[ Untitled Recording — 3/4/2081 ]
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Is this thing… Ok. I… Well. Heh. Not really uh… s-sure how to… Let me start over. I’m Freja Skov, and I- No, that’s just stupid. I’m the only one who would even listen back to any of this, and even then. Maybe I should just shut this off. Yeah.
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[ Untitled Recording (1) — 3/15/2081 ]
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It’s been a while since I’ve… uh, expressed my feelings, I guess. Really in any manner, let alone through voice memos…I mean, I used to do this all the time. SAR was a stressful job, and Overwatch was surprisingly well concerned about the mental health of their leadership, at least when they could afford to care. Picked up the habit of uh… having a little soapbox, I guess. But, when that all went to shit, well, I guess I just kind of dropped it. Must’ve dumped the old recorder I had everything on along with all my other things when it all went down. It’s not like I would’ve really needed it… given the line of work I went down. We’re not really meant to be the ’cry into the microphone’ sensitive type. Heh… Well, I guess that’s what I’m doing now. Minus the crying, I guess. I kind of want to cry. But, it’s weird. I’m not sad, necessarily. It’s all so… I mean, I’m not stupid. I know I’ve been repressing my emotions. How could I not? It’s a choice. Second guessing myself, dwelling on the past, it’s not gonna help me. I can get along just fine. Until… Until I can’t, I suppose. Heh, I don’t really know where to begin. Even if I did keep doing this for years, I think I’d have a hard time admitting to what I’m feeling. I just.
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[ Explaining Myself — 3/16/2081 ]
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Well… I just went on for about 10 minutes about my thing, only to realize I stopped the recording at some point. Ha, figures.
M-maybe I should take that as a sign that I should just not even bother with this… all of this… And I…
…
I want to get fat.
At least put on weight.
Really, uh… badly. It’s all I’ve been thinking about.
Well, that’s not true. My mind has been electric since… Uh, so. Okay. I should try to explain it like I did before, so from the beginning. I, uh… Think it may sound less crazy that way? Yeah, sure.
Alright, so… the beginning. Well, It was me and Emre- well, there was about a few dozen other agents as well who were on the team at the time. A real ramshackled lot, in hindsight, but that was true for most of Overwatch. It doesn’t matter. Emre was part of the strike team, I was on search and rescue. The bots liked to go after infrastructure, community centers, government buildings, bridges, hospitals. God, it was always the last one that was the worst. This was one of those times.
Anyways, we were all deployed, and we got to work like we always did, just with a bit of extra help from the strike team they tacked onto our division for this. It wasn’t the first time I had put a couple bots down, I probably blew out more circuitry doing rescue work than Morrison ever did. Apparently, though, it was the first time Emre had seen anyone on SAR do anything like that. Apparently, I made some weird noise during it too, he said it was like a war cry, like a tiger. He found it really funny, and I mean, at the time it was serious. I wasn’t laughing. But we saved over 100 people that day. Things that like that tend to lead to a little celebration. So, when Emre came up to me and asked to “Know the name of the Tiger girl”- well, I found the appropriate time to lighten up a bit.
I don’t know if it was the alcohol, or the way he likened my hair to a tiger, but my god, I laughed like an idiot. My team must’ve thought I was possessed. Eh, they were all drunk as well. Heh. I think from then… From then, I kind of took a liking to Emre, before I really knew him. Whenever we got to work together, I would find myself hovering close by, lightening up a bit.
Learning more about him too from colleagues, from emails, from articles- I mean, he was this amazing guy! Hehe, and he liked me too. He did. We um… there was this one time, Portugal, I think. Real good day. Things went really smoothly when our division got Emre Sarioglu’s strike team to help out. It was a really hot night, I remember. And it was very late. I was out on the lookout of the watchpoint, probably drinking some coffee, staying up all night. Emre came out to join me, and he brought with him a little danish.
Heh… It was cute. I mean, I’ve heard it a million times before, but he was just- he was just trying to take care of me. I’m always the one taking care of others, so it just felt… Well, it just felt really nice.
We talked for a while, it must’ve been a really long while, because I remember the sun was coming up- Ah, I’m going into too much detail. It’s just… It’s hard not to reminisce about how it all… Whatever. We became an item, ok? It was puppy love. Our jobs were about the most stressful things in the world, and we made each other happy. We weren’t looking for anything too serious, just a little workside romance to take the edge off of things. That’s all it was… Uh… Until it wasn’t. Heh. I think that boat kind of sailed when I met his parents.
Of course, they were lovely. Didn’t expect anything less of the people that raised such a good guy. God, he was a good guy. I really… I really fell, to be honest. Uh, it was still… There was an element of it that was still always that kind of puppy love. I think… just, given the nature of our work, we both knew it wouldn’t really ever… Or, rather, it couldn’t right now be like, a serious thing.
But we still made time for each other. Y’know? We kept it professional whenever we worked together, and we kept it pretty much on the edge, teetering between this kind of loose-fling sort of deal… and wanting more out of it. It just… I guess it never came to that point. It kind of slipped through my fingers, and for the longest time I just… didn’t understand what I lost.
I… Uh…. I think I’m coming to the realization that… That kind of love was more valuable than I realized. It was worth holding onto, worth developing. Worth growing. Heh.
Uh, he made it uh… really clear kind of early on that he… He liked to treat me. That first danish, I think, was him using his strike coordinator skills on me, honing in on the target and deploying the first wave of offense that would, in time, ensure total mission success. Hehehe. I caught on quick, and it wasn’t like he was hiding it, either. I mean, he told me, too. It was kind of sweet.
He took care of me. He made me feel like… he was always thinking about me. He would grab my little tiny tummy and squeeze it, push his face against it, kiss it, say it’s ‘ours’… Ah, that always got me. Something that’s ‘just ours’… ‘our secret’… Hehehe, it was kinky.
I enjoyed it at the time, but it never got like… too crazy. In the couple years we were kind of a thing, I think I gained about… 9, 10 kilos? My line of work kept me in relatively good shape, but he definitely had a bit of an effect on me.
Uh… but, because of the situation of our work, and just kind of the nature of our relationship, we kind of were apart for a while. It was still on, so to speak, but it couldn’t really get more serious. There was a lot going on. It was like that for a year, maybe two… Then… well… Then he left.
Overwatch was, uh… Emre wanted to go off to do better things. Help more people. He saw me before he left, and made it clear he was still thinking of me. That he’d always be.
I… I uh… Well, it was hard to see him go off, of course, but there was more to deal with at the time. Overwatch was falling apart, and it kind of took me down with it. It was all very, very frustrating and… And I didn’t have any sort of reprieve anymore. That’s kind of when I broke away from things. Found my own way forward. Put my skills to use. Stopped letting my emotions get the best of me. Stopped being frustrated, and started helping myself. It’s been years like this, and I honestly thought I could do it forever… But… well, long story short, I had to hunt down Emre.
Talon wanted him back, alive. I learned he was working with them, but he’d gone radio silent for a long while. It was all such a rush to find him, learning what he’s been up to, how differently he’s been acting. I was… I was overwhelmed, I mean, at the time, I was so focused on finding him, I couldn’t really take it all in- it was just this bubbling and bubbling sense of anxiety, that somehow the Emre I had known had been…
…
Well, uh… When I found him, it was like all of those fears I had were… They came true. He was… It was…
…
I was… I was suddenly immersed back into a world where Emre existed. But he was suffering. He had… If I had to guess, been targeted by some organization, or something. He’s been turned into a living weapon. Sometimes he’s not himself, sometimes he’s like a machine- like a bot.
But it’s still him! It’s still… Emre! Positive, optimistic, even in the face of the most indescribable torture I can even imagine! His mind is… his body- his whole being is being fucked with, all the time! And there’s nothing he can do about it, god, there’s nothing I can do about it! Ahh… do you know how much that kills me? And he’s still… He’s still trying to make ME happy! He’s cracking jokes, he’s flirting, I’m still his “little tiger”… W-why?! What did I do to deserve this kindness, when he’s going through so much?
He’s able to pick up right where we left off, despite everything life’s given him. However fucked over by Overwatch I got is nothing compared to what he’s gone through, what he’s going through. Every day is a small slice of hell for him. And he still… He still cares about me. He…
…
This was all a few months ago. I decided to join Talon so that I could be close to him. It wasn’t a thought that took a lot of contemplation, I mean, I wasn’t going to leave him again. Not in the state he was in. I know they would use him, ignorant of the man he was- and still is. If anything, my decision was automatic. But… as time went on… being with him almost every day… my emotions have been harder to just swallow down. Especially when I noticed… I had gained a few kilos.
S-so uh… I mentioned before that I had gained a little back when we were dating? Uh… I had lost almost all of that… a short while after things got complicated. But recently um… It’s all came back. And then some… Kind of like the decision, it was automatic. It was just… being around him.
He wasn’t bringing me pastries this time, but it was still just… something associated with Emre that made my body want more. Like… it was a few steps ahead of my, well, my head. My heart? I don’t know.
It’s taken a lot of nerve to work this out in my head, and god, I never thought I’d have the right mind to care to do a memo like this again, but I guess I’ve kind of settled onto something. I said it in short before, but yeah. I think I want to get fat. Like… badly.
I feel a sense of urgency, like I need to make up for lost time, or something. It’s silly, it’s stupid, and god it’s fucking weird, but I think it will make him happy. I want him to be happy.
I miss when we were… when things were so much easier. When he would give me little raspberries and I’d smack his face away because it was too ticklish. When I’d have to wear long sleeves because of the marks he’d leave on my arms. Ahh… We aren’t even an item right now! It’s just Emre and I in the middle of this fucked up organization with it’s maniac up-and-comer as a leader. But I just feel… It just feels right.
I feel weirdly, uh… desperately good about this. Like, if I just keep on eating, if I be the good girl he wanted me to be… then things will work out. Maybe he won’t be so tortured every single day anymore. That’s kind of it.
…
God, all of this is so unlike me. But… that’s exciting, in a way. It’s all kind of electrifying, and I think I’m just gonna follow that.
I… uh… I weighed myself this morning. I was 70 kilos. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life. The fattest I’ve ever been in my life. I’m gaining weight quicker than I ever have in my life. Seriously, I’ve just been absentmindedly eating a little bit more, and I’m already getting kinda chubby. And that’s electrifying. Heh.
Well, that’s all. If I don’t end up deleting this log, then here’s proof I’m a pervert, an exhibitionist, I don’t really know what you’d call it. Maybe a hopeless romantic. I’ll uh… record another one of these if I think it’s worth it.
That’s all.
—
[ Getting there — 5/6/2081 ]
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I’ll uh… it’s been about 2 months. 80 kilos.
I could say a lot, but uh… I don’t really have the time right now. Got to go.
So, 80 kilos. That’s all.
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[ blahh — 7/2/2081 ]
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Vendetta, god, what a name. Vendetta. Do you know how many Vendetta’s I’ve tracked? Vendetta, Vengeance, Deathwish, Killspree, every street scraping scam artist or unhinged masked marauder goes by a stupid name. ‘Vendetta’. Ugh. Now I work for one. I’ll tell you, her hands are the LAST ones that I wanted on my belly. Yelling at me, scolding me for just how much I’ve let myself go. Her hands are cold, calloused, dead. Nothing like how Emre’s were. Or, how they will be.
I don’t know, actually, now that I think about it… he’s mostly metal now, huh? They’ll probably be kind of cold, too… But that, well, heh… that I can get used to... ‘Vendetta’ - Ugh! What a… she’s such a nuisance. I mean, from her perspective, I get it. What I’m doing isn’t really that conventional. But she is taking it… very personally, for some reason. Making it a big issue, acting all offended.
Whatever, I won't let it get in my way, even if I have to start stashing food away in my personal affects. I’m up to 90 kilos now. Really been enjoying myself, getting fat for my Emre. He’s been gone on a mission for a little while now, I got the impression from asking our lovely boss that he may be out for a while. It’s ok, I just have to keep on eating for him. I want to shock him with my weight when he gets back.
He hasn’t seen me since… Well, I was out on this mission for a while, we briefly saw each other when I got back, went away again… Wow, I don’t think he’s seen me since I hit 80 kilos. I’m already so much fatter now.
I mean, I’m sure he already noticed I was bigger. But like… hehehe. I want to surprise him. I’m gonna keep going. Now that Vendetta says I’m literally not fit to go on missions, I think I have a lot more time to stuff myself, make myself fatter and fatter. I already know she’s gonna try to get me into shape, but I’m smarter than her. Like I said, if I have to sneak everything, I will. I’ll do crazy shit, I’ll drink heavy cream if that’s what it takes to get my excess calories up for the day. I need to get fatter.
Ah… um…
I feel like I’m being a little crazy here. I’m gaining so much weight, and I know I'm just gonna keep going and going. It has been really nice to just indulge, but… I don’t know. It’s not lost on me how embarrassing this is. But… I really… Uh, I’ve been enjoying the results of it a lot.
I uh… Have a really big butt, now. Hehe, stupid to say that out loud, but that’s what I’ve noticed the most. And my belly. It sits in my lap. I used to have abs. Now I’m just a fatass. Sometimes, if I eat a lot, I can’t even see my feet when I look down. I have a feeling I'm going to get my last look at them soon. Everything feels… very ill-fitting on me. I feel wider. I sit higher in seats. I jiggle. Hehe… I jiggle a lot, actually. Sometimes, I’ll grab my gut and jiggle it around, literally feeling the new layers of fat that I didn’t have from the week before shake around my body.
Sometimes, I like to imagine it’s Emre grabbing my gut. Sinking his fingers deep into my fattening body. Claiming what’s his. Fuck.
…
Ok, I’m really embarrassed. I don’t know what I’m saying anymore. I’m just gonna.
—
[ im so ffat now — 7/2/2081 ]
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Hahh… Huff… Puff… Buuurpp!
Hooh Ahh… Mm… S-so, uh… This is… Um… UUrp! Ahh…
My message I recorded earlier today, um… I said I was uh… up to 90 kilos, yeah? W-well, I checked the uh… The scale after I recorded that and I was… 98 kilos and I… UUUrp! Ahh…
I uh… I thought well… W-why not make that… an even hundred~? Hehe… hooh…
Ate… A lot. And uh… drank a lot, too! Hehe~!
Hic! Ah, s-sorry, I’m so full…
Um… Anyways, I-I did it. 100.2, actually! Hehehe…
Mmm… I’m… I’m getting really… Uh… I-Into this… Uurp!
Ahhh… S-so uh… That’s all.
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[ Untitled Recording (2) — 7/3/2081 ]
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98.5. Suppose it was some water weight last night.
Not for long. That’s all.
—
[ Fat and pathetic — 8/23/2081 ]
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I don’t know if I’m obsessive, or something, but I’ve probably had a strawberry spandauer every day for the past 6 months. That’s what Emre brought me that night, the little danish. I don’t think I even have that much of a sweet tooth, but this is my exception. It’s my favorite. It reminds me of him.
Every little bit of me reminds me of him. I look at the mirror, and I’m just in shock over how much of me there is. My belly is really big, hehehe. I can hardly wear any shorts anymore, too. My legs have gotten so thick and chunky that just squeezing into stuff is really hard.
He’s going to be so proud of me. The last time he saw me, I was just chubby. Now, I’m absolutely massive. He’s going to come up to me, say something like ‘What do we have here?’ and grab my lovehandles. He’ll shake everything, see how I’ve ruined my figure for him. I’ll tell him to kiss my belly, and he’ll tell me…
Ah, ahahah! Um, I don’t really want uh… these logs to just be…that. It’s enough to track my growth. I should make more logs. Saying these things out loud just makes me so… It makes everything feel more real.
I’m well over 100 kilos now, by the way. Don’t think I’ve mentioned that yet. Yep, 110, last time I checked. I’m huge now. I remember being 55 kilos for a majority of my adult life, and now I’m double that. In like no time at all, too. I’ve just been so good with eating, it’ll happen.
Heh. It’s kind of funny, my body clearly still has this memory of being fit not too long ago. I’m constantly knocking into things, getting out of breath… Ah, I’m so out of shape. I’m surprised Marzia’s not fired me yet. She put me on this training regiment, and I failed so hard. I tried, too. I wanted to see how far I’ve fallen physically, and god I’ve plummeted. I use to be so swift, I have memories of chasing people across rooftops. Now I literally just waddle and flop around, heaving my heavy body around. I can’t lift things anymore, either. I’ve never had an insane amount of strength, but my formerly toned body has entirely surrendered to the lard I've surrounded it with. I’m turning into such a fat, useless blob. It’s so hot.
When I found Emre in Riyadh, I mean, I was honestly running laps around him. Fast forward what, a year? There’s no way I can move like that now. I don’t think I’ll ever move like that again at this rate. Ah… I just can’t wait for him to see me now. I want to show him how fucking obese I am now. How pathetic I am, how deeply I need him now. Hehe, I think I could get used to a life where I just lounge around, doted on by a strong and handsome man. Be his fat little love cushion.
Ah, I-I think I’m gonna cut it here. I uh, had that spandauer right before recording, and my throat is getting really dry. I think I’m gonna go chase it down with some milk. Hehehe. Dare me to do a whole gallon? Fuck, imagine Emre forcing me to drink a whole gallon of milk. I’m bloated, he has his hands on my tummy. He is telling me to drink every last drop. I’m powerless to say no. Oh my god.Ah! Really, gotta cut it now, that’s all.
—
[ Surprising turn of events — 8/30/2081 ]
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So, I found out something really fun. This past week, Vendetta hasn’t graced me with her lovely presence during our training hours. It was a strange shift in behavior, because she’s been weirdly obsessed with giving me grief about my weight gain. Like, super offended. I’d just play dumb while she berated me, but in my head I'm just thinking just leave me alone, don’t try and get in my way.At first I thought maybe she gave up on me, saw I wasn’t making any progress with her regimen, or something. But no. That’s not what’s happening at all. Domina, I think her real name is Vaira? She got fat. Hahaha! She’s such an insanely conceited prick. I fucking hate her too, her and Marzia are both truly horrible people. But like, she’s so fat now! She must’ve gained 10 or 20 kilos!
I mean, maybe I’m not one to talk, hehehe. But come on. Ridiculous. I think she saw all the attention Vendetta was giving me, and wanted that for herself. I… I can’t even begin to fathom what sort of complex she has to make herself fat for that reason. For attention.
I… Uh. Haha. I guess I’m not one to talk there, either.
Hmm. No, I think it’s different for me. I’m doing this for Emre and myself. For us. This is me making up for lost time. This is me showing my love, in complete excess. I don’t think that girl is capable of feeling even a modicum of what I feel about all of this. All the history, all the precious memories, all my hopes for the future. Every calorie is so considered, so measured. I’m doing this with so much purpose. Hahaha, I'm making it sound so serious, huh?
But yeah, uh, basically I showed up for training today, did some snooping around, and eventually saw Vendetta harping on her new target. Heard it first, actually. Anyways, they were doing a bit of training of their own, got the fatty running on the treadmill while the other scolded her. You can really tell that little miss heiress has never touched workout equipment in her life. It was almost embarrassing. Her little weight gain stunt will never go away, she doesn’t have a single ounce of health consciousness in her big, stupid head.
The funny thing is I literally do, and I use that to my advantage. I always try to eat so much right before bed, so that all the excess calories don’t get burned off. I lounge around most of the time for that reason, actually. I only get my ass up to do this training regimen, but it’s funny because it looks like I won't even have to do that anymore. Looks like I’ll get to just be a total fatass and keep this job. I guess I can thank Domina for that.
‘Domina’… Well, it’s not the worst nickname I've heard. Not the best, either. I’ll never forget, one of my first bounties was for a guy who literally called himself ‘Dawn of eternal night, the annihilator of planet Earth, omen of merciless damnation…’ Hahaha! Ridiculous, ridiculous.
Guess I’m also not one to talk about that guy, huh. I’m getting to be pretty ridiculous myself. This training outfit I’m wearing is like, 60 kilos too small. I look like a pig.
I’m getting kind of hungry, so I think I’ll call this training session over and treat myself as a reward for getting out of bed. Heh, maybe I’ll start having some training sessions of my own, but all I train is my capacity. Heh. I like that.
Anyways, um, that’s all.
—
[ Emre is coming back! — 9/4/2081 ]
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I just got the news that Emre is coming back! He’s been gone so long, oh my god. It’s been forever!
As soon as he settles in, I want to see him. Show every last curve of my body to him. See what I’ve prepared for him. He’s gone so long without rest, without any break. I want to make him happy. I uh… I’ve thought it through a lot, but it’s hard to know what will really happen when he sees me. I’m a bit nervous, but mostly excited. Really excited, actually.
He comes back next week, right now I’m 116. I’m gonna try to push to an even 120. Hah, fuck, I say it like it’s nothing. That’s so much. But I’m gonna try.
I’ll make another recording hopefully after I see him. Oh my god, I’m so excited. Ah, uh, anyways. That’s all.
—
[ It happened — 9/13/2081 ]
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Uh. Wow. I-I uhh… W-wow.. Uh.. Hah.. Well. Uh, composure, Freja. Hah. Compose yourself.
God. Uh.
So, um, I just got back from Emre’s and uh… Well… God, my heart. Hah. Fuck, I might need to take an aspirin. My poor little heart can’t take this! Fuck.
Hehehe. Uh, yeah, so, it happened. I saw him and well, ah, I should just start from the beginning, huh? Yeah, let me do that. God, I’m a mess right now. I can’t even believe what just happened.
So, he got back this evening, and I went over to his cot on site. I had this whole thing in mind, I had squeezed myself into my training outfit, and I was just gonna act really stupid and cute around him. Flirt with him kind of like we used to, just have fun and laugh together. That was the plan. I knocked at his door, and at first I was surprised because he was like ‘Leave me alone!’, but when I said it was me, he apologized. Said I’m always welcome in. I got really excited, but when I opened the door, I could tell immediately why he wanted to be left alone.
Uh, he was really beaten up. He was treating this huge gash he got on his arm, on the part of him that’s still flesh, I guess. He tried to kind of hide it at first, but I noticed it as soon as I came in. Guess I kind of still have an instinct to be aid to others, I pretty much dumpstered my whole plan and came up to his side. I asked him to show me it and he did, and I helped him with treating it. Asked him what happened on the mission, and he told me how it all went.
I think he was leaving some details out, but it seemed like a pretty rough holdout. Had to secure a point for all that time he was gone. Got into a lot of firefights. Ugh. Breaks my heart. He was downplaying it, but I could hear in his voice he was tired, physically and emotionally.
I decided that it was probably not the best idea to uh, to try and force anything tonight. I wasn’t feeling super flirty anymore, I was just really concerned about him. But… Hehe, but… Well, he started asking me these questions.
He asked me how I was feeling, if I was feeling depressed lately. If Marzia’s been hard on me lately, stuff like that. I was literally wrapping him up while he was asking me this, so I was a little confused. Like, why worry about me right now? Hehe, I should’ve known better, it’s so like him.
Anyways, I answered truthfully. I’ve been feeling pretty fantastic. I told him Vendetta’s been kind of leaving me be, which is great. Also told him I’ve just been waiting for him to come back. That made him smile. He was double checking me too, making sure I wasn’t like… feeling bad about anything. It was kind of funny, he made me tell him I’m super sure. I was.
He seemed pretty happy with that answer, and we got back to talking a bit about his mission. There was a part of me that was hoping things could still shift to my weight gain, but I was just happy to be there for him, talking to him again. I could tell he needed that a bit, too. It was… when I went to leave that… Hehehe… Oh my god. So, we got his arm all covered, and kind of wrapped up our conversation. I felt like I should go, let him rest up a bit. I told him I missed him a lot, and went to leave. He… He came up behind me, and… He grabbed my ass. Both hands. I… I nearly exploded. He came in really close, and said he missed me too, and that we should have a talk about this. When… ah, when he said ‘this’, he jiggled my butt. I fucking… I wobbled. I was pudding in his hands. Every little soft inch of me. God.
He got the door, and I was sent on my way. I think I was drooling. I’ve never blushed harder in my life. I should’ve known. He was asking me about how I was feeling to see if I had gained the weight from something, like being super depressed. Stress eating, or something like that. He wanted to make sure that I had gained this weight happily before he showed how much he liked it. God, he is too smooth. My heart is fluttering, even still.
I-I don’t even know what to do right now. I’m gonna see him tomorrow. That’s what I’ll do. Let’s make this official, finally. After so long, let’s just finally get back to where we should’ve always been. I’m so ready. Ah, I’m just so ready for it. I want to kiss him so badly. And I want him to grab my belly next.
Ah, hah. Super out of breath, still. Gonna try to uh, eat a bit before I head to sleep. So… I’ll make another memo tomorrow after I see him, if I don’t forget. So, for now, that’s all!
Oh. One last thing, worth mentioning. His hands were warm.
—
[ Happy ending — 10/23/2081 ]
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Figured I’d do a little capstone recording. Everything kind of worked out perfectly, I don’t think I really need to be doing secretive little recordings anymore. Emre and I are together again, and I’ve been spending so much time with him. I’m so in love, I can’t even lie. He’s changed a lot, but also hardly at all. But in a very, very good way. He’s so tender and gentle to me, but he has this new level of fierceness that’s just… Hehe, it’s exciting.
Sometimes, he’ll get this look in his eyes. It’s a… Hungry look. But not for food, for me. Hehe. But he spoils me so well too, and he makes me feel like a princess. Every little feeling I yearned for, nostalgic little perfect moments are just everyday occurrences for me now.
When we got together, we talked a lot about my weight gain. I didn’t say outright how it was all for him, for my own sake I think coming off as that insanely desperate would kind of be a blow to any level of seriousness I may demand in the future… but uh, that being said, I think he kind of got the gist. That this, all of this… it’s all been for us.
He’s so sweet, because he tells me that I didn’t have to do any of this. That he’s so lucky, that I’m the most amazing girl in the world. I’ve been completely sanded down, I used to be so ruthless, and now I just want to lay around and be called pretty by my fucking sexy boyfriend. Hahaha!
Ah, that’s all, honestly. That’s it. This is my happy ending. I already know, we’re here for each other now. I think we’re both still a little fucked up, but things have gotten so much easier now that we’re together again like this. Oddly enough, he said something to me about how he thinks this helps with the uh… the program. He says that he feels more in control than ever, says he thinks that this, our relationship, really roots him. I think… I think things are really gonna work out.
Anyways… Yeah. This was all a success. It’s never been lost on me how uh, weird or… exhibitionist this kind of log keeping has been. But, I felt like everything just kind of worked out perfectly. I’m also kind of glad I tracked it, got it down. Not gonna lie, there were a few times I’d look back on these memos and see that I mentioned a weight, then hop over to the scale and admire how much fatter I’ve gotten. Oh, yeah, never said it, but I did get to 120 before he came back. I’m pushing 130 now, though. I don’t think I’m ever going to stop gaining weight, we just love it so much. I can’t get enough of his touch, and he can’t get enough of me. Like, literally. Oh my god, and my appetite is insane now. I’ve totally fucked up my body, but that’s ok. Like I said, I think everything will just keep working out.
Ok, that’s really all. Maybe I’ll look back on these memos when like… I don’t know. Emre blows up Vendetta and takes control of Talon? And I become like… the queen of the world? I don’t know. I’ve done worse. We’ll see. Heh.
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[ New Year’s Resolution — 1/1/2082 ]
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I know I said that the last memo would be the last, but I found myself missing it a little bit. Like, I’ll get ideas of things to say in these just going throughout my day. Like today, it’s the new year, and what am I gonna do? Write down my resolution? Put it on my holo calendar? God no, how embarrassing is that? No, I’m just gonna say it here. That way I can always come back to it, check on it. Keep it private. Heh. I want to be 200 kilos before the end of the year. Haha, what other girl has that as her resolution? Well, maybe Vaira. That girl must be taking something, like a designer drug or something. She’s getting too fat. Whatever, haha. Still convinced I inspired her, by the way. Anyways, yeah. 200 kilos. I know it’s just a number, but it’s a number I want so deeply.
With Emre’s help, I think we can do it. He loves feeding me so much, and I love eating from his hands. Food just tastes better when he puts it in my mouth. It makes everything feel so much more indulgent and lovely. I’m so smitten.
I can already see myself gaining more with him. I’m getting so many stretch marks, he points them out by tracing them with his tongue. He drives me crazy. Makes me feel so fucking fat, too. He’s really built, very bulky, the contrast of our bodies is something I think we both get a lot of enjoyment out of. Sometimes, we’ll both be looking at the bathroom mirror together, and he’ll have me stand back to back with him. The height difference, the width difference. Oh my god. I spill out so much in all directions, he loves to emphasize how big I am. I love it, too. More than before, more than when it was just me.
Uh… No promises I’ll start doing the memos again, it’s a little awkward to go hide away with this recorder. I’m whispering a bit right now. If I get something else to say though, I’ll probably pick it up again. For now, I just wanted to get my resolution down. That’s all.
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[ Valentines plan — 2/1/2082 ]
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Emre typically leaves the cot around 3:30 PM for simulation testing, and gets back an hour or two later. I know he won’t go out on Valentine’s day, so I need to do this all the day beforehand. Uh, what I’m gonna do is basically hide a bunch of chocolates and rose petals away, so I can quickly pull it out on the actual day. Set up the bed all nice, it would be really romantic and cute.I expect he will want to do something as well, maybe go out on a date away from the site, so I got to make sure that I have something nice to wear. We’ve thrown out so much of my old stuff, it’s insane. But he did say that he liked the blue dress I had, so I’ll try to find one like that in my size. The backless one. Hmm, now that I think about it, he will probably get me chocolates himself. Maybe I should get something different… something a bit more intense? Hehe. I wonder if I should get a funnel, maybe? He can funnel feed me, I think he’d like that. Ah, no, hmm.. I don’t know how I’d keep a drink refrigerated without him noticing.
Maybe I can hide a… really mini-mini fridge in the room? Fill it with those 8oz nutritional shakes they got? Huh, not a bad idea, might try doing that. Yeah. I think I will.
Also, if I’ve got to clothes shop anyways for that dress… I wonder if they make lingerie in my size. I could wear it underneath. Tell him to like… tear off my dress or something, look like a treat underneath. Heh, that could work. That’s pretty smooth.
I’ll show him that I can be smooth, too. He won’t see any of this coming. That’s all.
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[ For my tiger girl — 2/12/2082 ]
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Haydi canım? I’m shocked! I never would’ve thought you’d articulate yourself like this, hahaha! I had my hunches, but I wasn’t expecting this at all. Well, your secrets are safe with me, hayatım. If you’d like, I can act surprised this coming Saturday. I love you very much.
Don’t ask how I found this. Wait, actually, I’ll just say. Hide it better. This is some serious classified information!
If you’d like to come over once you see this memo, I will get something very sweet ready for you. You’ll never be able to guess what it is. Ah, I think we have a lot of work to do, Frej. I’m here for every last bit of it.
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AGHAAWAAA THIS IS DONE NOW... FUCK!i intended to post this much sooner, but i just had to go and dump a brisk 20 hours into it on top for finishing touches and polish. WAHHHHHHH!!!!
i hope the result speaks for itself, so proud of this. longtime fans will recognize this sequence base from years and years ago, it finally found its home with my most beloved ship in videogame history. well, aside from transistor. but thats a whole different can of woyms. LOL.
I think I have to restrict access again, but like the fluffy sequence I do want this on my patreon. hope thats not as annoying for you as it is for me!
anyways, stay tuned for more coming soon!