I dreaded writing this chapter for a long time.
When it was first outlined around two years ago, it mostly existed as something resembling a play script - almost entirely dialogue, with very little prose in between. Action sequences always terrified me because they are incredibly easy to get wrong. Overexplaining and indulging in prose risks grinding combat to a standstill, disrupting its natural flow. Yet being too curt risks confusion, especially with a cast made up of characters with wildly different physiques, fighting styles, and temperaments.
Ironically, those combat scenes I feared so much turned out to be the easiest parts to write.
What I truly struggled with was humanising the dialogue and shaping it into proper prose. I’m not entirely sure whether I simply put too much pressure on myself, or whether I spent too long staring at the same passages, but repetitions kept creeping in everywhere. Sifting through them became a nightmare.
Writing is rewriting, as they say.
Unfortunately, rewriting also means rereading the same scenes over and over again until every line begins to sound wrong. I genuinely don’t think a writer can have a harsher critic than themselves. There were moments where I started hating every dialogue tag I inserted between lines.
I think part of that came from how accustomed I had grown to the original screenplay format. During earlier experimentation, I often wrote exchanges completely bare, without a single line of supporting prose. After working that way for a while, adding movement, gestures, or narration between lines began to feel strangely intrusive, almost alien.
Lesson learned:
Never leave plot-heavy scenes in bare dialogue format for too long.
Speaking of which, once the story reaches the caverns, I tried to carefully balance visceral horror with restraint. I did not want the events there to become unreadably cruel, but out of respect for the victims, I also didn’t want the scene to feel too easy or sanitized.
I hope I struck the right balance there.
Attached below is the current script draft for the chapter, alongside a small sketch of one of the Bristlebacks appearing within it.
A fair warning, however:
Some scenes may still change significantly before the final release. Dialogue constantly evolves during implementation, especially once expressions, music, pacing, and visuals begin interacting with one another. Sometimes a line that reads perfectly fine in script form suddenly feels completely wrong once characters begin “performing” it in-engine.
Still, I always enjoy sharing these rougher glimpses of the process. There’s something oddly intimate about unfinished material.
I hope you’ll enjoy the read.
Love,
~Kael