Hey guys, sorry, this is gonna be a sad one? I don't know...
I never mean to mope around you, I try to be a beacon of sunshine for everyone to enjoy, relax and take your mind off things, but sometimes I just can't even pretend I can muster up a smile.
I've grown fond of my audience, my work, having a meaning in life, if it is making silly audios for people and getting to help them in any way I guess I will take what I've been given and continue on to give the best I can.
But I struggle too, I struggle with mental illness, depression, severe anxiety, borderline personality disorder, it's a whole bunch just trying to get up from bed and do anything, and I'm incredibly ashamed to live like this, but being on the spectrum on top of everything else... I'm sure some of you will understand.
I tried writing a book, was doing pretty well. Then I realized it was a bunch of BS and tried starting over, fresher mind, fresh view on things, and now it's taken me around a month to even get a single word out. I'm studying Japanese hard at an academy, taking my first international exam in June, scared to my core, not studying hard enough or doing anything to get better, just going to class and taking what I can from it...
I just don't think I can put any more effort than I already am.
I'll start streaming on Monday, Wednesday and Friday every week after I upload on Twitch, hoping to get a bit of stress off of my back, hopefully helping someone out there have some company too.
Thanks for reading, I know it's unusual for me to act like a normal human being, but maybe telling you guys a bit of my struggle will help you see everyone is stressed, and everyone is fighting for life.
I love you, please stay safe. <3
-Valerie <3