That Day When Suzuki-kun Wasn't the Mob-B! Chapter 288: Frost, Frills, and Flesh

"What the heck?" Finn muttered, a puff of white mist escaping his lips.

He genuinely wondered what kind of cursed, chaotic star he had been born under. Ever since he had awakened to his powers, the barrage of problems seemed entirely endless. Fortunately, unlike when Kokabiel had utterly leveled the place, the sudden, bone-chilling drop in temperature sweeping through the Kuoh Shrine wasn't causing structural damage. The frost merely coated the wooden pillars in a layer of shimmering ice.

But when Finn laid his eyes on the source of the freezing aura standing at the entrance of his shrine, he couldn't help but stare in absolute bewilderment.

It was a woman.

She was petite, sporting bouncing twin pigtails, but her body was absolutely, obscenely bombastic. She was squeezed tightly into a frilly, bright pink magical girl outfit that offered zero protection and aggressively pushed up her massive, heavy cleavage. The thin, glossy fabric clung to her wide hips and incredibly thick thighs, making her look ridiculously lewd despite her childish posing.

"I will punish you! Evil will be defeated by me, the dazzling Magical Girl Levia-Tan!"

The young woman struck a dramatic pose, pointing her star-topped magical staff directly at Finn. The sharp, crisp scent of winter frost and sweet strawberries radiated off her skin as she glared at him with pure, world-ending determination.

"...Serafall Leviathan-sama?" Finn asked blankly.

Yes. The wildly stacked cosplayer standing before him was none other than one of the Four Great Satans, the strongest female devil in the Underworld, and more importantly—Sona Sitri's older sister.

Why is a Maou showing up at my front door dressed like a weekend anime convention attendee? Finn thought, rubbing his temples.

His home had just been rebuilt using the Grigori's funds. But considering Azazel and the Grigori had basically submitted to him, this was technically his wealth now. He wasn't about to let this icy magical girl wreck his newly renovated courtyard.

Finn looked at Serafall. Despite her absurd outfit, the sheer, crushing pressure of the cold air exuding from her petite body was terrifying. It was a stark reminder of the monstrous, unfathomable power a true Maou possessed.

So, naturally, Finn decided to bypass physical combat entirely and unleash his ultimate, most devastating attack.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his smartphone.

"W-What are you doing...?!" Serafall gasped.

She didn't know why, but the exact moment Finn tapped the screen of that little black rectangle, an overwhelming sense of dread completely washed over her. She didn't know what forbidden spell he was casting, but her Maou instincts screamed that she had to stop him immediately!

No! I can't let him!

Yet, she severely underestimated the speed of modern telecom. Before she could swing her staff, the line connected, and a crisp ringtone echoed through the freezing courtyard.

"Finn? Is something wrong?"

A strict, yet undeniably sweet and refined voice drifted clearly from the phone's speaker.

"Sorry to bother you. Are you busy right now?" Finn asked casually.

"No, I am fine. Is there something you need?" Sona asked, the soft rustling of paperwork audible through the speaker as she leaned back in her student council chair.

"Not really. It's just... there's a heavily armed Magical Girl throwing a tantrum at the entrance of my shrine."

"..."

The absolute, deafening silence on the other end of the line was palpable. Finn knew Sona was likely dying of sheer mortification, but he pressed the attack. "Do you happen to have any idea who this might be?"

"Wait. One moment." Sona took a long, deep, highly strained breath to calm her rapidly fraying nerves. "Finn, would it be possible for you to hand your phone to this... magical girl?"

"Sure." Finn casually extended his arm, holding the smartphone out toward the terrifying Maou. "Someone wants to speak with you, Magical Levia-Tan."

"...." Serafall froze, the color draining entirely from her flushed face.

"C-Curse you!" Serafall hissed, her voice trembling as she reluctantly took the phone, careful not to let her icy aura shatter the screen. "How could you stoop so low and rely on such a cowardly move?! As a villain, you are supposed to face me head-on, not use this cunning, underhanded tactic—!"

"Onee-sama." Sona's voice cut through the air, completely devoid of warmth. "Please wait exactly where you are. I am coming over to punish you myself."

"NOOOOO, SONA-CHAAAAAANNNNNNN!!!"

Click.

Sona hung up, already marching toward the shrine to execute the Magical Girl Levia-Tan.

"You are so low, Balam-kun! How could you use such a dirty method against me?!" Serafall wailed, handing the phone back. Large, anime-style tears welled up in her golden eyes as she looked at him in absolute grief. She had anticipated a glorious, earth-shattering magical duel, not him instantly calling her mother-figure of a little sister!

"..." Finn just stared at her.

Looking at the petite, crying powerhouse whose head barely reached his chest, Finn wondered how she had survived a brutal civil war. Then again, Sirzechs was equally eccentric. Perhaps, during their youth, neither of them had the luxury of a childhood. Born into war, conflict, and the overbearing cruelty of the Old Satans, they never got to simply play. Now that they were the absolute rulers of the Underworld, they were making up for lost time.

Finn, who fiercely guarded his own lazy, peaceful life, could actually relate to that sentiment.

"Before Sona gets here to scold you, Serafall-sama... can I ask why you actually came here?" Finn asked, pocketing his phone.

"Because you have seduced my precious little sister! No one can take her from me! Sona-chan is mine! Pun! Pun!"

Serafall violently puffed out her cheeks, crossing her arms beneath her chest and aggressively shoving her massive assets upward. She was genuinely annoyed that her serious little sister had caught feelings for this incredibly dangerous, anomaly of a bad boy who casually toppled pantheons.

"You're heavily misunderstanding things," Finn sighed. "I never once thought about seducing her."

It was the truth. Finn didn't think he had seduced Sona. He just treated her like a normal person. Heck, he hadn't actively tried to seduce Rias, either. Both were undeniably gorgeous, high-class beauties, and if they fell into his lap, he certainly wouldn't complain. But he favored his lazy, peaceful life far too much to actively chase political headaches.

"How could you be such a chicken?!" Serafall suddenly yelled, stomping her boot against the frosted stone. "If you like a girl, you should fiercely chase after her! Sona-chan secretly wants you to sweep her off her feet! So, be a man and make her your wife!"

"....." Finn blinked.

"..." Akeno, Xenovia, Asia, and Ravel, who were watching from the veranda, fell into a stunned silence.

There were a million logical things Finn wanted to say, but looking at the exasperated magical girl, he couldn't help but strike a nerve. "Alright, but what about you? If Sona marries first... won't you be completely left behind?"

"....."

The temperature in the shrine didn't drop, but the awkward tension immediately skyrocketed. Everyone on the veranda held their breath.

It was a well-known, heavily avoided fact that Serafall Leviathan was chronically single. While many high-class Devils stayed single simply to enjoy their immortal lives, the reality of noble marriage was harsh. If you wanted to marry, your partner had to match your status and power. The strongest female Devil in existence naturally looked down on weak, pathetic noblemen who only relied on their family's wealth. Because of her impossible standards, Serafall had been completely alone for centuries.

"W-What?!" Serafall's face exploded into a brilliant, burning shade of crimson. She pointed her magical staff at Finn, her hand shaking violently. "How could you be so greedy?!"

"What?" Finn raised an eyebrow.

"Not only do you want the little sister, but you actively want to claim the older sister, too! You brute! You pervert! You light novel protagonist!"

"...." Finn stared, utterly lost for words.

"I know your sinister plan! You want to have a Shimaidon—a filthy sister-sandwich—between me and my precious Sona-chan, don't you?! I know exactly what you are planning with those lustful eyes!"

"..."

Finn practically felt his soul leave his body. No. Not at all. Did this woman have brain damage?

He just wanted a peaceful life. He wasn't trying to collect a full set of Sitri sisters!

"But..." Serafall suddenly lowered her staff, her blush remaining but her lips curving into a thrilling, absolute maniacal grin. "I actually like a man who boldly challenges me. So... if you can defeat me right here, right now, you can have both of us sisters at the exact same time!"

Crunch. Crunch.

The sound of footsteps on the gravel path instantly caught Finn's attention.

Entering the courtyard, panting slightly from sprinting all the way up the shrine steps, was Sona Sitri, flanked by her entire peerage. Right behind them was Rias Gremory and her own servants.

Combined with Ravel, Akeno, Xenovia, and Asia on the veranda, every single prominent female figure in Kuoh was now present.

And thanks to the silence of the shrine, every single one of them had heard Serafall Leviathan's incredibly loud and echoing proposal to become a Shimaidon package deal.

Sona stopped dead in her tracks. Her glasses completely fogged over, and a blush so violent it looked physically painful erupted across her face, spreading all the way down her neck.

"...."

Finn closed his eyes, inhaled the scent of frozen strawberries and impending doom, and let out the heaviest, most exhausted sigh of his entire life. He wondered, yet again, exactly what kind of cursed star he had been born under.