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A Link, I think. Have I even been sharing these links correctly? I've never checked.

Salutations. I'm back, coming to swoop in and save my failing business by making art of an obscure character no one asked me to make. You know, true story, Kevin O'Leary, famous for being on Shark Tank and for having an island where he hunts human beings for sport, actually reached out to me asking how to become as good of a businessman as I am. I just pretended to not be able to speak English.

This is Susan Long, mother of the "American Dragon," Jake Long, from the show American Dragon: Jake Long. A show about an American Dragon. Named Jake Long. It aired on the Disney Channel, which is famous for almost never airing anything actually Disney and for being kind of mediocre in general. Legend says, you were only able to watch the Disney Channel at your one friend's house who still had a strict bedtime and wasn't allowed to drink Coca Cola. It had some good shows like Kimp Ossible, and... uh... Buzz Lightyear of Star Command. But that was about it. Fun fact: I had the VHS (Yes, I'm elderly) of Buzz Lightyear of Star Command's pilot as a kid, I think you'd get it from McDonald's or something, and I watched it about a hundred times. It's the reason why I'm so obsessed with Sci-Fi. It's fucking lit. Actually, it isn't, I watched it again not too long ago and it was only okay. But as a kid it was fucking swag money. Anyways, back to shitting on the Disney Channel. It actually had a lot of good animated shows, some really famous ones, but you'd have to wade through a biblical deluge of awful live-action tween shows. Oh boy, you think to yourself, I get to watch the original debut of my favorite skeletal starlet. Serve me up a heaping helping of that deep lore. Dog with a Blog?? Sign me up! God, just insert whatever child star into that joke and it would still work, they're all so horribly damaged. What a fucking industry. Still, some of the animated shows were quite good. American Dragon: Jake Long, is one such example.

Here's the logo, I've always liked the design of it. I had my friend make a high-quality render of it since all the ones I could find were all shitty and blurry. But the show was good. For starters, it was made before Chinese propaganda pieces were trendy and profitable, so it was genuine and actually had some heart and soul to it. There was a lot that was pretty creative and clever about it. It had a general mythology theme to it, no specific one, and a lot of the characters were interesting. Two still get brought up sorta frequently in character-analysis spaces, the two oracle sisters:

They both see the future, but the cheerful one (left) only sees the bad, while the gloomy one (right) only sees the good. The clever twist is that, since the one on the left only ever sees the bad, she remains optimistic and takes whatever joy she can get in the little things. Since the one on the right only ever sees the good, she never has anything to look forward to which is why she's so miserable. It's a fun twist. Also I bet that little bitch saw 9/11 coming and fucking said nothing. Do you think... do you think she did it on purpose...? Is that why she's smiling...? The general theme of irony with them reminds me of Cassandra of Troy, who was cursed to know the future but never be believed by anyone. She's most famous for predicting the Trojan War, predicting the fact that those smelly Achaeans were hiding in the Trojan Horse, and for your Conservative father constantly saying he's like her. And wow, I'm like, getting my own prophetic vision right now, and it's telling me that I'm getting way off-topic.

Susan Long is the main character's mother. And, as is customary with all animated mothers, she has a fat ass and thick thighs. Not to like, the extent of some of the others, but for the art style she certainly does. I've always liked her. But, you know me, that's not surprising. I almost always gravitate towards fictional mothers, probably because there's something seriously wrong with me. But I don't have health insurance (American) so I can't do anything about it. Plus I profit off of drawing fictional mothers. This is like, my gravy train. But, I've always really liked her. Shit, boy, if my mom looked like that? I would... I would not finish that sentence. That's what I would do. Susan Long is, in my opinion, best known for her fucking awful redesign. For starters, let's look at the original:

Pretty good. A lot of character and emotion. The shape of her hair is really fun. Very recognizable. "Iconic," even. The best test for a good character design is if the character still feels like the character in a different artstyle, and in my opinion, she passes that test. Alright, let's look at how they "fixed" her:

What in the goddamn is this fucking travesty? Butchered. Absolutely butchered. She looks like a background character now. I'm gonna be sick. I'm crying right now. Momma got sanitized. Her smugness, her almost sultriness is just gone. Before, she looked like the kind of mother who was very popular with her son's friends because she would kinda sorta flirt with them all. Now she looks like the kind of mother who would only let her son watch the Disney Channel. It's just such a shame. What were they thinking? And she's just one such example. For further examples, please consult the graph:

You know, sometimes, it's really hard to be a MILF Main. I've already talked about it before, but that Drew Saturday redesign is genuinely like a jumpscare to me. Whoever is responsible should honestly be charged with something. It's so viscerally awful. I get a twisting in my gut when I look at it. I'm actually dead serious right now, it has a physical effect on me. It's so fucking bad.

Anyways, I drew Susan Long's original design because I'm not a twisted psychopath who's probably also a cannibal and hunts human beings for sport on an annoying Canadian billionaire's people hunting island. Something I've been trying to do lately is rim lighting, which adds a lot to a piece if you're good at it, which I am not. I'm also trying to commit to the whole Alternative Outfit thing and... male emissions... which I know is usually pretty well liked. I'm still trying to be better about my work ethic. I have a nasty habit of starting up a ton of pieces and jumping around them, which isn't anything unique amongst artists. It's like any other bad habit, just gotta work it out of your system over time. I'm embarrassed to say that this one has been finished and fully rendered out for like a week now, I just kept forgetting to post it. I just gotta tuck my cock in and get better about a lot of this nonsense. Anyways, I'm getting close to finishing another piece, which I'll try to not forget about posting. This is a less-obscure character than Susan Long, so that'll be good. I'd like to focus on static pieces for a time, hopefully the slightly lower amount of effort required to make one of these compared to an animation helps me straighten my bad habits out quicker. Then I'll jump back on animating. I really miss it. But it's not feasible for me, financially and artistically, to take over a month to finish one thing.

That's all from me. I think I got all my jokes out. Stay tuned for the next thing. Happy trails.

Your Seductive Little Man,

KYDE