SO. I feel like a total shit burger about having let you all get charged monthly while I haven't been posting things. Getting a handle on how to recover from burn out - physical, mental, and creatively...it's been a fucking trip. So much challenging shit as well as unexpectedly amazing changes/opportunities, and moving to Madison - like, fuck, I could cry again right now thinking about how much more like home this place already feels. But brain chemistry is wonky about changing gears too quickly, and there's a bunch of personal and interpersonal stuff that I'm still processing and relearning...
I'm really sorry for not having had the courage to at least post a little sketch here and there, or even share what non-illustration stuff I'm doing from one day to the next. It's really hard to not overanalyze and get anxious about how stuff will be received. '___'
But ultimately I think this struggle has been good/essential, because I was trying too hard to do the same thing over and over, and kind of keep myself at a distance. (Even from myself, honestly.) I want to be more real, more accessible, vulnerable, and connect more directly to people - especially you all. Even though I'm very nervous about it, I am going to start streaming regularly. I might draw sometimes, or just be there to chat - or maybe even start playing games and sharing my thoughts on them? Because I have been struggling really hard with the balance of how to take time to enjoy myself when I feel like I should be working, and it makes me grow isolated from culture and stagnant, and uninspired. So I want to get experimental and communicate more directly - less of this text-dump stuff I've been doing.
I really want a chance to listen to other people's stories, and make a safe place to ask any questions and explore ideas. I might not be comfortable answering everything, but even practicing expressing that I am not offended but also not willing to answer is a skill I'd like to cultivate. (And learning how to manage energy/availability is a big thing, obviously...)
For those of you that really hope my art will be the same as it used to be, I'm not sure I can offer that. I don't know for sure what it will be. I will still deal with adult themes as well as cutesy stuff and Pokemon, and weird magical creature fusions - but just a heads up that it might get weirder, more intimate, less pin-up-y. Maybe. Probably. We'll have to find out together tbh.
Thank you so much to those of you who have stuck around despite my sporadic and excruciatingly slow growing pains.
I feel guilty about having accepted money while not giving you all what I promised - from commissions to regular posts to the thank you packages with I DO STILL INTEND TO SEND dammit. Just can't make it in time for christmas. But my shit is actually organized enough now - or 80% of the way there - so that these next few weeks can be focused on sending out rewards.
I might have to simply refund some of you for commission tiers though, because I'm not sure that I can unbury myself from the backlog of stuff I feel I can't complete because my executive dysfunction makes me freeze up so hard when I don't know what to prioritize. I will be deleting and simplifying the Patreon tiers at the start of the new year to end the cycle of self-defeating overambitious promises. Ugh.
I also want to change the Patreon payment format to be pay-per-creation rather than by month. This way I will have a clear incentive to finish projects and you won't be stuck paying for things when I'm not able to.
(Pay-per doesn't mean each post is charged, btw. I will still be able to make posts that are free, and you all will be able to put a cap on how much per month you pay. Feel free to make suggestions on how to optimize this for your interest!)
And I just wanted to make this a poll so you could reply easily I guess?? Idk D: