during a transitional period in my life, an attempt at trying to describe the grief I have had over the realization of loss for a close confidant, only to be dismissed into their reality of subjectivity which is there form of captivity for my mind, so I never leave.
I also cut my hair short,
I was also angry at myself for not expanding my friend circles,
I was also angry I would never see you again.
I was not myself but becoming something other than myself. I let it go in the rain, I let it fall all over me, the out pour of emotion. I have since corrected a great many of these things that were upsetting me, all like splinters festering under the skin. I have expanded and continue to expand my efforts towards meeting new friends, new people. I no longer shut myself off from doing things and allow the consequences to be what they will be without trying to constantly anticipate them in advance to avoid discomfort. I have put distance between myself and the person who has tried to keep me past our expiration. I miss them, but they didn't even wish me well when I under went my most recent surgery. It's not love to try to keep someone. I feel so much so deeply. I put it here and I put it into words when I can. I hope you can feel these as much as I do.