I am afraid. Death itself isn’t scary. You die, you do your time again, you live. Even the death spiral isn’t that bad, I’ve come to consider it my personal hell, dying in agony over and over again. But losing you scares me.
— Excerpt from Notes For Point
Day 35269 1:35 PM
If you ask me what it is that attracted me, as in pulling me emotionally close to Newstar, what got me so invested in him… I cannot say. Sure, he helped me push my core further along, but if we consider time a river, which people often do for some reason, and my loops whirlpools that let you step the same water twice, that meant that his help amounted to convenience, if that.
The time we spent together was fleeting, infinitely short in our long lives. A couple of conversations, a couple of weeks each minding our own business in a separate cave, a couple of days buried alive underground, a couple of reveries during a festive event.
That was it. No lifetime of brotherhood. Certainly no heavy emotional outbursts on either side. We were but strangers whose paths touched every now and then over the course of a century and a half.
And yet, as I held him in my arms like a child, as I watched his bruised and beaten face… I couldn’t help but think of him as my son. Victor or Valor after banging themselves running down the stairs, Luck crying that his mother was a wrinkled granny…
No, I couldn’t say what it was, but it was coming to an end. The hag was upon us; the truths I had to say were spoken; the wisdom I had to share was shared. There was more. There would always be more with people you hold dear. I have learned that lesson well and painfully. So, I hoisted him onto my shoulder and kept running.
Perhaps I could have dragged the hag into the depths of the weald, perhaps I could have gotten a saurian exalt to eat her. Perhaps she would have possessed it, and I would have created an invincible monster. But even if I somehow arranged her death at the hands of a greater power, that same greater power would see me turned into paste.
No, better do it myself. Besides, I was certain there was an amazing achievement for slaying a god as a mortal.
The timer was no longer red, and I still had an hour. I didn’t need it; I could have killed myself where I was, but I had false information I had to reinforce, to make the hag certain that as long as she removed the detonator from me, she would be safe.
So I ran. I ran with everything I had until the dweller of that dark ocean drew near enough. I spun around, detonator in my hand, waving it at her as he emerged from the jungle.
“Don’t approach, or I’ll kill him,” I shouted.
“Why would I care about him?”
“He is the future of your cultists. If you approach me, I’ll kill him.”
“Save me! He’s insane!” Newstar shouted, showing surprisingly good acting skills. That or I hit him in the head too hard, in which case all my talking was for naught.
“I don’t care. I’ll eat you, demigod, and—” She reached towards me, and I blew myself up.
The next moment, I was two weeks ago, flying next to Point. She didn’t feel anything; I had gotten so used to going back, that it was impossible to notice my body’s jerk.
“There’s no reason to act distant,” I told her. “From now on, everything between us is real, for as long as it lasts.”
She gave me a firm squeeze of my hand, and that was all the acknowledgement I got. She didn’t ask what happened to her; she couldn’t remember. There was no accusation, only something I might have called love had I not been too afraid to do so.
That evening, I respected her wish from the previous loop and gave her a short summary of all our conversations and of all the conclusions she had reached. Come morning, she told me a new spark of life lived inside her.
Just like that, my godly virility and her inhuman senses made for a winning combination.
A lot happened in those twelve days, more than words can convey, for words are after all just a clumsy way of transferring information; what Point and I exchanged went beyond what one can intellectually understand.
When we weren’t spending quality time together, I made backup copies of some of my writings for her, in case Newstar refused to share the things I thought critical for my child to know if he or she were ever to awaken.
I also gave her the contents of my spatial bag, with the exception of volumes I had prepared for Newstar.
I caressed the book, feeling the fine leather. What was my life like? I left one child of my blood and one child of my spirit. While it’s not obvious, my presence overturned history or perhaps forced into its correct flow. Many had died, but some hopefully lived when they shouldn’t have.
I was dragging my feet; I knew it. But discussing the future with Passingcloud, discussing the notes I passed him ten days ago could no longer be delayed. Tomorrow the cultists would attack, and I didn’t want to repeat the loop, not that one.
Point brought him and the others at the sixth and seventh realm, as well as the two princes.
“What is it, Dandelion?” Passingcloud asked.
“Please read the sealed notes I gave you ten days ago. Everyone else should read them too.”
They were the accounts of battles, monsters, who fought, which mistakes they made, and which pleasant surprises they had pulled.
“You’re a Seer?” Passingcloud said a second later, having finished all the notes.
“I can see the future, yes, and I knew I would need a demonstration for you to believe what I’m about to say.” I looked him in the eye and said not a word of falsehood. “Tomorrow, the cultists will attack; they will outnumber us two to one. Without me, you will die. With my help, you will survive two days longer, for they are summoning a monster that will go straight after me because of my gifts.”
While none of them paled or made any outward signs of distress, I could feel their mana grow turbulent.
“The only path to survival is for me not to be here, and for you to be elsewhere.” Then came the hard part. “But you can’t bring many with you, otherwise the cultists will notice…”
I laid out the plan; for the seventh, sixth, talented fifth realms to leave, along with all the other persons of importance. The rest would act as unknowing bait, dead before they could mount proper defense.
The Swordpeaks would instead join with the Tidebreakers. With the same numbers and the advantage of surprise, they should eliminate all the cultists and have a chance at survival.
I prophesied the Explorer’s Gate would survive and join with them, dearly hoping I was right, trusting the vision of the future.
“I don’t believe him,” the princeling said.
I gave him a flat look. “I don’t care. In less than two days, I’m a dead man. Why would your opinion interest me?”
While he fumed, I held Passingcloud’s gaze.
“I offer a chance at survival. Not for everyone, not everyone was expected to survive this cursed mission, but I hope to save as many lives as I can.” Those I care about my first and foremost priority.
Passingcloud glared at me without saying a word, then nodded.
“Pack up, we’re leaving quietly in ten minutes.” He then addressed me. “What is your plan?”
“The monster is after me, and there’s no fighting it, so my plan is to die. I’ll try to fight it, but I think the most I can do is not get you caught up in my mess.”
Passingcloud inclined his head thoughtfully.
“Thank you,” he surprised me. “Not many would choose to face their end with honor and dignity.”
I don’t think there’s any dignity in death, never did, and giving a rabid god the finger sure didn’t fit the image, but I understood what he meant.
“Take care of…” I trailed off, Point glaring at me, “everyone for me. I know I’m leaving things in competent hands.”
I clapped him on the shoulder with all my strength, and the man a realm above me buckled, eyes wide.
“Is that monster really that strong?” he asked, understanding my meaning.
“It should be an exalt or close to it.”
“We’re leaving now,” he turned around and left the privacy ward, finally understanding the gravity of the situation.
Point looked me in the eye. There was a lifetime’s worth of affection there, and we expressed it through a single rock-crushing hug once we were alone.
“I’ll take good care of him,” she whispered in my ear as she let go.
“She better be a girl,” I tried to joke, but it didn’t land well.
A tear ran down Point’s cheek as she left me alone, and it was time for me to leave too.
With so many lives sacrificed, I needed to make them count.