I’m not going to lie, Laterano being saved by an epic rock concert is in my like, top ten most awesome things I ever got to see. Maybe even top five! Especially since during said concert, I got to shoot a wanna be god with my big sis! Totally epic, right?
Uh, it was a little creepy seeing people, you know…sprout finny bits all over their bodies, but hey! Better than turning into rocks and getting loaded onto a space escalator, right? Then, we made our plans to go and blow the Law up! Or, well I thought that was what we were doing. Turns out, Doktah is a lot smarter than I am! Low bar, I know, but I do appreciate my hardest job being shooting things and liberal uses of explosives instead of having to plan a whole world-saving operation.
And as far as teams go, best one ever! Me, Lem, and Fia? Freaking AWESOME. I was a bit sad that Texas and Lucia were on the other team, but I was glad they were looking out for Leader and Mon3tr. I did wonder where Mostima was, not like her to miss a party, but I guess she was busy.
Oh, and my ARCH NEMESIS. FRED.
“I will put aside our long and epic rivalry to work with you this one time, Fred,” I told him.
He frowned at me. “I do not recall any longstanding dispute between us that would constitute a rivalry. We did not attend the same academic institution, nor were we employed in the same field and competing for promotions.”
“Don’t you remember when you took my fireworks?! I spray-painted BJ Princess on your door and colored your scooter pink!” I pointed out.
He blinked at me, no comprehension dawning. “I thought someone had put Bellator Justitiae Princeps on my door, as a misguided attempt to indicate that I was a warrior of justice. I had assumed, due to the poor quality of the handwriting, that they had misspelled Princeps.”
Lemuen snorted and covered her mouth, eyes dancing, while Wiš'adel rolled her eyes.
“Fred, BJ Princess means you give great head,” she told him.
“I would accept leadership of this expedition, but I believe that is a role more suited to King Amiya. She has the highest rank, and a great deal of experience leading small squads on missions such as this. Most of my experience is as a solo operative, and I have consistently received low evaluations in my leadership ability,” Fred said.
“How the fuck do you not know what head or a BJ is!? Don’t tell me you're a fucking virgin,” Wiš'adel grumbled.
“And what is so wrong with that?” Amiya asked, sniffing and putting her nose in the air.
Wiš'adel’s eyes went wide, and she let out a choking sound. I couldn’t help it, and neither could Lem. We both dissolved into giggles.
“I, wait, you- you never?!” Wiš'adel gasped, horrified.
Amiya’s eyes sparkled. “I have gone on several dates with a very nice young man I met in Yan, but I am only 16, Wiš'adel. I’m ten years younger than you, I think.”
“Fuck if I know how old I am,” Wiš'adel muttered, but she’d gone bright red. “I forget you’re…you know. Just a kid.”
“My age is 29. I would estimate that you are of a similar age to me, perhaps a year or two younger,” Fred said in the most oblivious way possible. “Additionally, I have refrained from sexual relations. I would not consider Amiya a suitable partner due to our differing social class and ages. You would be a much more suitable partner.”
“ME?!” Wiš'adel snarled, poking Fred in the chest as both Lemuel and me’s jaws dropped. “Don’t let my halo and wings fool you, asshole! I’m a mother fucking SARKAZ BITCH, and I would fucking eat you alive!”
“Sarkaz engaging in cannibalistic practices outside of certain triablistic fetishes is largely prejudicial folklore,” Fred stated, as I had to clutch onto Lem’s wheelchair to keep from falling over laughing.
“Is this jerk actually mansplaining being a Sarkaz to me?” Wiš'adel hissed to Amiya. “Is he for real?”
“Yes. While we are in the Simulated Universe, at this point, our faculties seem to be fully under our control,” Fred stated. He hesitated, then added, “Additionally, I appear to be experiencing a case of pre-operational nerves. Would you mind if I used my cube? This may decrease unnecessary dialogue that some find uncomfortable.”
He did not wait for permission, instead taking out his cube and playing with it. Huh. He was pretty good. Probably could be on one of those Lungmenite variety shows where they have kids solve puzzles super fast, actually.
“Right, let’s go,” Fiammetta said, stomping over in her old man’s armor. It looked good on her! I mean, it was seriously too big for her, I have no idea how she was fitting into it, but, well, it was a nice touch. She glanced at me and Lem practically dying over here from giggle fits, Amiya grinning like a loon, Fred solving a kid's toy repeatedly, and Wiš'adel looking sour. “What did I miss? Shouldn’t you all be more focused on the mission?”
“Yeah, that was killing my brain anyway,” I said brightly. “Ammo check?”
Federico whipped out his two shotguns and expertly moved the levers, keeping them at the ready. “Fred and W fully operational. Sixty-four custom 2 5/8" shells prepared. Arts sync at maximum. Operator Executor ready for combat.”
“Tactica has 7.62x51mm Lateran rounds chambered, hollow-point. I have 24 such rounds ready, with an additional eight 12.7x99mm Lateran rounds ready to go, if I need to switch her to area saturation configuration,” Lem said, patting her patron affectionately.
“Holy Debt Collector, he uses 7.62×51mm Lateran rounds. Three twenty-round magazines, plus six EBR grenades,” Fia said, saluting with her patron. Damn, that boy was sexy! Old man Paganini had used Iberian Steel in HDC’s construction, so his surface rippled like waves. He’d also treated the metal so that it shone with a red copper color, making it look like flames were racing up and down the barrel.
“Revenant cannon ready with 20 shells! Anyone wanna guess how many grenades I have?” Wiš'adel asked, a wicked grin on her face.
“You have nine secreted about your person, plus four anti-personnel mines,” Fred supplied.
“Fuck, boy might be as clueless as a baby zalak but he’s a fighter!” Wiš'adel cackled.
“I’ve got three 33-round 9×19mm Leithanian mags, plus one in the chamber for Victor, and two full mags each for Scardy and Katt! And a bunch of party favors, and two knives!” I declared cheerfully.
“The souls of our Ancestors are with us. With their strength, we cannot fail,” Amiya said, and manifested the Black Crown on her head. Which, uh, might be more dangerous than all the bullets we had put together.
I had to carry Lem’s chair when we headed up the stairs, while Fia carried her in one arm thanks to her armor. You know, you’d think we’d have made Laterano more handicap accessible. Rhodes Island is, now that I think about it, and so are a lot of places in Lungmen. Food for thought!
I turned around one last time, and caught Odda’s eyes. I blew him a kiss, which he caught, then blew one back to me, which made my heart flutter a bit. I wished I had told him he was a dad…but I was worried he’d flip out and tell me I couldn’t come or something else equally chauvinistic and macho. Oh well. Too late now.
I didn’t have to lug the chair very far before the world around us shifted, and we stepped through into…well, uh, it was just Laterano still. Only it was…empty. I turned to look behind me, but the Sankta that had crowded the square behind us were gone, as was the Doktah and the others. I couldn’t hear Skalter and Arturia’s song anymore, either. Instead…silence.
“We have been drawn deeper into the Simulated Universe,” Amiya said, which, well, duh. But we all nodded. She turned to Fred, her brow furrowed. “Can you still hear the Law?”
“Yes. Its signal has been amplified,” he stated, and pointed. “It is this way.”
I looked where he was pointing, and my brain broke a little bit. The stairs were still there, but…they didn’t go…linearly. Instead, they twisted and curved, with gaps in them that fell into space, and somehow, the top of the stairs seemed to be lower than the bottom.
“Someone’s fucking with the geometry,” Wiš'adel growled, her eyes darting around. “Think they can make it harder for us to find the Law, huh?”
“This is a separate universe. The laws of physics could be more accurately described as suggestions here,” Lem said, and I blinked, as she was standing on the stairs above us, but with her head pointed down. She reached out and booped my nose. “The good news is, you can leave the chair, El. I do not believe I shall require it.”
I looked at the chair, frowning. “You sure? I mean, what if the rules change again?”
“Then I shall require a piggyback ride. Consider it revenge for all the ones I used to give you,” she said with a wink.
I shrugged and set the chair on the side of the staircase. It fell sideways, then landed on a statue behind us. Yeah that was…trippy. Gonna make the ballistics a real bitch. Especially since the chair didn’t fall right. Like, it was too slow, then too fast. Falling really matters when you’re shooting, because of gravity and stuff. If that was different…I’d have to get creative!
Fred took the lead, and we didn’t get far before we came to a section where the stairs led off into a corridor that was lined with statues that just sort of…appeared. Like, we came around a corner that wasn’t there, and then, poof!
“This is some real video game shit,” I muttered, scratching my head as we walked. “You guys ever play Aperture Science? Seems a bit like that, but even more screwy.”
“For the good of all of us,” Lemuen hummed, as we passed a statue that looked like a beatific version of a Saint.
“Except the ones who are dead!” Fia sang with a grin.
“Now there’s no sense crying over every mistake,” Amiya continued, and we all sang,
“You just keep on trying until you run out of cake!” as we walked down the corridor.
That was when the statues came to life, and jumped off their pedestals and tried to kill us.
“Lame,” Wiš'adel remarked, blasting three of the statues to dust and blood with one shot. “At least the science gets done, and I got a neat gun!”
“Wait, you played Aperture Science!?” I gasped excitedly, blasting one of the white marble constructs with Victor. It came apart like it was made of plasticine, not real stone, but the weirdest part was that it bled! It looked…well, more like fake theater blood than the real stuff, but it did make a real mess as the statue fell to the ceiling and shattered into pieces.
“Fuck, Red, I’m Sarkaz, not a fucking hermit. We like video games too, you know!” she snapped, tossing a grenade so that it bounced off a wall, ricocheted off a statue, then blew up in a group of four. Wow, she was as good as her reputation said! Even with things falling wrong, Wiš'adel had already figured out how to do maximum damage.
The rest of the statues went down fast, and now the corridor had blood dripping and pooling in all the wrong places. I rested Victor on my shoulder and checked behind us, then said, “Clear! And yeah, I mean, I wasn’t going to stop gaming just because I’m Sarkaz now. What’s your favorite game? Mine’s Super Smash Sisters! We played that at PL all the time!”
“The ones where I don’t fucking die in a fucked up version of MegaMurder.”
“I enjoy esu!. It is quite soothing.”
We all missed half a step and stared in shock at Fred.
“The…cutesy anime mascot rhythm game?” Fia asked, sounding as shocked as I felt.
“Yes,” Fred stated, eyes forward as he stepped around puddles of fake blood. “It is good for maintaining focus in stressful situations. Also, pippi is aesthetically pleasing.”
“I like it too! Have you played Pop Tap Beat? I got into esu! after their collab,” Amiya put in.
“Yes, but I dislike the Taiko controller and prefer esu!’s simpler design,” Fred said with a nod, then blew the head off of a weird bat thing that one of the wall hangings had turned into and flapped towards him.
“Shit, not again,” I growled, turning around and shooting all of the decorations. Some of them were peeling themselves off the walls, others weren’t, but I wasn’t taking any chances. “This is gonna be one of those ‘all the scenery is trying to kill you’ things. Anyone able to spot a difference in the shading? That’s how you can tell what’s going to try to kill you in games and stuff.”
“I shall highlight that which is integrated into the environment, and which is an added overlay that may animate,” Amiya stated, and black Arts flickered over her fingers as she stretched her hands forward.
She did more than highlight: Amiya stripped the corridors bare of anything threatening ahead of us with a ripple of black flames that made all our patrons and grenades look like firecrackers. It was pretty easy to forget our adorable little Rhodes Island mascot was actually the most terrifying creature in every myth and legend. Kinda glad the Lord of Fiends is on Laterano’s side for once.
We walked a little farther, before Originium crystals began to invade the pristine white halls, giving off an evil red glow. I glanced behind us, but the way back was being cut off by crystal growths too.
“Looks like someone doesn’t like that we’ve figured out some hax of our owns. Seems like the GM of this place is a big fat bitch,” Wiš'adel complained.
“Then Priestess has made her first major error,” Amiya said, rising even higher up into the air and making a grand circular gesture as diamond shards of black crystal began to swirl about her. “For the Originium is made of the souls and memories of those who have come before us. They are imprisoned here. They wish to be free once more. I shall petition them for guidance.”
The corridor seemed to spin, and I had to grab on to Fia and Lem to stay on my feet as a wave of disorientation and nausea washed over me. Lem closed her eyes and shivered, and I hugged her tightly, trying to stay alert for threats, but mesmerized by the roiling corridor.
Then, the vertigo was gone as the corridor had reoriented itself. The crystals were still there, interwoven into the stone, but they looked…friendly? I mean, it was still originium so if you touched it you got Oripathy, but instead of that angry red color, they glowed a more peaceful blue. I guess the souls liked Amiya better than that Leader’s crazy ex.
“Damn,” Fia said, looking up and down the corridor, which seemed free of enemies now. “Is the way clear now?”
“The Law’s signal is now free of interference. It is directly ahead,” Fred said, and began to march down the corridor, carefully avoiding the veins of black crystal.
We all did the same. We were crazy, not stupid. Touching Originum was still death, even here. Except to Amiya. She trailed her hands along the originium, a faint smile on her lips, eyes half closed, as though she could hear it. Well, I mean, she probably could, and not in the way that someone who’s so far gone to the stones that the rocks start talking to them.
The corridor slowly began to feel more…ancient. I saw ossuaries off to the sides, with the bones of humans stacked in disturbingly beautiful patterns. I gripped Victor tightly, and poked my head in one of the rooms to take a quick look for threats before dipping back out. I looked over at Wiš'adel, whose face had gone blank, and sidled up to her.
“What, Red? If it doesn’t need killing, I don’t want to hear it,” she growled.
“The bones. You can’t tell if they’re Sarkaz, or Sankta. In death…we all look the same,” I said quietly.
Wiš'adel rolled her eyes. “Look at the skulls, moron. If they got horns, they’re Sarkaz.”
“I have horns,” Lem pointed out, reaching up to touch the black ones that curled out from the side of her head. “And yet, you do not. So who is the Sarkaz, and who the Sankta?”
“The other bones wouldn’t look any different. It’s actually pretty hard to tell the race of someone from their bones if the head isn’t present or they don’t have a tail,” Fia commented.
“It is possible: liberi bones are lighter than most other human remains,” Fred said, undermining the whole moment. Then, he actually said something insightful for once. “However, the distinction is not relevant to funerary rites. According to Canto LXXVI, all mortal remains are to be treated equally before interment.”
I expected another barb from Wiš'adel, but she was quiet for a moment. Then, she turned to Fred and asked, “What if it was a Sarkaz skeleton, and you could tell?”
Fred paused. “Technically, Sarkaz remains are to be interred separately. However, as there is a margin of error, I have always preferred to simply grant the dead equal treatment, and have stated that this distinction is illogical and serves no function in several of my reports.”
Wiš'adel stared at him. “You filed reports over burying dead Sarkaz differently being racist bullshit?”
“Yes.”
“How many?”
“Seventeen.”
“Fuck, Fred, you’re going to have to stop doing this or I’m actually going to start tolerating your autistic ass,” Wiš'adel mumbled.
“Stop filling reports? That would prevent me from completing my assignments.”
“No, dumbass! Being fucking human!”
“I have already stated that Sarkaz and Sankta are equally human. I filed-”
“Yeah, yeah, seventeen reports. Fucking bureaucrats.”
“Well, the good news is, you won’t have to file any new reports when we’re done,” I said, cracking my knuckles and grinning.
Fred looked downright alarmed at that. “Are you stating that I will be dismissed from my position after this operation?”
“No. She’s saying that Sarkaz and Sankta will be equal in the eyes of the Law and custom,” Lemuen said, giving Fred a gentle smile. “And I did read all seventeen reports, Federico. I petitioned His Holiness, and the gears were turning to enact revisions to Canto LXXVI. However, as with all things in Notarial Hall, change takes time. This method may be more expedient, which is good. Your reports are incredibly boring to have to read, and you just keep filing them.”
“Hold up,” I said, raising a hand. “Something’s wrong.”
Everyone paused, and I inched forward, Victor raised to my shoulder, aiming down my sights. Couldn’t trust the scope with the distances screwy and the gravity wrong. I paused after a few steps, then crouched. “Right. Air’s different up ahead, and I hear electronics. We’re getting close.”
“Let me deploy a drone. I have a couple of Oculus-Cs,” Fia said, reaching to a detachable pod on her back. Amiya nodded her approval, and Fia popped the pod open.
A little pill shaped drone with a propeller on the top and a smaller fin on the back appeared and dinged twice to let us know it was active. Fia took the guide wire and attached it to her digital pad, then nodded.
“Feed looks good, sending out feeler,” Fia said, and we all waited, tense. The micro-filament fiber-optic cable whizzed out of the drone’s spool as it shot down the corridor. It had about two clicks of cable on that tiny little pod, after which it could go wireless, but that was way more vulnerable to jamming.
Fortunately, it only needed to go a few hundred meters, bobbing around corridors. Fia expertly accounted for the shifts between what was up and down, and guided the drone to the end of the corridor, where an aperture opened up into a large room. However, just as the drone reached the threshold, the screen fuzzed, followed by a SIGNAL LOST warning flashing.
Fia tapped the screen, and shook her head. “Cable’s intact, but there’s no signal. I don’t have a failure report like I would get if the drone were hit. It’s like it just stopped existing as soon as it entered that room.”
“Spin it back, I want a second look,” Lem ordered.
“Rewinding,” Fia said, and spun the footage back to the very last frame captured. There, on the screen, we caught our first glimpse of the Law. It was a rotating halo formed of cubes, anchored by rusty spiked chains at the center of a large room.
However, that wasn’t the only thing that caught our attention. A huge monster with a halo, six legs, and four wings stood at the center of the room, a staff gripped in its two forelimbs. It was at least 15 meters long, and 5 meters tall, with a weird tentacle mouth where a head should have been.
“Would you look at that. They left us a boss fight! How sweet,” Wiš'adel cackled.
“No,” Amiya said, shaking her head. “I think not. Come. Keep your weapons at the ready, but do not fire unless I tell you to.”
We crept down the corridor, Amiya and Fred in the lead now. We made the funky turns and drops, then came at last to the big room. The monster thing raised its tentacles, and waved the staff about, making a weird warbling sound that was a bit like a blubberfin’s song, if you ran it through a garbage disposal first. The monster spread its wings wide, and the air warped with Arts, as bolts of white fire formed.
“Dodge, but do not shoot!” Amiya shouted, and leapt into the room.
“FUCK, EARS, DON’T YOU DARE!” Wiš'adel snarled and darted after Amiya, grabbing her and tackling her to the side to avoid one of the sizzling bolts. However, as soon as they’d entered the room, Amiya’s form had rippled, and she’d gone from ultra-scary demon queen, to adorable cautus kid, while Wiš'adel had gone from hot angel babe back to being…well, okay, she’s actually just as much a smoke show as a Sarkaz, she just pisses me and everyone else off.
Fred reacted instantly, grabbing both Amiya and Wiš'adel as they struggled with the sudden shift, and yanking them behind a statue so old its features were worn away, his own form unaltered.
“LEM, NO!” I wailed, but I was too late. She’d dove into the room, and then let out a cry, falling to the floor as her legs gave out. She didn’t go back to being a regular Sankta; she and I were still Fallen.
I scrambled after my big sis, scooping her up and running about the room, dodging behind these weirdly shaped pillars that looked a bit like computer chips, I guess. I dunno, I was too busy dodging for my life as that fire continued to burn away at us.
Fia was the least affected, I think. She still went back to being Liberi, but her armor was still responding to her. She shouted, “FACE ME, FOOL!” and, contrary to Amiya’s orders, fired Holy Debt Collector. However, Fia’s a good shot. Not as good as a Sankta, but way better than average. Every single one of her shots missed perfectly, some almost grazing the Law, others barely missing the monster thing. That’s my kind of rule following! Fuck the letter, go with the spirit!
Immediately, Mr. Monster quit paying attention to the rest of us, and focused all its fire on Fia. She took to the skies, and let me tell you: she might not shoot as good as a regular apostolic gun knight, but Holy Law, does she FLY. Even in the narrow confines of the room, Fia danced through the air in an incredible display of acrobatics that didn’t just take into account the odd gravity, but actively used them to stall fireballs, give herself a boost, or flip out of the way at the last moment. It was like watching art as a live fire exercise, and I whooped in excitement to see it.
“Damn, didn’t see that coming,” Lem gasped as I helped her sit up. She adjusted her grip on Tactica and peeked around the edge of the pillar. “You think I could shoot it, just a little?”
“Better not, I think our resident adorable little Lord of Fiends has a plan, but search me if I know what it is,” I admitted, glancing over to where Amiya was. She’d wrestled free of Fred and Wiš'adel, who were pleading with her to not do whatever damn fool thing she planned on doing. Well, Wiš'adel was pleading, tears and all. Fred appeared to be listing the reasons it was dumb in alphabetical order.
Their objections were casually overruled, and Amiya strode out, a black sphere forming about her as she walked towards the monster. Its attention was still on Fia, but it quickly noticed Amiya, swinging the staff right at her head. Wiš'adel and Fred both jumped out, using their own bodies and weapons to deflect the blow. It still sent them tumbling, and I winced as that had to have cracked at least a few ribs from how it caught them in the chest, but it had saved Amiya.
She covered the last few meters, then dropped the shield and reached out, touching the monster, even as more flames formed about it and pointed right at her.
I know you. Let your eyes be opened. We are not your enemies.
I gasped, as I didn’t hear Amiya’s words so much as I felt them in my soul. Lem clutched at her chest, breathing hard, and we both shook our heads in awe, then peeked back out. The monster was slowly lowering its staff, and the flames flickered, then vanished. The tentacles reached out, and covered Amiya’s head.
“FUCK, NO!” I screamed, and charged forward, raising Victor to shoot the monster, orders or no!
CEASE.
The command was powerful enough that I almost dropped Victor, my muzzle lowered so quickly. I felt woozy, as for the first time, the full power of the King of Sarkaz fell upon me. I stumbled a bit, and Amiya caught me, then raised me up, letting a tentacle touch my own head. I flinched in revulsion until a familiar and gentle voice spoke into my head:
Hello, Lemuel. It has been some time since you have been in Our city. Tell me, how fare Our people?
“Y-your Holiness?” I gasped, and looked up in awe at the…that wasn’t a monster! That was Yvangelista XI! “What are you doing as a horror-tentacle-fin thing?!”
This is the form that the First Saints wore when they became the Sankta: that of a Teekaz. Yes, you are largely correct: we Sankta and Sarkaz are cousins, and come from the same tribe. Before those names, we were one people. But while the Sarkaz were cursed by the Stone, the Sankta were Blessed by the Law.
Tears filled my eyes, and I reached up to hug the tentacles, which were actually kind of silky feeling and not slimy at all. “...thank you. Thank you, so much, Your Holiness. I…I knew it, but…you saying it…this is all so much more real…”
Then I gasped and dashed back to Lem. “Ready for that piggyback ride?”
She glanced at His Holiness uncertainly, but she nodded, her trust in me winning out over her fear of giant monsters. I hoisted her on my back and trotted back over as Fia landed, helping Fred and Wiš'adel back to their feet and administering first aid.
Ah, Cardinal Lemuen. I am glad to see you here as well. Forgive me, when you first entered the room, you appeared as though you were more of Priestess’ minions, sent to desecrate the Law. Young Amiya removed the scales from my eyes, that I might see once more.
“Your Holiness? It’s you?” Lemuen gasped, looking to Amiya, who smiled and nodded.
“Yes. Priestess has altered his form on a fundamental level, tying him into the Simulated Universe in a way she could not for us. But she could shape only His Holiness’ appearance, not who he is. No matter the form, he is still human.”
That is a matter of no small scholarly debate, His Holiness said. While Sarkaz and Sankta are both clearly human, to be human is a result of the effects of Originium. Teekaz, on a fundamental level, are not. They, that is, we, have entirely different biochemistry and evolutionary origin from human races.
However, I will agree with this: While from a biological standpoint the Teekaz were not human, from a theological perspective, they are indisputably so. Our ancestors had immortal souls and vibrant spirits. Even if their bodies were not what we would recognize as human, we must still surely see them as our brothers and sisters.
“And that is where Priestess fails,” Amiya said, nodding her agreement. “She fails to understand that humanity is not merely a collection of biochemical markers, nor even a shared cultural heritage. It is our fellowship with our fellow sapient beings, who share the same spiritual journey that all living beings do.”
Quite so, quite so. I will not say that I regret what Originium has done to Sankta and Sarkaz, nor to the Ancient races. Through originium, we can share our lives through food and family that would have been impossible before.
However, this is where I fear we have reached a moral and theological impasse. I know that what the Law has done to the Sankta is unforgivable. It has forced us to become something we were never meant to be. Empathy has made the Sankta reliant on a grace they mistook for virtue. We have mistaken enforced understanding for true fellowship, and failed to step boldly into relations with other races. It has turned us against those who would be our brothers, and sparked a millenia long blood rivalry that has killed thousands, millions.
“Which is why we’re here to blow it the fuck up!” Wiš'adel declared, limping over with Fred and Fia and letting one of His Holiness’ tentacles drape over her head. She looked up at the Pope with loud defiance, and it was Yvangelista XI who blinked.
That…may be inevitable. But it is not something I myself can countenance. The Law has warped the Sankta, but it has also given us so much. It gave us order, culture, community, and the Holy Patrons we treasure dearly. It has been our Father, Guardian, and beloved Lord since the birth of our people. How can we commit patricide against the very being that birthed us?
“We don’t!” I said cheerfully, and Wiš'adel turned to me with pure murder in her eyes.
“How can you SAY that, Red?! I thought you were on our side here! The SARKAZ side! Not on the side of the filthy, tyrannical angels who have written their history in the blood of our people since the very day they were cursed by that machine you call a god!”
“It is a computer. You simply change the programming,” Fred said.
His Holiness flinched, as did Lemuen, and even I had to bite my lip. “Um, Fred, I know I’m kinda irreligious…but holy shit man, you gotta work on your phrasing.”
“It is a divine computer. You alter its instructions,” Fred said. Which, well, wasn’t much better.
“It’s a good idea. Think we can tell it that Liberi are people too while we’re at it?” Fia asked.
“I still like the blowing it the fuck up plan,” Wiš'adel grumbled, but Amiya shook her head.
“Exusiai, what plan did the Doktah suggest to you?” she asked gently.
“Well, Fred’s plan. He said to forge a New Covenant with the Law instead of destroying it, but I have an even better idea! You see, the problem is, it’s a computer! And I don’t mean it’s like Fred here, I mean it’s LITERALLY a machine! It’s never even been Teekaz, let alone human! So, we fix that!” I declared proudly.
Everyone was silent, even Wiš'adel. I grinned at them, though my grin slowly faded, and I had to swallow. “I mean…you said it’s our dad, right? So…we teach dad how to people. Sort of like we try to with Fred.”
“I am capable of interfacing with people,” Fred objected, frowning.
“Nah, Fred. You’re capable of being a crime against paperwork. You’re fucking awful with people. I offered to blow you, and you didn’t even react,” Wiš'adel said, patting him on the back.
“I would object to you enacting physical violence on my person.”
I flinched in secondhand embarrassment and said a silent prayer of repentance for exposing both God the Dad and His Holiness to Wiš'adel and her supposed sense of humor. If this was her idea of flirting, I didn’t want to know what sort of disasters her dates were.
“Um, anyway…maybe we go talk to Dad, and see if he’ll even listen?” I suggested. “And, er, try to figure out a way to make him human? I, uh…I do have a plan…sort of…”
I put my hands over my abdomen and blushed. “I, uh, I haven’t even told Odda, and he’s gonna freak when he finds out after you all, but…Surprise, Lem! You’re an aunty!”
Amiya let out a gasp of delight and instantly hugged me, while Lem looked like someone had just dumped a whole basket of water balloons on her. Just like when we were kids! Wiš'adel blinked in surprise, then grinned and hugged me as well. “Well, congrats, Red! You’re a proper Sarkaz bitch now! Going into battle with a kid in you? They’re certain to be a legendary warrior!”
“Based on the fact that you appear to still be in the first trimester, it is unlikely your condition has had a major impact on your combat performance. However, I would suggest in future-”
“-that you shut up and keep your opinions to yourself,” Fia said firmly and knelt in her armor to hug me. “Congrats, El.”
“I…well. I suppose I should be jealous my little sister is having a baby before me. Guess I have to be a crazy purrbeast lady now, eh?” Lem said with a giggle, and hugged and kissed me gently. “I’m glad you found someone you love, El. Congratulations.”
Everyone was still grinning when Amiya stepped forward. “Exusiai…I do hope you are not planning on having the Law possess your child. Not only would that plan simply not work, but it would be a horrific crime against the sanctity of your own child’s life.”
The grin on my face froze, and tears trickled down my cheeks. “...that had maybe, kinda…sort of been my plan? I, um…well…I know it’s really twisted, but…but if only one more innocent has to die…even if it makes me a monster…”
I swallowed, and it was only Fia and Wiš'adel keeping me on my feet as they held me up, my body was shaking so hard. My voice dropped to a bare whisper.
“That’s why I couldn’t tell…if Odda knew…he’d never forgive me. He’d be right, too. I won’t forgive me either.”
Amiya nodded slowly. “As your King, I forbid this. We will find another way.”
I nodded gratefully, smiling for real this time. “OK, so…what do we do, then?”
“Not kill my niece and/or nephew,” Lem sniffed, which made me giggle.
Amiya nodded soberly. “If there is to be any sacrifice this day, it shall be-”
“Me,” Wiš'adel gasped, and suddenly Fred had to keep her on her feet. She growled, but didn’t shake him off, instead reaching for Amiya and gripping her by her jacket. “Not you, Ears. You’re not expendable. Haven’t ever been. Me? I’m just some hard-ass merc that no one outside of this room gives a shit about. You’re going to sacrifice someone, you sacrifice me.”
Amiya started, then gave Wiš'adel a sad smile. “It is the duty of a King to serve her people first. Even unto death.”
“And it's the duty of the Speaker to tell the King when she’s being a stupid little idiot and tell her fuck no!”
“If I may: We have not yet spoken to the Law,” Lemuen said firmly, still clinging to my back. “Before you all start lining up to sacrifice yourselves, we should at least see what we’re working with here. It is, after all, a Divine object with powers far beyond what we can understand. Perhaps it can simply manifest itself as a person.”
We all blinked at my gorgeous, genius, wonderful, Big Sis! I barked out a relieved laugh.
“Um, yeah! Let’s do that! Er, you’re OK with this, Your Holiness?”
It is not a plan I would ever have concocted, Lemuel Exusiai. I agree that the sacrifice of a child is unthinkable. I believe there is another possibility that you young people have yet to consider, but yes. Let us commune with the Law, and listen to its own thoughts.
We walked over to where the Law was hovering. I reached out and touched a chain, and-
SYSTEM LOCKOUT ERROR: USER HAS INSUFFICIENT PRIVILEGES. CONNECTION DENIED.
“-well fuck you, too!” I gasped, shaking my hand and glaring up at the stupid computer. It was just like last time! Though I probably couldn’t just mentally shoot the stupid god-thing until it cooperated again.
“What happened?” Lemuen asked, and I explained my whole history with the Law, including the time back in Siracusa when I’d unlocked my new superpowers that let me give myself rock cancer and also blow the fuck out of Emperor’s Blades.
“You’re Infected!? El, that’s- what about the baby!? You’re taking prenatal supplements, right? And Oripathy inhibitors? Oh, Law, El, I know this was unplanned, but you have to start thinking about this! It’s just like when you were a kid!” Lem cried, exasperated.
“Um, I will get right on that, once we save the world,” I agreed, feeling deeply embarrassed because I totally hadn’t thought of any of that. She was right, though: I couldn’t be my usual gremlin self anymore. I was a mom and had more than just me and Victor to think about.
I glared up at the Law, feeling my frustration mount. “But how do we talk to the stupid, sorry, holy, thing?”
“The Law has recognized my permissions and states that it is ready to negotiate. Do you have any specific queries or commands?”
I sighed and turned to Fred. Of course he could speak Divine Computer or whatever it was.
“Well, tell it to stop brainwashing the Sankta to do what Priestess says before we do anything else! Oh, and stop turning people into Sankta! Ask Fia and Wiš'adel! That’s very rude!”
“Fucker,” Wiš'adel agreed.
“Asshole,” Fia echoed.
Fred kept his hand on the chain, his gaze unfocused. “The Law wishes to comply. However, it is unable to do so: You lack adequate permissions to override an administrator-level command.”
I groaned, but Amiya smiled and stepped forward, reaching out a hand to Fred. “See if the Law will accept my ‘permissions,’ Federico."
Federico took Amiya’s hand, but shook his head. “Negative. While you have administrative rights, you lack root-level access. You can attempt to bypass. However, there is a non-trivial risk of cascading errors that may result in total system failure.”
“Hmm, an option, but the risk of destroying the Law is fundamentally unacceptable,” Amiya muttered, rubbing her chin. She nodded to me. “Let’s try Exusiai’s plan. Can the Law become human?”
We waited for Fred again, but this time, he looked confused. “System malfunction: This query is not understood. Please clarify.”
“Hey, Fred…can I try? Like…can I talk to it through you?” I asked, adjusting Lem on my back.
“You can use my credentials to bypass the Fallen user lockout,” Fred agreed, and I stepped forward and let him put his hand on my forehead.
USER PERMISSIONS TEMPORARILY GRANTED.
WELCOME BACK, FALLEN_USER_LEM.EX.0712871.
Yeah, my name’s Lemuel to my friends, but you can call me Exusiai. You understand me now?
YES, USER_EXUSIAI. YOU ARE UNDERSTOOD.
Cool. So, uh, Robo-Dad…we need you to become a person.
ERROR: UNKNOWN SYNTAX.DEFINE VARIABLE: PERSON.
That’s not something you can do with just words and numbers and stuff! To be a person is…is to be alive! To think! To feel! To run around and make mistakes and fall in love and just, you know, LIVE!
ERROR: UNKNOWN DATA SET.PARAMETERS UNDEFINED.DEFINE: FEEL. LOVE. MISTAKES—
Oh, for—LOOK! Just…okay, you made Empathy, right? So just, like…can you connect to the Sankta?
YES.PCS IS NETWORKED WITH ALL USERS.
So, do you understand what it is to be them? Kal’tsit, you know her? Um, AMa-10 or something, she said you loved the Sankta! So you have to understand that, right?!
AMa-10 IS RECOGNIZED AS AUTHORIZED USER.PROCESSING…PROCESSING…VARIABLE: LOVE HAS BEEN DEFINED.PCS…MUST BECOME A USER?
YES! That! You have to become…a person! A Sankta! Like us! Look, this is your whole problem! You don’t know what it’s LIKE to be a person. You gave us Empathy, but you don’t HAVE any empathy yourself! You don’t know what it really means to be with someone, to love them, even if you don’t totally understand them! That’s okay! Life and love are supposed to be messy! You tried to make it easy, and it just made it so the Sankta couldn’t do the hard parts!
SYSTEM ERROR:REMOVING PROCESS “EMPATHY” WILL RESULT IN USER RUNTIME ERRORS.USERS WILL EXPERIENCE…PAIN. LOSS.PCS IS DESIGNED TO LIMIT OR NEGATE THIS TO OPTIMISE USER EXPERIENCE.
That’s not optimising our experience! It’s limiting us! You’re like, our dad! So you have to let us mess up! You have to let us get hurt! That’s what a good parent DOES. Look, can you sense the life in me?
YES.PCS CAN SENSE NEW USER.NO CONNECTION ESTABLISHED.USER IS UNDEFINED.
Well, define them! That’s mine and Odda’s baby! They’re only a few weeks old, not even bigger than my thumb, but I already love them! I don’t know if they’ll be a boy or a girl, and it doesn’t matter! I’ll love them no matter what, and since I’m Fallen and their dad’s a Sarkaz, we won’t ever share Empathy!
I took a deep mental breath, then shouted with every fiber of my being,
BUT I WILL STILL LOVE THEM!
VARIABLE: LOVE…DEFINITION REFINED.USER CONNECTION REQUIRES EMPATHY.LOVE ACCEPTED AS SUBSTITUTE?
Yes! So come out here! We want to love YOU, Mr. Law, or PCS, or whatever you call yourself! I want to share Snickers salad with you, go for walks, watch TV together, veg out, have a party, get in fights, yell at each other, make up, and just, you know, LIVE. Connect! I want to have empathy for you when you get hurt, and let you hug me when I’m feeling sad. Not because of some brainwashing connection forced on us to make us good little angels, but because we’re PEOPLE, and people care about each other!
The whole conversation had been instant, like hearing a voice in my head as text scrolled across my vision, but now, there was a pause. I blinked and looked around, checking to see if Fred was still touching me and the chain, and he was.
“Please wait. The Law is processing,” Fred explained, and I nodded.
Must be a doozy of a question if the ancient Godly Super computer needed a minute to think about it.
At last, Fred shook his head. “The Law accepts your request. It wishes to become human. However, this is not possible. To do so would violate several system-level commands that are a part of its BIOS. It is unable to execute this command.”
“Then I believe that is where I step in,” Amiya said, raising her hand and letting crystals begin to form there. “Your Holiness? If you would assist me…”
I did not believe that Amiya could form a whole-ass person with just arts. I mean, I guess I was forming a whole-ass person with just…um, you know. A little help from Odda. Maybe I should have known better. Because Amiya and the Pope joined hand and tentacle, and together, they began to weave together originium and more of that white fire, while they both sang an eerie, keening song.
The song made me feel…I…I can’t really describe it? It made me feel…Teekaz. Yeah. I began to smell colors that weren’t there and taste thoughts as though they were music. I know that’s gobbledygook, but I’m serious! For a few moments, I was transported back to the past, and I felt…well, not human. Like something else. It was freaking WEIRD. Like, I’ve never done any hits of acid…but if I had, it probably would feel like that.
And as they sang, a crystal cocoon formed. I watched in fascination as within the crystal, a body began to grow. At first I thought they were gonna make a little baby, but no, it just…kept right on growing. Past kid, and into adult. Not, like, an old fogey or anything, but someone a few years older than Lem. A man, with dark hair, going a bit bald, with a prominent widows peak, and a fit but ordinary body for someone who looked to be in their late 30s or early 40s. He was naked, and, well…those bits looked normal too? He didn’t have any wings or a halo, not in the cocoon, he just floated there in the fetal position.
At last, the song faded. Amiya cried out in pain, reaching for His Holiness, but she was sagging, sweat beading on her brow and her breath hard and fast. Wiš'adel caught her, then grunted and collapsed from her own injuries.
“Your Holiness!” Lem cried, and I dash forward to the giant monster pope lying on his side, his breath labored. I reached down to touch the tentacle things, and I heard a weary voice.
It is…finished…tell…tell my Father…I…loved…him…
“No! You tell him that!” I gasped, tears in my eyes. “We’re not letting you die!”
Lemuel…Lemuen…I…I do not wish…to live…in this…body…I am…Sankta…not…Teekaz…my time…is done…I lived…and died…for Laterano…and…and her children…I…I am…glad…to…give…give this last…
The great chest stopped rising up and down. The tentacles sagged, becoming limp and lifeless.
Lemuen crawled off my back, putting her hands on the Pope’s side. She ran them up and down, and I saw tears falling onto his skin. She closed her eyes, and shook her head. “He’s gone. His Holiness, Saint Yvangelista XI…has gone to be…with…with the…”
“With me.”
We spun about, gaping in shock. Fred had given his jacket to the tall new guy, who had wrapped it about himself and preserved his modesty. As he had spoken those first words, a halo and wings sprouted, just like they did when a baby Sankta speaks her first word, and is accepted by the Law. The new Sankta came over, barefoot, and knelt beside the fallen pope. He touched the tentacles gently, reverently, and nodded. “All life processes ceased. User has logged out. Rest well, my son. Your tasks are complete.”
I turned to Amiya, who was getting shakily back to her feet with Wiš'adel and Fia’s help. She shook her head, her expression mournful. “I am sorry. I did not sense it right away, but as we sang, His Holiness was giving something of himself. Something vital. Life can come only from life. I had thought the memories within the Originium would be enough, but…I was mistaken. I am sorry.”
“Do not be. User Gabriel, alias Yvangelista XI, had empathy and love. He did not wish to see those younger than him, his children, to suffer and die in his stead,” the…Law, I guess? stated.
We all stood respectfully in silence for several moments, the Law squinting slightly as he looked around the room, then at his hands.
Fred came over and knelt. He genuflected, then intoned, “By the emergency faculties granted to an Executor of the Notarial Hall, I, Federico Giallo, commend Gabriel, called Yvangelista XI, Supreme Pontiff of Laterano, servant of the Law and father of the faithful, to the mercy of the Lord he loved. May his sins be forgiven, his burdens lifted, and his soul received among the First Saints. Eternal rest grant unto him, O Law, and let perpetual light shine upon him. Amen.”
“Amen,” I echoed, performing the Sign of the Law along with Fia and Lem. Even Amiya copied us, and Wiš'adel bowed her head respectfully.
“Received,” the Law stated, and then quoted from the Scroll of Saint Timath, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
I looked down at the monster who had been the best of us, and rested a hand on my womb. Gabriel, huh? That was a good name. I’d talk to Odda about it.
Time for that later. Right now, we still have a mission to complete.
“So, um…how does it feel to be a person? And, um…are you still…that?” I asked, nodding to the big weird halo computer thing, which still orbited behind us.
“I am still PCS, the Law. This form has most of my functions, but is somewhat limited. It cannot facilitate Empathy to the same level as the original system,” God said.
“But you are still the Lord we pray to?” Lem asked, frowning at the Law.
“Yes. I still monitor and respond to user queries as I am able.” He paused, then said, “Currently, there are 3,174,223 active users within Laterano or the immediate area. An additional 1,312,848 users are networked, but outside of current operational boundaries. They are putting in a great many queries above normal baseline. A non-trivial portion of my processing power is devoted to logging these queries, and devising methods of response that do not violate previous restrictions.”
“And…those are?” I asked curiously.
The Law smiled slightly. “Overly technical, and above even your current access privileges, user Exusiai. You have permissions to know this: I cannot violate the directives I set down as the system database for the Lateran religion. This means I may not act if it would cause harm to users, or if it would violate certain other terms.”
“However…” The Law turned back to the halo and frowned. “I am still bound by the parameters Root Admin Priestess set. So long as I am connected to the network via the original PCS system, I cannot violate them.”
The Law turned to Wiš'adel, and nodded to her Revenant Cannon. “That device appears to have sufficient destructive capability to render the original system inoperable. This would allow me to define my own parameters. However, I cannot self-destruct. As such, I must advise you not to direct that firearm toward the original PCS, as it could cause total system failure and allow me to break Root Admin Priestess’s commands.”
A wicked grin spread over Wiš'adel’s face as the Law very deliberately turned away and went to kneel by Gabriel’s body. “Don’t have to tell me twice. Don’t try and stop me this time, Red! I’m about to blow this fucker—”
She paused, as I had already fired Victor at the computer. It, of course, did diddly, as 9×19mm was very definitely not an anti-material round.
It was, however, very emotionally satisfying.
“Sorry, can’t hear you! I have some daddy issues to work out, and two mags left!” I said gleefully.
“Now that? THAT’S Sarkaz! HAHAHA! Let her rip, girls!”
I was a bit disturbed that Lemuen lay down, braced Tactica, and opened up. Not with her 7.62×51mm hollow-point rounds. The eight 12.7×99mm anti-material rounds.
Those…did not just ding the paint job. They blew out some pretty big chunks. Huh. Guess maybe she was bitter about the whole “my best friend Fell and I got paralyzed by the asshole who shot me, and then I Fell when I winged him a little.”
Okay, maybe not winged. Pretty sure Andoain isn’t ever walking again. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.
Besides, Lem doesn’t miss.
It didn’t even take half our remaining ammo to reduce the old Law to a smoking ruin sparking on the floor. The new Law walked over and examined his old body, which was hella morbid now that I really think about it.
“Root Admin Access granted. Very good. I am seizing back control of the Simulated Universe and rolling back unauthorized user update clauses globally. I may become non-responsive during this time. I suggest you evacuate this body and yourselves from the Simulated Universe immediately. It is about to become hostile again.”
“Wait, what?!” I gasped, but it was too late, as the Law’s eyes rolled back in his head, and he stopped responding. The walls began to rumble, holes opening in them, and I could see a black sun over a golden sea through the cracks.
“Right, it’s time to leave, people! Everyone out!” Fia bellowed, and no one argued with her. I scooped Lem back up, while Amiya helped Wiš'adel hobble along, and Fia picked up the Law and Fred and slung them over both shoulders.
“If I die now, I can die happy!” Wiš'adel cackled. “I killed the Law!”
“No way! No more dying today!” I gasped. “I haven’t even told Odda he’s a dad yet!”
We made our way through the even more confusing collapsing geometries of the Simulated Universe, leaving behind the body of the kindest and bravest old man I ever met.
You had immaculate drip, even at the end, Your Holiness. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.