Barathrumite+ patrons have their transmundane work cut out for them this month. They're voting on what type of furniture would make the best pet, based on no reasonable criteria whatsoever. We'll know the answer by next Friday, 12/20, 11:59 PM PDT, and we'll see the results in January. Here's what they're working with.
Doors
Onomatopoetically named for the sound they make when they open ("dooooooooooooooor")
Weirdly insistent on bidirectionality
"Ajar" puns and "knock knock" jokes
Unfairly saddled with the metaphorical baggage of change and transition, when really they just stand there
Walls
Clear sense of boundaries
Like lockpicks, utility often depends on size
Fun (and productive) to imagine what might live inside them
Tables
Nature's workhorses
Emblems of our collection delusion (meant to be used for getting things done, much better at having things piled on top)
Allow for an ontological underspace
"Legs"
Chairs
Invitation of stillness in a shifting world
They make you shorter
Form follows function
Also "legs"