a farewell for now

i no longer believe i can keep trying to make a living out of my art despite wanting to. i'll try my best to give a clear explanation, because you guys deserve it for the support you have given me over the past 5 years.

my track record has become very bumpy with several month long breaks, inconsistent comm openings, gradually less art and a decreasing presence in multiple spaces on the internet. since around october2023 it's been noticably difficult for me to not feel a crippling mental pain when creating art. though i can see some early signs of similar struggles dating back to around apr2022.

i took breaks, did studies, tried various schedules, changed tools, experimented with styles and processes, explored other hobbies like music and games, maintained a healthier diet, got more sunlight, more conscious internet usage, ... none of which have made a permanent improvement to my art making struggles.

throughout the past 2+ years i tried to narrow the potential problem down. my best guess, as of right now, is that it has to do with my most desirable needs not being covered by my art. it has covered my needs for skill growth and sexual comfort, but my needs for financial self-sufficiency and control have always remained unfulfilled and have grown stronger than my other needs. with this assumption it makes sense that i would have an immensly difficult time to motivate myself to get out of bed to draw, despite having a lot of ideas and images i'd love to see realized as an illustration or animation.

i'm 100% sure there are other factors that have hindered my mental capabilities as well, but if my struggles really do boil down to my needs not being covered, then good news, that means once they are covered i might feel the desire to make art again. though likely as a hobby rather than a jobby.

as for the patreon and discord. they will stay accessible! i rebranded my page as an archive already, just now for the time being there won't be any updates and removing the discord won't yield any benefit. i'll update the discriptions to make sure it's clear the patreon is inactive, but people can still support the existing art if they want to.

the character polls will be paused! for the current characters on the to-do list (Sable and Ramona) i can't deliver any art for the time being. if you feel like this warrants a refund i understand and can offer to refund the pledge amount you gave from jul2025 - aug2025. pledges starting with sep2025 won't be refundable.

one last thing. i may have to make a last-ditch effort before the year ends to earn some money through my freelance activities. it's part of an obligation i have to the artist's social security office that has helped me cover my insurance costs for the past 3+ years. if there's no other chance i'll think of something like doing a "portrait sketch comm opening" or something small stakes like that.

i've made some great connections with some of you. many of you have also supported me with incredibly kind enthusiasm and appreciation that has helped me to understand that my art and by extension my dreams are valued. i like the waters here despite the occasional rough currents, but my boat finally capsized and i'll need some time to fix it up before i can hopefully return to my beloved sea.

thank you for everything <3