Entry: 47 Day: Who the fuck knows
This may come as a shock to you, but I’m pretty sure I actually am dead now.
I mean, I know I’ve been foretelling my doom for, uh, well, three months now…but I think I actually went and died?
I remember the party, and just feeling sort of exhausted. A bit of a happy buzz too, though that may have just been the extra shot of morphine Lucia gave me beforehand to take the edge off the pain. And then, the all too familiar chaos of death and destruction, Gavial carrying me around like a rag doll. And then, someone I hadn’t met, but who seemed familiar: Plume. Maybe I should have noticed she was a liberi sporting wings and a halo. But I didn’t.
And then, in the chaos, in the confusion…Lucia got stabbed. I’m pretty sure that knife was meant for me. Especially considering what happened next, but I’m getting ahead of myself. Anyway, the woman I love she…she took a blade. For me.
Gavial had tossed me down to tackle the possessed Plume, and I crawled over to Lucia. She’d been stabbed in the sternum. Probably right into a lung. It was a serious, life-threatening wound…but I could see it. And the blade that had made it. That knife was pure, living originium. Probably forged from someone’s corpse for me to see it. Thinking back, I might, could, have read a lot into that knife, but I wasn’t concerned about it at the time.
Lucia was dying. Turning to crystal. Originium rapidly spreading throughout her body, even as she bled out. She…she was carrying our child. If she died…what would I have left? What reason would I have to keep on living?
So, I made a choice. The only one I could, really. One last time, I took the hurts and pains of someone else into myself.
There was so much originium. Her body might have been 10% crystal by the time I started healing her and sucking it in. I knew what would happen. I was absolutely certain it would kill me.
And it did. I tried to tell her I loved her. The world didn’t need me anymore. They had the cure. And if I was going to go out…going out healing her is the way I would have wanted to go.
And I did.
Only, well, this is the weird part…I’m dead, but I’m sort of still around? And apparently, I’m not the only one.
I spent an indeterminate amount of time dead. There were no angels singing or devils dancing, just…a sense of quiet rest. Like I was asleep.
And then I woke up again. Or, rather, I was woken up.
“Dr. McCoy. It seems that even when I am dead, you find new and interesting ways to try my patience. I will not ask what happened to you to result in you arriving upon my threshold, as I can hazard a guess as to the circumstances of your demise. However, after I went through such pains, I had rather hoped you would have found a way to keep yourself out of my mother’s clutches. Instead, I find you here.”
I groaned and shifted, eyes still closed. “Oh come on, mom, just five more minutes…”
There was a heavy sigh. “James. There is no time. Open your eyes.”
I did so, and found myself lying, once more, on a hospital bed, dressed in a gown. And, there at my beside, checking my chart, dressed in lab coat and stethoscope, was-
“Director Kal’tsit?!” I gasped, sitting up. “But, but you’re dead!”
“Indeed,” Kal’tsit said, nodding her head. “And so are you, Doctor McCoy, unless I very much miss my guess. After all, mother would not have been able to enlist my help for anything less, and would not have been willing to grant me so much freedom if she did not require you to be resuscitated.
I frowned at her. “You’re pretty verbose for a dead lady.”
She arched an eyebrow. “And you are as impudent as ever. Yet here we are.”
“And…where is here?” I asked, looking around us. We were not in a hospital room. Heck, the bed I was on wasn’t really even a hospital bed, actually. It was some sort of high-tech slab, with an auto surgeon or…something, above us, and a glowing, rotating disk that hummed softly hanging above us.
“This, young man, is the Holy of Holies. We are below the Basilica, at the very heart of Laterano,” a tired old man’s voice said.
I leaned over and found Sankta Gabe Newell sitting on one of the stone slabs, which, now that I got a better look at it, seemed more like a coffin. Wait…
“Uh…was I in a Sarcophagus?” I asked, lifting my arm up to look at it. It was slick with some sort of viscous fluid. Then I remember my manners. “Um, and, er…nice to meet you, Your Holiness? Shiiiiitake mushrooms, um, Director…how do you talk to the Pope?”
And, yeah, it was the Pope. He was dressed in long white robes, with red and black accents, and had a fancy staff leaning on the machinery next to him, as well as a bright and very ornate halo hanging over his head. He looked…older, than he did in the game. More tired. Worn down, with dark circles under his eyes, and a sagging posture that bespoke the weight of the world.
But he still had those rounded glasses, long braided beard, and snow white hair. Except where there was a knot on his forehead, stitches on his brow, and brown stains on his robe. Guess the old man had put up a fight before he got put here.
“It is. I had not realized Laterano possessed a sarcophagus,” Kal’tsit said, not looking over at the pope. “And the proper form of address is indeed Your Holiness.”
“My name is simply Gabriel once more,” the Pope said, shaking his head slowly.
“Uh, I thought it was…” I had to wrack my brain a second, “Yvangelista XI.”
“It was. Until I was rather forcibly deposed,” the Pope said dryly, touching the stitches on his forehead. “I refused to bow to Laterano’s new ruler. And, instead of controlling me as she has all others, That Woman put me down here. Where I can do nothing. And, Kal, as I said, I myself was unaware of the presence of this device. It was not previously in the Cubicularius Sanctae Legis.”
I glanced up at the ominously hovering halo above us. It was made of a number of rotating cubes, which were made of smaller cubes that were also rotating, giving the impression that the whole thing was folding in on itself.
I swallowed hard. “So…That’s the Law. It looks…ominous.”
The pope glanced at Kal’tsit, who shifted her eyes from me to him, and nodded.
“Well,” the pope sighed. “I suppose I should not be overly surprised that you can identify the most sacred relic of my people, our very deity, at a simple glance. You are a rather remarkable individual, Dr. McCoy.”
“You, er…know what it is? What it does?” I asked, finding that I was shrinking in on myself as the…thing…rotated above us.
“That it is the being that created the Sankta? Provides our Empathy, our advanced technology, and has shaped and formed us into the standard human template, instead of the creatures our distant ancestors are? Yes, Dr. McCoy. I am ever aware that it is a…what did you call it? Oh yes. A ‘Clark Tech Super Computer.’ Those were the words, correct, Kal?”
“They were indeed, your Holiness,” Kal’tsit agreed.
“Kal,” the pope said, a hint of wry amusement in his voice. “If we’re going to be imprisoned together, the least we can do is drop the tired old titles, isn’t it? You can simply call me Gabe. Or, if that’s too informal, Gabriel is fine.”
“Uh, you’re going by Kal now?” I asked the Director.
Kal’tsit’s lips twitched. “Gabriel has insisted. Though you may call me mother, if you so desire, James. I do confess, I tend to think of you all as my children.”
“Uh, let’s just call that a Freudian slip due to resurrection sickness,” I said, wincing.
The pope frowned at me, and even Kal’tsit cocked her head to one side, and I realized that they probably had no idea who Sigmund Freud was.
“My, what an archaic idiom! I don’t think anyone has used that particular turn of phrase in thousands of years, at least. Indeed, I doubt anyone aside from you and me even know who Dr. Freud was, Dr. McCoy. Though I will say, it was not due to this ‘resurrection sickness.’ You are, after all, a data echo, and not truly alive at all.”
We all jumped as Priestess appeared. Well, I say that, and you might get the wrong idea. After all, she could have literally appeared from thin air for all I know. Instead, she stepped out of a doorway, her soft silver slippers making barely a sound on on the metal floor. Well, OK, I jumped. Kal’tsit’s eyes narrowed, and the pope slowly got to his feet.
“Hey, you know, we got off on the wrong foot,” I said, standing up.
Priestess raised an eyebrow at me, while Kal’tsit hissed, “James!” But I ignored her.
I stepped forward, rubbing the knuckles of my right hand. “After our last conversation, I feel like I owe you something. Especially considering what you just did for me.”
“Oh?” Priestess asked.
I nodded, then tried to sucker punch her. I’m not really a trained fighter, and the training I did get from Exu and Texas was focused more on running the hell away than fighting. But I’m a big guy, and I’ve got long arms. I hadn’t really thought about it, but the effects of the oripathy were gone as well, so I was feeling big and strong. I overtop Priestess by a head, as she’s like 5’5”.
My whole body locked up. I’m kinda surprised I didn’t fall over and rattle a bit like Daffy Duck or something. Instead, it was like I got frozen in time. I could still move my eyes, but that was it. I wasn’t even breathing.
“Ah. So this is how you intend to do things?” Priestess sighed, stepping up to me. She waved a finger, and my body, still frozen in the act of trying to gut punch her, turned about, facing Kal’tsit and the pope, who had both gone pale.
“I see you are operating under the delusion that I will continue to bargain with you, Dr. McCoy. That is not the case,” Priestess said, her tone light.
“Mother. There is no need to harm the boy. He is rash. Impulsive. Give me time, and I shall-”
Priestess crocked a finger, and Kal’tsit froze as well. “And you will no longer be given the chance to use your words to distract me, AMa-10,” Priestess said, her tone tight. She glanced at me, then back at the pope. “And you. What act of defiance will you offer?”
“Only to beg for the lives of my people. Please. Do not enslave the Sankta,” the pope pleaded. “We can negotiate, come to an accord. We could-”
“Charming. But no. There will be no further talk,” Priestess wagged a finger, and the pope froze as well. She breathed, then turned to me, smile on her lips. “You seem to be acting from the false premise that you are simply dealing with a powerful woman. This Sankta, they called him the Pope, can you even believe it? The last catholic died before his race was even born. Yet, this…man…tried to shoot me.”
Priestess used the tip of one finger to massage her temple, grimacing. “It is the same everywhere on this world. Setback after setback. Blind fool after blind fool. You all resist my model.”
Priestess wove a pattern with her fingers, a shard of originium formed there. “And yet, all civilization on this planet is utterly reliant on my model. There wouldn’t even be humanoid life on this world without me. Do you realize what this Sankta’s ancestors were even like?”
I couldn’t respond, of course, but I felt cold terror in my heart. I tried to waggle my eyes, but Priestess just pointed at the frozen pope.
And a horror suddenly filled the chamber. I’d had a vague idea of what the Teekaz looked like from seeing some promo art and stuff. But I wasn’t ready for how utterly alien they were.
The Pope turned into a…thing. It had six limbs, all of them with seven-fingered hands, which was honestly too many fingers. Twisting horns extended from its…head? It was hard to tell. It didn’t have face, though it had three eyes, I think, and then weird tendrils that trailed towards the ground. And yet…it still had glowing wings and a halo. I swallowed.
“That is what the Teekaz were like,” Priestess stated, her expression grim. “Monsters. Barely even sentient. Notable only for their odd ability to manipulate exotic energies even my civilization did not fully grasp. It was postulated they were related to the Observers, but I personally believe that was false, and they were nothing but an oddly evolved lifeform. They were animals, Doctor McCoy. Cunning animals, but animals. Creatures not recognized as a part of humanix, and simply in the way of Project Preserve.”
I wanted to tell her that they’d been smart enough to ruin the Precursors’ plans, but I was still frozen.
“And this? The object of their worship?” Priestess walked up the stairs to the platform we were on, then just kept right on walking into the air, until she was high enough to rest a hand on the Law. “An outdated cognition module put on the least important operation carried out as a frivolous experiment that was tangential at best to my model. Ah, if we had put real resources here…but, well, this poor attempt did bear fruit, I suppose.”
Priestess walked back down in a slow spiral, stepping on nothing but air. “And your beloved director? Do you know what AMa-10 even is? Oh, she looks human now. But that is not what she truly is. Ha! She. As if this thing even has a gender.”
Waving a hand, Priestess made Kal’tsit change form, into that of Mon3tr. And I don’t mean the adorable goober catgirl. I mean the horrific, insectile demon of dark crystal. “A basic security module! One that didn’t even have a name, just a designation.”
Priestess came over to look up at the Mon3tr Kal’tist, making a face. “Can you even believe this thing refers to me as its mother? Words have meaning. And I will not have that word abused so in my presence any longer.”
Turning to me, Priestess shook her head. “Do you start to understand your error, Dr. McCoy? Do you even begin to fathom what mistake you have made? Well?”
I found myself unfrozen, and staggered slightly. I was tempted to try for the punch again, but instead I settled for an attempt at a death glare. The kind Lucia gave me when I didn’t quite get my undies all the way to the laundry hamper.
“Probably not getting you a vibrator when Doktah broke up with you, because holy shit, lady. Get a hobby or get laid.”
“You see!? This is the problem! You continue to behave as though we are equals! As though you are merely dealing with a fellow member of your own race!” Priestess sighed. She shook her head. Then, her eyes began to glow, and a corona of swirling originium fragments appeared about her. “Once, perhaps, I was a regular woman. But now, Dr. McCoy? Here? Here, on Terra, in the seat of my power, where my model is the basis for this entire civilization…her, Dr. McCoy…I am a god.
“Ok, I know Bill Murray said that if someone asked you if you’re a god, you say yes, but I think you’ve gone off the deep end, lady,” I sighed.
Priestess’ left eye twitched slightly. “How did the admin privileges for my project fall upon someone who is such an ignorant malaproper?! That was WINSTON who said that, played by Ernie Hudson, not Bill Murray!”
“Lady, I’m the not one so invested on being right about everything, I go around correcting people on Ghostbusters trivial in the forty-first millennium. Because I assume that since I’m in the Grim Darkness of the Far Future, and there is only war, I’m really in-”
“CEASE YOUR IGNORANT PRATTLE!” Priestess snarled, and I was back in frozen mode. She trembled slightly, probably with rage. Excellent. My plan was working.
Also: Oh shit. My ‘plan’ was working. Said ‘plan,’ which I had just come up with, seemed to be to piss off Gozer Jr. so much she couldn’t see straight. The good news: the plan was working! The bad news: Uh, I had pissed off the next best thing to an omnipotent and omnipresent deity on Terra so bad she probably wanted to murder me.
Or turn me back into a monkey or something. Fuck. I’m not very smart. How the hell did I ever graduate medical school?
Priestess took a deep breath in through her nose, and out through her mouth, and smoothed back her hair. “Ah. Forgive me, I have…been under a great deal of stress, lately. I seem to have lost control, somewhat. Well. Let us draw this interview to a close. Let me tell you what is going to happen, Dr. McCoy.”
Priestess stepped forward, looking up at me, her playful smile back. “I have successfully placed the lure of your presence here in Laterano. I confess, I do still need you to grant me the privileges you possess for all my designs to come to full fruition. But I will not debase myself by bargaining with you, for all that one will succeed in by arguing with fools is to become a fool oneself. No. Instead, I will wait until I have captured the Oracle, and digitized your companions. No, do not worry, not Lucia Sussurro. No. I will wait until I have her in hand. She is pregnant with your child. You are aware of that? Good. Here is what I will do: I will capture her, and bring her to you. Then, I will give you a choice: Give me the administrative privileges, or I will devolve her into her base species, as I did to AMa-10 and the Teekaz. Then, you can engage in bestiality with her for all I care. She will remain a fox, Vulpes vulpes. A healthy, well-cared-for fox, until you give me the administrator privileges.”
Priestess took a heavy breath. “I am aware that a carrot and a stick should be employed. So, I have shown you my stick: Here is the carrot. You will give me your privileges. Upon doing so, I will allow you to take Lucia Sussuro, and a number of companions of your choosing, and you will be allowed to live a comfortable existence until the end of your children’s natural lives. At which point, you will all be assimilated into my model.
“The number of companions you are allowed to have will be dependant upon how swiftly you comply. Do so as soon as I present Lucia Sussurro to you, and you will be allowed to take 100. For every hour you delay, the number will reduce by one. I will even restore AMa-10 to the form you are more familiar with. The only caveat being you may not take the Oracle, or that cautus and sarkaz chimera. You can take 100 of the most beautiful women from that Arknights game and spend your days and nights fornicating with them, or you can take 100 orphans you chose at random. Or, you and Lucia can go alone. I do not care. But you will not die, and she will exist as a fox until you comply, and I will continue the work of incorporating this world into my model. With time, my power will only increase, with or without your access privileges. Oh, and Lucia Sussurro will be fully aware that she is a fox the entire time. She will retain her sapience, but be unable to communicate with you.”
Then, Priestess turned on her heel, and walked towards the exit. “There is no escaping this, Dr. McCoy. The final obstacles are coming down. My model will be perfected, and this world will be saved. Despite your ignorant and feeble struggles. I will not allow you to damn all of creation for your own hubris.”
As soon as the door sealed itself shut behind That Bitch, I was able to move again. Sheepishly, I turned to Mon3tr Kal’tsit, and Pope Teekaz. “Uh…well. I guess that could have gone better? Sorry…maybe I shouldn’t have tried to sucker punch her.”
Pope Teekaz reached out a mouth-tendril thing, and I tried not to flinch away. A strand touched my forehead, and I felt a voice in my mind. There was no avoiding it, my son. The woman is mad. My own reaction upon our first meeting was much the same.
Mon3tr Kal’tsit let out a shrieking noise, then bobbed its head, and oh so delicately, patted my arm with one of her talons.
“I’m just kinda surprised she didn’t turn me into a monkey or something,” I sighed. Then I shook my head. “Wait, no. An ape. After all, if it doesn’t have a tail it’s not a monkey, even if it has a monkey kind of shape.”
My two companions, even in their altered forms, gave me pained looks that told me that maybe I should just shut up now.
“Yeah,” I sighed. Then I put my head in my heads. “Oh God. Lucia…please…stay far, far away from here. I don’t…I don’t know what I would do if…”
A sob wracked my body. Over my head, the god computer rotated silently, and my two monster-fied companions stood in silence.
Yeah. I think we’re kinda fucked. I wish I’d just stayed dead.