BONUS DENIZEN FOR ALL THIS MONTH. Because it was TOO MUCH to not share.
And I did it this way on purpose.
So there would be a reveal. You know, like on Drag Race, only instead of revealing something even more glamorous, we’re going to reveal LITERALLY A CRIME AGAINST DECENCY AND CHILDHOOD.
My dad brought a bunch of old photos to Norwescon so that I could have them, and boy do they tell the story of a journey through 80s and 90s fashion. YIKES ON SEVERAL DIVERSE BIKES.
The first photo is pure 80s Millennial Childhood--me at 4 years old in preschool. CLOCK THOSE YARN RIBBONS.
And the second is just baffling. I am NINE.
WHY DID PEOPLE DO THIS TO CHILDREN? WHY DID THEY PERM MY ALREADY CURLY HAIR? WHY DID THEY GIVE ME SUSAN FROM CONTRACTS' TERRIBLE POST-SEPARATION HAIRCUT? SUSAN IS JUST TRYING TO DO HER BEST TO GET AHEAD IN A MAN'S WORLD, YOU KNOW, SHE JUST NEEDS A BREAK.
One also wishes to inquire: why shoulder pads, for a nine year old? Why stripes AND dots? Why any of this? Why did we make babies look like middle-aged new hires trying to hide the disappointment behind their exhausted eyes?
I will never understand. It was a criminal conspiracy among 80s and 90s parents to make us all look like Tiny Office Manager Neopets. I CANNOT be the only one who remembers how perms smelled. Christ, it must be the actual air freshener fragrance in hell.
So enjoy my horrifying 4th grade fashion--I trust YOU ALONE with my shame, patrons.