“Dude, you want to know what's really fucked up?”
Kyle finished his beer and paused the game. “What is it?” he asked Jesse and burped.
“She's a witch,” Jessie replied and finished the remainder of his own beer and crushed it flat in his enormous hand. “Can you grab me another?” he asked as he saw Kyle getting up from the couch.
Kyle took the crushed empty can from his friend and walked to the kitchen. It was only when he opened the fridge that his friend's words sunk in. “Did you say ‘a witch?’”
“She’s a witch,” Jessie said. “And, I don't mean like a Wiccan or some kinda pagan shit. She's an actual magic-spell-casting witch.”
“Bullshit,” Kyle said, grabbing a couple of beers from the fridge.
“Nah,” Jessie said. “I'm serious. I saw her turn a guy into a frog yesterday, like an actual green lizard.”
“Amphibian,” Kyle said as he took a seat down on the couch. It was a tight fit due to Jessie being the tallest and thickest man Kyle had ever met, and, therefore, he tended to take up more than his fair share of any couch he sat on. Kyle handed a beer to his friend and explained, “Frogs are amphibians.”
“Whatever they are, that's what she did to him,” Jessie said as he cracked open the beer. “I saw it with my own eyes. The guy had just called her a ‘dumb bitch.’ Not sure why. I was going to step in and straighten him out, but she had already cursed him before I could do anything. Freaked us both out. Him more than me, I'm sure.”
“Damn,” Kyle said, taking a sip of his beer. He did not believe Jessie at all and assumed his friend was just pulling some kind of prank on him. He decided to play along, anyway. “That's messed up.”
“It's scary,” Jessie said as he unpaused the game and started shooting at aliens with his friend. “I mean, I'm kinda scared of her now. We've been going out for months now and that was the first time she'd done anything like that around me. Now, I don't know what to do. I still like her. You know? But, I really don't want to piss her off.”
“Yeah,” Kyle said. “I get that.”
“I mean, what do I do?” Jessie said. “I'm worried. I can't break up with her. Not that I really want to, but still. She could totally wreck me if I did. I feel kinda trapped now.”
“That's messed up,” Kyle said, tossing a grenade in the game. He knew how to be sympathetic with his friend even when he was being weird.
Jessie's phone vibrated and he paused the game. “Shit!” he said after checking his messages. “I forgot I was supposed to pick her up from work tonight. Her car's in the shop.”
“Uh oh.” Kyle took another sip from his beer.
“Fuck,” Jessie said. “This is what I mean. I'm terrified to even text her back.”
“Better say something,” Kyle suggested, now realizing that his beefy friend might genuinely be scared of his short girlfriend.
“What if I told her I almost got in an accident?”
“I wouldn't lie to her,” Kyle cautioned him. “If she found out…”
“Right,” Jessie said. “Fuck. I'm fucked.”
“Just apologize and go to her place to smooth things over.”
Jessie sighed. “You're right.” He got up from the couch and went to rinse his mouth out with mouthwash in the bathroom. “I'll text you later.”
“Right,” Kyle said and watched his friend duck through the door out into the hall. Kyle finished his own beer and then what was left of his friend’s and went to bed. As he drifted off to sleep, he wondered if he was better off going to bed alone than going to bed with an angry girlfriend, who may or may not be an actual witch.
***
Kyle woke up the next morning to the sound of the intercom buzzer of his apartment. Apparently, someone was hammering on the button at the door to his building. He groggily walked to the door and replied to the intercom, “Who is it?”
“Kyle!” squealed a high and seemingly childish voice. “Let me in. Fuck, I'm scared.”
“Who is this?”
“It's Jessie!” the kid replied. “I know I sound weird. Just let me in, and I can explain.”
Kyle buzzed the door open, all the while wishing he was still in bed and not dealing with… whatever this was… on a Sunday morning.
A minute later, there was a knock on his door. He squinted at the peep hole to see a small boy standing in the hallway. The kid wore only an adult-sized t-shirt, draped over his body like a dress.
“Let me in, please!” the boy said. “You gotta help me.”
Kyle sighed and opened the door. The boy rushed in and stood in the middle of the main room of the apartment, looking around nervously, as if he were amazed by the size of the place.
“Listen,” Kyle said, letting the door swing shut. “If this is some kind of prank, it's not funny. Tell Jessie that…”
“I AM Jessie!” the kid squealed.
Kyle held up his hands to calm the kid down, not wanting to alarm his neighbors. “Quiet down.”
“Just listen to me,” the boy said, controlling the volume of his voice. “Remember what I said to you last night?”
“Jessie said his girlfriend was a witch,” Kyle said. “Is this part of that joke?”
“It's not a joke,” the boy said. “She did this to me.”
“Your girlfriend turned you into a kid?” Kyle asked. “Why?”
The boy sighed and said, “It's because I forgot to pick her up. I told her last night that I was taking a nap and overslept, but she figured out this morning that I was here with you gaming. She said if I wanted to play games so badly, then I ought to just be a kid. Next thing I know, she seemed to grow really huge right in front of me. Everything did, even my clothes. Only, what was really happening was that I was shrinking into a kid. I was so scared that I ran out of her apartment without grabbing my pants or anything in them. Then, I was just wandering around the neighborhood looking like this. I didn't know where else to go, so I hurried over here.”
Kyle took a closer look at the boy. He had the same hair color and hair style as his friend. Although he was not even chest high to Kyle, the boy somewhat resembled Jessie in other subtle ways, the shape of his ears, the way he stood with his feet spread a little too wide apart. Could it really be him?
“Tell me,” Kyle said, wanting to test the boy. “What kind of beer were we drinking last night?”
“That cheap ice beer that you get in 30 can boxes,” the boy said. “I keep telling you I'll pay you to get the good stuff.”
Kyle was amazed and a little terrified. “Jessie,” he said. “It really is you.”
Jessie sat down on the floor, looking both relieved and exhausted. “Thank you,” he said. “Can I get a beer?”
Jessie looked too young for middle school, let alone for alcohol. “How about some orange juice instead?”
***
Later, the pair of them were seated on the couch on their same sides, just as they had been the last time Jessie had visited. That Jessie was about a third of his normal age and an even smaller fraction of his normal size felt even stranger in that familiar context. It left Kyle with the impression that he was babysitting, instead of hanging out, and, even though he appreciated that he now had more space to spread out his legs on the couch, he missed sharing that space with his friend's substantial bulk.
Meanwhile, the boy beside him was struggling. Little Jessie tried his best to play the game, but the controller had become unwieldy in his small hands. Normally, the controller would be almost completely hidden in the grip of his beefy man mitts. Now, his tiny fingers struggled to hold on while also attempting to hit the buttons and triggers.
“Damn!” he chirped after dying for the fifth time. “This sucks!” He flung the controller onto the couch beside him.
Kyle paused the game and looked down at his regressed friend. Poor Jessie seemed on the verge of tears.
“It's alright,” Kyle said, wanting to give the boy a comforting hug but holding back as he worried how it might be received. After all, he was comparatively huge now. He might scare Jessie more than set him at ease. “We can do something else, watch some videos. I dunno.”
Jessie leaned back and sagged into the couch, defeated. “Whatever,” he said. “I can't game. I can't have a beer. I can't…” He looked down at his crotch and sighed. “I can't have any fun!”
Kyle leaned back into the couch beside his friend. “Yeah,” he said. “That sucks.”
“And, you know what really sucks?” Jessie asked. “I'm gonna have to go back to her to get her to turn me back to normal. I'm stuck with her.”
“I would say you ought to break up with her, but I get what you mean,” Kyle said. “Who knows what she'd do if you did?”
Jessie sighed. Then, he awkwardly sat up and got to his feet, which did not elevate his head much. “No point in putting it off any longer. She's probably calmed down by now,” he said. “Can you give me a ride to her place?”
“Of course,” Kyle said, he put on his shoes and lent Jessie a far-too-large pair of sandals to wear. They walked down the hall together, the boy flip flopping beside him, like a diver wearing fins.
They got into Kyle's car, Jessie reluctantly taking a seat in the back after Kyle reminded him it was illegal for him to sit up front at his current age.
It was a short drive to where the boy's girlfriend lived. Jessie did not say a word until they arrived.
“Hey,” Jessie said. “It's probably best if I don't see you for a bit. I want to make sure I've smoothed things over with her, first. You understand?”
“I get it,” Kyle said and watched as the boy got out of the car, leaving the big sandals behind. Then, the boy hurried to the building, was buzzed in the front door, and was gone.