A Q&A with Even Better senior editor Rachel Wilkerson Miller
Have you met your neighbors? Maybe you've shared a hesitant smile or a wave. But, how do you become a great neighbor and possibly a great friend to the people you live by? In our series The people next door, we explain why cultivating those relationships is important and how exactly to do it.
Below, I asked Even Better senior editor Rachel Wilkerson Miller about how the series came together and why this topic is more relevant than ever. Read all the stories from the series here.
—Kelsi Trinidad, senior audience editor of membership and newsletters
The April Highlight cover story was about the value and return of neighborism. How did you get the idea to expand this topic into a series of stories?
I was really thrilled when Sara Radin pitched that story, because I had already been toying with the idea of doing a larger editorial package on neighbors. It made for a great Highlight cover, and I decided to make that the anchor piece of the larger package, which became The people next door, and launched with more stories this week.
Why do you think that story resonated with so many people right now?
I think it sits at the intersection of a few things: Loneliness; an ongoing desire to be less online; and political polarization, which is making people feel especially isolated, but is also motivating some folks to get more involved locally. I also think there’s a feeling among older millennials that it’s time to fully step into our role as adults; like, we’re in our 40s now. A lot of us have kids, we’re starting to notice the effects of aging, and I think there’s a desire, even if you don’t have a 30-year mortgage or feel like you’re going to necessarily stay in one place forever, to feel like you’re repairing the social fabric that’s been torn away in the last couple of decades. There’s a realization that, Oh, it’s our turn. No one is going to create a community or ensure a neighborhood tradition (like a block party) keeps happening for us to simply show up and enjoy. It’s our job to do that work now.
So, I think there’s a real desire for meaning and connection with the people around us, but there’s also still a lot of fear of how to reach out, what to say, and it’s easy to talk yourself out of it because you think it’s corny or weird to introduce yourself to a neighbor. It’s not corny or weird! My work is often to give people permission to do the thing that’s been on their mind — I love to help people take that final step.
So, I think the neighborism story resonated because it spoke to something people were thinking about, and showed specifically how you could approach it. I loved that Sara talked to a guy who put up flyers to advertise his block WhatsApp. It’s the exact kind of thing someone would tell themself is a silly thing to do. But it’s not silly, and this guy did it, and it worked out really well for him! We can all be that guy!
I know you’ve been actively trying to get to know some of your neighbors and have made some good friends out of it. What impact has getting to know the people living around you had on you and how you think about community?
It’s been an overwhelmingly positive experience; I really can’t recommend it enough. I live in a huge apartment complex in Manhattan — it spans several adjacent buildings and has more residents than some small towns. And some people have lived here their entire lives, so it feels like a small town in that way too. It’s an incredibly interesting mix of people, and getting to know more of them has demonstrably improved my quality of life. And I should be clear that I’m a fairly shy and introverted person; this doesn’t come super naturally to me at all. But pushing through that and finding ways I was comfortable with was really helpful. You might not be the person who wants to organize a block party, so it’s all about thinking about what you personally have to offer and how you can connect with people in a way that feels authentic.
To give you an example: An elementary-age kid who lives here loves potlucks and really wanted to have a potluck for all the neighbors to attend, so his parents helped facilitate it via flyers (and by working with the building to get tables set up in a common area), and our community had an incredible potluck attended by a couple hundred people this spring. A literal child did this!!! That’s what I mean about figuring out your own unique way to connect with people.
What do you hope readers take away from this project?
I hope they take down their Ring camera, stop writing anonymous notes, and find the courage to say, “By the way, I’ve never properly introduced myself! I’m [whoever].” It’s actually not that deep! When you think about it, it’s actually way weirder to not know the names of the people nearest to you, who you pass by every day.