It's that time again. Barathrumite+ patrons are voting on April's pet, and they will be done by Wednesday, May 20th, 11:59 PDT. Until then, get to know the contestants below.
Live and drink, friends.
Craggeleh
“Bel’s shield! What’n the world is that?”
“Not sure. Tagged along back from the gathering. Seems friendly. Can we bring it with?”
“You feverish? That’s a cragmensch, it’ll brain us sleeping!”
“Too little for cragmench, though, ey? And spy that growth on its head, looks like a topknot? Likes when I scratch that. Purrs like a kitten.”
“Like a cave-in, sure.”
“Come on now. Where’s the harm?”
“Fine. I’ll use it for cover if we get into a shootout.”
“But you do like it a little, don’t you?”
“Absolutely not.”
Man Opener
Once, she had a good steady job.
She lived at the bottom of a pit, and every so often her roommates would throw down a very angry person wearing heavy plate armor. Her self-appointed job, which she took very seriously, was to peel off all of that armor and eat the angry human. Every once in a while, one of her roommates would climb down into the pit to collect the armor, clean up any mess she left, and pet her carapace.
It was a fantastic gig, but sometimes good things don’t last.
One day, the loyal beetle woke up to the death grip of suffocation, for her pit had collapsed. As she was very strong and very determined, she dug her way to the surface only to discover a scene of ruin. Her roommates were dead and stripped of gear. Their murderers were long gone.
She wanders now, free but aimless.
Koharta
Koharta! Koharta! Break a glass for the swarthy pig!
Over there, watch the quarterdeck, now mind the braided rig-
-ing. Behind the breaking waves -- there! -- the lady starts to crest,
Longshoreman through the darkling air see strumming in the west
A giant pig. She shakes the seaweed clamps from round her ears,
The bellman rings the whistle through the many-colored cheers
Of salt-lipped children, ringing in the moon at highest angle,
Pouring honey o'er the sensors of a waydroid all a-tangle,
And addled too, then trussing to its scalp a puffy, powdered wig,
For Koharta, the swarthy, strapping, ocean-faring pig!
-a weirding rhyme from Perth
Snakelite
*mangled text from the remains of his packaging*
Call him from anywhere in the house and he’ll find you!Snakelite’s so clever, he can cling to any surface!
Whether you’re reading in bed, or repairing the-
*text becomes unreadable*
-even control and intensify its light!WARNING: Do not disable intensity limiter. Snakelite *torn away*cause disorientation and disrupted vision. This feat *torn away*serious burns to the skin. Snakelite is not a toy, and fa *torn away*cannot be held responsible for misuse. Further safety *torn away*
IT’S SNAKELITE!