Sebastien
Month 9, Day 27, Monday 5:00 p.m
Sebastien stared at Ana’s back as the smirking young woman left the room to return to the others, then stood staring at the door thoughtfully. Her recent change in mindset seemed to have skewed her perception of the world by a few degrees. Suddenly, options she would have considered absurd or infeasible now seemed, at least, imaginable. After all, to achieve enormous goals, one needed to take drastic, bold action. She couldn’t keep pushing herself harder and harder; she needed to transcend her current level and method of operation entirely.
As soon as she settled her thoughts and stepped toward the door, Damien slipped through it and closed it again with the tender caution of a burglar desperate to remain silent. “Hi.”
“Hello,” Sebastien replied, perplexed.
“Oliver Dryden told me you were here and asked me to come keep you company.” Damien stared at Sebastien as if trying to gauge her level of trauma.
“Oh.” She nodded slowly. “That was…nice of him?”
Damien grimaced and changed the subject. “Professor Lacer is looking for you.”
Sebastien couldn’t suppress her flinch. “I know. He left me a letter. I’ll—I’ll go visit him later.”
Damien stared at her for a long moment, his eyes narrowing for a second, but his expression soon smoothed back to normal. “He was worried that something had happened to you…” he said leadingly, though it wasn’t quite a question. When Sebastien didn’t respond, Damien added, “I didn’t tell him anything, but I was worried. Did something happen? Something else, I mean, after you left my house?”
“I’ve been…away, the last few days.”
Damien stepped closer and whispered, “On a mission?”
“You could say that, but it was self-appointed. I can’t tell you the details, except…big things are coming.”
Damien’s eyes widened, and he stepped even closer, grabbing her by the shoulders. “Is it time for me to become a full member? Finally?”
Sebastien coughed. “Are you sure you want to, after what happened to me? That’s the kind of danger you’ll be facing.”
Damien’s face grew serious, and he stepped back and spoke in a grave tone that made him seem like a true adult for once. “Sebastien, how could I turn my back on the kind of problems we’ve uncovered? I could never sleep a single day in peace. Even more so, after what happened to you. I have to be a part of this.”
Sebastien hadn’t forgotten Newton’s fate. Anyone who was involved in danger connected to her needed protection. She couldn’t be careless or try to save on investment. Trustworthy people were difficult to replace, and friends like Damien even more so. “It might be a while still. There are some things that need to be completed first.”
“But it’s definitely happening?” He made two fists and lifted them toward the sky, then laughed maniacally.
“Act normal,” she reminded him.
Damien giggled, then clamped a hand over his mouth. “Will I get to meet the leader?”
Sebastien gave him an awkward smile. “Let’s talk about that later.”
“Oh, right, the others are waiting.” Damien couldn’t quite conceal his good cheer as they returned to the dining room, where Sharon and the other servants had already served multiple dishes, despite not knowing ahead of time that they would have several guests.
Alec was seated, leaning over the table while hugging his waist. As soon as Sharon walked into the room with another dish, he moaned pitifully. “My bellybutton is about to touch my spine.”
“Oh, why not just start eating now, dear? There’s no need to wait for the table to be set. We don’t stand on etiquette here! You’re so obviously malnourished, almost as bad as young Sebastien, it breaks my heart.”
Sebastien paused with her hand on the back of a chair. “I’m not malnourished.”
Everyone in the room turned to stare at her for a moment, then turned back to what they were doing as if she hadn’t said anything.
She looked down at herself, examining her chest and hands. Maybe…she was looking extra-thin. After all, she had spent the last few days on a liquid diet of nourishing draughts, and she had, it seemed, also forgotten to eat so far today.
“He’s a growing boy,” Sharon said to one of the other servants under her breath. “Sebastien always finishes everything on his plate, yet there’s not an ounce of fat on him! I don’t know how the University gets away with starving their poor charges like that.” Her voice grew louder with outrage. “It should be illegal!”
Waverly nodded sagely. “Sebastien even had to go to the infirmary. I heard he passed out in the hallway. Probably from hunger.”
Sebastien’s mouth fell open at this shocking betrayal. “What are you saying, Waverly!? That’s not what happened at all.”
“Is it because you were sharing your food with the stray animals you adopted?” Waverly asked. Her eyes were innocent behind her glasses, but Sebastien could see a devilish glint that meant she knew exactly what she was doing.
Sharon stared at Sebastien, her eyes welling up with tears.
“No!” Sebastien protested.
Ana smiled and waved at everyone to calm down. “You shouldn’t believe every rumor you hear, Waverly. Sebastien isn’t being starved,” she told Sharon. “The University meals are nutritionally balanced, and we’re all free to purchase food outside as we wish, or use contribution points in the cafeteria.”
“He just forgets to eat because he’s too busy,” Damien explained. “And he needs more sustenance because he works so hard. Everyone knows thaumaturges eat more.”
Sharon’s mouth set in a determined line, and she set the dish in her hand directly in front of Sebastien. With a hand on her shoulder, she forced Sebastien to sit, then began dishing up a thick, creamy soup until Sebastien’s bowl almost overflowed. “Eat,” she ordered.
“What about me?” Alec whimpered.
“Do you even cast for three hours a day?” Damien asked. “Don’t think I don’t know. The chest beside your bed is completely stuffed with snacks! You’re the reason we need our ant-repelling wards refreshed so often.”
“You’re so heartless! Sebastien keeps a stash of food too!”
“That’s because he doesn’t want to have to eat any more rats,” Waverly said. “He’s paranoid about starving.”
Wide-eyed, Brinn hissed, “Waverly!”
Sebastien closed her eyes and hung her head. “Please. Stop.”
“I’m so sorry, Sebastien. I know you told us that story in confidence,” Brinn said.
Sharon looked like she was about to pass out.
Before anyone could make things worse, Sebastien started shoveling soup into her mouth, pausing only momentarily to note the explosion of flavor across her tastebuds and shoot Sharon an appreciative look. Sebastien’s hair almost fell into the soup, and she pushed it back several times until Ana walked over and tied it back with a gem-encrusted band.
“You need a haircut,” Ana said, tugging on the ponytail.
Damien frowned, taking the seat next to Sebastien and beginning to fill her plate with food. “Don’t just eat soup. Have some meat and vegetables, too.”
Before Ana could take the seat on Sebastien’s other side, Nat slipped into it, then grinned up at her older sister.
Ana rolled her eyes and took one of the other empty chairs.
In an attempt to change the subject, Sebastien asked, “Where is Rhett?”
“Didn’t you see the papers?” Ana asked. “Or at least remember him endlessly talking about it before the school term ended?”
Sebastien kept eating, staring at Ana blankly.
“He’s on a dueling tour over Harvest Break,” Brinn explained, slapping Waverly’s hand without even looking at her as she tried to drag a huge serving bowl of caramel pudding resting on a bed of ice to her side.
“He’s won six out of seven matches so far!” Alec piped up, talking around an entire buttered roll that he’d stuffed into one cheek.
“Are there prizes?” Sebastien asked.
“Enough gold to buy himself a nicer carriage, and enough fame that more of the women he approaches are likely to recognize his face,” Damien said, still adding food to her plate.
“You should join a dueling tour, Sebastien!” Nat said.
Sebastien shuddered. That sounded like a horrible experience, and not even close enough to real-life combat to count as training.
“Have you been making potions?” Nat asked. She leaned closer and sniffed. “You smell like components.” At Sebastien’s nod, she grinned. “I can make potions too! My magic tutor has been teaching me to make a beautifying lotion for the hands. I’ll bring you some, okay? In return, you can give me more of that draught of shadowed concealment we played with last time, okay?”
Ana rolled her eyes. “Nat, you can’t just take advantage of Sebastien like that. I know you love to brag about your special connections to your friends, but giving him a hand lotion in exchange for a battle potion is no fair trade.”
Sebastien wiped her mouth with a napkin. “How about I add a batch of potion of feather fall?” she asked.
Nat’s head whipped around toward Sebastien. “Really?”
“With both of those potions, you could ave a truly epic pillow-fight party, or something like that.”
Nat’s eyes almost glowed from how much they were sparkling.
“But it won’t be for free. I have some work I need you to do in exchange.”
“What is it?” Nat asked eagerly, while Ana gave an exasperated but indulgent huff.
“I need you to use your connections on my behalf. I’m not sure about the details yet.”
Nat slapped her hand to her chest proudly and lifted her chin. “Don’t worry. Whatever you need, I’ll bring the full force of my influence to bear.”
“Deal.” Sebastien reached out, and they shook hands.
Alec looked up from his food. “Being a magically enhanced soldier in an epic pillow fight? That sounds…really fun.”
Nat didn’t even look at Alec. “You’re not invited. But you can come if you want, Sebastien!”
“I want to come, too,” Waverly said, pushing up her glasses seriously. “I’ll contribute twenty-five pairs of aurora shrimp, including portable habitats. I can give all the party attendees an introductory class on short-term beast contracts, and everyone can have their own personal light-show.”
“Agreed,” Nat said.
Alec’s mouth dropped open, displaying the half-chewed food within. “That’s not fair! I can bring something to the party, too!”
Nat raised one eyebrow skeptically and crossed her arms. “What?”
Alec opened and closed his mouth several times, finally swallowed his food, and announced proudly, “Gold! I’ll give two gold crowns to everyone who attends.”
Nat rolled her eyes. “Gauche. Denied!”
While the two began to argue about what kind of offering Alec could give to get an invitation, Waverly cleared her throat and asked Sebastien if he wanted to come out with them to catch aurora shrimp next time. “I’ll get a better bait recipe. We’re sure to have a good haul,” she promised.
When Sebastien hesitated, she said, “If you place a male and female in the same habitat, they make excellent nightlights.”
“It’s good to take breaks sometime,” Brinn added softly. Even more softly, he added, “And if you spend more time with Waverly, she might be less likely to play pranks on you…”
Sebastien agreed immediately.
After a while, Sharon brought out a second platter of dessert to complement the pudding, some kind of layered fruit, sweet cream, and cake creation poured into a tall glass.
Waverly stared at the older woman as if she’d found true love.
Afterward, Brinn insisted on helping with the dishes, and Waverly became fascinated in the whistling air plant Sharon kept hanging over the sink.
Sebastien had eaten so much that her stomach was distended, then added a foolish amount of dessert on top of that, and as she leaned back in her chair to ease the discomfort, listening to the chatter, she realized how wonderful this moment was.
‘I’m not going to give up this life or anything else I’ve built here.’ She was tired of being weak, of being a victim. Unlike many, she had an opportunity to change that, as well as possibly avert or at least minimize a horrendous disaster. At the very least, she hoped to save herself and the few people who she cared about.
‘I will not run. I’m going to dig myself even deeper into Gilbratha, deep enough to suck the marrow out of this city.’ Oliver was right. She was becoming more like him, but also realizing that her previous ambitions weren’t large enough. Personal power was great, but even Myrddin wouldn’t have been able to single-handedly avert the destruction of the world. She still wanted personal power—more than ever before, in fact—but she also needed other forms of power. Information—knowledge—was critical, of course, but she also needed the kind of power that she had long thought too much trouble: more resources and more people.
As she watched Waverly, Nat, and Alec compete in a three-way game of rock-paper-scissors, Sebastien tried to catalogue the power she already had. It was more than she had expected, and certainly more than she had amassed purposefully. She had almost unlimited influence in the Undreaming Order, the inexplicable reputation of the Raven Queen, and her connections to the underworld through both the Verdant Stag and the Nightmare Pack. She even had an in with the Architects of Khronos! Of course, she doubted that group would survive long term, especially with the way they had repeatedly made an enemy of Oliver.
She had her pact with Legion, access to all five of Myrddin’s journals, authorization for the University’s restricted archives, and through her identity as Sebastien, connections to several of the Thirteen Crown Families. In addition to all that, she could add her own minor mastery of magic.
The last put a frown on her face. She had been trying so hard, but despite how much she had progressed and everything she’d learned, the inherent lack of thaumic capacity was an insurmountable handicap. Catching up to the powerhouses in the Red Guard or someone like Thaddeus Lacer wasn’t something she could achieve without at least a few decades of effort. And it wasn’t like they would just stand still and wait for her to catch up to them. She could only rely on clever tricks, precision, and frankly, luck. But those would only get her so far. ‘If only there were some way to grow more quickly,’ she lamented.
While she was considering what she still needed and how she could better utilize the considerable resources she already had, Ana came over and pulled her into the drawing room to play games with the others. Sebastien was reluctant at first, but soon found her competitive nature slipping out. The rush of sugar-fueled energy coursing through her blood might have had something to do with it, too.
While Waverly read in a plush armchair in the corner, the rest of them played games of agility, memory, and something called “shadow boxing” that ironically had nothing to do with combat, and was instead about tricking your opponent with psychological pressure and superior reaction speed. Every loss required them to have something drawn on their face with a greasepaint marker, and when they’d all been covered in whiskers, fake mustaches, and black eyes, they moved onto transmuting each other’s clothes. Ana took particular glee in forcing them into the most hideous and ill-fitting outfits, with the kind of imagination that impressed Sebastien with its sheer awfulness. She’d never known how horrible Damien could look in a mustard-yellow corset underneath a sheer, polka-dot onesie decorated with fabric roses that somehow also looked like plump, painted lips.
Sebastien herself had her clothes turned into a cute bear outfit, complete with ears, tail, and a fluffy white belly that the others kept trying to rub. Nat and some of the servants who had stayed behind after dinner cheered as Sebastien, Damien, Alec, and Brinn got into a hand-to-hand combat match. The boys tried to rub her belly while she blocked them with snake-fast strikes—made possible by the extreme concentration and clarity that three branches of her Will allowed. “Ah hah hah!” she cried to the ceiling. “You’ll never defeat me!”
But she hadn’t accounted for Ana sneaking around from behind, and Sebastien’s furry belly was captured and tamed. She was pretty sure that one of the servants had taken a photograph of her rolling on the ground screaming while the others tickled her. How mortifying.
The others left eventually, and Sebastien went up to her personal guest room to sleep. When she tucked herself into the covers and closed her eyes, she realized that she wasn’t dreading any nightmares. Her eyelids were heavy and her muscles, both tired and relaxed. She had laughed so much tonight. Somehow, that simple thing was even more cleansing and rejuvenating than the feeling of light-refinement.
She woke feeling actually refreshed, and when she went down to breakfast, she found Oliver at the table.
He’d obviously stayed up all night, but despite his bloodshot eyes and slight pallor, he smiled cheerfully at her and waved for her to join him.
She tied back her hair with Ana’s sparkly band, ate again until she was full to bursting, then followed him to his office to make a few batches of potions, including the ones she had promised both Oliver and Nat. One branch of her Will continued to think things over while the other two ensure her potions retained the highest level of perfection she could attain. The practice was soothing, allowed her to grow her Will, and now that she had three branches to her Will, allowed her to fully optimize her time. She was beginning to appreciate how ridiculously useful this ability was.
Finally, she bottled everything up, cleaned the workstation thoroughly, and moved to sit in the chair in front of Oliver’s desk.
He set aside the report he was reading and looked at her expectantly.
She was once again struck by how he was able to make anyone he talked to feel like they were the center of his universe, like he was paying total and complete attention to them. Perhaps she should try to learn that trick. She settled her mind and spoke plainly. “Want to become the Raven Queen.”
Oliver’s expression remained unchanged.
“Not the version of her that people have imagined for themselves,” Siobhan explained. “I want to become the Raven Queen who holds not only power but influence. The Raven Queen who has not only unfathomable knowledge but the leverage to make it matter. The Raven Queen who bows to nothing and no one, who controls her own destiny. But I might need a little help.”
Author Note: Edit 2/19: Hey guys, I'm adding this to the comment section as well, but I have to postpone today's (Thursday's) chapter until tomorrow (Friday.) I'll post at my usual time in the evening, between 5:00-7:00 UTC-7.
I had to take a rest day earlier this week, and it put me behind. I hoped to catch up but I haven't managed it. I can feel my brain turning to ooze, which is not conducive to good writing. Since I want to put out quality work, I'll need a little more time. Original: The break last week was useful! It made things a lot easier for me, and I was able to get this chapter out without stress. I plan to post next Thursday as usual, barring external circumstances leaving me unable to do so. (There is some chance of this, but I think it's a low enough chance that I'll still plan to post anyway.)
Weekly chapter discussion on the Alcove: https://alcove.azaleaellis.com/t/chapter-285-weekly-discussion-invictus/908