The read-through took two hours. Jake read Christine's lines in a higher voice. He tried to sound gentle. Some cast members glanced at him. Others stared at their scripts.
When the scene came where Christine and Raoul kiss, Greg paused. He looked at his page. Then he kept reading without stopping. His voice stayed steady, but his shoulders tensed.
Jessica read Carlotta's lines with extra bite. Every time Christine spoke, Jessica's eyes narrowed.
After the read-through, Howard gave notes. "Good work today. Learn your lines. We start music rehearsals tomorrow."
Jake packed his bag. Greg walked past him without a word. Jake followed him outside.
"Greg, wait."
Greg stopped but did not turn around.
"Can we talk?" Jake asked.
"About what?"
"About this. About us doing scenes together."
Greg turned. "What is there to talk about? You got the part. I got mine. We do the show."
"You are angry."
"I am not angry. I am uncomfortable."
"How can I help?"
Greg shook his head. "You cannot. Just do your job. I will do mine."
He walked away. Jake watched him go.
The next day, music rehearsals started. Jake worked with Nicole Walsh on piano. She was a senior music major with red hair and a quick smile. They rehearsed "Think of Me" in a small practice room.
"Your pitch is good," Nicole said. "But you need to breathe. Christine's phrases are longer."
Jake tried again. Nicole nodded.
"Better. One more time."
They ran the song six times. Jake's throat felt tired. Nicole handed him a bottle of water.
"You sound like a girl," Nicole said. "That is a compliment."
"Thanks."
"How do you feel about all this?"
Jake shrugged. "Nervous. Confused. Determined."
"That is a lot."
"Yeah."
Howard walked past the practice room and stopped. He listened through the door window. Then he came inside.
"Jake, come with me."
Jake followed Howard to the costume room in the basement. The lights flickered. A woman named Gail Peterson worked at a sewing table. She looked up when they entered.
"This is Jake," Howard said. "He needs measurements for Christine."
Gail stood up. She grabbed a measuring tape. "Take off your jacket and shirt."
Jake did as told. Gail measured his chest, waist, hips, and inseam. She wrote numbers on a notepad.
"You have a small frame," Gail said. "That helps."
"Is that good?"
"It makes my job easier." She paused. "I worked on a show twenty years ago with a boy playing a female lead. He quit acting after that."
Jake's stomach dropped. "Why?"
"The other students made fun of him. He lost confidence." Gail looked at Jake. "Do not let that happen to you."
"I will try."
Howard handed Jake a box. "Open it."
Jake opened the box. Inside sat a pair of black high heels.
"Wear these when you practice at home," Howard said. "They will help you move, lady-like."
"Now?"
"When you get home. Not here."
Jake closed the box. "Okay."
That night, Jake sat on his couch with the heels on the floor. Greg was out. Jake took off his socks and put the heels on. He stood up slowly.
The heels pushed his weight forward. He grabbed the couch arm for balance. He took a few steps. His ankles wobbled. He walked to the kitchen and back. Each step felt less strange.
He put on the script and read Christine's lines while walking in the heels. His hips shifted naturally to keep balance. He did not think about it. It just happened.
For an hour, he walked and read. Then he took the heels off. His feet hurt. But something felt distinct about his posture. He stood straighter.
The next day at rehearsal, Jake wore the heels. Howard saw them and nodded. The other cast members noticed. Some whispered. Jake ignored them.
Nicole played piano for a group scene. Jake sang "Angel of Music" with Hannah Moon, who played Meg. They stood side by side. Jake matched Hannah's movements. He kept his hands relaxed and his chin low.
Howard stopped them. "Jake, your arms are stiff. Let them move naturally."
Jake tried again. He let his arms swing gently. Howard watched.
"Better. Hannah, take her hand."
Hannah reached for Jake's hand. Jake gave it to her. Her fingers felt small and warm.
"Now sing," Howard said.
They sang. Jake looked at Hannah. She smiled at him. He smiled back. For a moment, he forgot he was a boy.
After rehearsal, Jessica cornered him by the water fountain.
"You think you are clever," she said.
"No. I think I am working hard."
"You are a joke. Everyone laughs at you behind your back."
Jake looked at her. "If that makes you feel better, okay."
Jessica's face twitched. "You do not belong here."
She walked away. Jake watched her go. He wanted to feel angry. Instead, he felt tired.
He went home and put on the heels. He read his lines again. He sang into his phone recording. He listened back. His voice sounded higher than before. More controlled.
Greg came home at midnight. He saw Jake in the heels, reading the script on the couch.
"You are still doing that," Greg said.
"Every night."
Greg sat in the armchair. He watched Jake for a minute.
"You look less like a guy," Greg said.
"Is that good?"
"I do not know yet."
They sat in silence. Then Greg went to his room and closed the door.
Jake took off the heels. He rubbed his feet. Tomorrow would bring more rehearsals. More stares. More work.
He went to bed.
The second week of rehearsals brought new challenges. Howard announced that everyone needed to be off book by the end of the month. Jake knew his lines but not his blocking. He had never moved around a stage in heels before.
On Monday afternoon, Jake went to the costume basement before rehearsal. Gail waited with a garment bag.
"Try this on," Gail said. She handed him a long blue skirt and a white blouse.
Jake took the clothes into a changing stall. A bra and a pair of panties sat on top of the pile. He put them on. The bra felt tight around his chest. Gail had added small foam inserts to fill the cups. He pulled the blouse over his head. The fabric felt light and smooth. The skirt went over his hips and fell to his ankles.
He stepped out of the stall. Gail looked at him.
"Turn around," she said.
Jake turned. Gail adjusted the skirt's waistband.
"Good enough for now. The real costumes come in three weeks."
Jake looked at himself in the mirror. The clothes looked like something a woman would wear. His short blonde hair broke the image.
"We need a wig," Gail said. She pulled a box from a shelf. Inside sat a brown wig with long curls. She placed it on Jake's head and pinned it down.
Jake stared at his reflection. The wig changed everything. His face looked softer with the hair around it. He tilted his head. The wig moved with him.
"Do not get used to that one," Gail said. "Your real wig will be better quality. This is just for practice."
"Thanks."
Howard appeared at the door. He looked Jake up and down.
"Follow me," Howard said.
Jake walked behind Howard up the stairs. The heels clicked on each step. He held the railing. Howard led him to the main stage. No one else was there.
"Walk to the center," Howard said.
Jake walked. His hips moved more than usual. The skirt swished around his legs.
"Stop. Now sit on that chair."
A wooden chair sat near the piano. Jake sat down. He crossed his legs at the ankle the way Nicole had shown him.
"Good. Now stand up like Christine would."
Jake stood. He placed one hand on the chair back and pushed up slowly. He kept his back straight.
Howard nodded. "That is the first time I have seen you move like a woman. Not perfect. But close."
"What do I need to work on?"
"Your hands. Women use their hands differently when they talk. Watch the other girls in rehearsal. Copy them."
Jake looked at his hands. They looked like his hands. He did not know how to change them.
"Practice in front of a mirror," Howard said. "That is all for now. Go to the main rehearsal room."
Jake walked to the rehearsal room. The cast had started warm-ups without him. He found his spot next to Hannah.
"Nice skirt," Hannah whispered.
"Thanks."
Jessica stood across the circle. She saw Jake's outfit and looked away.
The rehearsal focused on the first act ensemble numbers. Jake sang with the other women. His voice blended with theirs. The choreographer, Jeff Dawson, taught them a simple dance for "Masquerade."
"Ladies, hands on your partners' shoulders," Jeff said.
Jake turned to face Greg. Greg put his hands on Jake's waist. Jake put his hands on Greg's shoulders. They stood close. Jake could smell Greg's laundry detergent.
"Step together, step apart," Jeff called.
They moved. Jake's heels made him taller than usual but still shorter than Greg. The dance required them to turn in a circle. Greg's hands guided Jake's hips.
"Good. Now look at each other like you are in love."
Jake looked at Greg's face. Greg's jaw stayed tight. His eyes did not soften.
"Greg, you look like you are at a funeral," Jeff said. "She is your fiancée. Smile."
Greg smiled. It did not reach his eyes.
They ran the dance four more times. Each time, Greg's hands felt less stiff. By the last run, he kept his palms flat on Jake's waist. Jake kept his fingers curled around Greg's shoulders.
"Break," Jeff called.
Greg stepped back immediately. He walked to the water cooler without looking at Jake.
Nicole came over. "You did okay."
"He hates this."
"He will get over it. Or he will not. Either way, you have a show to do."
Jake knew she was right. But knowing did not make the knot in his stomach go away.
After rehearsal, Jake went to change out of the skirt and wig. Gail helped him pack everything away.
"Same time tomorrow," Gail said.
Jake walked home alone. The streets had gotten darker earlier. Fall moved toward winter. He climbed the stairs to his apartment. Greg's shoes sat by the door. Greg's door was closed.
Jake made a sandwich and ate at the kitchen counter. He pulled out his phone and watched videos of actresses playing Christine. He watched their hands. They gestured with open palms. They touched their own necks when they sang. They kept their fingers together instead of spread apart.
He stood in front of the bathroom mirror. He raised his hand like he was about to speak. He spread his fingers. No. He kept them together. Better. He touched his own collar. His neck felt bare. A necklace would help.
He did not own a necklace.
He kept practicing. He said Christine's lines from memory while watching his hands in the mirror. The movements felt fake at first. Then less fake. Then almost natural.
Greg's door opened. Greg walked to the bathroom without looking at Jake. Jake stepped aside to let him pass.
Greg closed the door. Jake heard the sink run.
Jake went to his room. He took off his shirt and pants. He stood in front of his own small mirror. His chest looked flat. His shoulders looked narrow. His hips looked wider than most guys his size.
He put on a t-shirt and sweatpants. He lay in bed and stared at the ceiling.
Two months until opening night. He needed more practice. He needed more time. He needed Greg to look at him like a scene partner instead of a problem.
He closed his eyes.
Tomorrow, he would try again.
Thursday morning, Jake woke up with a sore throat. He drank tea and honey before class. His voice felt rough but usable.
He wore the heels to rehearsal that afternoon. Gail had laid out a gray cardigan and black leggings. Jake changed into them. The leggings hugged his legs. The cardigan hung past his hips. Gail added the brown wig and a thin silver necklace.
"You look like a little fem person," Gail said.
"That is the goal."
Jake walked to the rehearsal room. The cast had already started. Howard motioned for Jake to join a scene with Nate and Greg.
"Page forty-two," Howard said. "The rooftop scene."
Jake found the page. Christine stands between Raoul and the Phantom. The Phantom threatens Raoul. Christine begs him to stop.
Nate played the Phantom with a deep voice. He stood close to Jake. His breath smelled like coffee.
"You cannot have her," Nate said.
"Christine loves me," Greg said.
Jake said his lines. "Please, leave him alone."
Howard stopped them. "Jake, you sound scared. Christine is terrified. Let your voice shake."
Jake tried again. He made his voice tremble. Howard nodded.
"Better. Greg, hold her hand."
Greg reached for Jake's hand. His palm felt dry. Jake held it. Greg's grip stayed loose.
"Now sing," Howard said.
They sang the trio. Jake's voice cracked on a high note. He stopped.
"Keep going," Howard said.
Jake continued. His voice smoothed out by the end of the song.
"Good enough," Howard said. "Take ten."
Greg let go of Jake's hand. He walked to the corner and sat alone. Jessica walked past him and whispered something. Greg nodded but did not smile.
Jake went to Nicole. "What did I do wrong?"
"Nothing major. Your voice broke. It happens."
"Greg will not look at me."
Nicole glanced at Greg. "That is his problem. Not yours."
Howard called everyone back. They ran the scene three more times. Each time, Greg held Jake's hand tighter. By the third run, their fingers laced together. Jake felt Greg's pulse through his palm.
After rehearsal, Jessica approached Jake by the door.
"You want some advice?" she asked.
"Not really."
"Too bad. You walk like a guy in heels. Watch your feet."
She left before Jake could respond.
He looked down at his feet. He did not know what she meant. He walked to the costume basement. His heels clicked on the floor. He tried to listen to the rhythm. Did guys click differently?
Gail was not there. Tina Ross, a student volunteer, helped him change out of the clothes.
"Jessica said I walk wrong," Jake said.
Tina shrugged. "She is just mad. Ignore her."
Jake went home. Greg was not there. Jake put on the heels and walked around the apartment. He watched his feet. He tried to place one foot directly in front of the other. That felt more balanced.
He walked to the kitchen and back. Then again. Then ten more times.
When Greg came home, Jake was still walking.
"What are you doing?" Greg asked.
"Practicing my walk."
Greg watched for a minute. "Your heels are loud."
"Should they be quieter?"
"I do not know. Ask a girl."
Jake stopped. "Can you help me?"
"With what?"
"With the scenes. We are supposed to look like we love each other. We look like strangers."
Greg sat on the couch. He rubbed his face. "What do you want me to do?"
"Talk to me. Not as Raoul and Christine. Just as us. Tell me what you are thinking."
Greg looked at the floor. "I am thinking this is hard. I watch you walk around in women's clothes and I do not know how to act with you."
Jake smelled his own wrist. He wore the perfume Gail had sprayed on the cardigan. He forgot about it.
"I can wash it off."
"That is not the point." Greg stood up. "The point is I do not know if I can do this."
Jake felt his chest tighten. "Do you want me to quit?"
Greg paused. "No. Howard wants you. The show needs you. I just..."
"What?"
"I just wish you were a girl."
Greg walked to his room and closed the door.
Jake stood in the living room. The heels made him feel stuck to the floor. He took them off. He sat on the couch and put his head in his hands.
His phone buzzed. A text from Nicole.
Girls' night at my place tomorrow. You in?
Jake stared at the message. He typed back.
What is girls' night?
Exactly what it sounds like. Wear something cute. 8pm.
Jake did not know what "something cute" meant. He did not own anything cute. He thought about saying no. But Nicole had been kind to him. He needed friends.
Okay. See you there.
He put his phone down. Greg's door stayed closed.
Jake went to bed.