“Jalen,” Noah said. “I’m going to kill you.”
Jalen grinned. “Or… we could settle it over a game of darts? I do believe you owe me a few of those. And I charge interest. At this rate, you’re going to reach generational levels of debt—”
“You told people I’m married?” Vivian exclaimed. A wave of force exploded out from her, driving both Noah and Jalen into the wall behind them and pinning them in place. “Are you fucking insane?”
“Not married,” Jalen said, his voice sounding more than a little strained. He somehow managed to raise a finger into the air. “Formerly married.”
Vivian stared at him in disbelief. Then the pressure evaporated. Noah and Jalen dropped to the ground, both taking in hurried breathes.
“How, in all of the hells, did you manage to get to that topic of conversation?” Vivian hissed, glaring at Noah. She thrust a finger in his direction. “You had one job! Infiltrate the Apostles! Not spread ridiculous town crier rumors about me!”
“I can assure you, it was instrumental to the plot,” Noah said.
“How is being married to me instrumental to anything?” Vivian demanded.
Noah raised his hands before himself. He shot a quick glare of his own at Jalen before looking back to Vivian with what he hoped was a placating expression. “First, let’s get things straight. We’re not married. I don’t want to be married to you any more than you’d want to be married to me. That’s never happening. This isn’t even my fault. Kyyle jumped to conclusions. I was just coming up with some bullshit to keep him off my back. I made up a powerful ex-wife, and he somehow managed to conflate that for you — which is ridiculous. I’d never marry you.”
“You know, somehow, taking so much offense to the idea of being married to Vivian somehow seems even more rude than pretending to be her ex-husband in the first place,” Jalen drawled. “Just saying.”
Both Noah and Vivian turned to him, glaring.
“Shut up,” they said in unison.
“Hey! You’re in sync!” Jalen exclaimed. “That’s the first step to couple’s therapy, you know. I reckon the two of you could patch things up… though his new woman might have some trouble with that. Oh! I’ve read stories about this. The drama is great. They do tend to end up with someone dead. Usually everyone. What fun.”
Vivian’s jaw clenched. “Noah. Tell me what the fuck is going on. Now. Before I blast both of you into nothing more than very bad memories.”
“That won’t un-marry you,” Jalen said cheerfully. “Or un-un-marry you, depending on what it is you’re going for. I’m not quite sure anymore.”
“Do you have a death wish?” Vivian asked, leaning down until her face was only a few inches away from Jalen’s. Her lips pulled back ever so slightly to expose her teeth, almost like a fox about to dig its fangs into a very plump chicken. “Because I can grant it. I’d be more than happy to. Do you have any idea how long its been since someone has mocked me directly to my face? And did you consider the fact that there might be a reason for that?”
“Nope,” Jalen said. “I don’t tend to consider the vast majority of the decisions I make. It’s more fun that way.”
Vivian’s jaw clenched. For a moment, Noah genuinely thought she was about to flatten Jalen. But Vivian just pinched the bridge of her nose. And then, in a rather impressive display of self control, she straightened back up. She walked back over to her chair and dropped into it.
Then she sent Noah a flat look.
“Explanation,” Vivian said, sounding more tired than anything else. “I need to know just how embarrassing things are about to get. And I pray, for all of our sakes, that you’ve purchased at least a little bit of good news with this ridiculousness.”
Jalen opened his mouth. “I—”
Vivian’s eyes snapped over to him. “If you speak before I give you permission to, I am going to turn you inside out.”
Jalen closed his mouth.
Noah cleared his throat. “As I was saying, I never planned for this to, uh, get this far. The ex-wife story was because Kyyle spotted one of my students. He realized I knew her somehow and was going to use her against me. So I had to come up with a story that would justify why my student was both protected and not actually allied with me. Thus, a very bitter ex-wife.”
“Bitter?” Vivian repeated.
“I didn’t know he’d assume it to be you!”
Vivian just shook her head.
“Never mind. I suppose it doesn’t matter. What’s done is done. But what would an ex-wife have anything to do with a random woman — wait.” Her eyes narrowed. Then horrified realization split across her features. “You told him I have a child?”
Jalen let out a sound like a deflating balloon. Staying quiet was clearly taking every single scrap of willpower he had, and it didn’t look like his internal battle was going very well.
Noah let out a slow, defeated breath. His shoulders slumped.
“With another man.”
“Another man,” Vivian repeated. “I have a second ex-husband? I have somehow failed to keep two marriages going?”
“He could be dead?” Noah offered weakly.
Vivian drew in a slow breath, holding it for a moment before she let it out in a clear attempt to keep herself calm. “Just get the rest of it over with. What else?”
Noah scratched the back of his neck. “Well… my cat might have shown up at some point while I was speaking with Kyyle to hack up a bunch of severed fingers. I don’t know where he got them. But it does mean Kyyle now thinks you are incredibly petty and protective over your, uh, ex-husband’s daughter.”
“The first one,” Vivian said.
“Yeah,” Noah said. “Don’t worry. We don’t have any kids.”
Vivian stared at him for a moment. Then she she sank down in her chair until her legs stuck out and her neck caught the backrest, taking on a remarkably shrimp-like posture as she stared up at the ceiling. It was not a look particularly suited for the ruler of Aqua Terra. But, then again, Noah wasn’t entirely sure he could blame her.
“Anything else?” Vivian asked. “Have you somehow signed me up to support the Truthseekers financially as well?”
“No, no. Nothing like that. As I said, this was all just Kyyle making a bunch of ridiculous assumptions,” Noah said. He paused for a moment. “Though you might need to actually keep an eye on my student. Make sure nobody goes after her in hopes of messing with you. If she gets offed, it’s going to look bad on you.”
Vivian pulled her head up to look back at Noah. “How convenient for you.”
“Quite,” Noah admitted. “But it wasn’t planned.”
“That much, at least, is incredibly evident,” Vivian muttered. “The good news, Noah. And you had best have some. Otherwise you’re going to have a much bigger problem than a petty, violent ex-wife.”
“That, at least, I do have,” Noah said. “I managed to infiltrate the Apostles perfectly. They fully believed my story. And when I was going to chat with them after the party, Og showed up as well. They were planning on meeting him. They’re with the Truthseekers. Objectively.”
Vivian straightened in her chair. “Do you have proof?”
Noah grimaced. He shook his head. “No. Og recognized me, and he outed me to the Apostles. Jalen showed up right when they were about to jump me. I’d have probably gotten flattened if he hand. But, unfortunately, Kyyle swapped sides and said he was just trying to infiltrate the Truthseekers himself. There’s no proof. Just my word on it. But I can assure you that they’re working together. There’s no doubt about it.”
Vivian pressed her lips together. She was silent for several seconds. Then she let out a heavy sigh. “I can’t take that to the other Faction Heads. Without proof, there’s no way for me to justify breaking the Rules. And that means I can’t directly act against them. If I could, then I could just go and accuse anyone I didn’t like of being a Truthseeker and kill them without any explanation.”
“Right,” Noah said. “I figured as much as well. Kyyle was way too smug. I don’t know exactly how these Rules of yours work, but he’s way too comfortable for them not to be pretty firm.”
“If I break them and get caught, the other Faction Heads no longer have to follow them either,” Vivian said. She leaned down, her features turning cold. “I have multiple antagonistic Rank 8 mages — the strongest ones in Obsidia — inside my city. Do you want to think about how much damage they could cause if they were no longer bound to be respectful? They don’t care about the Truthseekers so long as they aren’t the ones being bothered. Sure, they’ll stamp them out if we find proof. But if we don’t… killing Kyyle and the other Apostles will just end up being the excuse they’re waiting for to do whatever they want.”
“About as bad as I was guessing, then,” Noah finished.
“So you’ve gotten me functionally nothing I can use,” Vivian said. She sighed. “Why am I unsurprised?”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Noah said. “On the contrary, actually. I think we’re in quite the good position.”
Vivian raised an eyebrow. “And why is that?”
“Because Kyyle thinks you hate me,” Noah said. “You’d never listen to what your despised ex-husband has to say. And I’d never report back to an ex-wife I hate. And the only other one there was Jalen. Who would listen to him? He’s more liable to get splattered the moment he seeks you out.”
Vivian glanced over at Jalen. Then she looked back to Noah, understanding starting to cross over her features.
“He doesn’t realize I know.”
“He doesn't,” Noah agreed. “And he won’t. He’ll keep assuming you don’t.”
“Which means we can set a trap if the bait is sweet enough,” Vivian said, a slow smile crossing her lips. “And the Apostles and Truthseekers will never see it coming.”