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An Intern’s Guide to Avoiding Certain Death (Xianxia SI): Chapter 2

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Warning: Severe danger to host detected. Activate Emergency Protocol Delta-7?"Yes! Whatever that is!" Bernard-Dai Ming hissed under his breath, painfully aware of how the temperature around them had dropped several degrees, and not because of Bai Yao's ice affinity.Acknowledged. Initiating Protocol Delta-7: Tactical Social Deception.Without warning, Bernard-Dai Ming's body moved of its own accord. His hand clutched at his ribs as he staggered backward, face contorting in apparent agony. He collapsed to one knee, coughing dramatically."Dai Ming!" Bai Yao exclaimed, reaching toward him."Please, Senior Sister," he gasped, the words flowing from his mouth without his conscious direction. "I am unworthy of your concern. My injuries... the physicians say I must avoid all excitement or risk permanent damage to my meridians."Bai Yao's delicate eyebrows knitted together in concern. "But I brought healing pills from Frozen Peak that could—""Forgive this junior for interrupting," Bernard-Dai Ming continued, his voice weak yet carrying across the training ground, "but Master Feng instructed me to avoid all external medicines. The conflicting spiritual energies might... might..." He coughed again, more violently this time.Protocol functioning optimally. Hostility levels from male competitors decreasing by 7% per second."Junior Brother Dai seems gravely injured," announced a tall, imposing disciple. "Senior Sister Bai, perhaps it would be best not to agitate his condition further."Bernard-Dai Ming recognized the speaker from Dai Ming's memories, Liu Feng, the leader of the trio who had beaten him half to death. The irony of his feigned concern was not lost on him."Yes," Bernard-Dai Ming wheezed, "I must... focus on my recovery. The physicians say I may never advance beyond the fourth level of Qi Condensation due to my... injuries."A ripple of murmurs spread through the crowd. Being stuck permanently at a low cultivation level was essentially a death sentence to any ambitious cultivator.Bai Yao's eyes widened in horror. "That can't be! There must be something—""Please, Senior Sister," he interrupted again, his voice barely audible, forcing her to step back to hear him. "Your kindness only makes this harder. I've accepted my fate. I think it best if we... if we maintain proper distance between junior and senior disciples from now on."The Calculator's voice chimed in his head: Tactical social maneuver successful. Threat level reduced by 52%. Host now categorized as "Pitiful Cripple" rather than "Love Rival."Bai Yao's beautiful face crumpled with distress, but before she could respond, Master Feng arrived at the training ground in a blur of movement that left afterimages in the air."All disciples, form ranks! We begin with the Eight Pillar Breathing Exercise!" the stern-faced instructor bellowed.As the disciples scrambled to their positions, Bernard-Dai Ming felt a pang of guilt at Bai Yao's crestfallen expression. She reluctantly got back on her ice cloud before flying towards the Inner Sect, casting one last concerned glance in his direction."Well played," whispered a voice beside him. Bernard-Dai Ming turned to find Li Wei, who had positioned himself nearby. "Everyone knows Liu Feng attacked you because of Senior Sister Bai. Making yourself seem like a broken tool rather than a rival was clever."Bernard-Dai Ming managed a weak smile. "Just trying to survive.""That's the first rule of the Eight Pillar Sect," Li Wei nodded sagely. "Survive long enough to matter."Master Feng's voice cut through their whispered conversation. "Today we refine the Verdant Sapling Breath! Begin the circulation exercise!"Circulation pattern loading... Accessing host body's muscle memory...Bernard-Dai Ming felt a strange tingling sensation as his hands automatically formed a series of complex gestures. He closed his eyes and suddenly could perceive streams of energy flowing through his body."This is incredible," he whispered, feeling the subtle currents of qi responding to his will.Analysis: Verbal communication with system flagged as high-risk behavior and may draw unwanted attention from cultivation peers. Implementing secure thought-transmission protocol. Please direct all future inquiries mentally."Like this?" Bernard thought, focusing his question inward rather than whispering aloud."Affirmative. Mental interface established," the Calculator responded. "Beginning analysis of Verdant Sapling Breath.As Bernard-Dai Ming settled into the cross-legged position mirroring the other disciples, a translucent three-dimensional projection suddenly materialized in Bernard's mind, an intricate diagram of the human body with luminous green pathways threading throughout. The image rotated slowly, revealing the complex network of meridians that comprised the Verdant Sapling Breath.'This is the standard cultivation technique?' Bernard thought, examining the pattern with newfound fascination."The Verdant Sapling Breath is the foundation cultivation technique of the Eight Pillar Sect," the Calculator explained. "It is provided to all disciples until they accumulate sufficient merit or resources to purchase more advanced methods aligned with their specific affinities.Efficiency rating: 31%. Standard for entry-level techniques."The diagram rotated slowly, highlighting specific pathways through the body where energy should flow. Bernard-Dai Ming recognized the pattern from Dai Ming's muscle memory, down the spine, branching through the limbs like roots, then rising up through the core like a growing sapling reaching for sunlight."Begin circulation according to pattern," the Calculator instructed.Bernard closed his eyes and followed the mental blueprint. Suddenly, the world transformed. He gasped internally as his awareness expanded beyond his physical form. The qi, that mystical energy he'd only read about in fantasy novels back on Earth, was real and everywhere. The air around him shimmered with barely perceptible motes of power. The ground beneath radiated a steady, earthy strength. Even the sunlight filtering through the pavilion's roof contained subtle energies that his newly awakened senses could detect."This is..." he thought, unable to find words adequate to describe the sensation.A gossamer thread of warmth began trickling down from his crown, following the exact pathway shown in the Calculator's diagram. The energy moved like liquid light through channels he hadn't known existed within his body. Each meridian illuminated as the qi passed through, creating an internal constellation of glowing pathways.The sensation was unlike anything in Bernard's former life. Not the rush of caffeine, not the buzz of alcohol, not even the thrill of solving a particularly complex equation. This was pure vitality flowing through his very being, connecting him to something greater than himself.By the fourth cycle of the circulation pattern, Bernard found his lips curving into an involuntary smile as the energy completed its circuit, returning to his lower abdomen where it pooled like warm honey, gathering and concentrating."This is incredible," he whispered, momentarily forgetting to keep his communication internal as he felt the subtle currents of qi responding to his will."Elemental affinity analysis complete: Water-Wood dual affinity, 73% Wood Qi dominant.Spiritual Root Quality: Below average but viable for cultivation. Previous host neglected proper foundation work, resulting in suboptimal qi circulation patterns."The joy of discovery faltered. "What do you mean, suboptimal?" Bernard-Dai Ming muttered under his breath before catching himself.The projection zoomed in, highlighting several bottlenecks where energy seemed to stagnate.Host body has accumulated numerous minor blockages. Previous cultivation attempts lacked methodical precision. Original host Dai Ming prioritized combat techniques over foundation building. Common error among cultivation beginners. System can implement corrective measures to optimize cultivation speed."As the disciples around him continued drawing spiritual energy from their surroundings, Bernard-Dai Ming felt the Calculator guiding his awareness to points within his body he never knew existed. Each point glowed like a star in his mind's eye, connected by rivers of subtle energy."However, system risk assessment determines that such corrective measures should take place in private, to prevent unwanted scrutiny. Powerful cultivators can sense internal qi flow of initiates. Undertaking corrective procedures now would gather unwanted attention."Bernard tried to maintain his outward appearance of calm meditation while his mind reeled with this new information. Around him, fellow disciples sat cross-legged, their faces serene as they cycled qi through well-worn paths. None of them appeared to be conversing with an interdimensional calculator in their heads.'What exactly happens if someone notices these... corrections you want to make?' Bernard inquired, carefully maintaining his breathing pattern as Elder Feng passed nearby.Detection probability: 91.7% if performed in group setting. Consequences range from mild curiosity to aggressive interrogation.Powerful cultivators guard sect cultivation methods jealously. Unauthorized modifications can often be interpreted as espionage or forbidden techniques.Bernard nearly choked on his own saliva. 'Espionage? Forbidden techniques? I've been here less than a day!'Bernard-Dai Ming peeked through half-lidded eyes at Master Feng, who was slowly walking between the rows of meditating disciples. The instructor's expression was severe, eyes narrowed as if seeing through each student's skin to evaluate their circulation patterns.The system remained impassively factual.Recommendation: Locate isolated cultivation space within next 24 hours. Night practice optimal for concealment. System will guide corrections incrementally to avoid detection.As Master Feng's hawk-like gaze swept over the practicing disciples, Bernard hurriedly returned his focus to the basic circulation pattern, trying to mimic the methodical, if inefficient, movements of qi that the original Dai Ming had used. It felt like trying to write with his non-dominant hand, awkward, constrained, and painfully deliberate.'This is going to be harder than I thought,' Bernard reflected as he felt the energy stuttering through his meridians like water through a kinked garden hose. 'I'm literally having to pretend to be worse at this than I could be.'Correct assessment. Suboptimal performance required temporarily for security. Patience recommended. Accelerated advancement will commence once privacy securedMaster Feng stopped beside Bernard-Dai Ming, hovering for an uncomfortably long moment. Bernard felt sweat beading along his spine, terrified that the instructor could somehow detect the alien presence in his mind or the new consciousness inhabiting Dai Ming's body."Your circulation has minutely changed, Disciple Dai," Master Feng observed, his voice carrying no emotion. "Less erratic. More... deliberate."Bernard-Dai Ming felt sweat beat on his forehead, but kept his eyes lowered respectfully. "Thank you, Master. My... injuries have given me reason to reconsider my approach to cultivation."Master Feng made a non-committal sound before moving on to the next disciple. Bernard exhaled slowly, his relief palpable."That was close," he thought to the Calculator."Probability of discovery: 19.7% and decreasing," the Calculator responded. "Continue Verdant Sapling circulation for remaining 27 minutes of morning practice. System will compile comprehensive cultivation plan for implementation tonight."As Bernard-Dai Ming returned to his meditation, he couldn't help but marvel at the bizarre turn his existence had taken.Yesterday, he had begun an internship at an eccentric insurance company. Today, he was channeling mystical energy through his body while an artificial intelligence repurposed from an apocalypse prediction machine guided him through the process.If there was one constant between his old life and this new one, it was that Bernard Blackwood remained, as ever, an unwitting intern in matters far beyond his comprehension.______________As soon as Master Feng dismissed the morning practice, Bernard-Dai Ming bolted from the Flowing Waters Pavilion like a man escaping a burning building. He didn't dare look back, afraid he might catch someone's eye or, worse, draw the attention of Liu Feng and his cronies. The stone path beneath his feet blurred as he hurried down the winding trail that led away from the training grounds.'Can you tell me more about where I am?' Bernard thought to the Calculator as he navigated the unfamiliar terrain. 'This Eight Pillar Sect, what exactly is it?'The mountain path gradually descended through a spectacular landscape that, despite his anxiety, Bernard couldn't help but admire. Ancient pines clung to sheer cliff faces, their needles shimmering with morning dew that caught the sunlight like scattered diamonds. A waterfall cascaded in the distance, the spray creating a permanent rainbow across the gorge. The air here tasted clean in a way Bernard had never experienced, crisp, invigorating, and faintly sweet with the scent of mountain flowers."Accessing original host's memories," the Calculator responded in his mind. "The Eight Pillar Sect is the dominant cultivation sect in the western regions of the Azure Dragon Continent. It derives its name from the eight towering stone pillars that rise from the peak of Mount Tianlong, each representing one of the recognized specializations of the sect's founders."Bernard-Dai Ming paused at a lookout point, ostensibly to catch his breath but actually to take in the breathtaking vista. The sect's buildings sprawled across multiple peaks, connected by stone bridges and winding pathways. Pavilions with upturned eaves nestled among lush gardens and training fields. In the far distance, he could just make out the eight massive stone columns that gave the sect its name, jutting from the highest peak like the fingers of some buried giant."The Eight Pillar Sect's territory encompasses numerous smaller cities, towns, and resource-rich areas, though complete geographical data is currently unavailable. The sect maintains complex relationships with other major powers on the continent, including the Crimson Flame Palace to the east and the Misty Valley to the south."A butterfly with wings that shimmered between translucent and iridescent blue alighted briefly on a nearby flower, its delicate proboscis unfurling to sip nectar. Bernard had never seen anything like it, the wings seemed to phase between physical and spiritual, leaving faint traces of light as it fluttered away."Regarding recruitment, the sect primarily accepts new disciples at age thirteen, though exceptions exist for children from established cultivation families or those demonstrating exceptional talent. Your host body was recruited at the standard age."Bernard-Dai Ming turned onto a smaller path that led toward the outer disciples' quarters, relieved to find fewer people in this direction.'And how is the sect organized?' he asked, stepping carefully over a small stream that crossed the path, its water so clear he could count the smooth pebbles at the bottom."The sect hierarchy consists of three primary tiers.The Outer Disciples form the foundation and largest population, you are currently among them. Inner Disciples represent those who have proven their worth through advancement to Foundation Establishment or exceptional merit. Core Disciples are the elite few who receive direct tutelage from the sect's Pillar Masters."Bernard-Dai Ming approached the modest dormitory building that housed his quarters, noting the worn stone steps and simple wooden door. Compared to the elegant pavilions higher up the mountain, these accommodations were plain but functional, exactly what one would expect for those at the bottom of the hierarchy."Several key institutions form the backbone of sect operations," the Calculator continued as Bernard entered his small room and closed the door behind him with a sigh of relief. "The most significant are as follows: The Alchemy Hall oversees the creation and distribution of pills and elixirs. The Artifice Atrium focuses on weapons manufacturing and artifact creation. The Medicinal Pavilion manages herb cultivation and healing arts. The Techniques Pavilion serves as both library and repository of combat methods and cultivation techniques. And perhaps most crucial to disciples like yourself, the Merit Contribution Hall."Bernard-Dai Ming sat on his thin sleeping mat, running his fingers over the rough-spun blanket. 'Merit Contribution Hall?'Merit points function as the primary currency for disciples, they determine access to resources, training facilities, and instruction opportunities. Without sufficient merit points, advancement becomes nearly impossible."Bernard leaned back against the wall, feeling the cool stone through his thin robes. 'How does one earn these merit points?'Methods vary widely. Mundane tasks such as gardening, laundry, and building maintenance earn modest amounts. More substantial rewards come from contributing new techniques, completing missions for the sect, or demonstrating exceptional progress in cultivation."Each month, all disciples receive a standard stipend of ten merit points and five lower-quality spirit stones. "Your current balance, according to host memory, stands at twenty-three merit points and eight low quality spirit stones, barely sufficient for basic necessities."Bernard-Dai Ming exhaled slowly, taking stock of his situation. A friendless, nearly penniless outer disciple with enemies among the senior students and a reputation linked to a woman far above his station. And yet, as he looked at the motes of light dancing in the sunbeam, he couldn't help but feel a flutter of excitement. This world, for all its dangers, hummed with energy and possibility his old life had never contained.'Well,' he thought with grim determination, 'I did intern in the apocalypse insurance business. How much worse can cultivating immortality be?'The Calculator's response carried a distinct note of what Bernard could only interpret as ironic amusement: "Statistical analysis of that question inadvisable at this time. Insufficient data for meaningful mortality projection."Bernard-Dai Ming snorted. Even in a world of immortal cultivators and mystical energy, some things never changed.Risk assessment was still a fool's game when you were at the bottom of the food chain.__________________The afternoon sun slanted through the paper window, casting long shadows across Bernard-Dai Ming's cramped quarters as he settled into the lotus position on his thin sleeping mat. He'd carefully wedged a wooden chair against the door, a meager defense against unwanted interruptions, but better than nothing. Privacy in the outer sect disciples dormitory was generally respected, but until he could accumulate enough merit points to afford to rent a private accomodation, he would have to deal with this."Begin secluded cultivation now?" he asked the Calculator mentally, his heart quickening with anticipation."Affirmative. Conditions optimal for modified cultivation technique implementation. External disruption probability: 17.6% within next four hours."Dai Ming closed his eyes and steadied his breathing, trying to calm the flutter of nervousness in his stomach. This would be his first real attempt at cultivation under the Calculator's guidance, without the need to deliberately handicap himself to avoid suspicion."Displaying comprehensive analysis of host Water-Wood dual affinity," the Calculator announced in his mind. "Verdant Sapling Breath designed for neutral qi cultivation. Current inefficiency: 69.3% for your specific spiritual constitution."Dai Ming winced. "That bad?" he muttered to the empty room, a sparse cell barely large enough to accommodate his meditation mat and a small wooden trunk containing his meager possessions. The evening light filtered weakly through the paper window, casting elongated shadows across the worn floorboards."Calculating optimal modifications," the Calculator continued dispassionately. "Generating enhanced circulation pattern for host's qi circulatory system."Dai Ming closed his eyes, settling into the cross-legged position this body's muscles had memorized over months of practice. His tiny quarters in the outer sect's dormitory offered little comfort but did provide the one luxury a cultivator truly needed, silence. Well, external silence at least. The Calculator's mechanical voice continued its methodical assessment inside his head."Standard Verdant Sapling Breath follows sixty-four nodal points. Optimized pattern requires deviation at meridians seven through thirteen, with additional focus on the Guanyuan and Zhongwan acupoints."A three-dimensional diagram materialized in Dai Ming's mind, a ghostly outline of his own body with glowing pathways that pulsed with gentle luminescence. The familiar circulation route of the Verdant Sapling Breath technique appeared in pale green, but now additional pathways branched off in blue and deeper emerald hues."Beginning simulation. Observe carefully."The Qi in the mental model began to flow, sluggishly at first through the standard channels, but as it diverted along the new pathways, its movement accelerated. Where the standard technique showed energy dispersing inefficiently at certain junctions, the modified version redirected that spillage, creating elegant loops that fed back into the main circulation."Modified technique increases efficiency by 42.7% for your specific constitution.:Dai Ming inhaled deeply, drawing in the ambient Qi that permeated even this humble room. The sect's location upon a Qi Nexus meant the air itself carried more spiritual energy than the mundane world below."I guess we're doing this," he muttered, and began to circulate his Qi according to the new pattern.The first deviation came at the seventh meridian. Instead of directing energy upward through his torso as the standard technique prescribed, the modified version had him redirect a portion down into his dantian while simultaneously guiding the remainder through a spiraling path that resembled the growth pattern of a vine. The sensation was peculiar, like trying to pat his head while rubbing his stomach, except with invisible currents of life energy."Incorrect," the Calculator intoned. "Adjustment required at junction point seven-B. Recalibrating."Bernard Dai Ming gritted his teeth.The standard Verdant Sapling Breath had taken the original Dai Ming months to master, and that was considered one of the simplest cultivation techniques available to outer sect disciples."The optimal efficiency cannot be achieved without precise adherence to the calculated pathway.Try again."Three hours later, sweat drenched Dai Ming's simple gray robes. He'd managed to guide his Qi through the first fifteen modified points of the circulation pattern, but the energy kept destabilizing at the sixteenth junction. Each failure meant starting over, and his concentration was beginning to fray like an old rope."Why is this so difficult?" he groaned, wiping perspiration from his brow."Without modification, your cultivation progress would be 69.3% less efficient. Current modified efficiency is already showing 18.2% improvement despite incomplete mastery."Dai Ming blinked in surprise. "I'm already doing better? Even though I keep failing?""Affirmative. Your meridians are adapting to the optimized pathways. Cellular memory is being established. Continue practice.As Bernard-Dai Ming continued the cultivation session, he noticed something peculiar. Small blockages that had previously restricted his qi flow were gradually dissolving. The Calculator highlighted these areas in his mental model, tiny knots of congested energy that had formed from years of suboptimal practice."Targeted pressure application recommended. Direct concentrated qi to blockage point near left elbow."Bernard-Dai Ming followed the instruction, focusing his attention on the indicated spot. He visualized the energy as a gentle but persistent current, eroding the obstruction like water wearing away stone. For several moments, nothing seemed to happen. Then, with a sensation like a bubble popping, the blockage dissolved.A rush of qi flooded through the newly cleared channel, causing his left arm to tingle pleasantly. Bernard-Dai Ming gasped at the intensity of the feeling."One blockage cleared. Twenty-seven remain. Systematic clearing recommended over the next 30 days days to prevent system shock and unwanted attention."Bernard-Dai Ming nodded mentally, understanding the wisdom in this approach. Too much change too quickly might alert others to his unusual progress, or worse, damage his meridians through excessive strain.As the afternoon deepened into evening, Bernard-Dai Ming lost himself in the rhythm of cultivation. The Calculator guided him through minor adjustments to his posture, breathing pattern, and mental focus, each small change contributing to greater efficiency. Hours passed unnoticed as he cycled qi through his body, gradually strengthening his spiritual foundations."Sufficient cultivation achieved for initial session," the Calculator finally announced. "Recommended cool-down procedure initiating."Bernard-Dai Ming followed the instructions to gradually slow his circulation, allowing the energized qi to settle naturally into his dantian. As he opened his eyes, he was startled to find that night had fallen. The room was dark except for a sliver of moonlight slipping through the window.His body felt different, lighter somehow, as if subtle weights he hadn't known he was carrying had been lifted. He flexed his fingers experimentally, noticing they responded with slightly greater dexterity than before."Cultivation session results:Qi density increased by 3.6%.Meridian elasticity improved by 12.3%.Estimated progress toward Fifth Level Qi Condensation: 13.7%."x_XBernard-Dai Ming couldn't help but smile. In a single session, he'd made more progress than the original Dai Ming had achieved in weeks of practice."If I continue at this rate," he thought to the Calculator, "how long until I reach the Fifth Level of Qi Condensation?""Projecting current trajectory... approximately twenty seven days, assuming daily cultivation of similar duration and quality. This represents a 174% improvement over original host's projected timeline."Bernard-Dai Ming stretched his stiff limbs, wincing slightly as his muscles protested the long period of immobility. Despite the discomfort, a sense of satisfaction settled over him. For the first time since arriving in this strange world, he felt a measure of control over his fate."Tomorrow," he decided, "I need to learn more about this sect and how to earn merit points. If better cultivation techniques make this much difference, I need to start saving for them immediately.""Logical approach," the Calculator agreed. "Recommend eight hours of sleep to consolidate today's cultivation gains.Bernard-Dai Ming prepared for bed, his mind buzzing with possibilities. As he drifted toward sleep, the gentle pulse of qi in his dantian felt like a promise, a small but growing power that might one day lift him above the dangers that surrounded him in this perilous new world.Perhaps mediocrity wasn't his destiny after all.

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POSTEDMar 18, 2026
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