would you believe that my heart was broken in two this same day?I was betrayed. not in the normal way, but in the way that people experience in slow succession, a repeated pattern of insanity. I told myself, I wouldn't allow myself to be treated this way, not again, and then not again turned into a plethora of agains I had to face. That sort of self abandonment has a cost. It creates an inner world that no longer feels safe, how can you trust yourself when you keep breaking your word to yourself for the sake of someone else? I think it was the start of a turning point, a realization to make myself radically happy with myself and the things I needed and wanted out of this life. Play pretend only works in acting, playing pretend with your life has irrevocable consequences. Here I am, not processing that the only person who is going to save me, change to be the person I need, create a safe environment for me, is me and choosing the right people to surround myself with.The contrast of vapidity of the images and the inner turmoil I felt amuses me. The escape of it even for myself.I just got to my current destination. I will be spending three months in Colorado, in a make it or break it scenario. I have written a lot on the five day long road trip it took to get here. Some of it incomplete, some I think I want to share with just one person to be illustrated. I have to find the strength to return to my friends now, It's been too over stimulating again.