As usual, preview chapters are subject to change, and this is only for my personal planning purposes and your enjoyment. The most important thing here is to get the voice of Zhongli/Morax right, as in my opinion, he is by far the hardest Archon to write successfully.
Lapis Dei 1: A Simple Realignment
For once in his life, Bao would have liked something to go right. He had just been helping Caomei repair a window at Miwen Guan. Only just as he’d been raising the hammer, a cat had run under his feet, and the hammer had gone flying to crack a guest who’d been walking under them in the head. Caomei had yelled at Bao, and he’d had to leave before he’d even gotten the bowl of rice and vegetables he’d been promised as his reward. He scuffed his foot on the dirt of the path and kicked up a cloud of dust.
He blinked and looked around. He was outside of Shanghai now. Rotting freeway infrastructure was all around him, with collapsed roads in some sections and others with warning signs that had been put up by the Architect. Bao remembered meeting Jing Tianqiong when he’d saved Bao and most of their apartment complex from being killed by a parahuman with fire powers, probably one of the few Yangban to survive the Shogun’s Purge. For that, Bao was grateful.
He did not, however, consider himself lucky. His entire family had been killed in that fire. His mother, his uncle, and his two surviving cousins. His grandmother, father, and brother had already died in the various plagues and fighting that had consumed Shanghai when the old Emperor had fallen under the stroke of the Devil Queen of Japan’s sword.
“Hey, kid. It’s dangerous here. You need somewhere to stay? We’ve got a shelter set up for orphans.”
Bao flinched and turned to see a squad of Japanese soldiers led by one of their demon armors. One was a gunner with an elemental rifle, but the others were bearing polearms and swords. None of them looked godforged, but they all glowed with power.
“Ah, no, I’m just out exploring!” Bao said, grinning and showing the gap in his teeth. Not one of his lost baby teeth, those had mostly come in, except for a couple of molars in the back. No, this one had been knocked out by a bit of cobblestone thrown at him for being bad luck.
He turned to the decaying roads, and a sense of horrible melancholy came over him. “We used to build stuff, you know. Be strong. Like you Rìběn do. We grew our own food and stuff too. I sort of remember it.”
Bao left off calling the soldiers xiao Riben guizi. Not to their face. They probably wouldn’t beat him. But with his luck, he’d run into some really mean ones.
The one in the demon armor came to stand beside Bao, and knelt to put a hand on his shoulder. He flinched, even as the demon mask retracted. To his surprise, it was a fairly pretty young woman, though she had several prominent scars and a purity seal tattooed on her forehead. That meant she’d spent at least a little time fighting at the Demon Gate on the Black Isle, where the Electro Dragon dwelt.
“One day, your Lord will return, and this land will be restored. You’ll see, little one. It won’t be long now.”
Bao forced a smile. “Yeah, of course! We’ll get our own demon god, and everything will be great!”
The Japanese officer just nodded and put her helmet back on. “Stay safe, citizen. Have you seen any monsters, or demons?”
Just you, Bao thought, but he said instead, “Nope! It’s very safe here, thanks to you Riben and the Architect and Mathematician.”
Of course, they didn’t protect young orphans from starving or being beaten for bringing people bad luck. It wasn’t as bad before the weird little fairy and the foreigner twins did…something…to Bao. No one died or was badly hurt in his accidents now. Well, usually. There had been that guy this morning.
The Japanese patrol wandered off, and Bao sighed. He didn’t feel like going back to Shanghai, but he was still hungry and broke, not having had any food this morning. He turned back towards the city, leaving the decaying highways behind him, and kicking a rusted old can along the road to amuse himself.
He dreamed of not just finding the Demon God, but defeating him! Yes, Yi Bao, the mighty hero, would tame the demon god, and steal his powers! He’d force the Demon God to make China strong again, and drive out the Riben, then he would defeat the other Demon Gods, especially the worst of them all, Mao the Golden, even more evil than the vile Raiden Shogun! With a mighty spear in hand, the legendary hero Yi Bao would-
“Ah, young man, perhaps you can spare a moment to give a lost traveler some directions. I appear to become too caught up in my own thoughts, and wandered from the path I meant to tread.”
Bao nearly jumped out of his skin, but turned to find a stranger standing in the overgrown road. While there were overgrown signs nearby, Bao certainly couldn’t read them, so he could understand being lost. However, what he couldn’t understand is how the stranger looked so rich. He didn’t look like one of the refugees coming to Shanghai because the Riben were giving out food and medicine, or because there was power and jobs here thanks to the Architect and Mathematician. He looked like a really, really rich guy, with clothes so fancy and nice that Bao had never seen anything like it, even before the old Emperor had died.
“Uh, sure, Mister. You lose your guards or something?” Bao asked, looking up and down the road. There were bandits about. Not as many since the Riben started patrolling, but they were still a threat if you had money.
“Fear not, while I am not as youthful perhaps as I once was, I am still capable of defending myself, should the need arise,” the stranger said. His voice was rich and smooth, dripping with culture. Also, money. Nobody talked that fancy unless they were absolutely loaded. It was a bit weird because normally, when someone talked with that old formal Mandarin, Bao couldn’t really understand them. Somehow, this man was perfectly clear, despite Bao only speaking with a very heavy Subei dialect.
Bao nodded and grinned. The stranger looked rich, and maybe kinda old? Not super old, but older than Boss Jin, probably? She was pretty old, like, 35 or something. Maybe even 40. Bao was only 11, while Caomei was 14, so she was a little older than he was. Not that much, though! It wasn’t like Bao was a little kid anymore.
“Sure, Mister. You need a place to stay? We’re not too far from Boss Jin’s place! They got good food and warm beds with no bugs at all!” Bao offered eagerly. The stranger was obviously Super Rich. Which meant if he brought him to Caomei, he’d be forgiven! This guy was even richer than that other guest! And rich guys like this were exactly the sort of people he was supposed to bring to Miwen Guan. Maybe he’d even get TWO bowls of rice!
The stranger nodded sagely. “Yes, I am somewhat weary from my travels. An inn would be most welcome. Lead on, my young friend.”
Bao scampered back towards Shanghai, the afternoon sun warming his back. It was a dry winter day, but the temperature was pleasant, excellent for long walks.
To Bao’s surprise, the rich guy easily fell into step beside Bao, his long legs keeping up with Bao’s rapid footfalls despite Bao’s hurried pace.
“Tell me, my young companion, what is your name?” the stranger inquired.
“Yi Bao, Mister! I’m 11, I live right here in Shanghai! Have my whole life! You’ll never find a better guide in the whole city, honest!” Bao said, his eyes shifting about for any rocks to be tripped on, wild dogs to attack, or even a bird to swoop down and crap on the rich guy’s nice outfit. That sort of thing was always happening no matter where Bao went.
“Ah, Shanghai. A noble city with a long and storied history, I am sure. Tell me, how fares the city these days? It seems to have fallen somewhat from its days of glory,” the stranger mused, looking down at the overgrown and cracked pavement.
Bao found himself slowing to a more sedate and stately pace. It didn’t seem right to run about with this stranger following him. “Uh, I mean, hasn’t all of China? Like, maybe it ain’t so bad where you’re from. Somewhere up north, maybe? But it’s been pretty bad in Shanghai. Not so much so since the Architect and the Mathematician conquered the city, and people don’t starve so much since the…”
Bao paused. He’d been about to say xiao Riben guizi, but that felt…wrong. Like swearing in front of his grandpa or something. So instead he said, “...the Riben came with their food.”
The stranger’s expression softened to one of grandfatherly concern. “The people starve? That is ill news. Surely the rulers of this land must uphold the contract between themselves and the people, and provide for their needs. No child should go hungry in a well managed state.”
“Uh, I guess, but like, nobody rules China. Not since the Emperor died. That was back when I was six, so I mostly remember it. Things were really bad. The Devil Queen of Japan came in with her soldiers, and killed the Old Emperor, then they shut off the power, and then there was no food, and then people got really sick, and my dad died, and my brother, and a lot of my friends and-”
It all came spilling out. Not in a coherent whole, Bao was still very young and lacked any formal education past the age of six, but the whole story. How the Raiden Shogun had come to Earth Bet and killed a demon beast. How she became the Devil Queen of Japan, and how the Old Emperor had been going to invade Japan and cast her down, so that the devil’s in Japan could be enlightened and ruled properly by a real Emperor.
But then the Japanese had come with their devil machines and god forged blades. How they had conquered the moon, and even now you could see the face of the Devil Queen of Japan and her Demon Daughter of Korea upon it.
And all the other Demon Gods, who were all evil, and bad, and hurt people. Except for the little one, Kusinali. She was nice. She gave food to hungry people, and she had dinosaurs. Bao loved dinosaurs! They were like dragons, except not scary and mean like the seven dragons, who all served the Demon Gods.
“And then, there’s the worst Demon God of them all,” Bao said, dropping his voice. He swallowed and looked around. They were back in the outskirts of the city now, so there were people about now. He didn’t want to ask for bad luck, he had enough of that already, but he felt like he had to tell the stranger. “Dà Mó Wáng the Golden. Who sent the Demon Gods to punish us, because our Emperor lost the Mandate of Heaven. And now, we have to rely on the Japanese devils and their food, and bow to the Tsaritsa when she looks our way, and let the Hegemony trade in our ports even though they’re tainted by the black demons, because we’re weak, and small. It’s not right! China is just like me! Nothing but bad luck! I wish we could have good luck, just for once.”
“Oh, Ei. What have you done to these children?” the stranger whispered, and Bao saw a look of pain in the man’s face. He had been grave and mostly silent while he listened to Bao, only asking a few questions to get Bao back on track, or to let Bao know he was listening. He was a really good listener! Even better than Boss Jin, who was the best listener that Bao had ever met.
“Who’s Ei? That name sounds Japanese,” Bao said, wrinkling his forehead in confusion.
The stranger gave Bao a smile. “An old friend. One it seems I have neglected in my correspondence. Now, while I enjoyed your tale my young friend, it has given me quite an appetite. I see a vendor there. Why do we not stop and enjoy a light repast before we continue our journey?”
“Uh, sure!” Bao agreed, his own stomach rumbling and mouth watering from the smell of the cooking dumplings. The vendor was a thin haired old man and his two young and burly sons. There were very prominent sharp knives and heavy mallets easy to hand in case anyone got funny ideas about getting free dumplings.
Seeing the rich man looking at them, the vendors began to cry, “Hot dumplings! Pork, tofu, fish, even egg! Made fresh with the very best rice flour!”
Bao doubted the pork part. Only rich people could afford pork. It was probably roof rabbit or gutter meat. There weren’t a lot of cats in Shanghai anymore, and the rats had grown stealthy once they’d gone back on the menu. Not that Bao cared. He couldn’t remember what real pork or chicken tasted like, aside from the rations the Japanese brought, though he rarely got those.
“A dozen dumplings and two bowls of rice for myself and young Master Yi,” the stranger said.
The vendor prepared the food himself, doing the fancy tricks somewhat clumsily to make it seem more appealing. The stranger gave him a gentle smile, and the vendor blushed slightly. He held out two greasy sacks with dumplings and two simple bamboo bowls with rice.
“Why do you not carry them for me, Master Bao,” the stranger said, reaching into his pocket. He pulled out a handful of glittering coins and proffered them to the man. “Here, I believe 500 mora should suffice.”
“Mora? What’s that? Is it gold?!” the man asked eagerly, taking one. He bit it, then dropped the coin with a startled oath. “That’s not gold! It shocked me!”
For once, the stranger seemed mildly surprised. He bent and retrieved the coin, holding it in is hand. “Why, it is mora. Is it not the most commonly accepted currency? I confess, I have not traveled much of late, and am not fully aware of current mercantile practices outside of my native city. Your pardon, sir. What sort of remuneration does your establishment typically accept?”
“We accept Japanese Yen, of course. And precious metals. But you will pay,” the man said, a dangerous glint in his eyes as his two big sons reached for their tools.
Bao clutched the food and made ready to run. This was a wealth of food, nearly enough for a week! He couldn’t afford to lose it!
“Ah, you desire gold? I am afraid I have only a pittance of such on my personage. Here. Would this suffice?” the man said, and reached into a pocket. From it he removed a glittering nugget the size of Bao’s thumb, and held it out to the now slack jawed man.
The vendor snatched the gold like it would run away, and bit that as well. The metal flattened slightly, and he looked down at it, astonished, his two sons gaping at the fortune he was holding.
Hastily, the vendor made the gold vanish, then bowed twice to the stranger. “My apologies sir! I, ah, there may be something wrong with your dumplings! Jia! Zhen! Quick, get the real pork this time!”
“But, we can keep these, right?” Bao asked, holding so tightly to the hot dumplings he could feel his arm burning.
“Uh, yes! Of course! And please, have a seat!” the vendor babbled. He hastily erected a small table with two rickety chairs, while his sons began to cook up a proper feast. People were beginning to stop and stare, but the stranger simply took a seat and accepted a chipped mug of tea from the vendor, who continued to bow.
“Gee, mister, how much was that gold worth?” Bao whispered to the man around a mouthful of dumplings. He’d offered one to the rich man first, but the stranger merely smiled and told him to ‘Go ahead, I shall enjoy this fine brew.’
“Such a small fleck is worth but a mere trifle. Why, gold is hardly of consequence, fit only for its properties as fine decoration and use in jewelry.”
One of the vendors' sons, who was hurrying over with the actual pork dumplings, nearly tripped. Bao winced, worried it was his fault, but it seemed the big man was just startled.
“Y-your pork dumplings, noble sir,” the man babbled, and set the tray of dumplings down.
Bao had already eaten all of the rat and cat dumplings, it was a mix of both, but he instinctively reached for the pork. Then, he hesitated, grinning sheepishly at the rich man. “Um, sorry, Mister. Those are yours.”
The stranger picked up a single dumpling with a pair of ebony chopsticks he drew from his coat, dipped it in the sauce the vendor had provided, and popped it in his mouth. The vendor and his sons seemed to be holding their breath as the man chewed. He nodded, and said gravely, “a most delicate and rich blend of spices, that has the essence of the land and people. I sense that your family has been preparing such dumplings for six generations, Master Chen. A most excellent example of Shanghai cooking.”
Tears came to the street vendor’s eyes, and this time, he and his sons bowed a full three times! “Your kind words do me honor, Noble Sir. I learned this recipe from my grandfather, who learned it from his grandfather. Now, I pass this on to my sons. When I was younger, we had our own restaurant, but…well. It was lost. Now all I have is this cart. Ordinarily, I serve…well. I serve what meat I can. But it is an honor and a privilege to serve one such as you.”
The man nodded, then produced a second set of chopsticks carved from what appeared to be real jade, and handed them to Bao! “Eat, my young friend. You seem to have more of an appetite than I.”
Bao did not need to be told twice. The dumplings vanished in an instant, and Bao felt as though he had just eaten the tastiest meal in his life! Real pork dumplings! Not even Boss Jin gave him that kind of food, no matter how good his luck was! Bao was pretty sure her and Caomei had real pork sometimes, but they mostly ate fish or roof rabbit like everyone else.
Meal finished, the stranger thanked the vendor, returned the chipped cup and dishes with proper gravity, and then gestured to Bao. “Lead on, Master Yi. Though I would ask you to take the most scenic route. I would see more of this city.”
Bao nodded eagerly, then paused. He’d just noticed something he hadn’t before. From a silver chain on the stranger’s waist hung a glowing amber gem. “Mister…is that a Vision!? I haven’t seen one like that before!”
“Hmm? Oh, yes.” The stranger lifted the Divine Gemstone on its chain and held it up for Bao to see. “I found it some years ago. I am afraid that in my line of work, I rarely find a reason to use it. But, it has its uses from time to time.”
Bao swallowed, his body trembling as he looked up at the man. “But, mister…this one’s yellow. Is it…is it from the Ice Demon of Winter? One of the ones that make you go crazy?”
“Ah, an easy mistake to make. No, see the housing?” the stranger gestured to the interlinked diamonds of gold that housed the gem. “This denotes a Vision given to one born of my homeland. I suppose it is a land far from here, and you would not have seen the like before.”
“But it’s a…what do you call it, a Geo one. There’s no Geo Demon God to give those out,” Bao said, shaking his head. He looked around. People were looking at them, and at the gem. He hastily took it and stuffed it, chain and all, into the stranger’s pocket. “Mister, you can’t let people see that! They’ll think you’re a fatui. Or maybe one of the Lightkeepers. That wouldn’t be so bad. They serve the Hegemony, kinda, but they’re OK I think. At least, they fight the Abyss and stuff.”
“I do recall you had not mentioned the Geo Archon in the tale you told me earlier,” the stranger said, putting his hands behind his back as he took measured steps beside Bao. “Tell me, for what reason do you believe there not to be one who sits upon the throne of Geo? I know that Rex Lapis has fallen, but surely one who bears the title has arisen in this world.”
“What’s a Rex Lapis?” Bao said, frowning. “I mean, I’ve heard people say that the Geo Archon is going to come to China and fix things…but Mister, I don’t know how anyone could fix this. Not even a demon god.”
“You seem to have little warmth or regard for the gods. Given your nation’s travails, one can understand why such mistrust would exist,” the stranger said, nodding slowly as they walked through the streets. People were still looking, but more because the stranger’s clothes were so nice. There were also some people Bao recognized as being gangsters and toughs. They would rob people, especially rich people who gave out big gold nuggets.
Bao didn’t know a lot about money, but he knew the stranger was wrong about gold not being worth much. If he thought that, maybe he was so rich he didn’t realize how money worked. That was OK, he had Bao to watch out for him!
“Come on, Mister! I just remembered there’s something I need to show you! Come on, we gotta hurry!” Bao said, even as the thugs began to close in.
Thankfully, Bao’s bad luck kicked in at just the right time, and one of the men slipped on a muddy patch, tripping up his friend. In the shouting confusion, Bao and the stranger darted off down a side street, and lost the gangsters.
“No scenic route, mister! You’re too rich! We gotta get you to Boss Jin’s! You’ll be safe there, promise! Boss Jin, she’s a nice lady, even if she’s really scary,” Bao explained.
“Then lead the way, Master Yi, and I shall follow. Do not worry, though I may not appear as such, I am more nimble than one might suppose, and will keep pace with you,” the stranger said reassuringly.
Bao scrambled through the streets, leading the stranger on the safest path, away from where he knew the gangs controlled territory, and on the thoroughfares that the men of the Mathematician or Architect patrolled, or even the Japanese. Bao didn’t like the foreign devils, but at least they wouldn’t let people get murdered or beat up.
It took quite a while to reach Boss Jin’s place: Shanghai was a big city, and public transportation wasn’t really a thing anymore. There were plenty of bicycles, but not many cars or trucks, save for what the Japanese used to deliver supplies.
At last, he reached the walled safety of Miwen Guan. Caomei was at her usual post on the wall with a rifle slung in her arm, scanning for trouble or potential customers. She spotted Bao and the stranger and raised her stump, grinning and waving at them before hopping off the wall.
“Hey, Bao! Guess what!? That guy you dropped a hammer on!? Turns out, he was a real scumbag! He was trying to steal from Boss Jin! So, no worries! I dropped another hammer on him and left him in the alleyway. So you can still have dinner tonight! Maybe an extra! Is this a customer you’ve brought me?”
“Yeah! This is…uh, Mister, um, I’m sorry…but what’s your name?” Bao asked, blushing in embarrassment that he couldn’t properly introduce this wealthy nobleman.
“You may call me Zhongli. You must be the lovely Miss Caomei. Master Yi has told me a great deal about you and this establishment,” the stranger said, bowing slightly to Caomei.
She glanced suspiciously at Bao with a frown, but he just blushed and shrugged. Caomei returned the gesture and turned back to the stranger. “Well, welcome to Miwen Guan! We’ve got the comfiest beds in Shanghai, with no bugs, guaranteed! Plus, if you take our special rate, all meals are included!”
The “Special Rate” was also known as “bilk rich people for all they’re worth, we’re working here!” Bao approved. The rich guy was nice, but he had too much money for his own good. He probably needed someone like Bao to take care of him so that he didn’t get robbed or taken advantage of.
Caomei made to usher the stranger inside, leaving Bao outside as usual. Zhongli, however, paused. “I would ask that my young companion accompany me. He has proven a most adept guide, and I would retain his services. If he is amenable to this, of course.”
Bao had no idea what an amenable was, but he thought it meant he got to stay with the stranger, so he nodded eagerly. “Yeah! I’ll stay with you!”
“Uh, sorry, Mister Zhongli, but Bao…he’s got super bad luck. I got in trouble earlier for letting him in…” Caomei said, looking uncomfortable.
“That is unfortunate, as Master Yi and I have formed a contract between us. If my guide cannot accompany me, I will be unable to effectuate our agreement. Quite the conundrum,” Zhongli mused.
Bao and Caomei both winced. Mister Zhongli was obviously a prime mark, and losing him would get Boss Jin mad. Not to mention lose both of them out on a reward.
“Well…maybe if we could find a way to make it so his luck doesn’t screw everything up? Normally it’s really bad, so, uh, he has to wait outside in case he drops any more hammers on people,” Caomei explained.
“Ah, why did you not say so?” Zhongli removed several pieces of paper from his pocket, along with a very fine brush and inkwell. “I sensed that young Bao’s qi was not in proper alignment. A simple ceremony gleaned from studying the adaptal arts will suffice to remediate this deficency. There, stand just here, Master Bao. And you here, Miss Caomei. Now, hold this. Very good. This will take but a moment. Do not worry, it is a simple but effective ceremony.”
Bao and Caomei found themselves with pieces of rice paper with elegantly formed characters stuck to their foreheads. Bao couldn’t read the characters of course, but Caomei was trying to puzzle them out.
“These are really weird characters. I’ve never seen them before,” Caomei muttered. “They look really old.”
“Ah, yes. They are an ancient rite, oft practiced in my homeland, but perhaps not well known here,” Zhongli explained. He produced two sticks of incense, lighting them and handing them to Caomei and Bao. “Now, hold these. Yes, like so. Now, repeat after me.”
Zhongli began to chant in a singsong voice, holding his own stick of incense. Despite himself, Bao began to chant along with the rich stranger, Caomei’s sweet voice singing along with him.
Wéi tài gǔ zhī chū, tiān chuí qīng qì, dì zài hòu dé.
Qún mó wèi méng, bǎi xié wèi xíng.
Jīn yǒu huì suì qián zī, lì wǎng qiè fù, qīn rén shén fǔ, luàn qí mìng tú...
Bao didn’t understand any of it at all. It was very long and complicated, but he repeated the lines exactly somehow, as if he was being gently coaxed along an old and well traveled path by an expert guide.
Then, came the final line.
Tiānhéng zhāozhāo, dìjì huánghuáng. Gǎn nì Yánwáng Dìjūn zhī qì zhě, shānchuān gòng zhū zhī. Jí jí rú Dìjūn yù chì!
The characters on his and Caomei’s forehead glowed with amber light, and then the scrolls were consumed, fading away to nothing as their sticks of incense were snuffed out.
A sense of vertigo struck Bao, and he nearly fell. Someone caught him, and for a moment, the world spun about Bao like his head and just been struck. When his vision cleared, Zhongli was gently supporting both Bao and Caomei with strong hands.
“There. Your Qi has been properly realigned. I believe it should be safe for us to enter the inn.”
Bao and Caomei straightened, blinking slightly.
“It’s…weird. I felt something too,” Caomei said, reaching up to scratch her head with her right hand. “I dunno, it’s like I’m itchy, or something.”
Bao gasped in shock and pointed. “C-Caomei! Your hand! Look!”
“Huh?” Caomei looked at her left hand, which was as intact and whole as always. “I don’t see-”
Bao grabbed her right hand and jerked it up. Caomei blinked at it then, gasping in shock. Previously, her right arm had ended in a stump after her hand and been crushed and amputated. Now, however, it was fully restored, only the hand seemed to be made of shining amber metal. She flexed the hand, then pinched it, and yelped. “It’s real! Bao, it’s real! How-”
She spun on the stranger, her eyes enormous, but Zhongli only gave her a gentle smile.
“A proper qi-aligning ceremony can do wonders for one’s health. You seem to have benefited from it as well. Perhaps I shall write it out for you to perform again later, should ill luck ever befall you again.”
Both Bao and Caomei bowed three times, tears in their eyes. “THANK YOU NOBLE SIR!”
After that, Caomei sprinted into the lobby, where she hastily found a room key for Zhongli and proudly held it out to him. “Don’t worry about the fee, your stay is on the house!”
The door to Boss Jin’s room banged open, and Caomei and Bao both jumped in fright as a puff of smoke emerged.
“On the house. Normally, the door guard isn’t one to make such a proclamation, Caomei. Have you forgotten what the purpose of my establishment is? I do not run a charity. Did some poor soul with a sob story make you weep again? I shall make you weep even more, on your hands and knees as you scrub every inch of my floor!”
“WE’RE SORRY BOSS JIN, FORGIVE US!” Caomei and Bao wailed, both of them prostrating themselves on the very clean floor.
Out of the shadows stepped the Scary Lady herself, Boss Jin. She was super old, but still kind of pretty in a scary way. As usual, she had on a dark green robe and jade ornaments in her hair, as well as her ever present tobacco pipe. She gave their guest a measuring look, then smiled at him in a way that reminded Bao of a cat stalking a mouse.
“And you would be the one that coaxed Caomei into staying at my inn for free? Well, there’s no such thing as a free lunch, especially in Shanghai.”
“But Boss Jin, Mister Zhongli, he-” Caomei began, but quailed and quieted with Boss Jin glared at her.
“The young lady is merely overly enthusiastic, and showing hospitality to a guest. Such a contract should naturally benefit both host and guest. While I lack your local currency, I believe a contract can be formed between us for the fair exchange of goods in return for services rendered,” Zhongli said, giving a slight bow to Boss Jin.
“Whatever you did for Caomei, don’t think I’m paying you for it when there was no agreement between us. She is a child, and I am her employer. If you take advantage of my staff, I will take issue with you,” Boss Jin said, puffing on her pipe again.
Zhongli shook his head. “Ah, there seems to be a slight miscommunication. My intent was that I was to offer you material goods in exchange for the use of a room for myself and young Bao, as well as some meals and the finest tea you have.”
“Bao isn’t allowed to sleep at the inn. I have to keep replacing lightbulbs and fixing leaks in roofs or getting rid of bedbugs when he does,” Jinn said with a shrug. “He’s a parahuman, cursed with bad luck.”
“Yes, I had noticed. However, I performed a Qi Cleansing ceremony, learned from a scroll penned by an anicent mountain sage. She was most wise in repelling evil spirits, and would often employ this same ceremony to prevent misfortune,” Zhongli explained, drawing out a scroll that was filled with small characters written in a flowing hand.
“Oh? You’ve trained at the Crane School? I wouldn’t call that jumped up bird ancient, but she is quite powerful, and her Daoist magic and techniques do seem effective. Perhaps she does know a way to expel shards from their hosts,” Boss Jin said, taking the scroll and glancing at it. She shrugged and passed it back. “I’m afraid I deal in harder coin than this, but perhaps I could trade you a night or two at the inn. However, I would need collateral for Bao to stay. Perhaps your ceremony severed his shard. Perhaps it didn’t. I have no way of knowing.”
“But boss, LOOK!” Caomei pleaded, and held up her right hand.
Jin glanced at Caomei before turning back to Zhongli, who was reaching into his pocket again. “Go prepare a room, Caomei, you can show me- WAIT!”
Caomei froze and Boss Jin seized her arm and examined it carefully, her eyes wide. She turned back to Zhongli, rapidly schooling her expression into one of disdain. “You didn’t steal this mechanical hand from Cloud Retainer, did you? Perhaps it does have some value, but it’s been bonded to Caomei, and I won’t disfigure her to retrieve it. If this is some sort of scam-”
“No, no, merely a byproduct of her assistance in performing the Qi Cleansing Ceremony. A mere bauble of no great import,” Zhongli said easily. He removed his hand from his pocket, and extended a sparkling red gem the size of a pigeon egg. “This is more what I had in mind when I discussed payment for your inn. I know it is a simple stone of mean value, but perhaps it could be traded for a night or two and-”
Boss Jin snatched the stone out of Zhongli’s palm and produced a little magnifying glass thing, which she used to scrutinize the gem. She hastily pocketed both, then straightened and bowed formally to Zhongli. “Forgive me, sir. I had thought you meant to entrap my gullible young employee. I see now that you are a true gentleman of wealth and taste. Caomei, Bao, go and prepare the best room for Mister Zhongli. Please, sir, you had said you enjoyed good tea. I offer you some from my private collection in my chambers.”
“A moment,” Zhongli said, holding up a hand before Bao and Caomei could race off to do as ordered. “No formal contract yet exists between us. You have taken payment, but we have not come to terms. I would have at least a verbal contract between us before we discuss other matters.”
Boss Jin blinked twice, then smiled. “Yes, of course. I think…a year. A year and a day. You may stay at Miwen Guan for a year and a day in our best room, with three meals a day provided, and Bao as your personal aid.”
“And any incidental damages to the inn during this time? Whether or not as a result of young Bao or myself’s misaligned Qi?” Zhongli asked mildly.
“I will hold the stone as collateral and use its value against any such damages. In the meantime, I will find a suitable buyer. I will charge a 10% commission, plus the cost of your room and board, and then provide you with the remainder in the currency of your choice,” Boss Jin said.
Zhongli’s brow furrowed slightly. “That seems remarkably magnanimous of you, Lady Jin. I would not seek to take advantage of you in such an exchange.”
“Well, fear not, I’ll draw up the contract. Come, I have parchment and ink in my quarters, along with the tea. But the verbal agreement will do for now, yes?”
“Indeed,” Zhongli agreed with a nod. He turned to Bao. “Do you require any funds to set up my quarters? It seems I must plan to stay here for some time. I have limited means, but it seems the few metals and gems I have on my person are sufficient to cover any minor expenses.”
“Uh, I mean…do you need something beside a bed and stuff?” Bao asked.
Caomei grabbed his collar and jerked him back. “Don’t worry, Mister Zhongli! We’ll decorate the rooms real good! We got some nice wall hangings and silk screens we can put up, and the room has a great view of the harbor!”
Zhongli gave Caomei a warm smile. “Ah, excellent. Thank you, Miss Caomei. I will trust in your ability and taste to assist young master Bao. Thank you both. Is it customary to offer a tip to staff in such establishments as this? I fear I must inquire directly, as I have not had the pleasure of visiting Shanghai before.”
“You already gave me so much food, Mister! Keep doing that, and that’s the best tip there is!” Bao said eagerly. Then he hesitated. “Do…do I really get to…to sleep in your room?”
“Well, I should naturally expect that my guide be provided with quarters suitable for a young man of your age. We will have to see about suitable raiment later.”
Bao nodded, feeling dazed, and then trotted after Caomei to get the rooms ready. His own bed! He hadn’t slept in a bed in FOREVER.
“Hey, Caomei…what’s rainment?” Bao asked.
“It means like, boots and stuff for when it rains, duh,” Caomei said, rolling her eyes.
Bao nodded. Caomei was older and had learned to read and stuff, so she probably knew fancy words like that. “Mister Zhongli seems super nice, doesn’t he?”
“Yeah,” Caomei said softly, flexing her hand. “Yeah, he does. I hope he stays here a long time.”
Bao grinned at her. “That’s just ‘cause he’s super rich and super gullible!”
“No! He’s just…I feel…safe. He reminds me of my grandpa. He used to take me on walks, when I was little, when…before, when I had a family,” Caomei sniffled a little, wiping her tears away with the back of her right hand, then staring at it in wonder.
“Yeah. Me too. Though, isn’t he kinda young to be a grandpa? He doesn’t have white hair, and he’s not bald,” Bao pointed out.
“I don’t know! He just…he feels grandpa-ish!” Caomei snapped. “Now help me get fresh sheets for the bed!”
Bao shrugged and did as he was told. This was the best day ever! Maybe his luck really was finally turning around.