WARNING! This story contains mild setting spoilers for the world of the Dungeon Crawler Carl books. However, there will be no actual story or plot spoilers ahead as these are my own characters within that universe.
Dungeon Crawler Crush ft. Ernie & Beck
Well shit, guess that’s it for me, I thought as the deranged-looking clown thing swung its grotesque elongated arm towards my face. Each claw on its gnarled hand was several inches long and sharp as razors. I closed my eyes and waited for my fate.
I had dropped my crossbow when I attempted to run, which was stupid of me. One of those undead knife-wielding lemur monsters had peppered my side with daggers a minute earlier before I shot it through the neck and my health was now in the red as a result. This was not the way that anyone deserved to go out. I wasn’t very good at this whole damn dungeon, uh… experience? It was based on video games or something and I didn’t have much time to play those growing up. My cousin had a Nintendo and it was pretty fun but our families didn’t spend that much time together. Even so, this life-or-death dungeon… this wasn’t anything like playing Mario Bros. 3. I guess I was more sporty than nerdy through school but after I graduated, when I was old enough to work, that’s what I did. Shit, it felt like that was all I did. Somewhere along the way I found some time to get married in my twenties but didn’t make her feel important enough and so she left me. At least we didn’t have kids. Skip ahead another twelve years and I was too engrossed in opening and managing my second shop to pay enough attention to my boyfriend at the time who didn’t stick around nearly as long as the wife did. Guess you could say my priorities were kinda fucked up.
So I had started thinking about quitting. Actually no that’s bullshit, but I was at least thinking about a vacation somewhere. That would hopefully help me take my mind off work for a little while, right? I owned my own carpentry business running out of two stores and it had consumed me. I wanted it to be successful so badly that I worked my damn ass off: weekends, birthdays, holidays, you name it. If a job came along, I took it and my guys and I did our best. A friend once told me I received all of my validation from my career and being a hard worker–it had become my entire identity. He said I needed to take it easy or I’d never get to enjoy all the good stuff that life had to offer. I needed to give time and attention to my friends, family, and partner if I found another person crazy enough to date me. If I didn’t step away from the business, and the stress it was causing, I’d find myself in an early grave. And now as I was about to die on the third floor of the World Dungeon, decapitated by some circus freak at age 45, I realized he had been right.
Only it didn’t go like that. There was a strange bellow from some creature nearby and I felt a whoosh of air go past me so I decided to open my eyes again. In a flash some other kind of monster had tackled the clown and was now, quite literally, tearing its face off with its giant paws. There was a splatter of blood and the crunch of bone and then the clown, which had been screeching, fell silent. I gained some experience points since I had hit the damn thing first. Then the monster which had saved me turned to look down at me.
“Your health is real low, buddy. You have a health potion or somethin’?”
“Uh, yeah,” I told him and drank it directly from my hot bar. A moment later my health bar had filled about halfway and I felt much better. I got to my feet and brushed myself off.
I looked over at the guy and realized I had encountered this monster type before back on the first floor. What was it called again? Oh right, a gnoll. Basically a damn werewolf but a hyena instead. He must’ve been seven feet tall, muscular, tough. He was wearing a puffy blue vest, ripped jeans and a San Diego Padres ball cap. Across his muzzle was a big grey mustache. No stranger than anything else I had encountered down here so far but the ball cap caused me to raise an eyebrow. As I focused on him, an information window appeared in the air and hovered above his head.
Crawler #2,013,571. “Colton Beckett.”
Level 18.
Race: Gnoll.
Class: Switch-Hitter.
He had 7 stars next to his name. Comparatively, I only had 3 for the bosses I had helped kill. He was also two levels higher than me. No skulls in his profile from killing other players though so that was a bit relieving.
“You’re a crawler too?” I asked.
“You sound surprised.”
“I mean, you’re one of those monsters from the first floor!”
“Yeah, a gnoll. I changed my race when I got down here. A lot of folks did, I'm sure.”
I thought about that and realized I was just being an idiot. Of course I had had the option to change my race too but the idea of literally becoming something else entirely felt so… unsettling. Not only that but why a dog man or whatever? Though I had to admit there was a certain something to him. I wondered if he had been that muscular before. If so he musta been a pro wrestler or something.
“So you’re Ernesto Ruiz?” he asked, obviously inspecting my profile as well.
“Oh, nobody calls me Ernesto, just Ernie is good. And you’re Colton?”
“You can just call me Beck.”
He reached out one of his large fur-covered hands and helped me to my feet.
“Is this your crossbow over here?” he asked.
I hustled past the dead clown to retrieve my weapon. “Yeah it is, thanks.”
“You any good with it?”
My skills with the weapon–since equipping a crappy goblin crossbow on the first floor–had been improving steadily. I now had a Hob Repeating Crossbow with a decent chunk of dexterity, constitution and precise aim on it. I’d found the upgrade in a silver box tied to some achievement for killing over a hundred mobs with a crossbow. I had also bought a new scope in town which let me shoot accurately from twice the distance. But it didn’t help much when I got ambushed, which is what had happened only a couple minutes ago.
“Yeah, I’m not half-bad with it. My tío used to take me out hunting as a kid quite a bit so this isn’t my first time using one.”
The big gnoll nodded, and then looked around. “Are you alone out here? A ranged fighter like you should really have a party, don’tcha think?”
I felt my shoulders slump. “I was with a few other folks but they died fighting this whale boss thing in a swimming pool. I managed to deliver the final shot through one of its eyes but… it was too late for them. Nothing I could do.”
“Oh shit I’m sorry to hear that, Ernie. Did you know them, I mean before all this?”
“No. Just some folks who stumbled down here like me. But I uh, I feel really bad for them. What about you? You don’t seem to be in a party either?”
“I actually was for a while, a younger guy and his girlfriend, but we kept arguing about where to go and what to do. Eventually they kinda ganged up on me and tried to ditch me during a neighborhood boss fight. They ended up getting trapped in the boss room with me and we managed to take it down. After that though, there was no way I trusted them enough to stick around so we parted ways. I left them back in town and came out to grind more experience so here I am. Could really use some ranged support though. I’m pretty tanky and no slouch in a fight, but it would be nice if someone had my back.”
I grinned at the big guy. “Safety in numbers right? Count me in.”
We spent the next two hours killing lemurs and clowns and some creepy gnome things with sharp teeth. I gained a level and was 17. I put two of my stat points into dexterity and the third into constitution.
“So I was wondering about your class?” I said when we were taking a short break between mobs.
He laughed and I swear to god it sounded exactly like a hyena chuckling. It was kinda cute.
“You mean ‘cause it says ‘switch-hitter?’ How is that not immediately understandable?”
“Well, that class wasn’t an option for me. I’m just curious about it. I mean, you aren’t holding a baseball bat so does that mean…?”
“Hey now, I have a baseball cap on though!” He said and pointed to the hat he was wearing.
“Sorry man, Dodgers fan here. But it’s not really a baseball-themed class is it?”
Beck shot me a sideways glance. “Ernie, are you asking me if I’m bisexual?”
My eyes widened with surprise. “N-no! Of course not! I mean, honestly it wouldn’t bother me if you were, like, at all… I uh, I’m bi so, yeah nothing to worry about there!”
He hyena chuckled again. “I’m just pullin’ your chain, buddy, sorry to get you all flustered.”
In fact I was a bit flush, and didn’t really understand why. I had been openly bisexual for nearly fiteen years now. I mean not like waving a flag or anything but, I wasn’t ashamed of myself.
Beck continued. “The description was pretty interesting. Big gains to strength and dexterity but what really caught my attention was the description. It said that as long as I alternate my strikes between my left and right hands, or left and right legs, my attacks become combos that get stronger by +1 strength with each hit as long as I don’t stop hitting.
“Wow! That sounds like it could be really strong!” I exclaimed.
He tilted his head to the side. “Well, it can be, as long as a mob isn’t hitting you back. Usually I can only get about two to four hits in before I’m counterattacked and then my combo resets. What I really need is a stun or paralyze. Then I could really beat some ass!”
“Oh man, I bet you can really give it to ‘em!” For some reason it sounded hornier out loud than it had in my head. That had not been my intention. Beck gave me sort of a funny look and I immediately felt really stupid. Happily he continued the conversation.
“And you’re a sharpshooter. I’m assuming no real explanation required on that one?”
“Not really. Bonus damage the farther away I am and I can reload and fire faster. Oh and high dexterity and some intelligence bonuses.”
“My intelligence is so low,” he said and laughed. “I mean for the sake of my stats. I don’t think I’m overly dumb in real life.”
“Hehe, no I get it. My intelligence coming into this place was… not great but I’ve gotten a few items that help with that. I have a heal spell too, so if I see you dropping I can help you out.”
“That’s awesome!” he said and patted me on the back. “My spells suck and really aren’t worth casting. You’re gonna be really helpful. Glad we’re on the same team.”
“Yeah, me too.”
We took out some walking tree stump monster and stopped to loot it. We were both crouching down when he looked over at me. “I’m not bisexual, to answer that question you didn’t actually ask from earlier,” he said.
“I really didn’t mean for it to–”
“I’m just gay,” he said and smiled warmly.
“Oh,” was my witty response.
We fought more mobs and got to know each other better outside of combat. Beck was a real nice guy, and I hoped he’d want to stay in party with me even after we went back to town for the night. We seemed to just hit it off. We both were born and raised in Southern California, him in San Diego and me in the San Fernando Valley. Beck had traveled more than me and lived in several other states before moving back. I had mostly stayed in one spot, give or take a neighboring city. We were both baseball fans but hadn’t made it to an actual game in far too long. He told me he drove trucks for a living and I told him about my carpentry business. He was also just five years older than me which I thought was pretty cool. Most of the other crawlers I’d come across seemed to be younger. Then we talked a little about past relationships. He had quite a bit more uh, experience than me in that department but we were both single currently, and had been for some time. He asked me what I thought of the dungeon and of course I told him about how fucked-up it was, immoral, monstrous, disgusting, all the obvious stuff. But I also explained how this damn dungeon felt the most like a vacation I’d ever had. He told me that was ‘super depressing’ and I agreed.
By the time he hit level 19, I was about halfway to 18 and we decided to head back to town. It would be dark soon and scarier monsters came out then. We went into a tavern, the same one he had been staying for the last couple of nights. It looked a lot like an old pizza place I used to go to as a kid: There were peanut shells all over the floor, an old arcade of Super Street Fighter 2 Turbo Edition in the corner and some guy with the face and wings of a bat working behind the counter. Yeah, okay, maybe the bat guy wasn’t in the pizza place I remember. At the back of the dining room was a hallway that led to the private rooms for rent. Each one would have its own toilet, shower and bed. We paid a small amount of gold for our rooms immediately and then went and washed the gore from our hands and clothes. Afterwards we met back up in the dining room and decided to order a pizza and split it with a couple beers. The bat man recommended dwarven ale so we took his advice. For as fucked-up and terrifying as this whole dungeon crawl had been so far, I had to admit the food and drink was incredible.
“Maybe it’s because I keep thinking about how we’re all gonna die down here, and that each meal could be my last but, that is the best damn pizza I’ve ever tasted!” I said and stuffed another bite into my mouth. Grease dribbled over my bottom lip and into my beard.
“No, no I think it really is that good. It’s crazy right?”
“Yeah. Fuck that’s good.”
I watched my companion eat an entire slice in just a couple bites with his massive jaws.
Beck caught me staring. “What? Did I get cheese in my mustache or what?”
“No, you’re good. I was just thinking about why you’d want to be something other than human? Doesn’t it feel strange being in a totally new body?”
He used his long pink tongue to lick up some bits of sauce around his lower jaw while he thought about his answer.
“You ever see that movie, ‘American Werewolf in London?’”
“Sure, a long time ago.”
“Well, I saw that movie in theatres as a kid and it scared the shit out of me!”
“I guess it was pretty scary.” I honestly thought it was silly, but then again I didn’t see it until I was quite a bit older.
“I thought about that movie a lot afterwards, and for whatever reason, the idea of turning into a werewolf seemed like the coolest thing ever.”
“Wasn’t the transformation really painful for the guy?”
“Yeah, but that wasn’t the part that stuck with me; The idea of becoming this huge, powerful monster that nobody could fuck with… that’s what I really liked. It’s funny but, I told myself if I ever got to become a werewolf one day, no matter how, I would.”
“I guess you probably didn’t really think you’d get the chance though, huh?”
Again Beck hyena giggled. “I sure didn’t, bud!”
“But a gnoll isn’t quite a werewolf is it? I’m pretty sure I actually saw werewolf on the race selection list.”
“Yeah, it was on there but the description worried me a bit. It said that every time I transform, there’s a 1.2% chance of going completely berserk and attacking whatever or whoever was around me.”
“Holy shit that would suck.”
“Right? Anyway, I couldn’t live with myself if I attacked a party member or friendly NPC or somethin.’”
“It would also suck if your party members or the town guards had to kill you to save themselves.”
“Yes. That would also not be the best. So anyway, I looked through my choices and asked the guide NPC what would be closest to a werewolf where I don’t occasionally go crazy and murder everything around me and he suggested a gnoll.”
I nodded along to his story and took another bite of pizza.
“Do you feel different in that body?”
“Hm. I guess… not really? Like, I’m still me. All the same thoughts and feelings but, my laugh is weird now, hard to get used to that. And when I’m happy I now have a tail that wags which is honestly kind of awesome? I think the one thing that’s taking the longest to get used to is I’m a foot taller now. I’m really afraid of bumping my head in doorways and stuff.”
“Were you uh, were you as built before as you are now?”
He smirked at me. “I went to the gym and lifted weights a couple times a week but no, I wasn’t quite this big before. I still have a bit of a beer belly too. Guess even becoming a new species couldn’t help with that!”
“If only it were that simple–just changing your entire race I mean.” I said with a sigh and patted my own belly. We both laughed at that.
“You look good though,” I couldn’t help but remark.
“Thanks, you do too,” Beck said and we ate in silence for several moments.
I took a big gulp from the dwarven ale. I had a particular question I wanted to ask but wasn’t sure if I should. Ah fuck it! I thought.
“So uh, what happened, uh… downstairs?”
Beck looked very confused.
“Y’know, your stuff? Is it like a damn dog’s stuff now? Or still mostly human?”
“Are you asking about my dick?”
“Well, I mean, I’m not tryin’ to be a creep or anything! But if it was me, that would be the first thing I checked!” I was very embarrassed for asking.
Beck gave me a long look and I could feel myself shrinking back into my chair.
“Do you want to see it or something?”
I coughed on my beer. “W-what?! Of course I don’t! I just thought it was funny to ask about it!”
Beck rubbed his fuzzy chin thoughtfully for a moment.
“I’ll show you if you want,” the gnoll said casually and shrugged his broad shoulders. “It’s just a dick after all.”
“I was honestly just making a joke,” I said quietly, though by that point I think we both knew that wasn’t totally the case.
“Tell you what. Have a thorough shower and I’ll do the same,” said Beck as he got to his feet next to the table. “My room is the third one from the left. Knock anytime in the next hour and you can come in and show me yours too.”
I watched him head to his room–third door from the left–and couldn’t help but watch his round butt move and flex in his jeans. What the fuck was the matter with me? I was coming onto this guy like a horny kid at prom! It’s not like I had much game to begin with but just coming out and asking him about his cock? Get it together Ernie, this wasn’t Grindr.
What tripped me up more was that I guess I was now into big, hairy dog men? Or hyena men, whatever. That was new, and I wasn’t sure how to feel about it either. Well, he was human, until recently. We got along well, we were close in age and neither one of us was straight so… was there an actual problem here?
My twenty year old nephew had explained to me once about furries. From what I remembered they were people online who liked to crank it while looking at people dressed in mascot costumes or the characters in Disney’s Robin Hood. I hadn’t thought much more about it, although I could admit that Robin the fox was pretty fucking cute for a cartoon. Still though, did I want to knock on his door and probably do more than just show our dicks to each other? My mouth was getting dry so I gulped down the rest of my beer.
“I see you have an empty mug in hand, traveler: would you care for another drink?” Asked the small bat person standing behind the counter.
“Uh, yeah, better make it a strong one.”
About 58 minutes later, give or take a few seconds, I was freshly-showered and standing outside Beck’s room. I almost chickened out, but I steeled my resolve and rapped on the door a couple times. He answered it just a moment later, wearing nothing but his Padres cap and a towel.
“Come on in! I won’t bite, unless you’re into that.” He said and gave me a wide toothy smirk.
“Maybe, if I thought I would survive it!”
“Hey now," he said as he led me over to his mattress, “I’m not the big bad wolf, remember? I’m a normal-sized nice gnoll!”
“Great alliteration.”
“Take off your clothes, buddy.” He said and I began to strip. I kept my undershirt and socks on ‘cause I’m self-conscious about having man-tits and chipped toenails. He didn’t mention it. He just watched as I pulled my pants and then underwear down and kicked the latter off towards the bed. I probably don’t need to add that I was already sporting an erection. He watched me with hungry eyes.
“You’re really hot, Ernie.”
I waved his compliment away. I’d never been very good at hearing them. “Do you think they have cameras in here?”
“Well they don’t have ‘em in the bathrooms so I assume that the private bedrooms don’t either?”
“Gosh I hope they don’t. That’d be too damn weird.” I wouldn’t put it past the crazy folks who designed this place though.
“You’re about to have sex with a walking talking gnoll in a dungeon deep under the surface of our planet. But yeah, cameras in the bedroom would be a bit much.”
I rolled my eyes and moved toward him. “Alright Mister. I believe the agreement was that we would show each other our junk?” I reached toward his towel which had begun tenting up ever since I unbuckled my pants.
“¡Ay dios mío!” I almost yelled it as I saw the thick red python sprouting from between his thighs.
“Um. Is that good?”
“It means what it means! Were you this big before you went hyena?”
“I mean, I was above average as a human so I guess this is above average for a gnoll?”
The thing poking out toward me was big, and I mean real big. Granted, I haven’t been with a ton of guys, maybe only five or so including one-night stands, but Beck had by far the biggest, angriest-looking cock I’d ever set eyes on. Underneath were two fat, dark and pendulous balls. My mouth started watering.
“You can touch it if you want.”
He didn’t need to offer a second time. In a flash I was down on my knees and rubbing my hands, and then my face over the length of it. It was so warm, and smelled amazing. It pulsated as I rubbed over his head, down the length and cupped his soft, heavy testicles. I swear I’m not a size queen but it was impossible not to be impressed. For fuck’s sake it was probably ten inches long!
“Put it in your mouth, Ernie.”
I licked it, savoring the distinct taste of gnoll precum. Happily it was a lot like what I was used to. Unhappily, I could only get about two-thirds of it in my mouth and throat before I started gagging. Above me Beck groaned contentedly, gently guiding me by the back of my head. I did my best, and heard no complaints.
“Let’s move this to the bed,” the big guy said with a low growl.
He surprised me by picking me up and carrying me, like I was his blushing bride. “Whoa there! I get it, you have high strength!”
He dropped me on the mattress and climbed on top of me, forcing his tongue into my mouth which I was hesitant about, but only for a second. My hands felt a big body covered in fur, a damn pelt, but the way he kissed was all man.
He moved his mouth down to my crotch and showed me what a blowjob is meant to feel like. Easily the best one of my life, even though I was initially scared of his many sharp teeth. Despite being in a new body, he already seemed to have adapted really well.
He pushed my legs up then, exposing my hairy ass to him as my knees went to my chest. It was such a swift and easy motion for him that I got nervous.
“Whoa, whoa there! Whatcha doin’?”
“I told you to have a shower. You um, cleaned out right?”
“Well yeah, I kinda assumed that’s what you had meant.”
“Then I’m gonna eat your butt like the starving hyena that I am.”
“No further questions.”
And he did just that, and holy fuckin’ hell that gnoll’s fat tongue must have been enchanted with silence or something cuz I was struck dumb for the duration. I hadn’t gotten to enjoy too many rimjobs in my life and I was very happy to just lie back and receive this one. Beck really made me feel good, and I hadn’t been this vulnerable with someone else in far too long.
“I think you might be loosened up enough now, Ernie,” the gnoll said and he let me put my legs back to the bed.
“Hold on now, you think that anaconda of yours is gonna fit up in me?” There was some thinly-veiled panic in my voice.
“You got buns, hon.”
“Okay, normally I would find that hilarious, but right now I am thinking about how long it’s been since I bottomed.”
“We don’t have to, or you can fuck me if you’d prefer?”
I thought it over, and we just looked at each other. He was hot, and excited to be with me, and I hadn’t clicked like this with anyone in years.
“Just go slow, alright?”
When he had asked if he could hold me in his arms, my back against the wall, while he slowly sank his cock into me, I had thought he was joking. Nope. He just had enough strength that he could easily hold me like that and said it would be ‘really hot.’ What can I say? He was right. Maybe it was my high constitution, or maybe it was just how bad I wanted him but, he pushed into my hole more easily than I was expecting. He had loosened and lubed me up well and I needed him inside me BAD. I was aching for it. My asshole twitched in anticipation as he slid more of himself up into my guts. I think my eyes rolled back in my head as he bottomed out.
“That’s all of me, buddy. How are you feeling?”
“Incredible.” I breathed hoarsely.
“Gonna start pumping now, I’ll go slow at first.”
As he started to move, I just clung to him. Sometimes I tossed my head around, or shut my eyes tight, or grabbed him by his thick, coarse mane. He smiled, watching my face contort, then he started to speed up his thrusting.
“¡Ay joder, ahí mero!”
“Damn, it’s so hot when you speak Spanish.” Beck growled into my ear.
“¿Ah, sí? Podría hablar solo en español si quieres.”
“Uhh, it’s still hot, I just wish I could understand what you’re saying!” Beck said and chuckled.
“Está bien, gringo, lo voy a hacer bien y fácil para ti.”
He pounded me good, and hard. He didn’t last too long, and even though I had never been so fulfilled sexually, I wouldn’t have been able to endure much more. He grunted, and then yipped, and a moment later I felt him filling my bowels with thick, gnoll cum. At some point I had wrapped my hand around my cock and began stroking it. As soon as I felt him shooting off inside of me I let loose too. He lowered his mouth over my cock and pumping fist and slurped it all down. We stayed like that for a little bit before he walked me back to the bed and laid me on my back. Then he climbed in next to me.
“Well that was–” He began to say, but was cut off when we both started seeing the flood of achievement text rolling past in front of our eyes.
“Oh what the hell. Do I even want to read these?” I grumbled.
Beck laughed and shook his head. “If I have to read these, so do you, since they involve both of us.”
I let out a weary sigh. “At least they waited until we were finished.”
New Achievement! You did WHAT in our dungeon??
We honestly can’t believe that you found anyone or anything willing to fuck you, let alone in our perfect little slice of subterranean heaven! You know what? It’s fine. It was going to happen sooner or later to somebody, we just never dreamed it would be you! Just don’t leave any of your disgusting sticky residue on our stuff. Oh, and enjoy having the entire universe making cringey memes about how abysmal you are in the sack long after you’re dead.
Reward: You have received a Silver Lucky Bastard Box!
I really should have known we weren’t going to have any actual privacy and I was suddenly reevaluating my decision-making skills.
New Achievement! They Were Just Really Good Friends.
Hey, you’re a man and you slept with another man. Neato. Why did it take your planet so long to realize this isn’t a big deal?
Reward: You have received a Silver LGBTQIA&69420XXXpfdsjkgdsn Box!
“Jesus fucking Christ,” I muttered under my breath. There were more.
New Achievement! Monster Fucker!
Do we uh, do we really need to explain this one to you? You’re a human, and you intentionally did the no-pants dance with a creature outside of your own species. I guess we should all be grateful that they were at least sentient? Well we hope you’re pleased with yourself, and you clearly are, judging by that shit-eating grin on your face.
Reward: You have received the title Monster Fucker!
Welp. That was a title I would never even consider using.
New Achievement! Gnoll Hole!
It’s YOU! You’re the hole! You get it? Cuz a big, randy male gnoll just stuffed you like a thanksgiving turkey! What an inspiration you are! Who knew your poor little balloon knot had that kind of elasticity? We’d be proud of you if we weren’t so horrified by your paleolithic grunting during coitus.
Reward: You just bottomed for a hyena man with an eleven and a half inch wang. (We know how much that extra half inch matters to you people.) That has got to be its own reward for a degenerate like you, right?
Fuck me, Beck was really eleven and a half inches long?? I mean, I knew he was big but God DAYUM! You know what? I was proud of myself for that one.
New Achievement! Carnal Crawlers!
Wow, so being in a party fighting creatures in life or death scenarios alongside some guy you just met wasn’t enough for ya, huh? You just had to take it to that next level. Couldn’t resist gettin’ yer bussy blasted? For shame! Then again, when you’re as sad and desperate as you are, it makes sense that you’d be doing everything in your power to stave off that crippling loneliness for even… what was it again? Six and a half minutes?
Reward: When in a party with your new fuck buddy and within genital-touching distance of each other, you both gain a blazing shield for ten seconds. Why is the shield on fire? Well, it might be to symbolize the heat of your passion… or it might be because you contracted gnollorrhea which also burns and is highly infectious and even highlier deadly. You should probably get tested.
This godforsaken place. I’d bet all of my gold that gnollorrhea didn’t even exist until I got my back blown out by one of them. Hopefully it was just the AI’s awful sense of humor. Still, I’d check in with the apothecary down the street first thing in the morning just to be sure.
“Huh, that’s the most achievements I’ve received at one time.” Said the sweaty gnoll lying next to me.
“Me too, and they’re all ridiculous.”
“I mean sure, of course they are but, in a way I’m kinda glad we got them.”
“Are you serious?” I asked, rolling over to look at him.
He scratched a claw through his neck mane as he thought for a moment. “Yeah, I am. I liked fooling around with you, Ernie. I know you had a good time too. I also know that tomorrow or the day after might be our last so… I’m glad we got to spend tonight together at least, and these achievements are proof of that.”
I felt oddly emotional at his words. It had been a long time since someone had enjoyed fooling around with me. “Geez, I didn’t realize you were such a softie!”
His smile dropped a little when I said that so I grabbed one of his big paws and pulled it to my chest.
“But I’m glad that you are, Beck. I’m glad we get to spend our time here together. I fucking hate it here but, you’re making me hate it a lot less.
“Same to you,” he said and gave me a little kiss on the forehead. “And I’m glad to learn my hat of human seduction works so well.”
“Shut the fuck up, are you serious?!” I cried out suddenly and sat up in the bed.
He let out a loud hyena laugh. “No! Of course not! Hell if anything you’re the one who seduced me!”
I smiled to myself. “Damn right. You must’ve wanted it pretty bad too since charisma is my worst stat.”
“That’s true. Ever since we partied up I’ve been checking you out and hoping we’d end up right where we are.”
I laid back down and cuddled into him in the little spoon position. Color me oblivious, I hadn’t noticed him checking me out whatsoever. I could feel his gnollhood start to chub up again in the cleft of my ass.
“Careful buddy! You’re gonna make me have to seed that cute butt of yours again if you keep rubbing against me like that.”
“That’s not the threat you might think it is.”
“Aren’t you worried about them watching us? Now that we definitely know they are?”
“Ah fuck it. They’ve seen everything now. Might as well find out how many more sex-related achievements there are in this game, huh?”
“Oh Ernie,” Beck said and sighed, “you’re the best party member a guy could hope for!”
END