this might seem random, but i was thinking a lot today. like a lot lol.
to be able to do what i do for a living is a blessing. i can't internalize it lol.
i think when i first went full time, i was filled with tons of anxiety, a LOT of self-doubt, and a bit of guilt. the idea that anyone would be willing to support my little hobby was foreign to me...almost unbelievable LOL.
i think for a while i was focused on what i didnt have-- self-confidence, not believing in my own storytelling-- and i forgot to notice what i did, which is all of you guys. this little community we've built makes my heart swell. i see you in each new comment on my instagram, new sub, new edit from you on tik tok... seriously i can't express it enough.
i was speaking with a friend who's also a content creator, and we were talking about being in touch with your "why".
why post your videos instead of keeping them to yourself? why bother to let anyone see them? finding your "why" is extremely important when you want to make social media your job. and for a moment, i got back in touch with my "why" and it made me emotional all over again. this is why i'm typing this message to you lol.
the reason i'm here, the reason i post my stories instead of just make them in private, the reason i'm so anal about everything and hard on myself is for you.
i want to be your comfort zone. i want you to get off work after a LONG day, or maybe you're stressed about school, maybe you're going through a break-up or maybe you're just generally not having a good time, but you know my content will always comfort you.
everything down to the soundtrack and sound effects used, verbiage, angles, storylines --is for this purpose.
if you see yourself in any of my characters, i want you to know that you're safe there. its a judgement-free zone. my characters are flawed (i'm looking at you, Kala & Sato)- they don't always make the "right" decision every time. sometimes you can see them make the mistake a mile away... but trust that they will find their way, and find their safe spaces in time, just like you will.
i'm not perfect either. i've made plenty of mistakes and will make more in the future. to show up this vulnerably to tens of thousands of strangers on the internet is scary shit LOL. i've been hurt a lot. i've cried a lot lol. being misunderstood comes with the territory.
letting go of control has been the hardest part of my journey as a content creator honestly. allowing people to take my content as they will...it feels super raw, and it's clear i have some growing up to do lol.
some people dont get it. they're pixels after all LOL. but for me they represent something very real, and that's my connection to you. it's my way of communicating with you, nakedly. embarrassingly. imperfectly.
i hope even through all the silly drama in my series, you find comfort in what i do, that's all.
i hope you know that i really do see and understand you (and if not, i'm sincerely trying to LOL). thank you so much for supporting me in any way you do. thank you for showing up for me. i promise to keep showing up as well, and do my best to honor your faith in me.
i love you without condition!! 🌸❤️ if no one else got you, know that i do.
