I want to apologize for how quiet it's been here. I had a lot of ambition for a productive January, full of art and backlogged updates/uploads, but the year just didn't start off that great for me. I almost lost my oldest dog on New Years to an unknown infection / illness after we came home from visiting family for the holidays. After 24hr supportive care at the E.R and every test & xray coming back clear/Negative we still have no idea what happened / what it was, but it had completely tanked her neutrophils, basophils and platelets and she was having a hard time producing more. They managed to stabilize her over 24 hours and she was sent home on heavy antibiotics for the following 14 days while we monitored for improvement. We re-tested her CBC (blood) weekly and her WBC was getting better with time but she's still not 100% - she had some improvements but some new issues as well. Vet offered to refer us to a lab a state away for bone marrow testing, but we thought it would be too painful and too much to put her through-- and given her age (9.5) and having gone completely blind + developing dementia over the past year, fully considering her QOL, letting her go has already been on the table... just finding the right time for that has been the hard part- but I think that time has come. We've discussed everything with both our emergency and primary vet and they feel it's the right thing for her, too.
But it's hard. It's so, so, so fucking hard.
I'm forever grateful it wasn't sudden or tragic. That we didn't lose her on New Years, or that she didn't pass away while on supportive care and we didn't get to be there and say Goodbye because that happens to SO many people... I'm grateful we were given an extra month with her, but it's.. so somber knowing something you love is so temporary. And the days don't stop. Time doesn't stop. As much as I wish it could, even if just for a day. One more day..
But we say Goodbye to her on Tuesday. 2/10. We're letting her go while she feels a little better versus letting her get worse. With more dignity and less pain.
Art has been immensely difficult while I'm under so much grief. I haven't been able to pick up my pen or feel creative for most of this year so far, minus a few late-night short bursts. I'll be out on Bereavement until 2/16 and will not be responding to any business related DM's or inquiries during this period -- and even after I'm back I'll likely be quite slow, and I'm sorry in advanced for that, I hope you can understand and forgive me.
Regardless of how it's starting, I do feel like 2026 will be better, 2025 was extremely rough after losing multiple family members over winter. Last year was my worst year for Art output since 2017 and I'm honestly quite embarrassed by it, but... I'm only human, and this is my first time living, too. And sometimes it just gets really hard... I'm trying to be kind to myself about that.
And I want you to be kind to yourself, too.
Much love from me to you all here. Thank you so much for the continued support. I look forward to sharing my Art again soon.~tailgrip