When Wade woke up, he felt wet.
As in water was running out of his boots and soaking up the mattress under him.
He felt and heard a lot more things an instant later of course, but primal feelings came directly to his brain before anything else:
The mattress was getting wet.
Which meant possible mold and time required to clean.
Why was his boots leaking water into his mattress?
His head jumped through the usual train of logic, and hit the issue: He'd been lying flat on the mattress when he left, and he was now back on the mattress the same way.
Except he'd brought back all his gear with him.
Including his waterlogged boots, still strapped tight to his pants. Which were now leaking water up those same pants into his mattress.
Ah. There's the culprit.
Mystery now solved, his head rebooted properly and took stock of where he was. And what he was holding onto: Hands.
One was small and delicate, and the other was way bigger than any normal human's could possibly be.
And he knew who those would be.
Time to be extra.
"Everyone, welcome to Earth!" Wade said, rising right back up from the grave. Or wet mattress. Same thing.
Home sweet home. And perfectly paid off till the end of this month, on a timely matter.
The two demons remained stunned, heads looking around, eyes adjusting to the darkness around them.
There was the sound of fabric moving around just to the other side of Wade's mattress, and a voice came from that corner. "I taking it you two are friends of Wade?"
Despite the words being demonic, Wade could still somehow hear the Russian in there.
Ah. Right. He hadn't been alone when he left.
"Where are we?" Medy asked, first to recover. "Who are you?" Then her head snapped back to Wade's direction. "Wait, we're on Earth? We're on Earth right?!" Her head now bounced away from him to stare at the Satyr next to her. "Wade said so, Bael! We're on Earth!"
There was some chuckling in the darkness. "Definitely his friends, da."
Now fully awake, Wade got his head back on track. "Yep. This is definitely Earth, we're in my room, and the voice to the side there should be my current roommate as of yesterday, none other than the real Leon."
"The 'real' Leon?" Leon started laughing, "We meeting other Leons out there?"
"As it so happens, yes." Wade shrugged, looking over to the blur of darkness where the sleeping bag had been set. "And he was a lot less friendly than you are."
"And far more dead." Bael said, his hand going to rest on the hilt of his blade, "Should I be concerned with this one?"
Wade waved a hand at him, "No, don't, he's actually a friend. As in friend-friend."
Leon himself was standing back up from his sleeping bag, hand slightly raised up, he was about to say something, but Medy came in speaking at twenty miles a minute.
"Where exactly are we? This is a room you sleep in on Earth, Wade? Why does the floor feel spongy? Wait, what's the floor made of?" She tapped a hoof, then dropped down on all four's and spread a hand over the carpet. "This is fur? You have an entire room filled with fur for the ground? Or no, wait, a large rug? How far does this go? Oh, feels really nice." She proceeded to rub her hands over the carpet, and then her cheek on it too… and buried her face deep into it right after.
She was less impressed with the smell this time.
"Oh, yuck. All the clothing you brought smells way better. Also," She took another sniff. "There's a slight smell of mold too? Is that normal in your world? Wait, Earth mold?! Oh, I could maybe use that."
There was a click of jaws in the room, and the lights flicked on as Eri happily tapped it on.
Medy and Bael blinked rapidly, adjusting to the new artificial light sources. Eyes looking around the mostly minimalist room, with all kinds of loot all around.
Mostly the nightstand, table, empty cup of water, and one ancient laptop that was holding onto dear life.
"Ouu suka, you bring entire demons back home already?! Wade, you crazy man." His eyes went straight to Bael first, given the demon's sheer size and mass as the clear danger in the room. And then swept over to Medy. He gave a low whistle, "Hah, you sly dog, three days and already bringing girls to your room."
"It's not how it looks like." Wade said, then looked over to the two demons here, one of which had just been smelling his carpet.
…
How exactly did this even look like?
Two demons, a skeleton, and a half-insane retail worker walk into a bar, and wade had no idea where the punchline would be but it would have to involve a Russian mule and vodka somewhere.
He shook his head, first thing's first: "Play, I declare privacy."
The phone buzzed. Because of course she'd been watching the entire time.
Rly??? wtf this is the best part (ಡ‸ಡ)
"Really, really."
There was no answer back.
No reply text.
Wade narrowed his eyes. Was this bait?
Time to really test that out: "Rotund."
No immediate angry texting came back.
If she had been listening, she wouldn't have hesitated to start ranting to him all from that one single word.
Then a text did show up.
Come ooooonnnnnnnnnn I'll be good, I swear, lemme seeeeee ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ
Spoken exactly like someone left on read with no other context. Good.
He opened the app and typed back for the first time ever: I'll let you know when we need your opinion. kthnksbye
He tapped the send button, then locked his phone and put it in his back pocket.
One less menace to deal with. "Okay, where was I? Right, Leon. Let me introduce you to two of my new friends and soon to be first employees of Wade Heavy Industries."
The Russian looked over the pair, giving them a lopsided smile and a slight wave. "Zdrastye, I am Leon Davoski, ex-boxer. Is good to meeting you both."
The pair looked at the human, and Bael in particular looked on edge. The last time he had seem a human that looked and sounded like Leon, he'd been locked in a full on blade to blade battle to the death.
That had only been not even twenty minutes ago to him.
"It's all good," Wade held a hand out to the demon. "This is the real Leon like I said. My actual friend. The one you met was a shapeshifter taking his shape."
"The one you met?" Leon asked. "You really meet another me? Shapeshifter huh. I thought that was joke at first."
"Not joking at all, and he was a tough bastard too."
"... So long as you not saying he was an ugly bastard." Leon grinned.
Bael gave a slight snort, which Wade's blessing translated as a slightly distrustful nod. A sort of 'Okay, if you say so, but I'm keeping my hand on the hilt of this blade for personal reasons. Also you sound insane but I'm going to keep my peace for now.'
Wow.
Satyrs really did have a lot of meaning behind some of those snorts. Odd that others were completely devoid of any meaning at all besides just a basic snort to keep their nose clean.
"Yeah, really-really. He's not a threat and he's a friend."
"Da, da. I am friend." Leon said, two hands extended out as if trying to placate a wild bull. "See? Friend shaped. And not armed. See, empty hands."
"I see that, mortal. One reason I am not cutting into you now."
"Well, he's also got mostly curiosity and surprise coming out of him." Medy said, standing back up from her carpet inspection. "Most mortals planning to attack me usually have some anger right before anything? I'm guessing it's the same for you, right? Or do they hide intentions better because you know how to fight and they can tell?"
"Focus." Bael answered instead.
"Oh, right. Yeah! Okie dokie, I'm focused!" She took a few steps around Wade's mattress, and extended a hand out to Leon who carefully reached back and grabbed it. "Medea'Vee, pleasure to meet you mister Leon. But you can just call me Medy. I'm going to be an alchemist!"
She squealed in joy at that, shaking Leon's hand with far more rapid movements all at once before letting go and outright hopping around the strange room with strange walls and completely full carpet. "I'm free! I'm free! I'm going to make potions again!" There were some more happy chirping noises coming from her as she seemed to be fully hit by the realization that they really were on Wade's mythical Earth.
Bael was still mostly stunned, keeping his attention on Leon. There would be time for enjoying a new world later, he still had an agreement with the mortal to keep him protected.
The boxer looked back at the giant with a bit more nerves. Boxing had weight classes for a reason. A four hundred pound six foot something monster was going to absolutely knock anyone flat into the ground, and Leon couldn't tell exactly how skilled this giant demon was.
What he could tell were those horns being certainly strong enough to crack someone's skull if the demon decided to go for a headbutt.
That and he had a sword on his belt. His sword.
He looked over to Wade, who gave a quick nod back. "Leon, this is Bael. A forgesmith who's been making great use of your sword, thanks for that by the way, really came in clutch plenty of times now."
"This blade is yours?" Bael asked, now sounding far more interested.
"Eh, not for very long. Owned it maybe half a day. Had potential. Nu pizdec, was messy round on our side."
"Really? I thought you had it made pretty well. You had that exceptional swordmaster boon. You're set for life basically with that." Wade said.
Leon shook his head. "Twenty coins to buy it. Thinking price goes up by five coins per rarity rank."
"Oh. Shit, that sucks." Wade was rather happy to learn this tidbit of bullshittery from the System early on. He would have raged hard if he'd gained just enough coins to buy a boon and found out the price was way higher.
On the other hand, it did mean a random bit of exceptional luck on someone's part didn't lock them in on having an amazing boon.
What it did mean was that landing a higher level boon from the start meant it was cheaper to buy it than to upgrade it steadily over. Seven coins per upgrade, or possibly double.
If he ever got higher quality boons, he'd need to be extra coin-hungry.
"How was your side of the round?"
"We winning some, we losing some, we meeting lot of interesting people. Got lift to a city called Zakka. Is filled with demons, Selena help guide us through most of it. Language blessing continued working entire time flawlessly, got us through it all."
"Coins?"
"I getting seven in total, not great number but did get three copper lootboxes. Illy got same quests I got, ended with seven coins too. She come with boon that let her enchant one weapon to deal fire damage. But, she enchant new weapon, old one stops. Working good with her dagger." He shrugged, then looked over to the two demons here. "You? Getting feeling you had much strange time. Not sure how you having hot water in your shoes, different plan?"
"Hot water?" Wade looked down at his boots. And realized in the light, he could see them steaming slightly.
But he didn't feel hot at all. And when he turned to the mattress, he saw it too was steaming slightly. "Uh, why's it's steaming?"
"Mana evaporating." Medy absentmindedly said, giving the mattress a quick look before she turned back to harassing his night table stand at one of the lights there. She had done just about everything short of tapping the light bulb and licking it.
"Mana evaporating? Why's there mana in my room." Wade stared at the mattress. Then to his boots. "STATS!"
Mana: 14/125
Wade instantly started untying the straps holding his boots semi-sealed, cursing all the while.
He'd been submerged in a lake of mana and pulled out. His clothing felt dry enough, but clearly more of it got mixed with the water inside his boots and brought back here.
He paused for half a second. "Wait, could I bottle these up and sell them?"
The demons didn't seem particularly worried about evaporating mana, and Wade's own mana bar was showing he wasn't anywhere near a dangerous level.
"Am I in danger?" He decided to ask anyhow, while carefully taking his feet out of the rubber semi-filled boots, before he turned straight for his closet to get a new pair of pants, given the hem of these were still wet and steaming.
"Mana spreads outwards to fill a gap." Bael grunted, eyes looking around the room. "You're standing in the middle of one."
"Yeah, you're being exposed to a small fraction of the potency, the rest is going in every direction. Liquid mana stays liquid only because the air reached saturation point. It's normal to have some evaporate off suits inside a Coffin." Medy said, still completely focused on the lightbulb like a moth. "It'll evaporate real fast if it's pure mana, like alcohol under a heat spell. It lingers more while mixed in a solution. Mana potions are an example of that to the extreme. They're shelf-stable for decades. Or if mana crystalizes into a solid it won't need to be dissolved into anything to remain stable anymore."
"Liquid mana?" Leon asked, still confused. "And air… saturation? Wade, where did you go?"
Wade held a hand out for a quick break, looking dead on at his boots of magical super-radiation, plus two. "Don't worry about, I'll fill you in a second."
No, not boots: Wade's bootleg discount mana potion. Patent pending. "Medy, could I pour this out into vials, seal them up and sell them on market?!"
"Hardly anything left in those boots." Bael said, giving a quick snort. "It's water now, feet flavored. If you manage to sell this to anyone, I would question their sanity." He took a step to look down at his discarded rubber boots.
They looked real beat up, a lot of scratches revealing the black rubber under the yellow paint. And the insides had mostly leaked out through Wade's pants, onto his mattress. The steam was fading away now.
"Goddamnit." Wade hissed. "I just wanted to bring back one thing I could sell. One goddamn thing. Is that too much to ask?! Why do I keep coming back with jack squat to sell?!"
Leon laughed, looking over the room currently occupied by two actual demons, and one undead skeleton. "My friend, maybe the real treasure we finding all along is the-"
"Don't even say it. Don't you goddamn dare say it." Wade hissed, one finger angrily tapping the Russian's chest.
"…Am I wrong?"
Wade sighed, looking over the small room.
Medy was now picking up the lantern off the night table, shaking it slightly, then tilting it to the side, trying to see if the light could be poured out or if it moved at all.
Bael remained looming in the tiny room, his horns almost touching the ceiling. He looked very uncomfortable, slightly crouched down, eyes flickering between keeping watch over Leon, and trying to see the rest of the room here. But Wade could see the tail swishing in a way that signaled lowering alert and stress.
And Eri stood in the corner, the only one who'd actually come out of this round with real loot: A broken Arcanonaught helmet proudly rattling on his skull, the visor sporting an entire missing chunk. One more hat to his collection. He'd been eating good for the past few rounds now.
But Wade knew what he was actually looking at: The real start of Wade Heavy Industries, incorporated.
All gathered up here in this tiny one-bedroom apartment.
Bigger things had started out of a garage, or so they say.
…
But he didn't want to let Leon know that.
It would ruin perfectly good complaining.