Rhys landed on the edge of the palace and strode confidently toward the rear door, following the flow of all the other servants. Most of them were wearing a mage robe-styled uniform, but there was a maid in traditional French maid gear, so he wasn’t totally out of place. There was no particular barrier at the rear door to the palace. The guards’ job was to interrogate people before they crossed the exterior barrier, so there was no need to duplicate security here. Rhys wandered in with the other servants and quickly took to the hallways, moving with confidence.
To his surprise and great convenience, the palace had servants’ corridors, a secondary, narrow set of passages built just adjacent to the main hallways that provided a way to move about the palace out of sight of the dignitaries and occupants. It was an incredibly egoistic thing to do, demand that servants didn’t even use the same hallways as your great self, but it played right into the role of villainess. Rhys couldn’t help but smile a little as hope welled up yet again in his heart.
There were other servants in the servants’ corridors, naturally, but servants knew better than to question who he was and where he was going, with the exception of the supervisors. Of course, there was one sure-kill way to avoid the supervisors’ scrutiny, and Rhys very quickly adopted that bearing: eyes dead ahead, brows slightly furrowed, a small frown on his face, and a quick, determined stride that declared I’m very busy and on a very important mission, could you please stop me later? without him having to say a word. He’d been a remote worker for most of his career, but on the rare days he’d been summoned to the mothership, or worse, those early days before he’d managed to secure true remote work, his busy demeanor had saved him more than once from getting recruited for very important sidequest bullshit the boss wanted done right now that wouldn’t get recorded on his accomplishments nor do anything to advance his career or help him complete his daily tasks. Eventually, he’d just started using that stride whenever he walked around the building, just to earn brownie points for being so busy. It was some real bullshit, but it was some real bullshit that worked, so he wasn’t going to complain.
Also, it kept his coworkers from talking to him. He belonged in a basement, not in social life, dammit! He didn’t want to talk to any of them! They were scary people who could steal his job away from him if he said one thing wrong or behaved slightly strangely, and his picture showed up in the dictionary next to the definition of strange behavior! It was far safer to stay home, where no one could fire him for setting his screensaver to his favorite anime waifu.
Honestly, he was probably being silly for being so scared of his coworkers. They were just as downtrodden by capitalism as he was, and likely perfectly nice people once he got to know them. There was just that barrier right there of ‘getting to know people’ and the risk of getting to know the wrong people that scared him.
If they had these ‘hide from the boss’ mouseholes back home, I’d never come out of them, he thought, grinning in his heart. Speaking of, Mouse would love a setup like this. Sneaking through the walls, avoiding people, only having to interact with the situations she chose to… If we ever build a palace, I’m going to have to tell her about these things. They’re awesome!
Not… not that we have a palace-building kind of relationship. Or even a relationship. Or anything, because I got scared and ran away from it like an idiot. Rhys slapped his forehead, once again frustrated by himself. Why was he so self-destructive? A good thing finally happened to him, and he ran away like it was hideous poison. No… if it was poison, he’d run toward it! He’d treated Mouse worse than poison!
“Ugh,” he voiced aloud, deep in self-hatred.
A passing servant shook her head at him. “Did the mistress punish you? Don’t worry. It’ll be okay,” she whispered, and hurried past.
An even greater regret and embarrassment rolled over Rhys at the woman’s misplaced encouragement, and he blushed, deeply wishing to find a rock and hide under it. I didn’t get punished! I was just getting hammered by my past self and my own stupid decisions! I’m so sorry, I don’t deserve your solidarity!
Taking a deep breath, he put it all behind him and rushed on, closing in on the most powerful mana signature in the palace. These servant’s corridors were ideal for a lot of things, and one of them was spying on the people in the palace. Hanako literally couldn’t have built him a better venue for watching to see if she was a villainess or not. It was perfect.
Yeah, on second thought, maybe we shouldn’t have a network of peepholes in our mansion that doesn’t exist and probably won’t exist because I’m getting way, way, way ahead of myself here. At this rate, he’d start naming their kids.
Fuuuuck. Kids. Holy shit. I don’t even want to think about that. Eighteen years of commitment was way less bad when his life was infinity blue sky and not maybe eighty years if he was lucky, but even then, he wasn’t sure he wanted kids. They were hard work. And noisy. And annoying. And he’d feel really bad if he ghosted them, but it’d probably be really good for his path if he did peace out and go buy milk for eighteen years.
Maybe I’ll just pull an orange-gi-monkey-dude and literally die rather than raise my kids. He snorted at that one. That guy did not get props for being a good dad literally ever. Probably because of the literally choosing death over being with his kids thing.
Yeah, I dunno. I’d feel super shitty not being in my kids’ life, but also, I don’t want to raise kids. Not that I’m getting too far ahead of myself, or anything. For all he knew, Mouse didn’t want kids either. Hell, for all he knew, Mouse was going to dump his sorry ass the next time they met because he’d fled an entire continent away rather than figure out what ‘they’ were.
Couldn’t blame her if she did, honestly. I kinda deserve it.
He was closing in on the powerful mana signature, so he pushed his stupid thoughts to the back of his mind and focused on the present. Ahead of him, a large room spread forth. He scanned it quickly with his trash senses to remain below the detection level of the occupants and got the impression of a large bedroom, with a chaise, a pair of windows with window seats, and a four-poster canopy bed, along with a fine assortment of vases, flowers, and so on and so forth. The strongest mana signature, his suspected villainess, belonged to a woman who stood in the center of the room, hands on her hips, her hair tied into twintails and a scowl on her otherwise pretty face.
Rhys almost applauded. Twintails are a great start, but we’re not quite dialed in. Could I suggest drilltails instead?
Of course, the defining characteristic of a villainess wasn’t her hair, iconic as drilltails might be, but instead, her demeanor. So, squashing his presence to the bare minimum, Rhys watched with bated breath. Come on, Hanako! You can do it! Let’s see some face-slapping! Not that kind of face-slapping, though. The bratty kind!
Almost on cue, the sound of flesh striking flesh rang out as Hanako brought her hand down on a female servant’s cheek. “You dare bring me Striking Purple Midnight Orchids when I asked for Seven Petal Three Stamen Tiger Lilies? I should execute you on the spot!”
Rhys nodded to himself. And there’s that villainess behavior I was looking for. Excellent.
It occurred to him, hiding in the wall like a little pervert, that if he was watching people and looking for bad behavior to condemn them by, that he was almost certainly going to find it. There wasn’t a single person who didn’t have a bad day. For all he knew, Hanako was a gracious and kind boss who’d been driven to the end of her rope by a series of tragic and totally unavoidable situations, whose behavior here was still not acceptable but could be sympathetic and explained away by an understanding of her past.
In fact, if someone were to look in on his behavior right now and try to condemn him for his actions, well, he was very well aware that he wouldn’t pass that muster. Lurking in the walls, hiding his presence and peeking on a woman’s bedroom? Yep, straight to the guillotine with him. If this was his world and someone saw him doing this, he’d get cancelled so hard and fast that he wouldn’t even have the time to get whiplash before his head was rolling on the ground.
He was being incredibly hypocritical right now, but… it’s fine. I’m not like this all the time, running around judgmental-like and killing people on the spot. I’m just doing it for science! For science. That makes it all better, right?
…Why do I have the feeling that it makes it all worse, actually?
In the room, Hanako continued to beat and berate her servant while the other servants looked on. Rhys crouched in the wall, no longer trying to decide whether or not to kill Hanako but instead pondering how to get the job done. It was deeply appealing to burst out of the wall red-drink-man style with a big “OOOOH YEAH” and absolutely hammer her, but he’d just done that last prince, and it hadn’t gone great. That prince was way poorer and less influential, and going the loud way had almost gotten him captured despite the police’s great reluctance to do their job. The police would probably be more pressured to catch Hanako’s killer, whether by Hanako’s influential family or just by the need to appear to keep the peace, which would be shattered by Rhys clearly and obviously ganking her in the light of day in front of the gods and everyone. So, as much as he wanted to go loud just for the comedy of it, he recognized that that was a poor idea and that he shouldn’t do it.
Rhys sighed silently, full of regret. Is this what being an adult feels like?
Since he couldn’t do his first, amazing plan with no downsides due to being a responsible adult, he had to come up with a different plan (he refused to call it better). Something sneakier and ever so slightly more subtle than being the red-drink man.
It wasn’t impossible for him. He was an impurities user. Fundamentally, it meant his primary methods of attack were poison and corruption, both of which he could enact at a distance and without a physical attack. The problem was that his victim was in the middle of a room, surrounded by people. Impurities were stealthy, but they weren’t impossible to detect. If he gathered a mass of impurities strong enough to kill a Tier 5 mage, someone in the room would surely detect it, whether it was Hanako or one of her servants or bodyguards. Not to mention that Hanako suddenly falling over dead of poisoning without a clear source, if they somehow missed his giant clump of impurities, would be wildly obvious as an assassination attempt. Her servants and bodyguards would immediately search the area around them for an attacker, and find him. It wasn’t very stealthy at all.
Wait… poison? Poison! The tea service! That was exactly what he needed to do. Rhys turned and made his exit from the walls of Hanako’s bedroom as she continued to berate her servant. He wandered for a bit, getting the feel of the palace, until he finally located the kitchen. A full team of chefs labored within, making the next meal for Hanako. Rhys stepped out of the servants’ passages and approached one of the lower-ranking looking chefs. “Hello. I’m new here, er… Hanako asked for some tea. Am I in the right place?”
The chef looked up from cutting vegetables and sighed. “Hey, Akifumi. Can you brew some tea for the princess?”
Another one of the chefs sighed loudly and put down his knife. “I just made her some tea with that hibiscus candy she loves. What was the problem this time?”
“She said it was too sweet. The candy. And the tea was overbrewed.” Rhys immediately made an apologetic face. “I’m sorry.”
“The fuck? First it was underbrewed, now it’s overbrewed? Make up your mind!” Akifumi fumed.
“Sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. You’re just the messenger.” Akifumi turned back to his station, then paused. “You new around here? I haven’t seen you around before.”
Rhys nodded. “It’s my first day.”
Akifumi snorted. “Good luck.” He gestured. “Have a seat, and I’ll have some tea made up before you can blink.”
Rhys cast around them. There was absolutely nowhere to sit in the kitchen. The chefs constantly bustled around, and there wasn’t a seat in sight. There wasn’t even an overturned can to perch atop. He settled for folding himself awkwardly into a corner and waiting while Akifumi worked.
This is the opposite of what the hell butler usually does, he reflected, but he wasn’t a particularly good cook, so he was happy to let Akifumi take the wheel. He could cook, he wasn’t a total incompetent, but his preferred method of cooking involved boiling oil. It wouldn’t help him make… whatever beautiful and delicate thing Akifumi was currently putting together from seemingly nothing. It made him feel bad about his horrible plans. I don’t want this to come back on Akifumi. But then, surely everyone in the kitchen would see him taking the food up? When he vanished, the obvious conclusion was to assume he was the problem, right?
Hmm… let’s make that certain. A servant picked up a tray of food and strutted out of the kitchen. As he passed Rhys, Rhys threw back his head and sneezed, as loudly as he could, directly onto the food.
Everyone in the kitchen stared at him. He gave a sheepish look and scratched the back of his neck, making eye contact with as many servants and chefs as he could manage. “Sorry.”
The servant looked at the food, then sighed and shrugged. He walked on. All the chefs turned back to their stations.
Rhys nodded to himself. Now everyone knew he was here for sure. When Akifumi brought up the brand-new servant who’d carried the tea service to Hanako, the other chefs would be able to back him up and even describe how Rhys currently looked to whoever was looking for Hanako’s killer.
Conscientious serial killing. It was very important that his serial killing be as moral as possible. He wasn’t sure why, since he was serial killing in the first place, but it seemed to be important. In his opinion, the serial killing overwhelmed the method associated with the killing… but then again, here he was, making sure Akifumi had an alias, so maybe he did get it. I guess if I’m already going to do the serial killing part, and that’s set in stone, I might as well make sure I go about it in the least harmful to others way possible? Excluding, of course, the harm to my victim, who’s gonna die.
Akifumi gestured him over and passed him a tray of tea and sweets. “There you go. See if the prince approves this time, huh? And if she doesn’t, go walk around the corner, sneeze in that tea and take it right back. Got it?”
“No problem, boss.” Rhys saluted and took the tray with a smile. It was time to kill.