BLOG: Joy Creates the Greatest Art of All Time (Indigo de Souza at Rev Hall)
The Monday morning after ECCC, En and I took the train back to Portland. While En napped the last of their sniffles off, I drank coffee, blogged, played video games, and listened to the latest Indigo de Souza album. (Side bar: I love the train. I hate driving! I love being able to play video games while getting where I’m going.)
It was a sunny day, and all the very, very early spring moss was bright green on the trees. “Not Afraid” started up and I felt the planets shift into my Aries favor.
Monday evening, we were going to see Indigo de Souza at Revolution Hall. Rev Hall is a special building to me, for many reasons. There’s a whole history and long memory in that building with me. I have a transformative life experience every time I’m there. I dunno, maybe I just really liked school as a kid.
En and I wore our matching HELL shirts from Zine Hug, which the merch table guy got a kick out of. I got Precipice on vinyl as a treat, since I haven’t added to my vinyl collection in a year or two and ECCC went well. And I love supporting artists!
We got balcony seats, another wonderful part of the show. After a long weekend at the con, it was nice to just sit and let the music wash over me. There were moments, however, where I wished I was in front of the stage, singing all the words. Even so, the people in the balcony with me were just as hype as the people on the floor.
The opener was an artist named Mothé (pronounced moth, normal style). They have a song with Indigo de Souza, but apart from that, I hadn’t listened to their music before. I was SO CHARMED. I loved their stage presence, I loved the way their supporting instrumentalist smiled, I loved the drummer, I loved their lyrics, I loved how much fun they all seemed to be having. It was intense and emotional and hot and queer and energetic. I’m a new fan! I was seriously getting choked up by the performance.
I can’t remember the last time I saw a band have so much fun on stage together. I can’t remember the last time anyone smiled so much while performing. It made me reflect on my own pursuit of joy in my artistic practice. The top of this year was about realigning my indulgent self and creating things for the love of the game. Watching Mothé perform reaffirmed my bliss-chasing practice.
Then it was time for Indigo. She’s an artist I’ve loved for several years now, and this was my first time attending one of her concerts. My favorite song from her, the first song I ever heard, is called “Real Pain” and the live version of this song is my favorite version. Hearing a whole set list of her songs live??? I don’t think I’ll ever experience beauty like that again.
Indigo de Souza is one of the most talented artists of our generation. The way she can riff and add operatic vocals to any song gives me goosebumps. These live versions are so unique in that way, and I could kiss my past self for getting tickets and allowing me to be a part of that experience.
As I watched the performance and listened to songs I love being given beautiful new twists in Rev Hall, I was struck by how important it is for weird, niche, unrestrained artists to make what they want to make and settle for nothing less. I thought about how fucked up it is that someone as talented as Indigo de Souza is not a household name while pop stars coast on someone else’s craft into private jets. I thought about how fame makes artists worse. I thought that I want all my favorite artists to be widely beloved and honored. I thought that I want them recognized, but not made worse by the pressure of observation. I thought, “I hope none of my favorite artists ever have to worry about money again. I hope they get the right amount of acclaim to be able to keep making things, live comfortably, and yet never feel the chains and restraint of mass appeal.”
I prayed this for me, too.
Here’s my top Indigo de Souza songs:
And here’s Mothé’s bandcamp, too!
This is a Patreon early access post that goes public next week on my blog!