Alex’s POV
I’ve always thought of myself as a rational person. The kind of girl who color-codes her notes, schedules study sessions down to the minute, and feels a little thrill when she checks off a to-do list. I’m the one who double-checks her answers and triple-checks her calendar. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been the “smart one” in my family—the responsible Dunphy child who never gave anyone a reason to worry, the one they could count on to get things right.
So, when Lucas told me in the classroom that he got a perfect 1600 on the SAT, I didn’t know how to react. I actually screamed a little in disbelief, which is so not me. I mean, he’s my boyfriend. I want him to succeed. I want all the best things for him. But as soon as the words left his mouth, and I saw that number glowing on his phone screen, a strange feeling twisted in my chest—something like jealousy and pride tangled together.
I tried to play it cool in class after my initial outburst, but the truth is, I was stunned. Lucas, who I’d always thought of as brilliant in his own way but not exactly obsessed with academics, had just aced the SAT. I mean, I gave him a few short lessons myself, thinking I was helping, but later I realized he already knew most of the answers to the questions he asked—he just wanted to talk to me. I found that cute at the time, but now I feel a little foolish. I’d spent countless nights hunched over practice tests, stressing over every last question, and here he was, casually doing something that was one of my dreams. Like that time I spent an entire Saturday perfecting my essay structure, only for Lucas to write a draft in thirty minutes that our teacher called “thoughtful and original.” It’s like he’s just good at everything he tries.
Chess, Game developer, singing and now this. I mean I didn't feel like this when he excelled in all those things but this was supposed to be my thing, not his. I sound so selfish even thinking like this.
I was proud of him—so proud—but I was also…jealous. There, I said it. I was jealous. And the worst part was, I hated myself for feeling that way. I wanted to be better than that. I wanted to just be happy for him, no strings attached. But I couldn’t help it. I felt like the ground had shifted under my feet.
The rest of the day was a blur. Everyone was talking about Lucas’s score. Girls approached him with intentions that were clear from their not-so-subtle glances, but I was protective of him, and thankfully, Lucas didn’t give them any attention. People kept coming up to congratulate him, and by association, me. “You must be so proud!” they’d say, or “Smart couple goals!” I smiled and nodded, trying to ignore the little voice in my head that whispered, “But what about you, Alex? What if you’re not the smartest anymore?”
When I got home that afternoon, the house was unusually quiet. Mom was in the kitchen, chopping vegetables for dinner—she still finds time for this despite her busy schedule. Dad was in the living room, watching some old sitcom rerun. Haley was out with friends, and Luke was…well, who knows where Luke was.
I dropped my backpack by the door and wandered into the kitchen. Mom looked up, her eyes lighting up when she saw me.
“Hey, honey! How was school?” she asked, her voice warm and familiar.
I shrugged, trying to sound casual. “It was fine. Busy.”
She wiped her hands on a dish towel and leaned against the counter. “Are you okay? Why do you look so serious?” Claire said, concern in her voice.
“It’s nothing. Lucas got a perfect score on his SATs,” I told her, knowing it was futile to hide anything from her. If I didn’t say anything, she’d probably call Lucas herself and ask, and I didn’t want that.
“That’s amazing! A perfect score on the SAT—wow. You must be so happy for him,” Claire smiled, clearly happy that I had such a great guy as a boyfriend. Honestly, her expectations were so low because of Haley and Dylan that she would find anything above that amazing.
There it was again. That expectation. I forced a smile. “Yeah, I am. It’s incredible.”
Mom studied me for a moment, her eyes narrowing just a little. “You know, you’ve always set such high standards for yourself, Alex. But it’s okay to be proud of someone else, too. You don’t always have to be the best at everything.”
I bristled, even though I knew she meant well. “I know, Mom. I am proud of him. Really.”
She nodded, but I could tell she was still watching me. “You know, when I was your age, I used to get so competitive with my friends. But eventually, I realized that their success didn’t take anything away from mine. You’re still amazing, Alex. Don’t forget that.” That was so untrue, but her advice was actually good. Even if I knew she was right, I just didn’t know how to feel.
I mumbled something about homework and retreated to my room. I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts.
I flopped onto my bed, staring up at the ceiling. My mind raced. I replayed Lucas’s words, the look on his face when he told me, the way the whole class had erupted in applause. I should have been happy. I was happy. But I was also…motivated. If Lucas could do it, so could I. I refused to let this be the moment I fell behind.
I sat up, grabbed my SAT prep books from the shelf, and opened to a random page. I started working through practice questions, timing myself, pushing myself to go faster, to get every answer right. I told myself it wasn’t a competition, but deep down, I knew I was lying. I wanted to prove—to myself, to Lucas, to everyone—that I was still the smart one. That I could do it, too.
As I worked, my phone buzzed with messages. Friends asking if I’d heard the news, classmates wanting to know about him. Yeah, the girls in my class always pestered me about Lucas. I was getting kind of famous in school as well. Lucas had started getting many admirers recently, and at first, I enjoyed all that attention, but eventually realized most of them were just hyenas, not real friends.
So, I ignored most of them, focusing on the problems in front of me. For the first time in a long time, I felt a fire under me—a drive to push harder, to be better.
Dinner that night was…awkward. Dad tried to lighten the mood, cracking jokes about how he’d never even taken the SAT and look how he turned out. Mom kept glancing at me, clearly worried. Luke wandered in halfway through, grabbed a slice of pizza, and asked, “So, does this mean Lucas is smarter than you now?”
I glared at him. “No, Luke. It means he did really well. And so will I.”
He shrugged, unconcerned. “Cool. Can I have your dessert if you’re not going to eat it?”
Haley FaceTimed in from her friend’s house, wanting the scoop. “So, is Lucas like, the new Einstein or something? Are you guys going to be, like, a power couple now?”
I rolled my eyes. “Haley, it’s not a big deal. He just did well on a test.”
But even as I said it, I knew it was a big deal. It was a huge deal. And I couldn’t let it go.
After dinner, I went back to my room and made a new study schedule. I set new goals for myself. I decided to retake the test, even though my last score had been good enough for any college I wanted. I wanted perfect. I wanted to prove—to myself, if no one else—that I could do it, too.
That night, Lucas called me, and it helped me calm down. He had that strange effect on me whenever I felt anxious. Even listening to him talk about nonsense was better than being alone with my own thoughts. We talked about the song recording and he briefed me on everything we’d have to do. I wasn’t sure if I should “waste” my time on this, but Lucas was never someone you could directly refuse—he had that strange charisma.
The next few days were a blur of studying. I woke up early to review vocabulary, stayed up late working through math problems, and spent every spare moment with my nose in a book. I barely saw Lucas, except for the recording session we did for the songs one evening. It was so fast because we had practiced the song a gazillion times already, and the recording came out unreal. I couldn’t believe it was my voice. Josh was there too, helping with the equipment and giving us feedback on our takes. The three of us worked as a team—Lucas handled most of the technical stuff, Josh managed the recording software and did some quick edits, and I focused on getting the vocals right. It was exhausting but satisfying, and for a moment, I forgot about everything else and just enjoyed making music with people I cared about.
That evening, Lucas took me on a car movie date. It was actually my first time seeing a movie from a car. I was reluctant at first because I might miss my evening study session, but he insisted and even got permission from my mom to take me. He pulled out his phone and dialed her, and I heard her say through the speaker, “You need it, honey, or you’ll burn out.”
“So do you want to talk about it?” Lucas asked, watching me directly in the eye as the movie played in the background.
I hesitated, but he just stared in my eyes with such intensity I couldn't lie and then meekly said. “I don’t know, Lucas. I’m happy for you, I really am. But I’m also…jealous. And I hate that I feel that way.”
He squeezed my hand, his gaze gentle. “It’s okay, Alex. You can feel both. I get it.”
I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. “I just… I don’t want to fall behind. I’ve always been the smart one. It’s part of who I am.”
He smiled softly. “You’re still the smart one. You always will be.”
We sat in comfortable silence for a while, watching the movie, the world outside the car fading away. For the first time in days, I felt like I could breathe