and then there's the brand of insecurity that is just
[ID: A meme featuring a person sitting on the edge of a cliff which is labelled "idea". In the middle, there is a gap labeled "Being cool", and on the opposite side of the image an object sits on a second cliff labelled "Results". In a second row, the image is repeated, but the person is now walking from "Idea" to the now-shining "Results". Where "Being cool" previously represented open air, it is filled in with a walkable substance labelled "Being cringe".]
I crossed that point early on in reborn by dint of it having been a community project at the outset, and having lower standards. But this is the work. That gap must be crossed. The cringe must be walked.
Starlight was at least visually polished enough from the outset that I kind of avoided a lot of that-- and overlap with reborn gave me grace I feel that I no longer have. It also made the project unsustainable in its demo conception.
With the current things it's like
scraps and disaster code barely working under 0 visual presentation let alone polish
and I -do- feel, if erroneously, like I have something I need to prove here.
On the other hand...
There is an ideal I've stared at in the distance where I just release something like a 'game sketch' which is just
like, not even a demo. just the project in its barest barebones, all temporary assets, scarce sounds, but systems and writing in place.
Like if you want to come walk around in a half-built house, who am I to stop you? But know there will not be walls.
I think it might be somewhat satisfying, having put something like that out, to go back and see it earn its assets piece by piece.
And not being dependent on them means that some parts of the story can, with imagination and forgiveness, be filled in and enjoyed as is for those who care most.
it feels, anyway, like a viable solution to get through the cringe.
behold ye all, cringe awaiteth forward.
filling in those graphics to something that -can- already be played and experienced seems like it would be a lot more satisfying to post and stream about, also, rather than saying, "ohh but there is Mystery Character they will do Something"
unfortunately i'm still not at the point i want to be with any of the ongoing projects where i could think about doing even this sketch thing yet. but it has been informing my priorities for a while, and will surely continue to do so.