith wore it at a jaunty angle while sitting atop a stool and somehow holding the attention of nearly half the cantina.
"And then I realized that Izax was still operational, pointing that blasted Omnicannon directly at us!" Adas spread his arms dramatically, the audience leaning forward. "Naturally, we thought we were kriffed but then Cipher Nine somehow managed to snipe the core, allowing us to finally bring down the droid for good!"
The room exploded into cheers, mugs rising and someone falling off a chair.
"That cannot possibly be true!"
"It absolutely happened!"
"Wonderful!"
Hondo slapped the table. Truly, the Sith truly understood storytelling!
Hours passed and the party only grew louder, as more alcohol flowed and more food vanished, the pirates partially forgetting their main goal and joining the festivities, with several left unconscious and others arriving to replace them.
The cantina gradually transformed into the sort of glorious disaster Hondo considered proof of a successful evening, until eventually—
Thud.
Raksh had finally lost, the giant creature faceplanting directly into a table, a deep snore following as the beast didn’t move again.
Hondo slowly relaxed upon seeing that. At last, the sedatives had finally achieved victory, even if, admittedly, it had required enough narcotics to incapacitate a small army.
"To Raksh!" Hondo raised his mug.
"TO RAKSH!" The room erupted into cheers.
Unfortunately, the actual problem remained, because Adas Kallig was still drinking and laughing, perfectly conscious. The Sith sat across from Hondo at the bar, one arm draped over the counter as the contents of another mug vanished into him. There was no slurred speech or glassy eyes, not even a sign of sluggish reflexes.
At this point Hondo was beginning to feel personally offended, as he had spent good money on those narcotics. The pirate captain was beginning to suspect he had been cheated.
"Haha!" The Sith laughed. "And then Theron decided to infiltrate a galaxy-wide conspiracy without informing anyone!" Adas shook his head. "Stupid. Stupid Theron."
Hondo laughed with him. Partially because the story was amusing, but mostly because he was buying time.
His gaze drifted toward the far side of the cantina, where one of his smaller crewmen stood waiting. The drugs clearly weren't going to solve the situation, which left only one option —disarm the Sith before he started to cut limbs with those lightsabers.
Hondo casually scratched his beard, a signal the crewman immediately understood. Slowly, he began weaving through the crowd, his gaze on the lightsabers hanging from Adas's belt. Meanwhile, Hondo maintained the conversation.
"So, tell me, my friend." Hondo smiled broadly, leaning forward over the bar. "How does one become a Sith Lord anyway? Because eventually I may need to expand my portfolio, and pirate-turned-Sith sounds absolutely amazing."
"Oh, that's easy." Adas waved dismissively, taking another drink. "Trauma and poor life choices."
Several pirates nodded thoughtfully. Many of them possessed both in abundance, so perhaps they had what it took to be a Sith.
"I started as a slave, which admittedly gave me a bit of a head start in that department." The Sith continued. "But the Academy provides plenty of suffering regardless, so it's not strictly necessary."
The crewman moved closer.
"You also need a good master." Adas continued. "Someone who will teach you everything you need to know. Preferably someone unpleasant enough that you won't feel too guilty when you inevitably murder them to fulfil your ambitions."
The crewman's hand reached toward the lightsaber. Hondo held his breath as the pirate's fingers were mere centimeters away—
Without even looking or interrupting his sentence, Adas casually reached sideways and grabbed the crewman’s head, smashing it directly into the bar with a loud CRACK. The unfortunate crewman collapsed instantly, unconscious at best.
Adas released him and calmly resumed speaking.
"...which creates another issue. Since they know you're eventually going to kill them, they rarely teach you everything they know." The Sith took another drink. "It's very inefficient, really."
Silence descended upon the cantina. Nobody moved or spoke, most not even willing to breathe too loudly as Adas sat there, still smiling.
Hondo felt sweat beginning to form beneath his collar. He was far too brave, handsome, and accomplished for something so pedestrian as fear, but he was now experiencing a…concern. Yes, a very strong, professional concern.
"Well..." Hondo laughed nervously, adjusting his coat. "That is... remarkably good coordination for someone who has drunk enough liquor to kill a bantha. You seem…ehhh, remarkably unaffected."
Across from him, Adas glanced down into his mug.
"The alcohol?" he asked, almost confused, then realization crossed his face. “Oh, the drugs. Yeah, it wasn’t really anything impressive, to be honest."
Adas raised the mug again and took another long drink. And the moment the cup touched the counter—
Something descended upon the room.
The air became heavy, an invisible force crashing into every living being present. Pirates cried out as bodies slammed into the floor. Hondo himself felt his legs buckle instantly, his hands striking the counter as one knee smashed against the deck. Around him the crew fared even worse. Dozens of hardened pirates collapsed completely, some struggling merely to breathe and others staring at the Sith in primal terror.
The pressure continued to build and at the center of it all sat Darth Imperius, still smiling as though nothing had happened.
The doors to the cantina burst open.
Hope surged through Hondo, as he expected reinforcements at last, other crewmen noticing the disturbance, but the hope died as only one figure entered —a red-skinned Twi'lek that accompanied Adas.
The assassin stepped into the room without hurry and took her place at the Sith’s side. Fresh blood stained the daggers in her hands, the sight alone making it abundantly clear what had happened to everyone else who might have attempted to intervene.
Green-yellow eyes regarded the room calmly and the pressure increased, the smile still on Darth Imperius’ face.
Hondo swallowed.
"Well…you cannot blame me for trying, can you?" He asked with effort, his tone a little sheepish.
For several long seconds Darth Imperius simply stared at him…then, unexpectedly, the Sith laughed, the pressure that held everyone down vanishing without a trace.
Hondo remained kneeling for a second longer before carefully standing, tentatively hopeful about his continued survival.
"Honestly?" Adas replied, chuckling. "I really can't. I wouldn't expect anything else from a pirate extraordinaire like yourself."
Vindication flooded through Hondo.
"Exactly!" He pointed triumphantly, completely forgetting his previous panic. The pirate straightened his coat. "I greatly appreciate your attitude, Adas."
Adas gave another chuckle and leaned forward.
"I'll tell you what." The Sith declared. “The idea of drugging a Force User was somewhat ingenious, but the execution needs some work. If you survive this encounter, I'll give you something that might actually work on a respectable Jedi or Sith. The mixture you used might work on a Padawan, maybe, but any competent Force user could purge it from their system with a thought."
Hondo processed this information.
"...You're telling me that Jedi can simply decide not to be poisoned?" He asked, somewhat reevaluating his opinion on the magic users. "...That feels unfair."
"It is." The Sith nodded sympathetically. He then reached over and patted Hondo on the shoulder. “But enough about that. Let's talk about why you tried to capture me, shall we?"