Art is a journey, it's a constant process, some stuff are in our control, some are not. Change is inevitable, it doesn't even necessarily boils down to good or bad. My way of drawing changed, not just on a technical level, but mentally. I had an epiphany recently while looking at my older pieces, and besides cringing, this time I did noticed a difference. I used to draw more carefree, with risks, even destructive ones. Nowdays I still do risks, but more calculated. There's more thought on every single thing I draw. It's a change I don't have 100% conscious control over it, which leads me to draw better overall but very slowly, and I think everyone of you must have noticed this too by now lol. I know this because I don't cringe anymore at my drawings on a 0-3 years range. I tend to appreciate my own (recent) art more. The reasons are probably many, indipendently of my awareness; but I can pinpoin a couple from recent years: When I hurt both my arms (got forced to work less and slow for months), and when Gumroad went rip. I think in my mind a piece of responsibilization has gone along with it (gumroad). I don't have the urge to make one work by the end of the month, so I can make a zip and sell it as a product anymore. I'm mostly pursuing art to make it look good now, rather than capitalizing on it, but I also know it has a cost: (my wallet), cuz I post less often and get less patrons. Part of me wishes to go back to how things used to be, but (drawing) it's mostly a mental process which I don't have fully control over it, I can't 100% force myself to draw faster (but possibly worse?) on command. That said, I've been working consistently since september, (I fumbled a bit on the Lala sketch, I think that one took like a month to sketch LOL) but yeah I've been locked in for a while now. The first half of 2025 for me it was bad, I had a bit of an existential crysis, being discouraged was worse than a sickness. The rise of AI doesn't help either. The way I see AI, it's like a Lovecraftian being in a state of sleep, used by people for their own personal interests... but I can't help but wonder when will that thing will open its eyes and wake up one day. Past years I've been keeping it a close eye and it's learning at a speed no human can, which kinda scares me. Its sole presence promps me to draw less (or more ironically), I think lots of artists feel the same way. It's somewhat discouraging or a challenge to draw more. Ngl I kinda miss the internet pre AI and bots. Anyway I also hope to be more consistent for this year, there's still a lot I wanna do! Happy new years, and hopefully for a better 2026!
(btw if you check the folders or discord, I'll prob be training a bit this week, I posted one so far)