I wanted to update everyone about the current issues, and remain honest and open as best as this broken ball of trauma can be. I know it's a bit of a ramble, but I have never been good at words.
I have four images being worked on in the gap since the last one, even if its messy and difficult to be creative right now. Two pride images born of the ups and downs, and two mayternity backlog, so hopefully it'll be a nice surge of fun for everyone! I'm trying very hard to get at least one of the done by the end of today. Creativity is truly fighting me and I badly don't want to reward your kindness and patience with garbage. (Especially when a lot of the prompts and ideas are more difficult and rare themes! And fun ones!)
I'm truly sorry that I continue to be much slower than I would like. The support and kind words have been so heartwarming. I've not been doing well, but I'm making steps. I've been trying to get therapy again, fighting medical struggles with changing drs, locations, costs, travel, etc. It's terrifying, reopening wounds that I never could address. I'm hoping to at least catch everyone up with where things are for transparency.
In honesty, I hit a breaking point. A lifetime of pent up struggle and pain hit that one time too many, if that makes any sense. I hope some of the recent art helps where my words fail. Thank you again, to everyone who has been helping through this. It means the world to have such a wonderful community who cares so deeply even while I'm going through what is truthfully the worst chapter of my life, and for a girl who has survived two attempted murders, that is saying a lot I think, in a tragically kind-of funny way.
Hopefully, I'll be able to go more in depth soon, but I don't feel safe yet to do so. It's been so many terrible surprises that keep forcing drastic life changes. It's terrifying, being unable to create or even look at most things without spiraling into a sobbing panic attacks.
Thank you for being so amazing to me. I've been consistent for so many years, that it feels awful that I cant just pump out art the way I could before. It should be easy for me, but im so stressed and afraid every day that the slightest steps feel out of reach. I appreciate every one of you, for giving me support and patience in my time of need.
I feel so repetitive with such long term problems, but I'm not taking this kindness for granted. Without you I couldn't keep doing what I do, creating worlds and ideas that I so badly want to explore and bring to life for you. I will rebuild, I always do. This chapter is just so beyond what I'm capable of that it's taking a lot to relearn how to even be myself.
I won't keep failing you, I promise.
-Lizet