I put this off for like two hours. I didn't really want to do this but I didn't want to have to worry about something I've already promised haha.
I guess for this I'll give the short version. I got a new apartment back in September. Things were going well but some kind of fog or sadness kicked in. I've actually really been struggling to write on the commissions currently in the queue, which is weird because I like money, you like money, but I'm not really engaging in what should be rather "easy" stories to do. As in, I love the content of the ones in the queue, including the one that's at the top of my list. Yet, for some reason, even starting it feels impossible.
I think today is a bit different. I did a few things I've been wanting to do but struggled to since September. I worked out which dang, that really does help. Forgot to stretch first so ouch but it's good to get on doing that considering my job has me sitting in a seat for most of the day.
I think with Winter here, and just driving a large truck in general has made me concerned about doing writings while at work but it could also just be an excuse to have me not write during one of the best times to do so. Even a thousand words a day would be great to do again. Alas... the sad writer complains and nothing changes.
On the bright side, I keep doing these writing competitions about once a month and those are pretty fun to do. I seem to have my styles broken into two different aspects/qualities that can be summed up as "commission writing" and "novel writing." What I'd like to do is have the latter replace the former but I think the mindset of writing commissions compared to non-commission writing/novel-esque writing is that sometimes you only really have 2,000 words to establish a character and get the reader to... well most of the time I don't even think of making the character that enjoyable. The content I write often has people transform into things that either aren't even really living, or they transform into other people completely.
Because of that... and because there is a limit on how much you can detail, I almost always hate having to restart what feels like the same scenario. Human, normalish, maybe they have something going in their life that's a good thing? = Sucks to TF, but it's good for the reader because it can be hot to lose that good thing. Maybe their life sucks? = TF is good because it's nice to have that reframing, to have that life changed to be something else.
"Oh no, your rent is due and you don't have enough money! Will you be evicted? Nah, you've changed into a washing machine."
That's fun, that's neat, but I guess I struggle to really make a "story" over something that is... "random guy is dropped into a place and changed."
I think my best stories are those that incorporate the human element well enough. Could be some sort of self-advice I need to take in to do my next few comms. Make these things work for me so it's enjoyable for others as well.
In terms of other parts of my life... some things are sad, some things are good, and I have no reason not to feel like I'm being all successful, but sometimes you just don't feel that way. I got two rooms full of furniture, I got a nice apartment, I should be happy at the end of the day, but often not, I'm not because I'm not chasing my dream of wanting to be an author. And everyday feels like a wasted one. But I have a lot of nice friends, and they tell me the same thing, best to survive and keep your cool rather than try to make every hour worth it. If you can make it to the next hour, the last hour was worth it.
And maybe if you keep doing that... maybe you can get where you want to be. That'd be nice wouldn't it?