Dear Journal:
You should’ve seen Mom’s face yesterday when I came down for school dressed in my usual hoodie/sweatpants combo. I suppose I can’t blame her. She’d just spent $500 on a new wardrobe for me, and here I was wearing an old amorphous sweatshirt with a permanent pizza stain. I haven’t even snipped the tags off most of the new stuff yet.
I’ve decided that I’m not going to wear any of my new clothes this last week of school. If I’m going to make an impression, it’s not going to be when my classmates have one eye on the clock and one foot out the door. A fresh start needs to happen on the first day of school, not the last. That’s when everyone gets sized up…literally.
It’s certainly when I was.
By the end of 6th grade, I was getting a tad chunky, but it wasn’t until the first day of 7th grade, after I gained another 30 pounds over the summer, that the whispers and teasing started.
“Jessie’s turning into Bessie,” I heard one boy whisper at lunch when I walked by with my tray.
“Better MOOOOVE over,” said another.
I thought I looked cute. My hair was done up in fresh braids, and my cheeks were rosy from the sun. Unfortunately, the back-to-school clothes mom purchased me a couple of weeks earlier were already snug and couldn’t contain my potbelly. Everyone stared at it. One girl even poked it!
“Sorry,” she said. “I just wanted to see if it was real.” Then she ran off to her clique, and they all giggled. I’m not sure if it was a dare or what. All I know is, it hurt. Even the memory hurts. It’s as vivid in my mind as if it happened yesterday. To make things worse, she used to be a good friend.
Anyway, what’s the point of wowing people I won’t see again for three months? I also don’t want to set up unrealistic expectations. I’ve lost weight, sure, but I’m still fat, and my track record over summers isn’t good. How many times have you seen a great trailer, only to be disappointed when you finally see the movie?
I’d drop out of school before I let that happen.
--Jessie