The last few days, a post was trending on X about a teacher who had an autistic meltdown at work and is now facing consequences. The comments were filled with hate how he should just “control himself” which caused several neurodivergent people demanding work place adjustments. I got triggered so hard, I had to draw silly little cartoons angrily.
Because the same thing happened to me. I think. I am not diagnosed yet, but I had to seek psychiatric help because of my work situation. I had “anxiety attacks” all my life to the extent were I just saw them as normal and never questioned it. Others go on a coffee break, I go cry in the bathroom. Until that day where I broke down in the middle of a meeting. I just couldn’t stop crying. I was incredibly ashamed and scared, because it never happened to me to that extent. The therapist immediately wrote me a doctors note excusing me from work and wouldn’t allow me to go back to the office. He is currently assuming I might have Aspergers syndrome and stuck me on a yearlong waitlist for assessment.
But the thing is… I love working. And I used to love my job. I mostly worked alone remotely and never had a single complaint. I was known in my team to be the fastest, most motivated worker by far. Got a big ass task with an impossible deadline? Give it to Kriek. It will be done and it will be done well, always on time.
But then the culture changed. Suddenly it wasn’t about the work or the product anymore, it all became about “building a team”, “visibility” and “happy faces” while suddenly having to attend meetings, give presentations and work on other people’s schedule and preferred methods. And I just broke. My workplace turned into a performance circus and I suddenly realized how very bad I am at being a pony.
I since quit my job and am currently unemployed with no intention to ever go through this again. I now solely work for myself on my own terms and I am thriving. Broke as fuck but happy. I work well over 12 hours a day without a break and without getting tired. But one phone call, one meeting and I lay flat on my face.
I realized I am just not made for work culture. And I am not asking for special treatment. But maybe for realization how hard the work life just isn’t build for me or people like me, whatever that might be. Maybe the people just need to realize how hard society is catering to them and how hard I am torturing myself to make them feel comfortable. Because I guarantee you, if I suddenly forced you to work on my terms, you would be crying too.