Jake showed up at Nicole's apartment at eight o'clock. He wore his own jeans and a hoodie. He did not own any cute clothes. Nicole opened the door. She wore sweatpants and a large t-shirt. She said, You came.
Jake said, You said eight.
Samantha sat on the couch with a glass of wine. She waved at Jake and said, Come in. We are watching a movie. Jake sat on the couch. Nicole handed him a glass of wine. Jake asked, What movie? Samantha said, Mean Girls. Have you seen it? Jake said, No. Nicole laughed and said, Perfect.
They started the movie. Nicole and Samantha quoted lines. Jake laughed at parts he understood. The wine made him feel loose.
Halfway through, Nicole paused the movie and said, Jake, we need to talk about something. Jake said, Okay.
Nicole said, You are going to wear girl clothes to rehearsal every day. That is fine. But you also need to act like a girl off stage. Not all the time. Just enough to get comfortable.
Jake put his glass down and said, Howard did not say that.
Samantha said, Howard does not know everything. We have done more shows than him. Trust us. Jake asked, What do I have to do?
Nicole stood up and said, "Small things. Walk like a girl. Talk like a girl. Sit like a girl. She demonstrated a crossed leg posture on the couch and said, Do that. Jake copied her. His legs crossed at the knee. Nicole shook her head.
She said, Ankle on knee. Not knee on knee. Jake adjusted. His ankle rested on his opposite knee. The pose felt strange. Nicole said, Better. Now say something.
Jake asked, Like what? Nicole said, Anything. Use your girl voice. Jake cleared his throat and said, Hello, my name is Christine. Samantha smiled and said, That is actually good.
They watched the rest of the movie. Jake kept his legs crossed. When he laughed, he covered his mouth with his hand. Nicole nodded at him. After the movie, Samantha left. Nicole walked Jake to the door. Nicole said, You did well tonight.
Jake said, Thanks for inviting me. Nicole said, Come over anytime. We can practice. Jake walked home. The streets were quiet. He thought about what Nicole said. Small things added up.
When he got to his apartment, Greg sat on the couch. He had a textbook open but stared at the wall. Greg asked, How was your night?
Jake said, Fine. Watched a movie at Nicole's. Greg said, With the girls? Jake said, Yeah. Greg closed his textbook and said, Jake, I thought about what you said. About us talking.
Jake said, And?
Greg said, And I want to try. Not because I like this situation. Because I want the show to be good. Jake sat on the other end of the couch and asked, What do you want to know?
Greg looked at him and said, Are you actually enjoying this? Dressing up and all that?
Jake took a moment and said, Parts of it. The clothes are comfortable. The wig makes me feel like someone else. Greg asked, Someone else like Christine?
Jake said, Someone else like a girl. I do not know. It is weird to explain. Greg nodded slowly and said, Okay.
Jake said, That is it? Just okay? Greg said, I said I would try. I am trying.
They sat in silence. Then Greg picked up his textbook and started reading. Jake went to his room. The next morning, Jake put on the gray cardigan and black leggings before class. He added the wig. He looked at himself in the mirror. Nicole's voice echoed in his head. Small things.
He walked to campus. A girl in his English class passed him and did a double-take.
She said, Hey, Jake. Jake said, Hey. She said, You look different today. Jake said, Just trying something new. She shrugged and kept walking.
In English class, the professor called on Jake. He answered in his regular voice. The professor moved on. No one stared. After class, Jessica stood by the door.
Jessica said, I heard you went to girls night. Jake said, So? Jessica said, So you are trying too hard. Stop pretending. Jake looked at her and said, Why do you care so much?
Jessica blinked and said, Because you are making a joke out of something I wanted. Jake said, I did not ask for this role. Howard gave it to me. Jessica said, Then give it back. Jake walked past her. He did not say anything else. Rehearsal that afternoon focused on the final scene. Christine kisses the Phantom. Nate stood across from Jake. Greg stood to the side.
Howard said, From the top. Jake walked to Nate. He looked into Nate's eyes. Nate smiled a creepy smile. Nate said, Christine, I love you. Jake leaned in and pressed his lips to Nate's cheek. Howard stopped them. Howard said, On the lips, Jake. This is a stage kiss.
Jake's face felt warm. He said, Right. Sorry.
They tried again. Jake kissed Nate on the lips. Nate did not react. His lips stayed still. Howard said, Hold it longer. Jake held the kiss for five seconds. He pulled back. Nate wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Howard said, Good enough. Next scene. After rehearsal, Nicole found Jake. She said, You looked uncomfortable. Jake said, I kissed Nate Hackett. Of course I looked uncomfortable.
Nicole said, He is not that bad. Jake said, He wiped his mouth after. Nicole laughed and said, Boys are weird. Jake laughed too. Then he stopped and said, I am a boy. Nicole said, You are Christine now. Get used to it. The third week of rehearsals brought a new challenge. Howard gathered the cast in the main rehearsal room on Monday afternoon.
Howard said, We will start blocking the full show today. That means movement on stage. No more sitting in chairs and reading. Jake looked at his script. He knew the lines but not where to stand.
Howard split the cast into groups. Jake worked with Greg, Hannah, and two ensemble members on the first act scene where Christine meets Raoul at the opera house. Howard said, Jake, you enter from stage left. Greg, you are already on stage. You see her. You walk to her.
Jake walked onto the marked stage floor. His heels clicked on the wood. Greg walked toward him. Howard said, Stop. Greg, you are too fast. Raoul is nervous. Slow down. Greg slowed his steps. He reached Jake and took his hand. Howard said, Now say your lines. Greg looked at Jake and said, Christine, I have looked for you everywhere.
Jake pulled his hand back and said, You should not be here. Howard said, Hold. Jake, when you pull your hand away, look down. Christine is shy.
Jake looked down at the floor. Howard said, Good. Continue. They ran the scene four times. Each time, Howard gave small notes. Move left. Turn your head. Touch your necklace.
By the fourth run, Jake's feet hurt. He shifted his weight. Howard said, Do not shift. Christine stands still. She is a lady. Jake stopped shifting.
After rehearsal, Jake went to the costume basement. Gail helped him out of the skirt and blouse. Gail said, You are getting faster at changing. Jake said, Practice.
Gail hung the clothes on a rack and said, Howard told me you need more outfits. He wants you to wear women's clothes to every rehearsal, not just the ones on stage. Jake asked, What does that mean? Gail said, It means you come to rehearsal already dressed. No more changing down here.
Jake nodded. He had been changing at the theater because he did not own women's clothes. Now he would need to wear them from home. He walked back to the apartment. Greg was already there, making dinner.
Jake said, Howard wants me to wear girl clothes all the time. Greg stirred a pot on the stove and asked, All the time, like at home too?
Jake said, At rehearsals. And walking to and from.
Greg put the spoon down and said, So you will leave the apartment like that? Jake said, Yes. Greg leaned against the counter and said, People will see you. Jake said, I know.
Greg asked, What will you tell them? Jake thought about it and said, The truth. I am in a play. Greg turned back to the stove and said, Okay. Jake waited for more. Greg did not say anything else.
That night, Jake texted Nicole. He wrote, Howard wants me in girl clothes full time for rehearsals.
Nicole replied quickly, Good. That will help. Jake wrote, I do not own enough clothes.
Nicole replied, Come over tomorrow. I have extras. Tuesday morning, Jake went to Nicole's apartment. She opened the door wearing pajamas. Nicole said, It is nine a.m. Jake said, You said come over. Nicole yawned and said, Come in.
Her bedroom had clothes everywhere. Dresses hung from the closet door. Shoes lined the floor. Nicole pointed to a pile on her bed.
She said, I pulled some stuff that might fit you. Try them on. Jake picked up a pair of dark jeans. They had rips at the knees. He held them against his waist. Nicole said, Those will fit. I am a size two. You are probably a zero. Jake took the clothes to the bathroom. He tried on the jeans. They fit. He tried on a white blouse with small flowers. It fit. He tried on a green sweater. It fit. He came out wearing the jeans and blouse.
Nicole looked at him and said, Not bad. Turn around. Jake turned.
Nicole said, Your shoulders are narrow. That helps. She handed him a pair of flat shoes and said, Wear these for class. Heels only for rehearsal. Jake asked, What about the wig? Nicole said, Only for rehearsal and performances. Otherwise, your real hair is fine.
Jake looked in Nicole's mirror. He looked like a girl in casual clothes. His short blonde hair broke the image. But his face had soft edges. He could pass from a distance. Jake said, Thank you. Nicole said, Take the pile. Bring everything back when the show ends.
Jake carried the clothes back to his apartment. He hung them in his closet. His old t-shirts and jeans moved to one side. The new clothes took the other side. That afternoon, he put on the green sweater, the ripped jeans, and the flat shoes. He left for rehearsal. The walk to campus felt longer than usual. A few students looked at him. Most did not. One guy said, Nice sweater, and kept walking.
At the theater building, Howard saw him and smiled. Howard said, This is what I wanted. Jake said, Nicole lent me clothes. Howard said, Good. Now let us work. Rehearsal that day focused on All I Ask of You. Jake and Greg stood on the stage. The crew set up a prop balcony. Howard said, Jake, you lean on the railing. Greg, you stand behind her. Your hands on her shoulders. Greg put his hands on Jake's shoulders. Jake leaned forward on the railing. Howard said, Now sing.
They sang. Greg's breath touched Jake's ear. Jake felt Greg's fingers press into his shoulders. The song ended. Howard said, Hold the last note longer. They sang again. Jake held the note. Greg squeezed his shoulders. Jake's voice stayed steady.
After rehearsal, Greg walked with Jake to the apartment. They did not talk. But Greg did not walk ahead either. At the front door, Greg stopped. Greg said, You did well today.
Jake said, Thanks.
Greg opened the door. They went inside. Jake made dinner. Greg did homework. The apartment felt normal for the first time in weeks. Jake went to bed thinking about Greg's hands on his shoulders. He did not know what that meant. He decided not to think about it too much.
Thursday morning brought rain. Jake walked to campus under an umbrella. His jeans got wet at the cuffs. The green sweater kept his upper body dry.
He had a morning class in the psychology building. A girl sat next to him and smiled. Jake smiled back. She said, Love your sweater. Jake said, Thanks.
After class, Jake checked his phone. Nicole had sent a message to a group chat with Samantha and Jake. It said, Girls night again Friday. My place.
Eight p.m. Samantha replied, I will bring wine. Jake typed, I will come.
He put his phone away and walked to the theater building. Howard had scheduled a full run of Act One that afternoon. At the stage, the cast gathered. Jake wore the black leggings and a different blouse Nicole had given him. Flat shoes for now. He would change into heels before the run.
Gail arrived with the brown wig. She pinned it onto Jake's head. Gail said, Remember to keep your chin down. The wig shifts if you move too fast.
Jake nodded. Howard clapped his hands and said, Places for Act One. Jake walked to the dressing room area backstage. Greg stood nearby, adjusting his costume shirt.
Greg asked, Nervous?
Jake said, A little.
Greg said, Me too.
They had never run a full act before. Jake worried about forgetting lines. He worried about his voice. He worried about the kiss.
Samantha called places. The orchestra started the overture.
The first scenes went smoothly. Jake sang Think of Me without mistakes. His voice reached the high notes. The ensemble moved around him. Howard watched from the audience with a clipboard.
Halfway through the act, Jake had a scene with Jessica. Carlotta yells at Christine. Jessica put her face close to Jake's.
Jessica said, You think you belong here? adding a line not in the script. Jake stayed in character and said, I only want to sing.
Jessica's eyes narrowed. She spoke her next line loudly. Then she walked off stage.
Howard did not stop the run.
The rooftop scene came next. Greg and Jake climbed onto the prop balcony. The crew raised it a few feet off the ground.
Greg took Jake's hand and said, Christine, I love you. Jake looked into Greg's eyes. He thought about the apartment. He thought about Greg saying he wished Jake was a girl. He pushed those thoughts away.
He said, I love you too, Raoul. They kissed. Greg's lips pressed against Jake's. The kiss lasted three seconds. Greg pulled back.
They sang All I Ask of You. Jake's voice blended with Greg's. At the end of the song, Greg held Jake's face in his hands.
Howard called out, Hold that pose for the light change.
They held still. Greg's thumbs rested on Jake's cheekbones. Jake could feel Greg's heartbeat through his palms.
The lights changed. The scene ended.
Act One finished without major problems. The cast gathered on stage. Howard gave notes.
Howard said, Good first run. Jake, your voice cracked on the last high note of Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again. Practice that phrase.
Jake said, Yes, sir. Howard said, Greg, your hands looked stiff during the kiss. Relax them.
Greg nodded. After rehearsal, Jake walked to the costume basement. Gail helped him remove the wig. Gail said, You have lipstick on your mouth. Jake looked in the mirror. Red smudges on his lips. Greg's lipstick from the kiss.
Gail handed him a tissue. He wiped it off. Jake went home. Greg was already there, sitting on the couch.
Greg said, Your lipstick got on me. He pointed to his own mouth. Jake said, Sorry.
Greg said, It is fine. He paused and said, Howard said my hands were stiff. I did not notice. Jake said, They felt fine to me.
Greg looked at him and asked, Really? Jake said, Yeah.
Greg nodded. He picked up the remote and turned on the television. Jake sat on the other end of the couch. They watched a show about home renovations. Neither of them spoke. But the silence felt comfortable.
At nine o'clock, Jake went to his room. He took off the blouse and leggings. He put on sweatpants and a t-shirt.
His phone buzzed. A text from an unknown number. It said, Hey Jake, this is Andy. We met at Bernie's a few weeks ago. Nicole gave me your number. Hope that's okay.
Jake stared at the message. Andy. The guy from the bar who asked him out. Jake had forgotten about him. He typed back, Hey Andy. Yeah, that's fine. Andy replied quickly, You free this weekend? Coffee maybe?
Jake's thumb hovered over the keyboard. He was not a girl. Andy thought he was. He typed, Busy with rehearsals. Maybe another time.
Andy wrote, Sure. No pressure. Good luck with the show. Jake put the phone down. He lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling. Nicole had given Andy his number. Nicole knew Jake was a boy. Why would she do that? He decided to ask her tomorrow.
Friday morning, Jake arrived at the theater building early. He found Nicole in the piano room. She practiced scales with her eyes closed. Jake said, Nicole. She opened her eyes and said, Hey. You look serious. Jake said, Andy texted me last night.
Nicole's hands stopped on the keys. She said, Oh. That. Jake said, You gave him my number. He thinks I am a girl. Nicole turned on the piano bench and said, He asked about you. He said you seemed nice. I did not know what to tell him. Jake said, You could have said no.
Nicole said, I could have. But I thought about it. You want to practice being a girl, right? Here is a chance.
Jake asked, A chance for what?
Nicole said, To talk to a guy who likes you. Not as Jake the actor. As a girl. Jake leaned against the door frame and said, That feels wrong. Nicole said, Why? You are not lying about who you are. You are just not mentioning certain things.
Jake said, Certain things like my whole identity?
Nicole stood up and said, Look, forget I did it. Tell him you are busy. Block the number. I do not care. But you asked me to help you become Christine. Christine dates men. Jake did not have an answer for that. Rehearsal that afternoon focused on the second act. Howard wanted to block the Masquerade scene. The entire cast gathered on stage. Jeff Dawson taught the dance steps. Jeff said, Everyone in a circle. Hold hands.
Jake stood between Hannah and Greg. Greg's hand felt warm. They circled left, then right. Jeff said, Now couples. Find your partner. Greg turned to Jake. They faced each other. Jeff showed them a simple waltz step. Jeff counted, One two three, one two three.
Jake counted in his head. His feet moved. Greg's hand rested on his lower back. Greg's other hand held Jake's. Jeff said, Look at each other. Jake looked at Greg. Greg looked back. His expression had changed. The tightness in his jaw was gone.
They danced across the stage. Jake stopped counting. His body moved on its own. Jeff said, Good. Now add the song. The cast sang Masquerade. Jake's voice mixed with the others. Greg's hand stayed on his back.
After rehearsal, Howard pulled Jake aside. Howard said, Your movement improved. Jake said, Thank you. Howard said, Still work on your hands. But the dance looked natural.
Jake nodded. Howard walked away. Nicole waited by the door and asked, Coming to girls night?
Jake said, Sure. Jake went home to change. Greg followed him into the apartment.
Greg asked, Are you going out?
Jake said, Girls night at Nicole's. Greg sat on the couch and said, Have fun. Jake changed into the ripped jeans and a black top Nicole had given him. He looked in the mirror. His hair was still short. He did not wear the wig.
At Nicole's apartment, Samantha already had a glass of wine. Nicole handed Jake one. Samantha said, To the show. They clinked glasses. Halfway through the second glass, Nicole brought up Andy again. Nicole said, He texted me this morning. He asked if you seemed interested.
Jake asked, What did you say?
Nicole said, I said you were shy. Jake put his glass down and said, Nicole, stop. Nicole held up her hands and said, Okay, okay.
Samantha looked between them and asked, What are you two arguing about? Jake said, Nicole set me up on a date without asking. Samantha raised her eyebrows and asked, With who?
Jake said, A guy named Andy. He thinks I am a girl. Samantha laughed. Then she stopped and said, Wait, you are serious?
Jake said, Yes. Samantha looked at Nicole and said, That is messed up. Nicole sighed and said, I know. I am sorry, Jake. I thought I was helping. Jake said, You apologized already. Just drop it.
They sat in silence for a minute. Then Samantha turned on the television. A reality show played. Jake watched but did not see anything.
At ten o'clock, Jake left. He walked home. The streets had few people. A couple walked past him, holding hands. The woman laughed at something the man said. Jake thought about Andy. He thought about Greg's hand on his back during the dance. He thought about the kiss. He reached his apartment. Greg's light was off. Jake went to his room.
His phone buzzed. Another text from Andy. It said, Hey, no pressure about coffee. Just wanted to say I enjoyed talking to you at Bernie's. You seemed like a genuine person. Jake stared at the screen. He typed back, Thanks. I enjoyed talking too. He put the phone down and closed his eyes.