The “shooting star” in the sky expanded at a speed visible to the naked eye, rapidly transforming from a brief flash of light into a blazing fireball. It tore through the atmosphere with a deep, unsettling roar. Even the sand-swept desert seemed to pause in awe as the air filled with the sharp, burning stench of scorched metal and ozone.
“No… that’s not right. That doesn’t look like a meteorite…”
RNGesus squinted. Even through his blurred vision, he could make out the true nature of the colossal object. It wasn’t a meteorite—it was a warship.
Judging from its heavy armor and ominous silhouette, it was clearly an Imperial vessel. Rogue Trader? Imperial Navy? Or perhaps a Space Marines Battle Barge?
The ship’s descent was not controlled. It was a catastrophic crash.
It slammed into the ground barely ten meters in front of RNGesus, obliterating the fleeing greenskins who had only managed a few desperate steps.
BOOOOM—!
The impact sounded like the sky itself had broken.
A shockwave erupted outward, hurling thousands of tons of sand into the air. A circular sandstorm bloomed instantly, swallowing the battlefield whole.
The warship carved a bottomless trench through the desert as it dragged forward on sheer momentum, erasing everything in its path—including the greenskins unfortunate enough not to be crushed outright.
Even those who had reacted quickly were not spared. Fragments of twisted metal—bulkheads, shattered plating, even something disturbingly organic and unidentifiable—were flung outward in all directions, cutting down survivors one after another.
Through it all, RNGesus remained untouched, save for the violent wind forcing his eyes shut.
“So… that’s handled,” he muttered, peering at the burning wreckage now belching thick black smoke.
Pyro stepped up beside him and gave a thumbs-up.
“You’re incredible. I take back what I said earlier.”
Then he turned his attention to the wreckage, scanning it up and down.
“…That looks kind of like a Battle Barge?”
“You mean that’s a Space Marine chapter ship?” RNGesus asked, surprised. If true, this was far beyond ordinary luck.
“Don’t get excited,” Pyro waved him off quickly. “I said it looks like it. I don’t actually know much about Warhammer. And after a crash like that, who knows what it used to be?”
“Fair point,” RNGesus muttered. “If only we could go inside and check. But the thing’s so wrecked we can’t even find a door—”
CREAAAK.
A massive metal panel suddenly shifted.
With a tortured groan, it gave way and collapsed inward, kicking up another wave of sand.
Behind it yawned a dark opening—an entrance into the ship’s interior.
“…Huh,” Pyro said, opening his mouth, closing it, then opening it again.
“If you can’t speak, don’t force it,” RNGesus said flatly.
Pyro coughed awkwardly. “I just thought of something. Your god dice—does it kill the person you want to kill, or the person who wants to kill you?”
“Good question,” RNGesus said after a pause. “Hard to test though. And if someone tries to kill me, I’d probably end up wanting to kill them too. So that doesn’t help much.”
“Perfect,” Pyro said suddenly.
A sharp glint crossed his eyes as he drew his pistol and pointed it at RNGesus.
“I’ll just—”
WHOOOSH!
A steel bar, thick as a man’s arm, shot out from the wreckage.
It pierced straight through Pyro’s abdomen and dragged him several meters across the sand before pinning him to the ground.
Blood spread instantly across the desert.
“You… must… take… my… flamethrower… back…” Pyro gasped.
Then he went still.
RNGesus stared in silence.
The burning wreck. The scattered greenskin bodies. The corpse of Pyro.
“…There’s too much to even comment on,” he said finally. “I don’t even know where to start.”
After a moment, he changed focus.
“I definitely didn’t have killing intent toward him just now… so is this like some kind of Miracle-for-You ability?”
His gaze shifted to the newly opened entrance.
It looked like it was inviting him in.
“…That’s definitely an invitation.”
He stepped inside.
The interior of the ship was dark—dimly lit only by fractured beams of sunlight and the distant orange glow of the wreck outside.
The air was heavy with burning metal, ozone, blood, and decay.
Every step echoed with a hollow metallic groan.
RNGesus moved forward through the corridor at random. Some doors were sealed shut; others had been blown open, revealing shattered rooms frozen in the aftermath of violence. Whether the battle had happened before the crash—or was caused by it—was impossible to tell.
Minutes later, he reached a dead end.
A reinforced door stood before him.
Heavier than the others. Scarred by claw marks, scorch patterns, and deep impact dents.
Beside it lay a human corpse.
Uniform torn. Chest caved in by a single fatal wound.
RNGesus knocked.
Nothing.
He checked the frame.
A card slot.
Of course.
“…So it’s one of those puzzles.”
He looked down.
Half-hidden in the dead crewman’s pocket was an access card—glowing faintly.
RNGesus sighed.
“This is the kind of puzzle that would confuse a zoo chimpanzee.”
“Find obvious key. Match key to lock. Open door. Genius-level design.”