Not gonna lie, September sucked.
Starting off with the kidney stone a month ago, it all kinda spiraled into this mess of medical appointments, existential dread, and depression. I feel like I'm coming out on the other end of it slowly, but I'm still really struggling.
Having a tough time focusing on projects and keeping momentum. It's frustrating to grind to a halt like this, but I know I gotta take care of myself before starting to jam out projects again.
Been trying to meditate and journal more and I do think that's helping, but it's slow going.
It's been making me think of 2022 plans and how I want to ease off the gas a bit. I know I've been saying that since 2019, but I think I'm in a better position to do that than I was a few years ago.
I still want to make the weekly song and continue the Two Hour Track Challenge, of course, but I think I want to focus more on game development and making things for fun again.
Pawndamonium has kind of ground to a halt again. I got a lot of critical (albeit very helpful) feedback and it made me take a step back to reconsider why I am making the game.
Initially I wanted to get it on Steam, because in my mind that's the gold standard of game platforms, but the more I think about it and the more my friends talk about it, it's just not worth it.
I think I need to get more comfortable with the fact that the art I make isn't meant to be mainstream. There's nothing wrong with that, but it alters the approach to how things get made.
I've tried really hard to get on Spotify playlists, to get recognized by publishers, to get people to play my games. The things an artist "traditionally" does to get recognized and to expand their reach. Ultimately with very little success.
I don't think this is really a bad thing, I just need to change how I do projects. Find the fun in making stuff again and embrace the weird ideas as they pop up instead of grinding away at a content and release schedule. Focus more efforts on releasing smaller games on itch.io (and if people resonate with it, consider a Steam release).
What I think has been happening is that I've been raising my expectations for success to a point where it isn't sustainable by just one person. And with all the health and existential issues I've had the past month I couldn't keep up and it's all just boiled over.
Either way. I appreciate your support as always. Thing will get better again. I'm excited for the next few months. The NaSoAlMo is coming up and I have some great ideas for the album this time around.
Gonna go make some donations. Thanks, as always, for your support. It means a lot <3
-ben