I've been posting many drawings on my old Pixiv account(now banned) or Twitter for years. For most of the time, I'm fine with my progress, getting likes, views, or comments slowly. But lately I feel not enough, I feel too slow, my progress doesn't feel moving forward. I start comparing myself to others.
I'm jealous, incredibly jealous. I see so many artists getting tons of views and likes, and I barely get any myself. People said my drawing is good, but good is not enough if no one sees it, then it is meaningless. Every time I feel this, I feel bad. Others are probably working hard behind it, too.
It becomes a downward spiral of jealousy and self-hatred: "Maybe I have no skill," "Maybe it's time to stop." "Why does she/he get more recognition? I'm drawing as good as them." I hate those feelings. I want to be myself, but at the same time, I want to be like others. I want to be seen.
Originally, I wanted to post this on Twitter, but I don't want people to think I'm trying to get pity points. I still want people to recognize me because of my drawings, I want to be liked for what I made, and not because of pity.
And that's it, I just want to rant. I'm not quitting drawing, I love drawing, and will continue drawing for years till I die. I just want to release this toxic feeling.
Thank you for all of your support! I may be slow, but please bear with me.